Apple and Nintendo Merge!

We are proud and sad to bring you this exclusive. Apple and Nintendo are merging! Shock I hear you say. There's more though. They've been working on a console already. It's called the iii.
Our woman on the inside say that the iii will merge the best bits of Nintendo and Apple. Great. Here's some of the features for the iii.

  • You can never turn the machine off.
  • No games that aren't already out on the GameBoy.
  • Exclusive launches that require bloggers and nerds to queue up overnight.
  • You'll be able to go online but not really do anything.
  • The console will be taken off the shelves in a year.
  • Japan will get 15,0000 games
  • The US will get 20
  • Europe might get five.
  • Third party developers will not be asked to make games for the machine.
  • Everyone will think you are a tosser for having one.
  • And a child.
  • The iii will have a massive 1,000,000 features but you'll probably only use the alarm, time and call functions.
  • For the first time Wiimotes will be able to talk to iphones. No one knows what they will be talking to each other about but rest assured, flashing lights indicate that they are talking to each other.
  • The iii will be thinner than a piece of paper and smaller than a medium sized match box.
  • You can take the iii to your friends house and get upset when everyone looks totally unfazed when you announce your latest purchase.
  • Over 45 different versions are planned in the future including the iii, iiilite, iiinano, iiinanolite, iii64, iiinanolite: Pikachu edition, iii3, iiislimline, iiiliteslimline and the handheld iiiBoy, iiiboyadvance, iiiboypod, iiipodboy, iiipodboyadvance and the ultra limited release Virtual iiipiss.
We're moist with anticipation and feel that these new console will moving gaming into a new future. A future where gamers don't even play games anymore. They just mod various household appliances so that they can connect to each other. Gaming is dead! Long live gaming!


  1. Probably the single most howicked article I've read in yonks.

  2. Anonymous23:03

    I predict that apple will collapse under the weight of its own fanbase of alibaster retards. Then apple will become a suicide cult. A side project for previous apple employees will be the 'Guypod Buzzz' which is a specially shaped vibrator for gay men only, if a straight man uses it he'll be reborn as a gay and if a woman uses it she'll get the shit kicked out of her by a goblin. Also the 'Crack Book Ho' an elictronic address book for for tweaking hussies to get their rocky fic in exchange for a brutal gang raping. Anyone that owns an apple product that doesnt join the suicide cult will be given aids for their own good.


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