WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS GOING ON- Part 2

Mr.Sony

You’ve been a constant joy for so many years. Just look at your back catalogue. My wish list is still longer than the Xbox 360 release list. We’ve had laughs, tears, fear and comfort. Memories of the PSX are happy memories Colony Wars, Micro Machines, Dino Crisis, Tomb Raider, Resident Evil, Theme Hospital, Quake 2, Syndicate Wars, Silent Hill… The list is endless. The end of the PSX was like getting a favourite dead pet dog stuffed. It was still around, you could still have intercourse with it and you could make your brand new dog still have intercourse with it.

Then you started to be naughty. “Four ports for joypads” you said “Easy Peasy Online” you said. But these things didn’t transpire. So now we have to own two different multitaps for PSX games and PS2 games. But it didn’t matter you gave us more Silent Hills, 3D Grand Theft Auto, Quake 3, Dynasty Warriors, Burnout, TImesplitters, SSX Tricky, Project Eden, Metal Gea… The list is endless. There was no point in owning a gamecube there were three good games. Xbox was alright but we had 200 games for the PS2 already. Go into a GAME store today, right now, I’ll bet there is a least 2 preowned games you will pick up. You are still going strong Guitar Hero, Tomb Raider: Legend & Buzz! are recent examples.

But recently you have been very bad indeed.
Firstly, the PSP, “look at me” it said. And we did. Imagine, a little sexy Playstation 1.5 to play wherever! You didn’t even need a TV anymore and it ws online, like the PS2. Okay it had UMDs and other stuff but that’s what Ipods and internets are for. So then there were some good games like Lumines, little GTA even a new Wipeout. Then that was it. We all read about the thousands and thousands of PSP games in Japan but you didn’t want us to have them, they were too weird you said. “We want more games!” we said. THEN YOU SAID “PISS OFF I’M BUSY DOING SOMETHING ELSE!”. You can’t say piss off to us. We love you. Please more games for the PSP. “YOU’VE GOT ANOTHER FIFA COMING OUT SOON WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT? GO AWAy”
So now if you go to a game shop stand by the PSP bay, (if you can find it Mr.GAME, you are last on my list!), look at how unispiring it is. 3 different games. EA golf game after EA Football game and a 1000 copies of GTA. IF you are lucky, you might be able to pick up copy of Street Fighter EX plus alpha mega gold compilation turbo 2: road to the fireball: capcom classics. But it’s OK because it’s online. Kind off. Well it’s online like the PS2 is online. MR.Sony why get us so excited by the PSP and then just give up on it. Oh because you are going to make a PS3?.......

The PS3. Without doing much tinkering, in fact changing the PS2 logo to PS3 nd releasing it will guarantee millions and millions of sales. All we want from you Mr.Sony is more of the same, like the PSOne and the PS2. OK, make the graphics better ad other gubbinz that aids gameplay. Good. But please just: Fix online because we were not happy with your lies before, make it backwards compatible so we can play the plethora of games in our libraries, wireless controllers? Excellent no more carrying around three types of multitap.

Yet what did you say? What did you tell us?
“This is games” No it’s not. We don’t need to be lied to. We’ll buy it anyway its sure to look good but c’mon, that’s clearly FMV. How would a game work if the camera was in that position (Motor Storm)? This level looks nice but too easy you only have to shoot four things (Killzone 2) the rest is all done by NPCs.
“It’s HD compatible” Umm Okay but no-one has a HD-TV. I’m still plying on a TV that you have to hit to work and doesn’t have SCART.
“It’s out in spring” Wow that’s gre…
“No it isn’t” Oh. Okay don’t get our hopes up like that again.
“It’s Blu-ray so it’s £800” WHAT? What is Blu-ray? Is it games? No! then get to fuck
“It’s cheaper than a Blu-ray player” You make the other Blu Ray players you fucks
“No we don’t. Heres the new controller” YES you bloody well…. WHAT A NEW CONTROLLER. Why? what is wrong with the old one?
“This is games” Oh no, they look nothing like the FMV you showed us. Resident Evil 4 looks better. Lets pretend you aren’t making a PS3. Lets go back to good ol’ PS2 and PSP?
“We are discontinuing PSP” Why? It’s only just out. It hasn’t had time to develop. Give it time
“It’s not Blu-Ray or HD compatible” So? it plays games. Stop. MR.Sony stop. Why are you so mean to us. We loved you for so long. We fought the Xbox owners with our money and on the forums. Now look what you’ve done. We are crying, real crying not fake allergy crying when we watch Titanic. Proper Boo-Hooing. Stop. Stop.
“The controller is interactive not like Nintendo completely new idea like Blu Ray” Nooo its copying Nintendo. Stop it please….

Mr.Sony our hearts are breaking under the strain of, mostly shitty diets and no exercise, but also becuse you hve hurt us.....

Comments

chuff_72 said…
I am really pissed off at the moment. I have a genuine sinking feeling in my gut that the powers that be are conspiring to fuck up my chosen lifestyle. HAVE THEY LOST THEIR FUCKING MINDS! I DO NOT WANT A BLU-RAY PLAYER, I DO NOT WANT FUCKING HD AND I DO NOT WANT TO SPEND £465 FOR A BUNCH OF TECH SHIT I WILL NEVER USE.

I have a collection (100+) of PSX game that I am genuinely PROUD to own, games like No One Can Stop Mr Domino, FFVII, and G-Police are still some of the best gameplay experiences I have ever had.

I was in line outside EB to pick up my PS2 at midnight (the Dr was there also), and I felt PROUD and happy and excited. I now have 40+ games and there are still many that I medically NEED to own.

I love my PSP, even with it’s clicky-clacky megadrive buttons and one dead pixel, I love that pixel I call it Borris. It fits perfectly with my lifestyle, Southpark to and from work make the commute that much easier, and AD-HOC dino-hunting when I get home with the good Dr. I don’t really care that there aren’t any games on the damn thing, it’s a hand held, not my main console (though perhaps no new games in about three months is taking the piss a little!).

But I WILL BE FUCKED if I am going to be first in line to be BUTT-FUCKED by Sonylies, the “console” reportedly still doesn’t work properly (Gamespot news) and has a load of SHIT I will never use. SO FUCK YOU SONYLIES, FUCK YOU UP YOUR STUPID FAT ARSES.
chunkysalsa said…
discontinuing the PSP???
WTF?!!?!???

How does that even work? Sony goes to all the trouble of developing UMD, then ditches it's best channel. So UMD movies aren't selling. Well there's a fucking shock. Maybe if they OPENED THE FORMAT so OTHER PEOPLE could make players too it might take off.

So PS3's going to be cruicial in the make / break of scru-ray, but the PSP is selling already. Are they so worried about blu-ray that they need to kill of all potential competition, even from themselves??

"Let's play monopolising dickheads on the lawn with the media content providers. Gamers won't know What The Fuck"
Cunzy11 said…
Well they might be discontinuing the PSP but maybe I added that bit for dramatic effect.

I'm all for the monopolising dickheads in the yard. Gamers will not know what the fuck.
chunkysalsa said…
Phew, that's alright then. You had me worried there - there's still at least a theoretical possiblity I might actually want to buy a PSP some day...
dr wo 69 said…
Ah PS2 release night, cheese biscuits at EB, "wine" from plastic cups, there with my buddy the chuff who we all spent oodles of hours playing Quake 2 (quad damage super shotgun cold storage oh dear), thrill kill with the biro trick, point blank 2 (level 52 baby!) so many memories but games were evolving the PC gamers were laughing at us but the PS2 would change that, ha ha ha we would have our revenge. I spent my 18th savings on that machine (should have gone on a car but hey)as soon as I got home and turned it on and saw that blue light I phoned chuff just saying "oh my god look at that light!" Luckily I got the last copy of Timesplitters so I whacked that in the sexy sliding tray, BLOWN AWAY aaaarrrggggh!!! Its quake 2 gone insane, genius!!! I remember giggling to myself.Yes I know it was meant to be online and I opened the 'Expansion bay' that was never expanded but I can live with that majourity of the games were great. Now with PS3 looming, am I excited? can I be arsed with lining Sony's pocket on a box of tricks with a load of EA licenced games (its gonna happen soon every game is gonna have 'Did you know medi kits heal you' loading screens, GRRRRRRR!!!!), is it going to make me giggle like a school girl? frankly I believe it will not, it will most probably make me laugh but in a point and laugh style. Give me Hogs of War any day of the week.
Cunzy11 said…
To the Good Dr, wasn't that the same night you accidently child locked the DvD player and didn't know the code, trying to play The Mummy?

Did you ever unlock it?
dr wo 69 said…
Your Mummy! God that is never gonna get old at least 10 years and counting. eh yeah I unlocked it, can't remember how I can only really remember outstanding events or upto two weeks ago no more no less. Yeah I unlocked and it was all good then I had the fantastic idea of cleaning the vents, "mmm its a bit dusty in their, a bit of spring cleaning will make it work better, wheres that hoover." Then the laser went, "DISC READ ERROR" open the draw replace drawer "DISC READ ERROR" and the ironical part to the tale is that the only disc that would work was that damn DVD!!! It would be my luck that if I sold my liver and kidneys to purchase a PS3, I would get it home, open the box and a thermo nuclear explosion would wipeout my flat and I would be left with black soot on my face a la Wile Coyote, an empty box and no liver or kidneys!
Anonymous said…
"We are crying, real crying not fake allergy crying when we watch Titanic" Not in any way like the allergy crying at the end of pokemon 2000 then.

Popular posts from this blog

An Omastar Is For Life

The Sheva from Resident Evil 5 Nude Cheat