Posts

TGAM 2007 Awards!

TGAM, Once again breaking the mold of videogame blogging. That's right. This year we decided to have an awards system for video games. You know, like the ones for books and films. We're sure this idea is likely to take off in a big way. Remember reader, you saw it here first. So, without further ado here are the awards: The 2007 TGAM award for Best Touching 1. Juiced 2: Hot Import Nights 2. Touch Master. 3. Balls of Fury. 4. Cookie and Cream Winner: Resident Evil: Deadly Silence There wasn't much choice this year. To be honest the above DS games were chosen for their titles and the hilarious link with the word "touching". But this year we're going to give Resident Evil DS the reward retrospectively for the bits where you get to touch up Jill Valentine and she covers herself and gets a bit offended. Once again Capcom shows they know their audience and Jill is all the more titilating because she doesn't just stand there and take it (cough, Leon, coug

Merry Christmas

With Christmas imminent I've got to do the work of everyone else who has "gone home" to hang out with their "friends and family". As such I'll be too busy to do many updates. So this may be the last one of 2007 from me. Don't hold me to it though. Watch this. There's Christmas trees and shit in it at the end if you need a link between what we write and what we put up for you to wtch/download/listento/wank over.

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3

See that blog title? That's what you can expect from TGAM: cliched post titles. That and tits . Anyway, today I am proud to bring you an interview with someone who properly works in the Games Industry, unlike us scrotes who sit on the periphery. Below is an interview with a lady who has had years of experience in games testing and went on to set up her own games testing company, which, is widely regarded as one of the best QA Testing companies around and doesn't let schlep pass through the door and out the other side unlike other companies. She has chosen the synonym Jill Valentine for this interview which, sure is nice for us because it's like Jill was actually here. C11: Hello, Jill, welcome to TGAM. JV: Hello. I'd like to say it's nice to be here but.... C11: Isn't games testing just an opportunity to get paid for playing games? JV: Yes and no. Do you remember some of the ridiculous time limit challenges in the original Goldeneye that you had to complete

DANGER: Women in Games

Image
Woah, now there is a lot of female attention happening in the games industry at the moment. Like we need more… Seriously I think girls have got their quota in the games industry and are recognised enough nowadays. Girls have: 1. Personalised Systems, such as the Pink DS and a variety of Pink Peripherals. 2. A selection of shite games, Pony Friends, Barbie shopping, Cooking Mama etc… 3. Zelda?!? Apparently??!?! The Phantom hourglass is advertised as one of the DS’s “Games for Girls”, when the fuck did that happen? Why does the fairer sex get this franchise? 4. The DS in general, all titles for it seem to cater for girls in some way. 5. The Rezibator. Guys are not allowed attachments to games to get them going (apart from the guitar in guitar hero). 6. An unfair advantage in MMOs, due to all the guys being desperate. 1. [General] [Legolaas] ZOMG!!!!11 Nerf Girls they are IMBA 7. An inbuilt ability to multi-task. 8. The “years of persecution” card which they never play,

Word Up!

Image
You may have gathered but we here are gay for Capcom. One of the many facets of that relationship is that they love to have crossover cameos that make girls like us gush like that lift from the Shining, except with green and bloody douche juice. Here's a selection that we could rip from the internet. Here is the excellent Frank West, in his pants, in the mediocre Lost Planet. This image is from gay gamer. Perhaps they have dreams about Frank West too? This is Dino Crisis character Regina in Resident Evil 3! IT'S NOT REALLY IT'S JUST JILL DRESSED UP AS REGINA. It's an important distinction to make because you may be surprised if the cuffs don't match the collar in your dreams. Here is Megaman. IN DEAD RISING. We are sad when we think about Megaman and sadder when Capcom do things like this. Of all the good franchises to include as a cameo you choose the worst one. 4/10 It's the Nemesis in Under the Skin!Under the skin was average at best with the

Gears of War: the Chainsaw argument.

Image
I’m getting pretty pissed off with Gears. There was a short lived few weeks after everyone was bored with Halo 3 online and went back to Gears, and it was all good player matches were fun, ranked was still full of arseholes, but that’s to be expected. Now everyone seems to have settled down online and it seems that only Gears of War fans are really playing online. Normally this would be a good thing, however there is still one burning question: To Chainsaw or not to Chainsaw. The Chainsaw argument, is an unconventional argument, as in there is no fucking argument. Either it is tolerated or it is not. As far as I can see no-one likes being chainsawed, and quite rightly so it is a little humiliating, but that shouldn’t be grounds for online abuse. These are the main issues I see that people have: 1. No skill involved. BULLSHIT. Admittedly all it takes is pressing the “B” button, but getting yourself close enough to Chainsaw someone is a feat, usually you have to dodge Snipers

Moist

Image
So that's that then we now know what games to expect (or not expect) under the Xmas tree this year. Mario Galaxy Assassins Creed Call of Duty 4 *cough* Pokemon Battle Revolution . This leaves us looking forward to just one thing, 2008 Release’s. And I use "Release" in all its literal forms, especially the sexual one though. My personal choices of games that will give me dirty thoughts and make me touch myself in that special way. Are: Devil may Cry 4 , They released videos and pics with actual Dante in them! And he speaks! And he has a wooshy charge up sword thing, and the guy playing was rubbish, and I WANNNA PLAY IT NOOOOOOOOOOOOW! That’s about it, thanks for tuning into our 2008 update. All other games are academic.