The Least Worst of
TGAM has been going for [SUM((year now)-2006)] years and in that time we’ve had ups and downs. Downs and ups. Swings and roundabouts. Peas and Carrots. For example, did you know that this blog was technically proved to be the Second Greatest Video Game Blog in the World Ever on January the 23rd 2007? Or that we did a proper fucking interview back in February 2008 and that that post went on to get almost as many hits as the Sheva nude page? Bet you didn’t. Here is a brief history of TGAM packaged up in a hand year by year guide.
2006. Genesis II
The opening post was typically lame but set the tone for the rest of the blog TO THIS DAY. We were way too green in 2006. Talking about non games and such. Giving out personal details. Our first game related post was about stupid PC gaming of all things. Richie lost to a girl for the first time in TGAM history. Our first review was crap. And that was not the last time in either case. We started talking about gay characters well before it was trendy. Cunzy <3 span="" zangief="">3> twice and Richie is a paedo. Sadly this future of games of Cunzy’s was never realised. Weirdly both of Richie’s are scarily accurate. We awarded the first ever maniac of the month although back then it was known as the catchier That Guy’s A Maniac Award. Cunzy titling posts after Final Fantasy VII materia lasted all of two posts. Tl;dr. The Ode to Spuddy starts TGAM’s long love affair with video game related poetry. Next-gen all went wrong the Xbox 360 stagnated, Sony betrayed us and Nintendo killed the gamecube. Nintendo officially euthanises it later. It was actually three posts with the materia titles. Ed Fedemeyer lives! Richie dings 60 and then goes on to be Wonder Woman. He engages with penetrative sex with men. Our first review proper is meta and therefore not proper. Our first truly proper review is not exactly objective or timely therefore still not proper. POST 69. The amazing L337 translator. PSP for the ladies. Richie still a paedo. We invent every Wii related pun ever. First. Richie starts the infamous dildonics series. Penis. Don’t go outside kids video games are better. We say goodbye to band member Richie on grounds of irreconcilable ‘creative differences’. Blog war number 1 with the now deceased Hellbound Angels this stuff is pretty unintelligible now but hilarious if you were there.. Legendary actor and singer William Smith blogs for us. TGAM the Game, subsequently cancelled. TGAM the movie, subsequently cancelled but we’re still there!. The epic inaugural and only TGAMcon 2006. TGAMcon 2006 part 2. Second Blog War Begins. Do us a favour, kill a baby. POST 100. TGAM interviews a very special guest. Are you compatible with your non gaming boyfriend? E3 has never changed really. Pussies they’re all pussies. Kaiser Tia, also deceased. Listen, we were busy in September okay? We get our first exclusive. Six months and still blogging! Sexist. Racist. Gaming’s Royal family, the family Valentine. Five year on it’s okay to make jokes about it now. Fan fiction doesn’t get hotter than this. 2006 TGAM GOTY. TGAM reunited for the first time and create magic. As first years go, it was a rocking one and when we look back at all the unpaid hours we’ve ploughed into TGAM we should have just stopped in December 2006.
2007. Drugs, Dinosaurs and Downward Spirals.
We get a pretty early hands on with Dead Rising 2. Can you see Magneto on Queer eye for the straight guy? Games are Art, three years before Qbertgate. Sexy cosplay. Scientifically proven to be the Second Best Video Games Blog of All Time Ever. Ridiculously Sexy games for Valentine’s Day. February is way too wordy and yellow?. A horrible horrible visual joke to fap by. Gamers for justice STOP THE SICK SHIT. Dear Guardian remove all of your posts and delete your blog. Tim Buckley gives us a nod. Sony launch Watch-ray, Catches AIDS. NSFW. Golden spiking the new vagina smiley (!). Anime vs. Dinosaurs vs. Anime vs. Dinosaurs. The epic Twisted Metal , Final Fantasy VIII kidz, Naruto, Speed Freaks, Star Wars Phantom Menace fanfic set in the World of Warcraft. You can set dogs on fire? All the picture links are fucked TGAM con 2007. Sadly, “she has green and bloody douche juice”. That guy’s a maniac award an occasional series. Games hate men. Getting off to your ipod an occassional series. Legal at ONE YEAR OLD. Cunzy1 1 quits the band citing “irreconcilable creative differences”. A star is born, more specifically an Omastar. July officially Omastar month. Spittin at Capcom a la Marshall Mathers. We still hate E3. TGAM the game exits development hell, subsequently cancelled again. Have we really had iphones since 2007? Not us of course, we mean ‘the world’. Our biggest fear came true. We finally get serious about cosplay. You’ll never believe how many times Richie and Cunzy have made this list without realising they already posted it. TGAM suffers existential issues. We try to jump ship, subsequently fail. Ominous bulges. Blog War number 3, the war we started, completely missed yet ultimately won. The world-famous original Pokemon Drinking Game [Prison Rules Version]. Sexist. Racist. 3/10. Cunzy quits gaming as Richie dings 70. DOA Q Q Q? Next gen please?. Oblivion 1000 point failure. Could I please get a jill sammich or two? That girl is a total maniac. TGAM: The Movie starts shooting, is subsequently cancelled again. Omastar Mashup [bootleg]. Team TGAM represents online and wins Halo 3, invents the FZK as a measure of awesomeness. Cunzy1 1 leaves TGAM or was he pushed? The PS2 gets it terminal. DANGER DANGER Women in games? Is this thing on? BEST TOUCHING. In unofficial TGAM biographies, 2007 has been described as the ‘Golden Year’ but the enormous pressure to succeed would prove too much for the internet’s Second Favourite Video Game Blog of All Time Ever. Some say that 2008 was the year TGAM sold out. Others say it was the edgiest TGAM ever was.
2008. Clad like a Sow. N.
The year kicked off with a belated 2007 GOTY which got the ‘industry’ tongues wagging. We made this joke particularly early this year a sign of struggling for fresh content? We invent a 12 year old joke. Apple and Nintendo’s aborted love child. They probably still haven’t fixed this in your time dimension. TGAM turns one year old .......ummm again? Will Dante-Mas go the distance? YES IT WILL. Choose your own sexism! Racist. Fourth Blog War. Goddam those fake allergies. That time we did a proper interview with Front Magazine. Catch the moment Nintendo dies in Richie’s heart with Mario Kart Wii and LIES. The heart heals but the wounds run deep. Cunzy1 1 parts with TGAM over ‘creative differences’. An Ode to Medipack, the long awaited sister to 2006’s The Ode to Spuddy , appears. New semi-regular feature approaching! Axillophilia is still rife. We got carried away by LEGO. Making Show Me Your Moves jokes well before their Renaissance. Hands down, our best review ever. TEAM 17 need to stop. Want some cheese with that whine? Fun and the wrong kind of games with Microsoft. Yahtzee Croshaw namechecks Thatguys. We wrote a letter to ONM and got a smug reply. A very early TGAM GOTY 2008. Prostitute murdering simulator. Hands down, our best review we never did. Monsters. More whine? Deviant Art is like some kind of wish granting genie in a bottle. Wait, TGAM turns two? TGAM reunited with our blood sister and our retarded cousin. Our second proper interview, this time with Hideo Kojima. The TGAM Top 50 Ultimate All Time Top Games of All Time starts but never finishes. It shows interest in vagina. Richie still sailing the good ship Dildonics and overcomes ADD long enough to make epic loot. A wild Underboob approaches, time to touch dic?. The best E3 ever? Richie and WoW still in love. Too much perhaps? We’ve kept EDGE going for years now. Blog War VI. This is pretty much how it went. Our interview with David “Heavy Rain” Cage. PC Zone Walkout: the inside story. The yearly update on waiting for next-gen to deliver. The party line on Tekken and a (!). The new worst joke ever. That RE5 DLC. The longest; didn’t read. Our serious Fable 2 review. We temporarily drop our 13 year old persona to discuss Gender in games. PC gaming lives! It is a shame this never happened. We break our first world exclusive with Killzone 2 screenshots. What will be will be. Richie ends the year by going in deep. So that was 2008. Neither here nor there. Neither Arthur nor Martha. We didn’t know it at the time but we were so lucky. 2009 nearly saw TGAM destroyed by the forces of evil and of a civil war, the likes of which had not been seen for three generations.