Friday, July 28, 2006

POST 100 DUDE!

...So this is post 100 and in order to celebrate the That Guy's crew, friends both old and new got together in WoW. Here is a log of the latter part of the evening. This post is by no means too long and not at all too hard to follow -


Cunzy1 1 says - No, but you haven’t seen the Krabby’s!
Richie laughs at Cunzy1 1
Quadbee says - I don’t get it…?
Robisgay says - I always wondered what the beginning of that joke was
Cunzy1 1 says - I kind of made it up
Cunzy1 1 says - So the weather?
Chuff_72 says - What up fools!
Dr.Wo 69 snickers at Cunzy1 1.
Chuff_72 blinks at Dr.Wo 69.
Richie laughs at Chuff_72
Quadbee blinks at Cunzy1 1
Cunzy1 1 says - ……..
Richie smirks slyly at Chuff_72.
Quadbee says - So, lets go on a raid?
Robisgay says - You want to go on a raid? Surely we should just hang around here. WoW is a platform not a game
Robisgay says - Self-Gheye
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Richie says - Homophobes
Quadbee says - Guys let’s go on a raid?
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Cunzy1 1 roars with beastial vigour
Richie says - Homophobes
Insecure21 says - Oh, another homophobic server, why is everyone so homophobic
Cunzy1 1 says - Dude, it’s a game. You are an Orc for god’s sake
Robisgay says - It’s not a game it’s a platform
Insecure21 says - Exactly you should respect each other. For example your stupid name is homophobic
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Richie says - Homophobes
Blood oozes from Cunzy1 1s wounds.
Quadbee says - Guys let’s go on a raid?
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Insecure21 says - Everyone knows I’m the only gheye on WoW
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Richie says - Homophobes
Quadbee says - So. We going to fight?
Insecure21 says - DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS IS A WAY OF LIFE
Quadbee says - It’s only a game
40yoflange says - Insecure is right. You guys suck
Richie says - Go elsewhere then Gheyes
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 cowers in fear.
Richie says - Homophobes
Quadbee says - Guys let’s go on a raid?
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Chuff_72 says - This is quite boring now.
Richie says - Hey insecure you looking for a BF?
Insecure 21 says - I hate it here
Insecure 21 says - Not that it’s any of your business but yes
Richie says - Someone who plays WoW?
Insecure 21 says - It’s not a prerequisite but yeah it would be nice
Insecure 21 says - I don’t have much time to visit clubs these days
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Richie says - Homophobes
Quadbee says - Racists
Dr.Wo 69 snickers at Cunzy1 1.
Chuff_72 blinks at Dr.Wo 69.
Richie laughs at Chuff_72
Quadbee blinks at Cunzy1 1
Robisgay says - Rob really is gay though
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Richie says - Homophobes
Insecure 21 says - This is pathetic
40yoflange says - I’m going away this sucks
Insecure 21 says - Let’s go talk about our feelings
40yoflange says - Yes this format is entirely appropriate to forward ones world view and instantly rage at other people when theirs is different
Cunzy1 1 says - …….
40yoflange says - Just go away
Cunzy1 1 says - How?
Richie rolls her eyes and pats 40yoflange.
40yoflange says - DON’T TOUCH ME! DON’T TOUCH ME YOU ARE ALL LIKE HIM. YOU’LL LEAVE ME TOO.
Chuff_72 left eye falls out which indicates he senses someone has issues
EdFeder says - Look guys, the hardest thing to do in life is just to live
Chuff_72 says - EF, you are so wise in all things
Dr.Wo 69 says - How did you appear like that?
Dr. Wo 69 says -?
Richie says - This would make a really interesting post
Cunzy1 1 has reservations
EdFeder says - I’m off to Pwn catch you later noobs
Dr.Wo 69 says -……..
Quadbee says -…….
Richie eyes Quadbee
40yoflange is crying in the corner and rocking backwards and forwards
Cunzy1 1 says - Meh! Micro Maniacs was better
Chuff_72 says - What’s the fuss?
Richie coughs.
Richie laughs at Robisgay.
Miss Bea says - 40yo? What’s up
Quadbee says - She kind of spazzed out
Miss Bea says - What would you know about it? I’m a woman and I play games so what?
Richie says - You’re a woman?
Dr.Wo 69 says - Gheye.
Cunzy1 1 says - Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Gheyes
Chuff_72 flexes his muscles. Oooooh so strong!
Chuff_72 says - Homophobes
Richie says - Homophobes
Miss Bea puts her nose in the air with indignance
Richie says - Ignore them, they are immature
Miss Bea says - Don’t touch me
Richie says - I just came here to find love. Someone who understands and enjoys virtual relations. Strong emotions can be relayed even is such a setting as this
Miss Bea says - I know. In RL I am so lonely but here I am treated as a queen among boys
Richie says - Cybaa?
Miss Bea says - Really?
Miss Bea flutters her eyelids at Richie
Richie touches his flies… oh no Richie premo’s all over himself
Dr.Wo 69 says - Self Gheye.
Cunzy1 1 says - Self Homophobes
Chuff_72 says - Self Gheyes
Chuff_72 says - Self Homophobes
Richie says - Sorry, this never happens normally
Miss Bea says - Is it me? Why does this always happen to me?
Richie says - I think it’s your age
Miss Bea says - Grow up idiots
Miss Bea stomps her feet and waves her arms as she is let down again
Quadbee says - Richie you did it again
Cunzy1 1 says - Cluck this. Quake 2?
Dr.Wo 69 says - Dst plz
Chuff_72 says - Dst plz
Cunzy1 1 says - Happy 100 that guy’s!
Dr.Wo 69 shits down your throat
Cunzy1 1 dies a bit inside
Chuff_72 don’t die Paul! Paul don’t die!
Richie says - But seriously DBZ?
Quadbee says - I’m a racing driver
With arms flapping, Quadbee struts around. Cluck, Cluck, Chicken!
Robisgay looks at his feet and then wanders off
ChunkySalsa shrugs
Richie flirts with ChunkySalsa

"FCUK me 4 GOLD"

Right well, as you know I play WoW, and I am also a fan of playing later at night so that I can do some solo farming/questing without as many geeks hounding me for Help/Gold/Water/Food. But the downside is that, if you pay a visit to any of the Major Cities, the freaks are out looking for Cybaaaar etc. I have been approached to cyber someone for Gold (freaky WoW prostitute) and frequently I have seen on General Chat things like, Female Gnome Looking for BF. As I stated before I find this sort of stuff sad. I think it is inevitable though, due to WoW being a “Full-time” game as such RL doesn’t get much of a look in, and well people need their “releases”.

Now to make things sadder, I stumbled across this site

Now I want to do something funny so I have registered my Character. Now what I want the reader of that guys to do is suggest a few answers for the following questions:

What do you do for fun?
Favorite things?
Whats the last thing you read?

Personally I was hoping for more questions... anyways funnier the better. I’ll keep everyone updated and the hopefully I can fulfil WoWs secondary objective of the “list”:

Gain full Top Teir Armour/Cyber with real (fit/legal) girl

P.S Check this sick puppy out: I do like Druid Sex!!
P.P.S For those of you who dont know Druid sex is when the character turns into a bear/dog/cat and then goes at it...

Kids are better at it...

Ummm, apparently americans pay money for kids to teach them how to use their Joysticks: Weirdos

Guy Cocker, Cocks Guys

Yeah so GameSpot are giving a Kodos shout out to Scottish Game show videoGaiden. and Guy Cocker's interviewing. Not interesting really, short of the fact that Guy Cocker is the interviewer, and that he has a funny name.

So I suppose i should pad this post out a bit. hmmm Oh yeah. videoGaiden is Scottish and is better than all other video game shows out there, apart from Games master, but then that of course had Dominic Diamond, again Scottish. Are we seeing a theme here people?

Here it is in leet speak.

Scotland pwns The English
Scotland> The English
etc.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Whose axe were you grinding?

Whilst digging through bumph for the Big List I found this image. Ahh! The Sims. Here are some of my favourite images from the street I used to have.
Burn baby, burn
If I were to name some of the images like episodes of Friends, I would call them:

The one where everyone burned up because there were no exits or furniture only fireworks machines.

The other one where everyone burned up because there were no exits or furniture just fireworks machines.
The one with the baby.
The one when social services took the baby away.
The one with the sad clown (HATE that sad clown).
The one with death.
The one where death takes Mary Jr.
The one where the neighbour soiled the leopard skin in the toilet.
The one with the zombies.
The one where the neighbour was caught red handed.
The other one with the fire.
The one where the firefighters turned up a smidgen too late.

DISCLAIMER If you found any of today’s post offensive, immature, sexist, racist, homophobic, heterophobic, xenophobic, not to your liking, not funny enough, too-in-jokey or just a "bit off" then contact our Complaints Department, who will be happy to deal with your issue, they have a whole separate folder for such things. You can also phone the help line on 0800ICANTBELIEVEIFOUNDSOMETHINGTOMYDISLIKINGONTHEINTERNET or Text HELPME to The Volunteer Internet Police on 5138008. Alternatively you could remind yourself that you don’t have to read it again and that life is too short to scour the whole internet looking for things you dislike just because your cat has had a nasty chest cold recently (She is getting on now)*.

*None of these agencies actually exists although with the global power we seem to wield over the borind majority by just posting they probably will soon.

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

NOT AGAIN!!!!

My best friend reckons it sucks here too. LIKE TOTALLY! Yeah, but definitely Would though.

P.S This is sooo borind.

UPDATE: She looked much better in the old picture. A lot less Chyna.

Xbox 360: How to kill and dispose of a baby.

Babys will do stupid things
As most people know friends/family can really eat into your game playing time, and none more so than kids. Xbox 360s are now including the below handy guide, printed on every plastic bag, on how to dispose of those pesky kids.

As you are recycling the bag its good for the environment too!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Oh dear!

We here at That Guy's have been working on a project to compile a big list of all the games we have to see how many of them we have completed awarding half a point for completing the game on normal settings and another half point for completing secondary objectives like unlockables, multiplayer skins, medals, 100% etc.

There are over 150 games so far, and growing, but at the moment there are only a handful of games with the completed whole 1 point so morally these are the games we can rant about because we've played them through.

Now, here's the Science/Sad (as if this project wasn't sad enough already) part, these are the games...

Call of Duty 2, Colony Wars Red Sun, Def Jam Fight for NY, Fahrenheit, Grand Theft Auto III, ICO, Jurassic Park Warpath, Lego Star Wars, Mario 64, NHL 2001, Nightmare Creatures, Pokemon Colosseum, Resident Evil, Resident Evil 2, Star Wars Battlefront, Timesplitters 2 and Tomb Raider 2.

There are some pretty big ones missing from that list and a lot of pretty easy ones on that list.

So from now on no more slagging of games unless they are on this list. K?

Destroy the techno union chips!


We love lists still. Today, what qualifies as something like the sixth list today:

Excuses people use for playing games other than to fill up recharge times between masturbation:

1) To improve hand-eye co-ordination (Presumably for imporved masturbation)
2) To find true love (= Porn you can touch i.e Masturbation vessel)
3) To learn a different language, although I am suspicious of such claims I have learnt Chargement, Caricamento, Ladt, Laden and Cargando and Falso Crash (thanks Crash Team Racing)
4) To socialise with family online (To cyber your sister/brother and not get charged)
5) To experience things you couldn't in real life (ok)
6) To experience being another gender (To self-gay masturbate over your very own night elf doing a sexy dance)
7) To have fun (ok)
There is a serious message here kids
Also as everyone and their dog has "discovered" Girls play games, therefore, girls play games during recharge times between masturbation, therefore all Girl gamers masturbate. Now they don't even have to pause the game! Yay technology.

Also: Why you shouldn’t blog unless you have testes.

The History of Games

This is not a history of games. If you want a history of games and games machines go to Wikipedia or something, this is a rant about “serious” games books, not novellisations or fan fictions (even though Barry x Chris or William Birkin x Yuna fan fics are great).

Pick up any serious book about games and somewhere there will be a history section. It’s a rule laid down by publishers. If you want to write a serious games book it either has to be a history of games or the first three quarters of the book has to be about the history of games and it goes like this:

1) Write something about Egyptians playing games.
2) Write something about Babbage.
3) Write 1500000 pages on computers that look like this even though only two people in the world ever had one and they cost $168933 at the time . Well although many books say this model was the first to feature a 'k' key it was in fact the Montenegro Atsenz 21SZ1W in fact released in Lesotho on April 1974
4) Write three chapters on Pong including the fact that Pong. wasn't even the first game but write three chapters on it anyway.
5) Write two more chapters on Space Invaders.
6) Write epic whole other books on Elite, Shitty Shit Maze 1D, Maze Adventure Wizard 2D and Adventure Maze land which were the greatest video games of all time, despite being the worst video games of all time.
7) Write two paragraphs on Sega vs. Nintendo, Sonic vs. Mario.
8) Write two lines covering Mega Drive to PS3 era.
9) Write wanky "Doom Columbine", the future? conclusion.

Fan Fictions go like this:

1) Introduce the characters, referencing the events in the game once in the opening line.
2) Pair off the two main protagonists.
3) Write an embarassing OC type flirtation about holding hands and characters asking each other "Do you love me?" at least once every sentence for a good half of the fan fic.
4) The characters then suck each other off, coming the hardest they have ever, come three times each, then have sex in all three positions and one up the bum for luck, coming even harder than previously thought possible another five times each.
5) One of the characters then goes off with a different character repeat above for as long as you want the fan fiction to last.

So my point is: If you are writing a history of video games mention Pong and then skip straight to Super Street Fighter II: Turbo on the SNES. That's a really retro game. Don't mention all the rubbish bits in between "retro games" in the traditional sense are all rubbish. Don't believe me? Download/Buy one of your favourite pre-Super Street FIghter II turbo games, you know the one that in your mind is your favourite game of all time, you would spend hours on it. The "Smelly" Smith children from down your road would come round just to play it and stop beating you up for a while. Then load it up. Your face adorned with a beaming smile when you see the menu screen but then the smile fades as the game takes longer to load than Quake 3. You then see the main character and realise that you had in fact romantisised the three green blocks in your head then you start to play it and it is really easy and quite rubbish. Sorry Madame it's advised that you don't shower until we have taken you to the station for some traumatic swabbing Then you desperately want to have a shower but you can't because the police won't let you because there might still be some "up there" so you play GTA:San Andreas for four days straight to cleanse you of your "retro experience".

There is still a glut of video game books that need to be written, so for all you would be "history of the videogame writers" here's a few ideas:

1) An artsy nude portrait glossy book of some of the more popular video game characters like Solid Snake, Zangief, maybe some girls (Homophobe).
2) A fetish nude portrait glossy book of some of the more popular video game characters like Solid Snake, Zangief, maybe some girls (Homophobe).
3) A "Gays of Games" nude portrait glossy book of some of the more popular video game characters like Solid Snake, Zangief, maybe some girls (Jade from Micro Machines V3, Helena DOA).
4) A bestiality nude portrait glossy book of some of the more popular video game characters like Sly Cooper, Sonic, Cream maybe some Aliens (Xenophobe).
5) A dead-NPC-up-the-skirt-nude-portrait glossy book of some of the more popular video game characters like Tenchu hand maidens, GTA prostitutes, and that Peach trophy on Super Smash Brothers.
6) A Chun Li nude portrait glossy book of some of the more popular video game characters like Chun Li and Cammy, maybe Helga from Clayfighters (Homophobe).

See the possibilities are endless?

Monday, July 24, 2006

I am a nice person to know. Know Me. Know my Game. Muthabitch: Jill

Richie put his willy in my bum
Next up in Resident Evil: 101 we have Jill Valentine. Jill is a veteran to the Resident Evil series. She started off in the first Resident evil co-starting with Chris “I need two inventory spaces just for my penis” Redfield, and her performance dominated the series even to this day.

However what many people don’t know is how Jill became an Elite member of S.T.A.R.S: Jill, unlike Claire, came from a sensible house and grew up with loving parents and her brother Vincent. Although the family was close Jill has lost touch with Vincent, he moved to Midgar a few years ago and has recently “sold-out” to cater for emo-twat-game-fans. Jill started out in life unlocking things, anything she could get her hands on Doors, and… umm Locks. She then attended Lock school, excelling in all of her classes, she them moved on to Lock University where she studied for her “MLock” giving her the official title of “Master of Unlocking”.

Jill, realising that the money wasn’t great in the Unlocking Industry, then moved into modelling where she excelled at standing with one hand on a hip and tapping the opposite thigh with a handgun. Further to this she excelled at turning on the spot and creating the illusion of constantly running yet not moving as due to a door/wall being in the way. Jill travelled to many places, but she lucked out when she came to Racoon City…

Captain Wesker who had recently joined the Special Tactics And Rescue Service (S.T.A.R.S.) in raccoon city was getting a lot of pressure from his boss to increase the “diversity” in the company and so had to hire some females. Wesker had already scouted out Rebecca Chambers at a local Basketball court, but he needed some one else, someone more… capable. Wesker was at the Raccoon Fashion show, with his good friend “Ben”, on an “undercover” mission to infiltrate the Velvet Mafia. He spotted Jill and within hours she was hired and trained to make sex-noises whenever she is bittenHey she's 3D, puked on, or has a dog jump at her. She excelled at this, she even secretly practiced the ultimate climax noise, if god-forbid she ever died.

Then “Wow, what a mansion”, “Chris’ Blood?”, “Jill sandwich?”, “This is Brad… Just get me a Sign”, “Barry and Jill together…”, “STUPID MO DISK”.

And then she quits S.T.A.R.S, bums around Racoon City, waiting for the Zombies to invade. However! In that time she has learned to do a quick turn around, and dodge zombies… Clever girl. She Runs about town, and the Police Station managing to somehow miss Leon and Claire fucking about in there. Nemesis follows her about for a while, but as it turns out he’s not that interested in her, because he’s actually after Alice (another genetically modified experiment) so Jill will do a lot more swearing, Carlos and Nicholai will die, add a blinged out gangsta, and Nemesis is actually a good-guy (Fuck you Hollywood, Fuck you right in the eyeball!)

Next up... Who knows?

That Guy's a Maniac Con 2006


Seriously we got up to the 8th zone. It's no haunted maze but the ability to throw poo had us on the floor What started out as one night gaming turned out to be a three day bonanza of hardcore gaming and retro-insulting. For those of you who missed it here are the highlights:

Venue: Fatty Bunter's Institute of Electromedia, Dr.Wo's Laboratory

Games Played: Dog's Life, Bomberman World, Micro Machines V3, Micromachines V4, Guitar HEro, Freedom Fighters, Quake 2, Shaolin, Jumping Flash!, Sonic Rush, Animal Crossing Wild World, Sensible Soccer, Burnout Revenge, Fight Night Round 3, Smuggler's Run Warzones and Forbidden Siren 2 (far too scary, danm demo time outs). Oh my god we were having so much fun we didn't even touch Haunted Maze.... amazing

Highlights: Chuff_72 creaming at Bomberman World as Ninja Bomberman although he did insist on constantly playing his favourite level over and over again as well as wearing fake thumb nails for half of the weekend, Mo yer 4 (AKA Witch Bomberman) despite a shaky start on Quake 2 and Bomberman went on to rule the roost as the Yellow Guy on Shaolin as well as do an excellent Russell Crowe "Dorothy Perkins", Dr.Wo 69, couldn't stay off the railway tracks in Bomberman and proved that He is still "Book Boy Book" and "Block boy Block", Jades (AKA Buttmunch) won herself this months Maniac award for her autistic ability at Guitar Hero, savage ferocity in Shaolin, as well as making The Shit, Tits and Balls cake (picture coming soon!) which was instant diabetes for those who had a slice, Roodypoo got sold a forgery painting in AC:WW as well as paying off her mortgage again. I proved that I am terrible at Burnout Revenge but I've still got it with Micro Machines (only because Quadbee wasn't around), winning three tournaments in a row, as well as being the overall CON winner taking away with me some new underwear, an MP3 player and a copy of Monster Hunter on the PS2. Overall a good time was had by all.

Shouts* With one of the biggest gatherings of the original "krew" in at least 4 years and in the company of new friends, Shouts, both old and new echoed around the East London venue:
"Alright Guv'nor?, Kevin Bacon?, Dorothy Perkins?, Walking stick? What you on abaaaat?"
"Kevin Bacon's Wigwams"
" I'm a woman"
"Homophobe"/"Immature Homophobe"/"Satyrwyld" etc.
"I'm right behind you"
"What colour am I again?"
"Hang on, wait, wait. I'm just trying to do something"
"If the only way you can win is by cheating"
"Oh it's your favourite level"
"Don't die (insert player name)"
"Weeee got a 10:24 south east banana grove"
"No. I can't do it. It's no good I can't do it"
" Oh Chuff, It's everywhere and you have dark sheets"
"Cheating. Cheaty boy cheat"
"Someone's been reading the book. Book boy Bookison"
"What are the controls"
"I've got the Homophobic pad"

* Shouts When a large group of players get together it is imperative to use "Shouts" at any given opportunity. The key to using shouts effectively is to repeat the same phrase over and over again until other players mess up because they are laughing too hard. Some might say this is immature but then again some "mature"people try looking for love on WoW.Hopefully the next That Guy's Con will be bigger longer and better and will also feature The Chlamydia Cake

Friday, July 21, 2006

Before UK:R do it.

Look new frag dolls:


Actually UK:R would write it here. Richie totally ripped the only in Yuna cosplay from MY ACTUAL WORDS And in a UK:R sylee:

Wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't, wouldn't,wouldn't, would but only in Yuna cosplay.

N.B. That's USA Frag Dolls which Is why they could all at least pass for dog's dinner.

I am a nice person to know. Know Me. Know my Game. Muthabitch

Would and would
Right so as you may have noticed this site is quite Resident Evil orientated. I decided its time for our readers which are less Resident Evil-literate to be come more aware of the people/characters/friends/sex objects in it. First up we have Claire Redfield.

Claire Redfield made her first appearance in Resident Evil 2.

Claire who was currently on a 72 hour fuckathon during her spring break gets a call from her brother Chris who was desperately looking for some weed, as he had used up all his “Green Herbs”, “Blue Herbs”, “Brown Herbs” and even his Precious “Red Herbs”. Thankfully the guys that she was receiving Dry Entry Anal Justice from were dealers. She promptly dismounted, grabbed a nearby gun, killed all 4 of them, cleaned up, grabbed the weed, and then stole their motorcycle (Claire was always the black sheep pf the Redfield family, dabbling in drugs, anal sex, and Killing the undead from a young age). Claire arrives late at night in Raccoon City, where she attempts to go eat at a local diner, and some guy in what seems like a one-piece police uniform jumpsuit thing promptly tells her to “Get down” and shoots a Zombie in the head. Claire who has been killing undead for years is relatively unscathed by this. At which point she notices a passing flaming truck, she uses this opportunity to ditch the filth, and continue to find he brother. Due to the outbreak there isn’t any cell phone coverage, so she goes to the police station, where Chris Works (You get leads of Weed in there). Where she gets hounded by Police boy, demanding her to split up and search for survivors, along with some stupid girl called Sherry who is getting chased around the city by Daddy. Clare finds herself bumping into police-boy a few times, which makes here slightly cautious so she ends up giving her jacket (with Chris’ Stash) to Sherry… Any way after a series of events involving Zombies, taxidermists, and small girls getting impregnated, Claire ends up “Getting the fuck out of Dodge” with Police-boy and freshly “cleaned-out” Sherry. And just in time too, the city has a nuke incoming.

She then makes another appearance in Resident Evil: Code Veronica:

This title is more of a psychological look into Claire and her past in this one she has cleaned up her act and is now facing the demons from her past the major one is drugs which is manifested as international pharmaceutical company: Umbrella, for which she had been battling against since Racoon City got blown up. Along the way she meets a character called Steve Burnside, Steve may seem like an innocent little dick in the game, however if we delve deeper into his character we realise this he is just a personification for her father figure (family being a strong theme in this title). Steve is a disturbing little shit, which tries it on with Claire in her sleep, this is of course another manifestation a repressed memory when daddy used to come into her room at night while she was sleeping.Would! Steve’s primary role in the game is to protect Claire, much as daddy did, we even see quite extreme acts of heroism from him such as when he came to the broken home of drugs and corruption where Chris and Clare grew up. Later in the game we see that daddy, wasn’t always the protector and was prone to abuse, when Steve transforms into a monster and attempts to kill Claire. Clare overcomes the monster in a beautiful psychological event, thus overcoming her demons and issues with daddy, allowing her to then proceed and destroy the drugs company/addiction.

Either that or Burnside is not a metaphor but indeed just a smarmy, horny, flaccid cock.

And there ends the wonder of Claire, hopefully we'll see her again soon mentally cleaned up in the nex RE game…

Cheerleaders are dancers that have gone retarded

This image may be homophobic as there are no homosexuals depicted

We love lists! Today- 10 disabled characters in computer games! We realise that in light of the DDA disability has been extended to, quite rightly, cover forms of disability that extend beyond the physical, for example, following the new act financial disability has for the first time been considered to be a formal disability. God knows we've all been playing RPGs and been disabled in this way, forced to fight generic blue bad guy for hours on end to get enough gil/rupees whatever to buy a slightly better sword or some much needed potions. But todays post is about celebrating virtual physical disabilities in characters.

1) Captain Ed Shivers- Timesplitters Future Perfect
2) Voldo- Soulblade etc.
3) Con Smith- Killer 7
4) Cloud Strife- Final Fantasy 7
5) Dr. Richard Keller- Half Life
6) Darth Vader- All the star wars games (Most)
7) Bentley- Sly 2
8) Jax- Mortal Kombat
9) Harman Smith- Killer 7
10) Badass Cyborg- Timesplitters 1,2 & 3

Disclaimer for Americans- I know that this list contains mostly characters that are wheelchair bound but did I say this was a top ten list? Did I say list of characters with a disability that I subjectively consider to be more or less "disabled" than fictional characters with other disabilities? No. It's a list of characters from computer games for god sake! Also I realise that all the characters are male and mostly white, with only one animal so I guess I'm racist, zoophobic and sexist. There we go! Saved you posting it.

There are millions more characters with disabilities. Assesing characters with PEN or SEN is hard without empirical testing but see what you can come up with!

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Game based on the movie based on the blog based on the Games that define our lives.

Geez I leave for a few days and all Hell(bound Angels) breaks loose. But hey good news:


  Rated H for Homofilic




That Guys has finally been picked up by the people that matter, for a game that will actually matter!

Spoiler alert:

So far we can disclose the following information:

Controls:
A-Jump
B-Spin
C-Spin and Jump
X - Primary fire.
O - Cross
Triange - Double jump
Square - "homofobic" RP-PvE insult.
L1 - Slide Tackle
L2 - Secondary Fire
R1 - Throw Grenade
R2 - Grappling hook
L3 - Dive
R3 - Become undead and play from the Zombies poit of view.
Select - Map
Z- Accelerate

Levels: That Guy's: The official game of the official movie will feature revolutionary new level design including:
An Ice level. It will be all white and a bit slidy and you die if you fall in the water because it is so cold. Expect penguins and polar bears as well as an Xtreme snowbaording section.
A Fire level. Set in a volcano there will be lava and boulders galore!
A Warehouse level. This level is made out of crates. There will be a crane mini puzzle and an unlockable dispatch management minigame for the GBA!
A Sky Level. Set in the clouds there will be plenty of perilous edges to plunge from and falling platforms!

Missions: The game plays differently every time and at key points players have to choose their next destination, which is always the same but with a slightly different cut scene at the end. There are over 4 endings to unlock to get the true story!

Secrets: There will be additional material of a sexual nature, weaved into the coding so that we may get extra adverising once the game stops selling as well.

Chuff_72 Speaks!

WoW two guest writers in one week. Chuff and I were discussing the next lot of games to come out. I was lamenting that out of all of them I honestly only fancy bout two of them. CHuff_72 then posted this back. Which seemed to raise some very good points:

"I don't know, I think I'm a little more excited than you about some of the new stuff coming out, my tastes change all the time and I think I'm becoming less demanding in the face of the reality that nothing will ever be as good as you hope it will, the sheer possibilites that the power of the new consoles will have on the games I love already is quite exciting. I love sequals, seriously I just don't understand why people moan about them all the time, I can't wait for the new Conflict game, or Dynasty, or TimeSplitters, what will those games look like? To be honest I don't mind if they're shinier but more, I like the way all those games play, if I want something more progressive then I'll but Mass Effect or something.

Anyways, on ps2; Okami looks cool (but will I actually buy it/play it?), God of War 2 (holy shit I can't think of anymore, maybe you're right!)
Gcube; Baton Kaitos 2 (will I ever actually buy it/play it if I do buy it?)
PSP; Syphon filter, Capcom Classics (shut up! I don't know why but I just really want to play Strider/1942/Super G&Gs on the train), LocoRoco (urghh I feel dirty now I said that)

Also for me now, it's less about getting the new pretty game, and more about finding time to get the older pretty games that I missed because I was still playing the previous pretty games. Also I am really considering getting a 360 at xmas, rumours are there's a big price drop in the works (how pissed off would you be if you spent £300 on a new console and only had about 8 new games for an entire year! Almost a pissed of as someone who bought a new console for £180 and only had about 8 games for the entire year, DAMN YOU SONY, support your damn formats!). Mass Effect, Too Human, BioShock, Oblivion, they look good to me, and interesting too, a dangerous combination!"


Whatcha think?

Chris and the other S.T.A.R.S....

Mrvin is an unlockble character in DMC3
Members tried to warn us, but no-one believed them. After that all this staarted to happen. If you have a riff with people wanna bust, break out before you get bumrushed at the (Wild Wild West) when I roll into the (Wild Wild West) when I stroll into the (Wild Wild West) when I bounce into the (Wild Wild West) Sisqo, Sisqo we going straight to the Wild Wild West we going straight to the Wild Wild West now, now, now, now once upon a time in the west mad man lost his damn mind in the west loveless, givin up a dime, nothin' less........................

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

RE: Buttal

We here at That Guy’s are like a family. A weird family, I grant you, but a family nonetheless. There’s nothing I like more than writing stuff that they’ll comment on or even find entertaining counter-culture to the "YAY" games blogs that SATURATE the internet. 95% of them are utter drivel and not worth the time it takes to click a link to get there. What times we have had. The time that Chuff_72 chose the "no" option on the age verification screen on Thrill Kill. The time that Dr Wo 69 woke up from a catatonic stupor to answer the question "What is the administrative centre for Derbyshire?" On Who wants to be a millionaire? and then promptly fell back to sleep (the answer is Matlock btw). The times that Quadbee would beat us on Rally Cross even when he had the worst car. The time that Monfuche threw the pad on the floor and ran in to the bathroom because Silent Hill was too scary, didn’t even pause the game, her fear was that great. We don’t write it for a global audience, We write as if we are writing for a global audience because that’s what other bloggers do, even when their comments boxes remain emptier than a nun's "lily". It’s more of a comical device than anything else.

Nevertheless, indeed, alas my friends!, our family household has been judged and found to be lacking in the I'm just so menstrual right now I don't even know why this is here!eyes of Hellbound Angel, Astarte.Let me fill you in. Of the blogs that I peruse at my leisure Hellbound Angels is one that I like to drop by every now and then. And I used to read Utopian Hell before that. The blog is well written and the articles challenging. A blog to change the world of gaming if there ever was one. However, yesterday whilst perusing I came across this article and because I don’t play WoW I couldn’t really follow what was going on so I left this comment. A fair one I think you’ll agree. I couldn’t understand why they would post such a lengthy RP log if it weren’t in someway entertaining or pertaining to the authors. So rather than ask Richie to translate I wanted to hear it “straight from the horses mouths” as it were. But as you can see, the rebuttal I received was a brutal Ad hominem attack that was aimed squarely at 3 of the personal characteristics, which I value the most...

1) My use of the English language

“Hmm…if you could pass reading comprehension 101” and “I can’t expect you to understand Basic English”

What is reading comprehension 101? I think it’s the American for GCSE English Language. Maybe this is why the rebuttal is so harsh. Maybe dickhead means something naughty in American. I should have used fender, aluminium, faucet, sidewalk or Q-tip perhaps. Anyway, we all know why my English is so bad because I am fucking autistic, chronically dyslexic and dyspraxic. Besides, as everyone here knows, the 'a' button on my keyboard is still sticky from when I spilt coke on my keyboard (N.B. Bizarrely this coke disease has spread from Ctrl, A, S, D, & F to K, L,; and’ without infecting the middle buttons weird huh?) Should I be blogging under dyslexic blogs then? No, It’s not what defines me. You can understand what I’ve written anyway so don’t be so precocious!

2) My knowledge of WoW

I pride myself with my WoW skill and knowledge having never played it or even see anyone play it first hand. I like to think that I am the Unknown Soldier, Avatar 0 on Server error. But clearly, my lack of knowledge of RP etiquette, syntax and other euconversational devices is letting me down. I thought I could be a legend, that I was L337. Of course, who couldn’t understand this exchange? Well… me sir. How will I ever face the WoW forums again? I wish I had a very good computer with a decent connection then we could do WoW RP logs or even join the asses! We could /........ all night! I also wish I wasn’t adverse to PC gaming for the same reason.

3) That Guy’s
Now the other two I don’t really mind. However, this, this, Astarte is where you hurt us. Here at That Guy’s we aim to bring honest to god issues and news to our readers about the ever-changing face of gaming. Sure, we come pretty close to the line but we never cross it. I was going to write nasty things about your blog. Thinks like “The layout is rubbish” and “The text is too small without me going up to the toolbar and changing it” but then I found this post (the one from 29th December 2005) by Scotia on her old blog. Go, on read it. Isn’t it heart wrenching? Like when Asheron’s Call disappeared or like that time I evolved Pikachu into Raichu on Pokemon Yellow but he no longer had the smiley faces come up above his head or the distorted sound effects but I’d already saved it and I wasn’t going to start again. You can feel the anguish as hopes of changing the world are threatened with extinction. Such a disparate cry reminds me of this post. Except ours was a fake cry for attention.

So do you know what H.A? Do you know what? Carry on blogging with your superior English, WoW know-how, line-toeing standpoint and buddy buddy blogging because where would aspiring young women gamers go elsewhere for inspiration and support. So you can't understand That Guy's do I accuse you of being stupid? Do I pick one of the most stereotypically sad things that people can do and then boast about how I know more about it? Do I pretend to be a feminist when actually I seem to be pretty intolerant of the non-fallopian endowed? No. It was a simple question.

P.S Something about thanks for confirming that most bloggers are stuck up their own arses whilst trying to be journalists or other games related things that you can get with basic web design and a humanities degree? Is that too bitchy. Yeah. Too bitchy

P.P.S Thank god they didn’t notice that post on That Guy’s where I said they need to get laid more, or act like it at least.

BTW

Richie hasn't been posting because I fired him for writing homoerotic reviews about games that he fancies the male protagonist in. So in the meantime guest writer Marvin Branagh from Resdient Evil 2 will be helping out here. Take it away Marvin.......



"You must be the new guy Leon right? Sorry but it looks like your party has been cancelled. Now, this is a story all about how my life got flipped-turned upside down and I liked to take a minute just sit right thereI'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air in west Philadelphia born and raised on the playground was where I spent most of my days chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool and all shootin some b-ball outside of the school when a couple of guys who were up to no good startin makin trouble in my neighborhood I got in one lil fight and my mom got scared she said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in bel Air' I begged and pleaded with her day after day but she packed my suite case and send me on my way she gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket. I put my walkman on and said, .............................

Read .............

This and try not to come. I hate viral blog referencing but I couldn't just rewrite or steal the article from 8 day old Wired News. That would be bad.

Anyway if you've already come a click to far to reach this page basically Final Fantasy characters will be unlockable in Mario Hoops for the DS. Great news huh?

No because a) It's Mario fucking hoops, why on earth is mario playing basketball? and b) Apart from moogle and cactuar the characters mentioned so far are generic Black Mage, Ninja and White Mage which are a bit pants and a bit too much Final Fantasy 11 for my liking if you know what I mean?

Are Square-Enix that retarded? If you own Cloud, Squall, Yuna, Tifa etc.etc.etc. why on earth aren't you putting them in the game? Unless you secretly know that it will be a shit game and are waiting for the That Guy's Game. In which case we accept but with the following stipulations; Tifa is always naked. That's it OK? Phone us tomorrow and we'll finalise everything then.

P.S. How do you get Aeris to come back from the dead? I heard there was a cheat or something

Deadwina- 10 reasons

TO STAY AT HOME AND PLAY COMPUTER GAMES (With your mates is best but meh!)

Well it appears that videogames may be the subject of yet another witch hunt because parents are doing a shit job of looking after their children. Do not worry though if you are in fear that you are addicted to computer games then carry on gaming because if you live a "normal" life this may happen to you...

1) Stabbed on a bus for no reason whatsoever.
2) Stabbed on a bus for standing up for your girlfriend.
3) Shot by the police for no reason whatsoever.
4) Blown up by terrorists (see 9/11 or 7/7 etc.)
5) Raped
6) Get HIV from nutters who are your girlfriend
7) Beaten to death for having your phone in the pub
8) Shot in a drive by
9) Attacked by Chavs because you were there
10) Get run over by a cunt

So you see it's the cunts/chavs/neds/townies/terrorists/nutters that run the show now. It used to be the case of wrong place wrong time but now its' just wrong time. So yeah, go out if you dare because your friends are harassing you to "get off the computer" but if all of the victims above had decided to take a Halo Day or go straight home to level up their Mage then they'd all still be here/not have HIV/been raped/mauled/traumatised

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The (Ughh) Nice Post?

OK so maybe it's my time of the month or something but I was going to do a post using some of the photos of the fattest/weirdest looking geeks from Faces of WoW and do a Robin Cooper Alter Ego style thing having everyone as Female Night Elves or whatever and saying that WoW is for weirdos, goths, geeks, loners, teenage boys, who will Ghey cyber you for gold. I was then going to finish off the post by finding the fattest sessile woman and saying it was Richie. However, whilst looking for the freakiest photos I was compelled by the honesty of all of these people and (dare I say it) I was happy for them? I don't even f*cking blog under my real name and they put up their images for all to browse, judge etc. I think sites like this truly reflect the sentiments of this poem, better than any pro-pro gaming league or other attempt to get gaming into the mass mindset.
It was also interesting to see the images that people chose to upload; some were funny, others very honest and soul-bearing, others just whatever they had laying around.

My favourite is this one by far. It just makes me laugh and you know that this guy is clearly a dude. If only all these people had done something maniacish and then I could bestow upon them the highest honor I could to make them the months Maniacs.

We could be best friends!

THE LITTLE-BIT-NASTY BIT OF THIS POST I still refuse to believe that there are that many very very attractive girls playing WoW with model portfolio quality portraits . But I can't think why you would upload a picture of a hottie, unless you were trying to Ghey cyber someone by referring your victim to Faces of WoW as a kind of authenticity method.

The Picture Review of Sonic Rush

Reviews are pretty boring and diverse huh? PLEDGE magazine has taken writing reviews about games to the same level of Wnakiness as NME have writing about music. Bloggers have filled the internet with reviews on games for kids, games that have never actually been released, Gayspot have decided to give up reviewing games with Madden in the title and just give them 10/10 after copying and pasting ONM's reviews of any game with mario in the title (Ctrl-H'ing Mario for Madden). Something Awful have even reduced the review to a single sentence.

Richie brought homo-erotic reviews to the internet and now I give you one picture reviews.

Sonic Rush Picture Review



Monday, July 17, 2006

iBuzz - Really?

Yeah so what you are seeing pictured is essentially a vibrator, sex toy thingy. This however has one small difference, you see the headphone jack? Yeah! I t plugs into your iPod, I reckon this contraption actually gets folk off in time to the music? Now when I found this I was a little sceptical so I had to check out the site, and yeah it exists! Check it out for yourself. pay attention to the flash add in the bottom corner where it has the iPod silhouette Ads and then zooms in their groins.

So my question to you is - What songs would be best?

Review - Super Dragon ball Z

Right well I promised a review of this bad boy A while ago, but it was postponed till Friday 14th July. I have now bought and played this title. This title was intensely anticipated as it is a Dragon ball Z game which was created in collaboration with the original Streetfighter II bloke. This game was originally released in Japan for the arcade machines and it was called Dragon Ball Chou. The Streetfighter II elements are quite evident in the game, the signature “Kamehameha” beam move is the same button input as Ryu’s Hado-ken, and they even gave Goku (the main protagonist of the series) a “Dragon Punch” with the same controls. And that’s is where the coolness ends. The moves don’t translate well to Dragon ball Z, pulling of a combo, feels to contrived, the other Dragon ball Z games seemed to have created a system which is more suited to the universe, with rapid, punches and kicks, rather than the SF II system of Light Punch/Kick, Medium Punch/Kick and Heavy Punch/Kick. Along with a flawed control system, the game lacks in 2 other areas. The first is that it’s in Japanese! Well all the voices are, but still! The past 4 Dragon ball games have been released with Funimation doing the Dub and to be honest you can only buy/see the English dub over here*. And Secondly there is like under 20 characters, not this might seem pretty standard for those of you who haven’t played a Dragon ball Z game, However, the Last Dragon ball Z game has 100+ characters, and there was still fanboys asking, “Where is character such-and-such”. 20 is not enough characters for a Dragon ball Z game.

Go buy Streetfighter Alpha Anthology and a Copy of Dragon ball Budokai Tenkaichi. That will cover all your streetfighter and Dragon ball Z needs.

SO in conclusion I give this game 4/10

Or on a Scale of 1 to “Super Saiyan 4 Gogeta”, I would give it "Puar"


*On a side note there was a second Canadian company which did an English Dub called “Ocean”, they pretty much ripped of all the voices Funimation created, but this other company made it “Kid-friendly” i.e no-one dies, Queers.

Friday, July 14, 2006

The future of Games?

What will gaming in the FUTURE be like? In like the year 2010?

Some kind of crappy flailing game to do with Arse-sassins is our prediction. Some media progresses but gaming will always be geared around pleasing folks who wear Metallica T-shirts and the like.

Sad really.

Radio is WNAK

Right well apparently there is a Radio site called WNAK.

Excuse me while i mop the tears of laughter!

FIGHT THE MAN!!

News just in. That Guyer Chuff_72 has just been busted by MR.GAME during a not-so-undercover operation. Tell it like it is Chuff...

I just got busted in the name of That Guy's, trying to take a picture of the top ten in GAME, according to the resident retard it is apparently company policy, "because". Anyway I think it was something like this;
1. Cars
2. PotC Dead Man's Chest
3. Over the Hedge
4. The Wild
5. Stormbreaker
6. Winnie the Pooh
7. Trolls
8. Licenced Nikelodeon game
9. Licenced horse game
10.Sonic Advance Battles 2 (or something, yay Sonic Team)

This is proof. Empirical proof that Mr.Game is up to something ITS A FUCKING COVER_UP. Commendable Chuff but don't give up now. This war has just begun!
Look at those charts and lament.

I am not Sweet!

We've just had brilliant news! On the back of our 69th post (see post 69) we've been offered the chance to make a That Guy's film by a big Hollywood Studio (That's all we are allowed to say).

The title is That Guys's A Maniac - The Official Movie which is a brilliant title!

WARNING SPOILERS

It's going to be much better than Stay Alive and has been described as a bastard child of Dude Where's My Car/Road Trip/Freddy Got Fingered/Hackers/Lawnmower Man/Final Fantsy Advent Children/Rainman and Lolita.

Here is the cast list

Cunzy11 - Cunzy11
Richie - Richie
Anonymous - That bird what played the Empress in Never Ending Story
Chuff_72 - Freddy Prinz Jr.
Dr.Wo. 69 - Angelina Jolie
ChunkySalsa - Steve Buscemi
Quadbee - Stiffler
Guy Cocker - Ben Affleck
Ed Federmeyer - Ed Federmeyer
Sherry From Resident Evil 2 - Kate Beckinsale
Marlene From FFVII - Tatu
Monfuche - Sienna Guillory dressed as Jill Valentine

It's going to be set in post 2005 Earth where an evil alien has come down to earth and killed all the women over the age of 16. Cunzy and Richie's job is to destroy the aliens with their L337 gaming skills and then repopulate the earth. All of our commentors have cameo roles and there is going to be shit loads of homages to great games like Jurassic Park Operation Genesis and Haunted Maze.
We'll wait until they are 18. SHEESH

POST 69 DUDE!










Cunzy: So we made it this far. Not bad girl? Our 69th post what an auspicous occasion! It's been tough, real tough but we made it. What was your favourite post?

Richie: My favorite and possibly most neglected ones is Geekonator2000, I feel that, that one should be continuously expanded on... But i fucking hate the Londonage posts what the hell was i thinking?

Cunzy: Yeah that was a good one! I think my favourite post was this one. Because of the high quality of the comments and nothing at all to do with that filthy picture. No sir! I'm still writing my post to Mr.Game by the way!

Richie: Lets not forget our commentors, we've had at least 5, Dr Wo, Chuff, Chunky Salsa, Quadbee. Do you remember the time that possibly a girl made comment on this post?

Cunzy: Yeah! She was all like "Cunzy is a dick and Richie is god". I never suspected that it was you at all and I still don't! LOLLERCAUST! Favourite comment?

Richie: It has to be this one for the "Have at you Snake" post:

Police: You guys have been crude, outlandish, disgusting. You have even gone so far as to post pictures of video game minors.

That guys: Dig Dug?

You geddit? Minors, Miners... Oh i'm a funny guy...

Cunzy: My favourite is still this one "i stopped trying to suck my cock when i was 13." You can't write that kind of stylised statement without going to writing school that's for sure! Do you remember when someone put that virus on our blog that puts in really dumb spelling mistakes that made it look like we can't even type?
SAVAGE GARDEN!

Richie: Yeah Virus, probably left by those fucking Spammy fuckwits that left adverts on our blog, fuck them and their families. Right, we have talked about the good bits, and their has been a Lot of good bits, However what do you reckon was the worst bits?

Cunzy: Probably the Londonage posts because we forgot to mention the Anime convention, Chun Li girl with her panites on, Bretzels, that time we blinfolded each other so it wasn't like another man was doing it....

Richie: Well, I suppose... but you have to admit that this one is pretty shite so far? Ok, so it's our 69th post and we still havent been given a big sack of money and told to do this for our job... Why do you think that is?

Cunzy: Well we did turn down EDGE, Square Enix, Boing Boing, TIME, Heat and Seventeen Magazine! They just weren't taking us in the direction we wanted.

Richie: So we can only uphill from here, what do you think lies in the future for That guys?

Cunzy: Well look what we've already brought to the internet! This picture, This picture, Wnaking.. the list ends there really. But you won't find any other blog that looks at games from the point of view of two people with our names and bodies. Except maybe our old blogs. I expect we'll either get sued or arrested for our Misty picture.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The Amazing Leet Translator

SOOO FRIGGIN L337 DUDE!!1!




















Wow! Now instead of having to look it up on Wikipedia, you too can add a L337 signature to the bottom of every fucking forum you are on!
Just type your text into the left hand box and your L337 will appear in the right hand box.

Hey Wii is funny!

Funny things that can be done with the Wii's name:

- Wii-tard
- Wii-tarded
- Wii-d
- Pot-Pour-wii
- Care to come round for some Wii and Scones
- Vitamin-wii
- Bachelors deg-wii
- Courtn-wii Cox
- Grand P-wii
- Easy as A. B. Wii, 1. 2. Wii, Doe. Rae. Wii
- Amput-wii
- H. I. Wii
- Wii-nis
- Hepatitis-Wii
- Rup-wii
- Wii-nal Dialysis
- Wii wii
- Wii laddie
- Wii Willy Winkie
- Lavat-Wii
- Wii-ness extra cold
- I need a Wii
- Can I see your Wii
- Can I touch your Wii
- Can I drug you and then put my Wii on you?
- Hap-wii-ness
- Eev-wii
- Wii-ndows Xp
- Wii-nal colony
- Dry entry Wii-nal Justice
- Final Fantasy Thr-wii
- Wii-3PO
- I can smell your Wii from the other room
- Can I put my Wii in your X-box?
- Wii-sa Gonna die?
- Son-wii. Wii S Wii
- Rich-Wii and Cunz-Wii-11
- Guitar Wii-ro
- War-wii-oWare Inc.
- Super Smash Bros Mel-wii
- Resident Wii-vil

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Sony's New Ad Campaign...

In an attempt to appease the recent surge of Girl Gamers:

Sony PSP apology.

For those of you who dont know, Sony recently released this Ad:


And there was a shed load of controversy about the racial connotations behind it. Well apparently Sony have now apologised for this and withdrawn the advert.

However the Guardian Gamesblog (See link on sidebar) has given me an idea: Controversy Sells, The guardian was talking about whet next campaign they will come up with next, offending religions? Well lets leave the racial offendingness aside, How else could Sony market this “Pretty Shit Product”?

Ideas?

The Dinosaur Games List!





















Here they are! With my got/need status

Animal Crossing GOT
Animal Crossing: Wild World NEED
Deathtrap Dungeon GOT
Demo One Awesome T-rex thing GOT
Dino Crisis (not 3) GOT
Dinosaur Hunting (not yet released) NEED
Disney’s Dinosaur NEED
Evil Dead Fistful of Boomstick GOT
Jurassic Park GOT
Jurassic Park 3: Dino Attack NEED
Jurassic Park 3: DNA Factor NEED
Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis GOT
Jurassic Park: Warpath GOT
King Kong NEED
Parasite Eve 2 GOT
Pokemon (All versions) DON'T EVEN WANT DEFINITELY HAVEN'T GOT
Siberia NEED
Siphon Filter GOT
Star Fox Adventures: Dinosaur Planet NEED
The Lost World: Jurassic Park NEED
The Lost World: Jurssic PArk Arcade NEED
Timesplitters GOT
Tomb Raider 1, 2 & 3 GOT
Turok: Dinosaur Hunter NEED
World of Warcraft NEED
WWF Smackdown 2 GOT
Zoo Tycoon: Dinosaur Digs NEED

There is also Power Rangers Dino Thunder which I refuse to include in this list and about 140000 other Jurassic Park spinoffs. Jurassic Park seems to have gone the way of the star wars... although Jurassic Park Battlefront would be awesome. I didn't include NFS:U either even though once I made a dinosaur car it was green with RED TEARS (that's tears not tears) down the side. Seriously!
Most of the above games are absolutely shite and a general trend seems to be the less dinosaurs (excluding birds) and other extinct organisms, the better the game.

I am going to buy all of them and start my own WIKI as well as becoming L337 at dinosaur games!!!

YEAH! MORE DINOSAURS IN GAMES PLEASE.

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

AMAZING Dinosaurs in Games Review!!

Stomp, stomp, drool... I fucking love (Non Avian) dinosaurs! Seriously! If I had to choose my top 5 fantasy mates it would be dinosaurs. If I could have sex with anyone dead or alive it would be dinosaurs ALIVE! And there is nothing I like more than dinosaurs and other extinct organisms in computer games. I mean serious dinosaurs NOT this shit or this shit.

Here we go. Top however many I get to Greatest Dinosaur Games of ALL TIME

1. DINO CRISIS 1 & 2
Not 3 though because it has fake dinosaurs. Who would bother with making a game called dino crisis and then rendering fake dinosaurs. Anyway, you get to fight dinosaurs and pick up files bout dinosaurs like a Michel Benton book! The second one is better because you can run and shoot AND YOU CAN’T EVEN DO THAT IN RESIDENT EVIL 4! SPOILER Also, after being chased by T-rex through most of the game fucking Giganotosaurus eats it because it is bigger and some people still don’t even realise that T-rex wasn’t the biggest. Capcom are proper 1337 vertebrate palaeontologists!

2. JURASSIC PARK: OPERATION GENESIS
You can build your own JP and send palaeontolgists off to dig for fossils to make other dinosaurs that weren’t even in the fucking film! Also you can remove all the fences and get the dinosaurs to eat visitors. Even better Shoot Her Shoot Her Robert Muldoon tells you off for it EVEN THOUGH HE IS DEAD in the film. In addition the Dr. who does the research is called Dr.Wo.!!


3. JURASSIC PARK: WARPATH
You can fight with your favourite dinosaurs EVEN ONES THAT WEREN’T in the films! The best bit is that you can eat people to fill up your health bar. Even better if you fight through with one character you unlock EVEN MORE DINOSAURS! Also there is a museum where you can learn about your favourite dinosaurs, how old they are what noise they make and how to say their names in American!

4. TIMESPLITTERS
You can play as a dinosaur with guns! He looks like a T-rex but is very small so maybe he is a dwarf T-rex or a Nanotyrannus. Maybe he evolved on an island and that is why he is so small?

5. JURASSIC PARK
This was on the megadrive and it was well good because you could play as Dr.Grant but you could also play AS A FUCKING VELOCIRAPTOR! So what if it is too big in scale? That means it could be a Deinonychus, a giant Bambiraptor or a really small Megaraptor or a medium Utahraptor. Anyway it was hard but great.

6. POKEMON (All)
Okay so their names were changed but you could CONTROL an Ammonite, Trilobite, Coelocanth, Mammoth, Crinoid, Pterosaur or Opabinia! You could GET AN AMMONITE TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF A MIME ARTIST (albeit on a turn based way). That is education my friends!

7.SIBERIA 1&2
I haven’t even played these but they’ve got some of the best rendered mammoths I have ever seen! BETTER EVEN THAN WALKING WITH BEASTS

8. Turok
This was ok.

9. TOMB RAIDER
The first one had T-Rexs and Raptor things and the second one had T-rexs and the third one had Raptors and T-rexs in it too!!!!!!


DINOSAURS IN GAMES ROCK!! Send in dinosaurs you’ve seen in games (no fake ones) and I’ll tell you how badly they ROCK!! I've just realised I forgot EVIL DEAD: FISTFUL OF BOOMSTICK, SIPHON FILTER and PARASITE EVE 2. ROCK!!!

Video Game comics

Right well I have been quiet for a while as I have been trying to write a definitive guide to Web-comics, and well…

FUCK IT!

There’s to many of them, I can’t even hope to try review/rate them, as there is a shed-load of shitty ones out there. I mean how do you review them? It’s like games, some of them are quite pretty yet are not funny/interesting/good. And some of the shitter looking ones are actually funny. You get my analogy?

Anyways here is a few web comics we have come across

God Mode Online
VG Cats
Little Gamers


And here’s an archive of pretty much EVERY web comic you can ever hope to find/read:

The Web Comic List

Monday, July 10, 2006

The SHAMELESS GET MORE READERS POST

Penny Arcade is perhaps the most ridiculous web comic on the internet. The site is broken and the strips are lame. Their humour can be described at best as Canadian (see Something Awful for Canadian-o-rama). Also they clearly have copied this site. Putting a penny arcade cartoon on your site has become the new sticking two moist fingers into your anus.

Girls (attractive and British) cannot and do not play games. It is a lie made up by guys who pretend they are girls online so that they can cyber for gold/gil/bells.

WoW sucks. The only way to progress through this game is to spend a lot of time on this game, sure, this is true of all other games with the exception that other games are challenging. I bet there are more people at LvL60 on WoW than haave completed Super Mario Brothers 3. Because SMB3 involves things like jumping and not hanging around a hub. All the people who play RPGs are fat ugly goths or ex-goths anyway.

Anime, and anime games, are stupid. Drawing a shit cartoon with a shittier storyline than Final Fantasy VIII (which was, let's face it very shit) results in tonnes of "lonely" fake goths wailing about how their favourite epsiode (which isn't even released yet anywhere) was deeper than the storyline in the English Patient.

Counterstrike in all its versions is the second worst game of all time. Second to ICO.

ICO and Shadow of the Colossus should be banned becuase since their releases (OMG Ico was like the best gaame that never sold!) new media hippies haave stopped buying copies of the Piano to wank over.

With the exception of 2 blogs all other blogs are dissinteresting and actively boring. No-one cares about your shitty SF story about a man who lives in San Franscicsocsio and has a magic penis, or creative commons for that fact Boing Boing. Isn't it time you grew up and stopped playing MUDs? Terra Nova I'm looking at you. You need to get laid much more Hellbound Angels.

To be continued......

Friday, July 07, 2006

The death of MMO

Awesome site!

Basicly it is a list of reasons that people have quit WoW, I dont think I have found one invalid one!

Link

My personal favorite:
Its said that 1 cigarette takes away 5 minutes from your life. Waiting for your raid to buff up takes 20 minutes. The conclusion is to stop WoW and start smoking.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Wnaky WNaky Wnak


From here

"One of the criticisms that’s always been levelled at the ... [virtual world reporting done by Wallace and others] is that it takes these things too seriously. “It’s only a game,” is the constant rejoinder whenever we call into question the things that go on in these virtual spaces and how they are managed by the companies that run them... But, as we’ve maintained all along, it is not in fact only a game. These places are models for the kind of society we’ll live in, in the not-too-distant future. They’re worth paying attention to — close attention, since much of what happens in them has a direct bearing on the way we will live... [T]he societies that are developing in these places point the way toward the societies of the future, whether online or off. To a great extent, if you want to know how we will live tomorrow, look at the way we live now in a place like Second Life."

In the immortal words of UK:R is it because you are shit at Tekken? If virtual societies are pointing the way towards societies of the future then societies of the future will be composed of:

1) An inordinate amount of young boys pretending to be girls
2) Boring people from San Francisco (See image)
3) The word GAY will be made the official national greeting
4) Whining women
5) Whining men trying to hit on whining women by whining about non-whining men and players who insist on actually playing games rather than *hugging* each other like autistic care bears on E
6) Furries who have got a Marmot and Dragon in them
7) Crates and Barrels the likes of which you have never seen
8) Illogical levers
9) People who are shit at games that involve a basic level of hand-eye coordination

Wnakers! Go away feed your cat and then masturbate over Wizard of OZ. Stop clogging up servers with protests against anyone who is trying to make some money, and fuck off with one minute silences for tragic events occuring over the world. I think the last thing victims of Terrorism/Conflict/Natural Disasters want is a bunch of SIlicon-Valley 40 year olds staging a vigil. Just send some fucking money and then cyber with your in game " " " " Girlfriend " " " " who is not secretely another balding remnant of the free lovin' 60s. Okay

Nooch

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

GameFAQs - Best. Series. Ever.






First off I have to apologise that this is a bit late especially if you want to enter, but GameFAQs yearly contest has started. In the past few years they have pitted Video game characters vs. other Video game Characters, and the most popular (most voted for) wins.

This year however they have decided, instead of Characters vs. Characters, to do Series’ vs. Series’ i.e. popular franchises up against each other. Anyway from the extensive list I decided that after all the eliminations that Final Fantasy will win.

Unfortunately I checked my entry today and, low an behold apparently Mega Man is more popular that Suikoden. Damn, already fucked up at the 1st hurdle.

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Have at you snake



Here was me thinking our site was shit

Also look what I found on Richie's computer. Disgusting, dude she is like 8.

That Guy’s a Maniac Award… July

This month the “That Guy’s a Maniac…” Award goes to:

“Brice Mellen”

Right Straight up, he's blind! This kid (17) has been kicking ass at fighters and killing the non-sight impared gamers. Now apparently he does it all through listening... Quite a feat. However I really fucking like his attitude, He freaks out people by facing away from the screen, Brilliant!

What I like the most is that he is gonna train for Video Games Design. As much as i am a fan of pretty games, most of the titles nowadays are beautiful yet souless, hopefully this guy will breathe some fresh air into game mechanics, if you get what i mean.

Good luck in Design Brice, and Congrats you are a Maniac

Merry Go Round, Broken Down


Yes Kids! Once again, I get on my high horse and complain about things I have no right to be complaining about because I probably couldn't do any better. Today it is my favourite subject. Crates and Barrels!

I wrote the funniest article ever here until some cunt wrote serious shit over the top of it. The only bit that is still mine is the bit under sources. This is what the regulator says after destroying the best piece of games related writing to ever appear on the internet :

(Rework of page to remove subjectivity (sarcasm) and make conjecture obvious as such. Also reworked some phrasing to improve flow.)

Mother Fucker! How dare you judge me! Also by "Reworked" he means "make boring like the rest of this shitty Wiki written by people who masturbate over pictures of broken PCs with bits coming out". Well, Mrs. Humorless here is my original article that you so callously deleted.


First Use of Crates and Barrels
Appears in: Every Game Ever
Description
Barrels and crates have been a staple feature of games for many years now. Originally appearing in FPS(??) they are now a feature of most genres.
Interestingly, almost every launch title for the first "next-gen" console (Xbox 360) still features Barrels and/or Crates
For unknown reasons, despite the current best AI programming, in FPS exploding barrels often act as a magnet for enemies to huddle around or take cover behind. The worlds top minds in philosophical metaprogramming are working on a solution to this phenomenon but until it is solved it will continue to effect every single new Doom/Unreal/Halo clone for the forseeable future
Importance
Games without barrels or crates are unimaginable. Items would just be laying in full view on the floor of corridors. Enemies would have to take cover behind low walls, or in the worst case scenario not take cover at all. Crate puzzles would no longer exist, lazy set-pieces would have to be completely rethought. Virtual life as we know it would not be the same without the barrel or crate.
Influence
The exact evolutionary tree of barrels and crates is not known. Did breakable pots give way to barrels and then crates or are crates and barrels sister groups with pots and other members of the breakable family independently evolving. One theory is that barrels are the crown group of this whole clade.
The position of the large freight containers that make up every single wharehouse, dock and villian base level is unknown.
Possibilities
This innovation has been exhausted for about 27 years now.

Monday, July 03, 2006

New Wii Lunch Title Announced!

Today Nintendo announced WWi: Childbirth. The game, aimed at the female market, comes with a foetal attachment. Players then insert the controller, (umbilical chord) nunchuck and foetal attachment into the appropriate body cavity and then have to give birth within a time limit. On screen is a vaginal tearometer as well as an oxygen gauge for the baby. If the oxygen gauge reaches critical, players then have to wave the foetal attachment to get the baby to "wake up" or press the A button (ABORT) on the controller. If the vaginal tearometer reaches critical then players can attempt to stitch it up with a Wi-Fi connection to a special version of Trauma Center: Under the Knife.

The Foetus attachment comes in a range of colours to match the range of colours for the controller. Whether or not a blue version has been considered is unknown at this point.

This revolutionary game will give women who haven't yet had children an excuse to actually experience how painful childbirth is, to then invoke it as "The most painful thing a human being has to endure" to all males nearby. Also men can play it but with obvious biologically incorrect implementation.

Porn Made Defunct as of 20/07/06!

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!

There is no point in porn any more! There is game soon to be released called Battle Stadium D.O.N. This will end any need for sexual stimulation ever again!

BS D.O.N. Is a cross over game for 3 Shonen Jump franchises, Dragon ball, One Piece and Naruto, please see the side bar for torrent links to episode of One Piece and Naruto, and Find Dragonball for yourself, just dont watch the original Japanese, the voices are highly irritating.

Umm yeah, expect reviews soon, along with guides on how to masturbate at the same time as playing.

Fuck you sex! we dont need you any more!

P.S. Dragonball is divided into 3 series':
Dragonball - 153 episodes. + 3 Movies
Dragonball Z - 264 episodes. + 13 Movies
Dragonball GT - 63 episodes. + 1 Movie

Wii-dophile

Ha!

"You don't need to know the rules. Just touch and go"

What an excellent Tag-line for a page called touch generations. If a computer game themed carry on film was ever made Nintendo would be Barbara Windsor, forever accidentally saying filthy things innocently.

Saying that, there is nothing better than putting Jill in a corner and touching her up as the zombies get closer and closer.

Oh, oh did I just type that?

Guitar PISH, more like

I have had this "game" for well over a month now and well, despite what ANYONE says, this means you Gamer Blogs. The game is PISH*. The songs are repetitive, in theory it is just really fast space invaders with an incredibly awkward controller, and the unlockables suck. Reasons to hate guitar hero:

1) The controller makes you look Stupid, no adult holding a Fisher-Price Guitar can look dignified.
2) If you play it too long you get “guitar hero eye” where everything distorts due to looking intensely at the moving fret board.
3) The crowd goes “BOO”, and that bugs the shit out of me.
4) Anything above hard mode demands a definite lifestyle choice, where all you ever do is play guitar hero, practicing every fucking hammer-on and pull-off (hehe, pull-off).
5) Girls are better at it than me.

P.S. Guitar hero doesn’t suck It’s a great game (Do me Harder Red Octane! HARDER! cum in my armpit) , I and just suck really bad it.

*Pish - Scottish vernacular for rubbish/crap, derivative of piss.

Game Over. Continue?


And so with the inevitibility of FPS including barrels, or any RPG having an ice level, England have been knocked out of the world cup. And I am happy. Not because I am one of those pseudo-neomen of the 0's who is so secure in his sexuality that he would rather go shopping with his girlfriend than watch football, or one of those people who complain about the world cup taking over everything.

Respectively I would say to those people:
1) Give up mate because she isn't putting out even if you do pretend to give a fuck about whether her shoes match her toe-ring. The women of the 0's are characterised by only putting out to sleezes they meet whilst "finding themselves" in Cambodia. They aren't interested in knobbage that doesn't give them a great story to tell when they meet up with their similarly boring-but striving to be interesting girlfriends for their weekly lunch.

2) If you don't like football its because you were either a) Really bad at sports at school, b) Home educated or c) You are so-desperately trying to escape your southern middle-classness by pretending to be more interested in Fair Trade Soya or the latest food blog. Pricks.


No. I am happy because England losing in a penalty shoot-out is like Christmas. It happens with such clockwork regularity. It also helps me to plot my life because I honestly wouldn't have remembered the summers of 2002, 2004, 2000,1998 and 1996 if it wasn't for the spectacles of England once again dropping out of an international tournament.
It is also tiring supporting them hoping that they might be able to do it this time. Its like playing a Super Smash Brothers stock match when you are down to your last life with 285% against two level 9 opponents one with three lives, one with two lives. You know that it is going to take all of your pad skills to stop from flying off the screen the next time you are hit. You also know that defeat is inevitable but something in you believes that if you can take out the guy with two lives you my just have a chance. You imagine how great it would be to pull it off against the odds and how other geeks would look at you in disbelief when you recounted the Herculean miracle. Then you start to think "What's the fucking point in playing games all the time if I can't even beat these two bots?" and the match becomes more about you justifying what you do with your life. Striving for brilliance. And then, sweating and wheezing, you fail, and get that little sick feeling in the pit of your stomach at the thought that some Japanaese programmer somewhere is so much better than you that they can program two bots to beat you 8 years later. Might as well play WoW because I am that shit at games that demand some kind of skill.