Showing posts from August, 2006

Why girls are ruining the games industry:

Insert Joke about "Pink". possibly related to ladies pink bits.

Soooo Lucky- Dino Masters

I was this close (makes a "very close" hand gesture) to buying this game the other day. DS, Dinosaurs? . Gamespot gave it 2.4 out of ten terrible. But it looks so good! I mean look at it! It's got everything, maybe. Hang on Aralosaurus? It's a bit of an obscure dinosaur but...oooh one of those crabs from sonic and a Mario ? block. I wonder what rearity means? I don't know but it's got one star for rearity, that might be good. It's even got foram impressions in the rock like real stratigraphic sequenes. They are a bit big though. I wonder what 165 and 41.9% mean. Sorry, gamespot I might have to get this anyway. UPDATE More disbelievers! Something is up though . Anonymous gave it a whopping 10! and a "excellent game i would recomend it to everybody." It's a conspiracy! I want Dinosauria goodness!

Exclusive Interview with the Auchinawa DJ

As promised I have managed to secure us an exclusive interview with the headlining DJ at Auchinawa! Her name is KaiserTia andas it turns out that she is a qualified maniac, because she once bit Cunzy11. 1) Welcome, Stranger . So, boring things first. As a "lady" gamer, where do you stand in the whole girl gamers issue? Do you feel you are stigmatised at all because of your genetic make up and/or your gaming hobby? Or is it simply that you beat Richie most of the time which is why he resorts to sexist remarks. Pfft. I personally don't want any special treatment just because I'm a girl. Most of the games specifically made for girls are rubbish anyway. Give me a shotgun and some zombies any day! I think any girl that knew how to pick up a controller the right way was seen as a bit of a novelty in the bad old days, but this is something that is inevitably changing. Every year I'm meeting more and more girls that are into games in some way or another, and I

Ooo be doo I wanna blog like you hoo hoo- Miss Bea Havin from Playstation Pro Magazine in the 1990's

Worship Me, Worship Me I'm not the only one, naaa ay ay ay I'm not the only one, naaa ay ay ay I'm not the only one, naaa ay ay ay I'm not the only one. Linked from Boing Boing, Hellbound Angels, IGN, BBC News, ADJ: TTORK, Terra Nova, We like games, Gamegirl Advance, Joystik Heroes, Jumping Joysticks, Games games games games games games, Crossroads of Dereth Ingelt and West Right Freedom Hello children of the night. Last night I spilt Tea on meeee /titter* *I may have been naked

Ooo be doo I wanna blog like you hoo hoo- Kotaku

There are lots and lots of good gaming blogs out there, so, during this dark time of absolutely nothing happening in the world of games. We are going to exercise the best form of flattery by mimicking some of our favourite gaming sites. Today: Kotaku AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT ON SONIC RIVALS ROFL

That Gamestation Ad What's On T'idiot Box

Have you seen it? Have you seen it? Basically, there are two guys; one is playing a FPS, I don't know which one, on their setee (fuck you couch). The guy who isn't playing is eating toast, or something, and making fake guns noises which pisses the gaming guy off, for some reason. Then there's a voiceover that says "annoyed that you are constantly reminded that you could have bought your games cheaper?", which doesn't make sense but I didn't hear the commentry guy properly. Then the first gamer guy is in a room with another guy playing a driving game, I don't know which one, and the first guy is making driving noises and the new guy shouts "Shut up", or something, and it's an advert for Gamestation. Ok, so it isn't that great and I've only seen it once, but for the first time in my life, it's an advert that depicts guy gamers in their "stereotypical environment". We don't get many game adverts in the UK on telly.

Where are they now?

Every self respecting games blog, at one time or another, runs out of ideas and does a hilarious "where are they now" post featuring a videogame character who was in one or two games but hasn't been seen since. They are often lame and it annoys me that no one can come up with something original these days. In other news we've managed to catch up with videogame legend the Nemesis who has s.t.a.r-red (pun intended!) in Resident Evil 3, Resident Evil 3 (GC), Under the Skin and on the Silver Screen in Resident Evil: Apocalypse. Cunzy11: So, you were fantastic as the relentless monster stalker in Resident Evil 3 . In mario 64 , what do you have to collect to progress into new areas? Nemesis: S.T.A.R.S Cunzy11: Absolutely. It must have been interesting for you to hook up with Jill and Carlos again for Under the Skin . I imagine it was a lot of fun! What game show am I describing: Musical talent show in which amateur lookalikes and soundalikes impersonate their

Brain, My arse

Right so I got a copy of brain academy on the DS and I have played through it done all the practice stuff and I have got an A ranking on the Test thing, but I have realised why all these Brain training games are around £20. There’s no replayability. That’s it you get a medal saying your smart and you have the top rating, I have barely had this 3 weeks and already it’s a cartridge gathering dust. Anyways! Official that guys review: The game is shallow and disappointing. Fun for like a couple of weeks, but essentially it’s a glorified Warioware. Get that instead. 4/10. flacid.

Your Guide To Buying A Game

Both Gamers new and old should all be aware of the correct procedure for buying a game from a shop (these were the common places for games purchasing before the internet). Game stores are, in theory, a paradise, a library dedicated to the pure wasting of time playing in made up worlds. However, if you do not adhere to the strict rules you may run into trouble from the Game Police. They will come to your house and delete all your save games and give you a stern talking to. So, to set the scene you wish to buy Mario Kart DS from your high street venue. 1) Before entering the store it is custom to start sweating. The store is fully modified to help you, the heating will be on max throughout the year and little in the way of ventilation is on offer, however, it helps to start moistening outside. This is to maintain the sweet aroma of boys in the morning in all game stores. Non-compliance and you'll be seeing the gaming police. 2) You wander over to the DS section. If you see a g

Cocmputer Games 0 Playing Outdoors 1

I was in WHSmiths in Waterloo Station on Saturday, I won't bother you with why, and I spotted one of the local newspapers with the same headline as the title of this post. Turns out, the newspaper surveyed some of the Thames yoofs and they said they preferred playing outdoors to playing video games. Firstly, the survey is a bit pointless because, through no fault of their own, children are essentially stupid small adults. I imagine that most children would prefer to spin around in circles until they threw up rather than go to school. I reckon they would also prefer to play videogames than eat vegetables too. For some reason these surveys (I know they are out there) never seem to make the headlines. Secondly, no fucking shit! I'd prefer to play outdoors if I couldn't play games like Resident Evil 4 or GTA: San Andreas because of the ratings. Also, I'd go further than playing outdoors, if I was stuck with playing shitty multiformat pixar/disney/other CGI film maker t

Inspiration, hit me now. please.

Cunt vagina vaginal wnaky wnak gay ghey penis cock cocker queer Jill sandwich self-gay homophobe twat prick pish poof misty annelid cybaar faecal abortion tits breast mammaries marvin wicky-wa Barry koffing lvl60. Look it might not be that shit

Yeah Yeah, thumb, this...

Well Well Well! Looks like thumbbandits decided to take my Claire post and make it rubbish. P.S. Does anyone else find this picture arousing? I mean she has no top on, and is holding the joystick in a rather provocative area.

Oh shit. This is actually happening

THAT GUY’S A MANIAC: THE MOVIE Screenplay By Ray Cortana and Hugh V. Brown PART 1 EXT-SAN FRANCISCO 2026 An American high school of the future. Flying cars drop children off at school. Some of the children arrive by jetpack. The children are wearing androgynous silver boiler suits. Some of the children are playing sports in the background with “virtual” equipment. All of the buildings are covered in white plastic. A futuristic alarm sounds and the children run to class PART 2 INT- CLASSROOM Children enter the class room. LEON, a tall boy, sits down at his desk whilst chatting to SHARONA. MR. FREEMAN enters the classroom slamming the door behind him. The children go quiet. MR.FREEMAN writes “Digital culture 101” on the Holoboard using a futuristic Wii controller. He then writes “Resident Evil” and underlines it. MR.FREEMAN Okay, who can tell me about Resident Evil? LEON looks hesitant and raises his hand MR.FREEMAN Leon. Please enlighten your classmates LEON Resident Evil was a series o

Stupid fucking images

Broken all broken. I'll fix it soon though so don't worry. Can you believe it? On the upside though you can see all the alt text. As a really boring game you can guess what the images were from the text and see if you were right when it gets fixed! P.S. Don't forget to delete me when you are done.

That Guy's A Maniac- Women Gamers Magazine?

Fed up of the male-centric glut of gaming magazines featuring scantily clad women draped over the hood of an Xbox 360, That Guy's are launching a girl gaming magazine to cater for women who play video games and are proud of it. The first edition of the magazine, called Pads (working title), should be out Q4 this year. Here is a sneak preview of one of our articles: Are you and your non-gaming boyfriend compatible? Answer the following questions noting your answer then add up the points to find out if you and your non-gaming boyfriend/girlfriend are compatible: 1) You settle in for an evenings session on Burnout (your "clan" came over at the weekend and busted some of your top scores) and your boyfriend unexpectedly comes home early from working a late shift. You offer to turn the Playstation off, but he says he doesn't mind, he's tired anyway. Does he then: a. Sit with you asking questions about the game b. Sit down for five minutes huffing and puffing bef

Ha Ha! Charade you are..

Dear Mr Capcom, I am writing to inform you of a major error that I think your publishing department may have missed. Resident Evil 4 has been inappropriately named as it, indeed is not the fourth in the series. Without counting any of the gun survivor or Outbreak games there has been 6 major Resident Evil games. So for the sake of continuity we at would like you to arrange the games in the following manner: Resident Evil Zero. Resident Evil 0 Resident Evil. Resident Evil. Resident Evil 2. Resident Evil 2. RE: Code Veronica . Resident Evil 3. RE 3: Nemesis Resident Evil 4. Resident evil 4. Resident Evil 5. We would appreciate a worldwide recalling of all games/cartridges and re issuing of the games in a correct manner, Nooch n’ Hugs, That Guys P.S. Itchy, Tasty... P.P.S Do Resident Evil outbreak on the DS this time properly with the online working

Wait, Listen

A lot of people regard music in games quite highly. Personally I think that recently Music has gone downhill in games I know for a fact that I’m bored shitless with the WoW music, and the only good track in Oblivion is the opening track. You would think if games like these are willing to fork out for a fully orchestrated score they might as well get a decent fucking composer in! Now I’m sure we are all well versed with the classic theme tunes that stick in our head Mario, Sonic, Bubble Bobble, oh god Tetris. But what was the last epic score you heard on a game that you loved? That’s right Final fantasy VII, VIII IX and X. All done by a fucking awesome composer Nobuo Uematsu . But of course that’s all changed now FFXII does not have him as the composer. So what I’m pondering is will the game be just as good, does music have a factor with the gaming experience, or is it tacked on to fill the silence. When it comes to PC gaming thankfully we get the option to mute the sound and ru

Game Music Videos- Reviews

Hey y'all! As we are told by Microsoft that gaming is a lifestyle and not just sitting on your ass all day pretending you are a woman charged with the grand task of saving the universe by collecting rings/coins/pearls/gems or whatever. As such, I like to spend my non-gaming time talking about gaming, writing about gaming, listening to game theme tunes on my ipod with Dante stickers on it, reading about games or playing "house" with Vincent Valentine and Aeris (not Aerith) action figures. When I'm not doing that, I download GMVs, formerly lumped with AMVs until evanescence and the Naruto guys sued AMVs for over use of their IP. There are some monumentally shit ones out there, but here are some of my favourites. Why I am I reviewing them If I've already stated they are my favourites? Because I hate some of them but that's why I love them. "I'm An Asshole" - Halo Music Video with Denis Leary This imaginitively titled GMV is actually very good. The s

The Player 1 principle

I'm sure someone has written something about this somewhere else but hey! Who cares about them. Now, as much as everyone laments about online etiquette or lack thereof, there is also such a thing as offline etiquette. I don't mean treating NPCs nicely or anything, jeees that would be terrible. But this issue recently came to light when my good buddy and old skool CatchtheMonkeyandOtherGames B69 member, Robisgay and his lovely girlfriend moved into my house. You see, he plays games which is great but also terrible because the rules of offline etiquette don't tend to cover such situations very well. Let me explain: When playing multiplayer games, regardless of skill level or experience, your gaming chi is directly affected by which player you are. Player 1 Player 1 has excellent gaming chi, master of the menu screens and ideally placed in the top left corner of the screen in split screen games and on the left, from the start of the round, in beat 'em ups. Even in gam new home

Yeah so for the past week or so you may have noticed that That guys has been in a state of flux. Well we have it sorted now and up and running! Sorry to all of those loyal fans who have missed their That guys fix. FYI: All the other homes That Guys has had: Sorted.

Nuuuuuuude Patch

As if there weren't enough tits and cunts in WoW already.

I have the key right here officer but I'm not about to leave this cell...

Oh shit! For anyone who is interested in games and on the internet you have probably by now learned that E3 is getting downgraded or something. Well paint me yellow and call me supersonic if I'm not over the fucking moon about it! As much as I love to download shaky-cam videos of fat Americans saying "So like so like so like totally awesome" (we don't have the proper internet in Britain so we have to save everything to VHS) I couldn't give a monkeys about E3. Here are this years highlights as I have observed them... 1) Reggie Sans Amie telling everyone how to play a fucking Zelda game. Oh really, the big button? Mental. 2) Over 200 hours of FMV sequences for sequels to popular games giving absolutely no insight into what the actual game may look like or how it plays. 3) More Sony lies, but the new Motorstorm video was pretty amazing. Not since MGS on the playstation has terrain been so realistially modelled in real time! Those footprints in the snow were a

Oh dear! 2

6Gun 2 - Developer - BattleBorne Entertainment Ahahahahahahaha Avalon - Developer - Climax Studios Ahahahhahhah Dark Sector - Developer - Digital Extreme Ahhhhahahahahahahaha The Darkness - Developer - Starbreeze Studios Ahahahahahahahahaha Devil May Cry 4 - Developer - Capcom Aha. What? Seriously........ EA Sports Fight Night Round 3 - Developer - EA Chicago Ahahahahaha Eyedentify - Developer - TBA Ahahahahahaha Fifth Phantom Saga - Developer - Sonic Team Ahahahahaha Final Fantasy PS3 - Developer - Square Enix Ah. What? No way. LIES Sony LIES Formula One PS3 - Developer - Developer - SCE Studios Liverpool Ahahahahahahahahaha The Getaway PS3 - Developer - SCE Studios Soho Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha Heavenly Sword - Developer - Ninja Theory WOOT!! I-8 - Developer - Insomniac Games Ahahahahahahahah Infraworld - Developer - Quantic Dream Ahahahaahahhahahha Killing Day - Developer -

OhMiBod - Really?

Yet another weird sextoy add-on for the iPod . Is there really a market for this type of thing? Does timing of music really make a difference? Do Apple endorse this sort of thing? Do we have a female That Guys reader to review this? Do we have a female That Guys reader? Wait... I had a thought... If Lily Allen bought this and listened to herself whilst using it is that not like Self-Gay-Cybaaa Version 2.o? Either that or she can go fuck herself.

Technically Speaking

We love video games (or computer games as they are known). Be they epic sprawling adventures such as Ed Federmeyer's Haunted Maze or pick up and play wonders such as World of Warcraft. The hardware developers sometimes go out of their way to enable us to play all our old favourites on the newest generation so we don't have to own all the previous generations in order to pwn some classics. OR do they? Let's take a look at how Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo regularly shaft gamers for more cash. Sony Sony is hard to keep track of, especially with the PS3 lies which, have been covered here and elsewhere. Nonetheless, here are some golden oldies... PS1 Games - You can play all your PS1 games on the PS2, which is great but you do have to use your old Playstation1 Memory Cards in order to save games, which, are rapidly becoming an E-bay acquisition. Multitaps. Sony stiffed everyone when the other two ports for controllers magically dissappeared from the PS2 a similar thing seems to

Game developers are Pussies

To highlight the meaningless analysis of video games from people who claim to be gay, feminist, humanist, masculinists, journalists we have compiled a list comparing game developers and producers to female genitalia. It is about as relevant. Rockstar The Rockstar vagina would be huge but look a bit grubby if you looked in detail. Also everyone you know has played it Midway The controls aren't in the book, they are impossible to control and not even the fucking developers know how the fucking thing works. But if you bought the game for £5 you can't complain Capcom Absolutely top quality! But then a bit like vagina you've had before other times. Ed Federmeyer They would be simple to play, hard to master and wouldn't smell like a Chinese fish market in the morning in the morning. EA The EA vagina would be like a hysterectomy vagina, fun to play but ultimately pointless. Blizzard It would be massive, but the gays would have trouble getting in. (It woul