Showing posts from January, 2008

We should aspire to a life of shoes and/or willies

This opinion piece [via kotaku ] by a Kay Hymowitz claims that men these days are getting stuck in some kind of adolescent kidulthood and whilst all women are going off travelling, shopping and having dinner with friends, us lads (to be fair the author only mentions single American men) are sitting around, drinking, playing on the Xbox 360 and generally having too much fun! Why are we mentioning some obscure piece of opinion from Dallas news of all places? Because it brings gamers into potential disrepute and as gamers we have to shout longest and loudest to show that we aren't the immature dregs of society that the rest of the world likes to stereotype. In addition it also attacks men so there's ample opportunity for all us men to pretend to be offended and call "sexism!" even though we don't really care. So, to the article. In the first instance, Kay Hymowitz hints that 1965 men at our age would have achieved a lot more by the age of 26. Stable job, marrie

On the 8th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us…

Today on this 8th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us: DMC2 -.- Hmmm, the game isn’t that bad in fact the “game” is good but all of the trimmings were just wrong. Reasons this game was bad: 1. Lucia disk. Exactly the same as Dante’s playthrough no variety no… substance. Certainly no RE2 Claire and Leon situation. 2. Sponsored by Diesel. Nice idea, worst costumes. 3. Dante was not cool. He said nothing and was just “Emo may Cry” all the way through it. 4. Harder modes were not harder. Just longer. It took ages to kill enemies as they all had Devil Triggers too. 5. Camera angles. The DMC camera system is almost as identifiable as Dante nowadays but it was a little flawed in DMC2 as Dante could get further and further away until he was a tiny spec on the screen. Flawed. But very few of these things actually took away from the game, all of the required, power-ups, level-ups and slashy-shooty great fighty-ness was in there. Game if they had sorted out the

On the 9th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us…

Today on this 9th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us: Laydeez In each of the devil may cry titles there has always been a key female character, more often than not jonesing for Dante… We have seen, Trish, Lucia and Lady ( See above for DMC4 Trish and Lady!) in the past games. In DMC4 there is certainly a new female… Fingers X-ed it’s a female… otherwise I might have been a but self-ghey :S Laters,

On the 10th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us…

Today on this 10th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us: Heroes or Villains with premature greying. I dunno what it is that causes antagonists and protagonists to go grey so early in their lives, I suppose in Dante’s case you can blame it on his demon heritage, and well Vergil (his brother) and Nero both have this silver hair. And of course we have all seen Sephiroth and his long flowing locks of silver hair. So… Where does this come from it clearly is something of Japanese origin perhaps based on Japanese history along side those Giant enemy Crabs? Let’s look at what could possible cause this: 1. What is the scientific reason for people to go grey? The change in hair colour is caused by the gradual decrease of pigmentation that occurs when melanin ceases to be produced in the hair root and new hairs grow in without pigment. The stem cells at the base of hair follicles are responsible for producing melanocytes, the cells that produce and store pigment in hair and skin. The

On the 11th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us…

In honour of DMC4 coming out in 11 days I have decided that I shall be posting every day with something Devil May Cry or Capcom related. Today on this 11th day of Dante-mas, Capcom gave to us: Guns and Swords. It doesn’t happen nearly as much as it should in video games a main character with guns and swords. Yeah you have Squall/Leon from Final Fantasy VIII and Kingdom Hearts (1 and 2) respectively, but that was an RPG you didn’t really get the freedom to shoot and slash everything in site. And most 3rd person games usually just supplement swords with magic. Laters, Richie

1 year.

Right well Today is now 1 year old, I know some may argue that we are actually older than that, but it has been 1 year since we got the domain name. And we had to do a lot to get it too! I had to bare-fist-fight through legions of the undead, and Cunzy… well lets just say he's never been able to sit down properly since then. Image from the formidable Way of the Rodent who's award ceremony we sadly missed :( . To be honest we are all amazed that we have lasted this long! and we are very curious to know who actually looks at us?!?! Although to be fair "lasting this long" really only requires that we keep updating the site. We would like to thank all of you that have supported Thatguys in the last year, we hope that you will continue to support us too! We had an amazing year, we won a BAFTA for our ritings and we raised over £250,000 for a non-existing charity. We slagged of a bunch of people we thought would be petty enough to come down here

Recorded for future use.

Taken from some genius anonymouse over at RAM RAIDER , regarding Jeff Minter's RR Games Writer Twat Of 2007 Award: This is probably the most deserved award of the lot.Despite the fawning of EDGE and a few other rags, Minter is plainly a childish, petulant charlatan - he knocks out a half-broken game based on someone else's idea anyway (that he then messes up still further with updates), takes half a decade to do so, throws a hissy fit so extreme when someone didn't like it (and what did he fucking expect? It's hardly as accessible as Mario is it?) that he and all his mates felt it necessary to tromp all over the Live! scoreboards to show how fucking ace they are, and STILL expected the world and his dog to bow down at his feet, tell him how great he is and throw money at him. Space Giraffe did do one good thing: it went some way to finally exposing the lie of the Minter "legend" - he's just a backroom indie programmer knocking out rehashed games barely abo

Velociraptor Safari

Every now and then a game comes along that does away with pretense of lies about AI. Velociraptor Safari is such a game. If only there was an emoticon to depict a room filling up with ejaculate produced through excitement related to videogames with dinosaurs in it.

Drawn by the Undertow

Undertow as an apology… I don't accept it for 2 reasons: First up… I was not EVER inspired by a fucking side scrolling shoot-em-up with memaids. Secondly… What is the deal with the reviews it's getting? It seems all the Internet based games journalism has rated it the upper percentiles, yet the non-www media rates it as pish. The user ratings are quite mixed too ranging form piss-poor to Awesome. Of course I should download it and review it myself properly. But fuck that, it have plenty of games for my 360 that I ACTUALLY want, rather than freebie pish. I was one of the unfortunates who actually lost their gamer Tag in the ether as I "recovered" it a mates house, and since I couldn't recover it over the whole of Xmas I couldn't play my Xbox for the whole of Xmas. Undertow is a poor, poor apology. Just a quick FYI to Micro$oft: When Blizzard fuck up, they give WoWers free days on their accounts, I would have been much happier with that since, in t

Time to die snake

Ok. Enough now. This is a public notice to all game developers currently in the "hype" stage of development. Please stop dropping the "We've got some great AI" bomb during interviews UNLESS . You do have some great AI. FPS are by far the biggest culprits of just throwing that line in there after they've talked about the graphics and the story. A recent playthrough of the Turok demo shows that those cheeky guys at Propaganda games are living up to their name. Check this whole article about it over at IGN. Fair dos you might thinking. Now, this would all be believable if after about two minutes of play you couldn't sense that all of that talk about AI was absolute bullshit. Chuff_72, the man allegedly made of pure candles, waxes lyrical: "WHY can't people who make these things try something a bit different, like, the raptors that attack you, they look cool and move nicely, and look dangerous, but behave like any normal retarded FPS e

Kevin McCulloch on Tetris

I know that they all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys. It's called "Tetris" and it allows its players - universally male no doubt - to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the blocks into the images they wish to "engage" and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game "blocks" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of. Short ones in big holes, long ones in short holes, some blocks can fit into more than one hole at a time. The objections to such filth should be simple to understand. Starting with the disgusting idea that one can "create" their own versions of what blocks look like, removing warts, moles, and bald spots while enhancing -

Apple and Nintendo Merge!

We are proud and sad to bring you this exclusive. Apple and Nintendo are merging! Shock I hear you say. There's more though. They've been working on a console already. It's called the iii. Our woman on the inside say that the iii will merge the best bits of Nintendo and Apple. Great. Here's some of the features for the iii. You can never turn the machine off. No games that aren't already out on the GameBoy. Exclusive launches that require bloggers and nerds to queue up overnight. You'll be able to go online but not really do anything. The console will be taken off the shelves in a year. Japan will get 15,0000 games The US will get 20 Europe might get five. Third party developers will not be asked to make games for the machine. Everyone will think you are a tosser for having one. And a child. The iii will have a massive 1,000,000 features but you'll probably only use the alarm, time and call functions. For the first time Wiimotes will be

Can you do it Rebecca?

Nothing happening in games for the whole of January I'm afraid. Today's post is for those time travelling from 1996* IT'S FUNNY AND TOPICAL NO? *Why have you travelled 12 years into the future to "surf the net"? Do you still use "surf the net" as a phrase? Oh well, since you made the effort, put money on Princess Diana dying in France. It'll pay off.

Cunzy1 1 Gameography.

Basically, weirdo reader going through the archive this is a list of all the games I have ever played. So now fellow gamer, you can judge me by the glaring omissions. Listed in alphabetical order for your viewing pleasure. Amiga games. The Simpsons: Bart vs. the space mutants, Batman, Beneath a Steel Sky, Bubble Dizzy, Cannon Fodder, Chase H.Q., Chuck Rock, Clwon o mania, Daylight Robbery, Days of Thunder, Desert Strike, Dizzy Panic!, Double Dragon II: The revenge, F/A-18 Interceptor, Fantasy World Dizzy, Forgotten Worlds, Golden Axe, Heroquest, Hybris, International Karate Plus, James Pond, james Pond 3, Kick off, Kick off 2, Kid gloves, LED storm, Lemmings, Marble Madness, Mega Lo Mania, New Zealand Story, Nightbreed:Action Game, Nitro Boost, North and South, Pac-Mania, Pinball Dreams, Pipemania, Postman Pat, Premier Manager, Prince of Persia, Puffy's Saga, Rainbow islands, Road Rash, Robocop 3, Rodland, SAS Combat simulator, Scorched tanks, Sensible Soccer, Sensible Train Spotti

I'm making a note here

Yes. HUGE SUCCESS. See we are cool and down wit' the kids. Anyway, the subject of todays' post concerns some much needed, early spring cleaning. Looking at the internet, it seems that gamers and their tedious memes are everywhere, but as gamers we need unanimously agree that there are some things we should stop talking about. Seriously, get over it. Move on. All the time, waffling on about the same things over and over again. Filling up Fora, Blogs, Comments and Youtube with inane points and counterpoints which have been made before in a much better way. In the end, no one cares. All vidjo games and vidjo gamers could dissappear tommorrow and the rest of the world would carry on as normal, perhaps even function a bit better. So, here's a list of stuff that I propose we eject from the gaming community's vocabulary so that we don't waste what precious little time we have talking about imaginary playworlds: 1) All games before August 1995. None of them were any goo

Soul Calibur Wankery

Right no doubt you have already heard but Soul Calibur Has both Darth Vader AND Yoda in it: Brilliant, inspired, inclusions to the game. But not content with this Thatguys would like to prepare a list of Smash-bros-esque characters w want in the next Soul Calibur. 1. Zoro From One piece, you just have to love this guys unique design, as he holds 3 swords. Soul Calibur has touched on pretty much every design of weapon out there, even creating a deadly Hula-hoop. The 3-sword design would be an interesting addition. 2. Final Fantasy Heroes You know I’m only gonna touch on this briefly, everyone wants fucking Cloud and Sephiroth in there. But fuck it, my vote goes fro Squall/Leon from FF8, and the again interesting weapon, The Gunblade. (yeah I know Cervantes has a Gun in his sword too, not the same AND you know it) 3. Master Chief/Arbiter Get them both in there with the Energy sword and/or the Gravity hammer!!! 4. Link/Spawn/Heihatchi The guys from the Gamecube/

Last post about this... Maybe

I dunno how may times I have mentioned this before... but, for those of you don't know, Rez on the PS2 came with a USB vibrating attachment. It was designed to "enhance" the gameplay of Rez, and not originally in a sexual way, apparently it was designed to create a synaesthesic experience... so that you could feel the music in your elbow or something. Well anyway, with The new HD Rez game coming out on the 360 The question on everyone's lips is whether they can get-off in HD? Well... the answer is yes... Up to 3 joy pads can be used as Trance vibrators! This can mean only one thing! Bluetooth vibrators, are round the corner! Special Hugs, Richie XXX

Omastar Comics #15, AKA Forgot about Dre

No Christmas way back then. Still doesn't stop Omastar anachronistically looking forward to it? Does it? Whatever, Omastar. You'd be bored after like two years of it. In other news: Halo 4 storyline leaked by Bungie! Here it is especially for you, That Guy's Reader: "There's a man in the green suit. He a shooty man. Hes killin all the bad ones till the end when the shooty man maybe dead. He not dead. He just go away until Halo 5". EPIC stuff I think you'll agree. Also, rumours that the Rockband drum set has traces of arsenic in it are abound. Be very careful the next time you play Rockband because you'll look like a fucking tit in front of all your friends. Oh and also the poison too. "Rape me" by Nirvana confirmed for Singstar in April this year. Too late for the office parties but an essential addition to the DLC that ought to keep Singstar afloat for a while longer.

What is it?

Yes! TGAM bringing you the same joke over and over again. See you same time next year?

Ironic game of the year 2007 even though it was released in 2006 and it is now 2008

It's Tanks! from Wii play. It's the greatest game of all time. The best multiplayer experience since the original Half Life. It has everything. Tanks, trumpet noises, wood, wouldn't, mines etc. Just play it with a friend and you'll be playing for the rest of your life, endorphins dripping from every orifice. It's the game WoW should have been, it's what all the Zelda games have been aspiring to. It's the darkest survival horror game since the Net Yaroze classic Haunted Maze. It's faster than Wipeout, longer than all the Final Fantasy games put together. It's more tactical than Advance wars and Kurushi put together. It's more addictive than the PlayStation version of Hidden and Dangerous. It's more stealthy than the-as-yet-unreleased Metal Gear Solid: Ultimate sneaky sneaky time. 10/10, five stars, five thumbs up, TGAM official gold seal of approval. Maximum out of any positive rating system ever . We're serious about this kids. Deadly

TGAM: clichéd 2008 post

Right well its 2008, we have yet another year of gaming ahead of us and, despite the cliché, we are going to do a what-are-you-looking-forward-to-in-2008 post. 1. Devil May Cry. Plain and simple, we have been dying to see Dante back in action for ages, this time he’s all next-gen too. The game also apparently won “trailer of the year 2007” from Now in some weird happenstance TGAM are actually going to dispute this. As much as we lurve DMC we found the trailer had used the age old trick of using FMV rather than gameplay. There are a couple of snippets of gameplay (10 seconds), but most of us don’t care about monocle’d villains or how much more emo Nero is going to get. Most of us wanted to see the actually gameplay footage, I demand to see a 3 hit sword combo, with the last hit launching the enemy into the air, and then Dante shooting, holding the afore mentioned bad guy in the air. Though! Spanky new teleportation moves, some weird machine that appears as if from no