Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I open the case and instantly take out the book and give it a deep sniff. Mmmmm that new game instruction booklet smell. I place it to one side and imagine the photo I'm going to take with the Diamond instruction booklet as the top book in a fan of booklets in chronological order with Yellow at the bottom then the Gold and Silver book, then the Sapphire Ruby book, then the Fire Red Leaf Green book and then the brand spanking new Diamond book on top. "At last" I think. My years of loyalty to the franchise finally paying off "Thank you Nintendo, thank you". I thought it was all over after Leaf Green and Fire Red. I mean essentially they were remakes of the original and then XD and Colloseum? Terrible. But Pokemania is back. Let's see who is sad now! Next I remove the little inlet with my Nintendo Stars code, I wonder what little gifts I'll get when I upload those I think.
Lastly I put the game into my DS and power up. AH! The familiar intro, the colour, the sounds!
Oh dear in the latter part of your 20s and playing a childs game....how sad
The scenario starts up, I know what's going to happen but I'm so excited. It's not just a kids game at all this is coool.
Oh yeah sure. The only people who play it are kids and other geeky men. So which one are you?
I think I'm going to go with Turtwig because my friends have the other starters so we can trade.
No I meant gay or a paedophile you sick pervert
I choose Turtwig and name it Chlorchel. Chlor for the green plant on it's back and Chel from Chelonia, the biological name for turtles and tortoises. This is great because it is a hobby that combines biology with fun! It's educational which I most of the reason why I play it.
It's not a hobby. Sports they are hobbies. When great sportsmen and women die they have a nationally celebrated funeral. You are going to die alone. What will your epitaph be? At least I caught Jirachi?
Jirachi was actually quite hard to get I had to beat Pokemon Channel and then transfer it. Oh my god a level 3 Bidoof my journey to become a pokemon master has begun, again.
Your girlfriend is going to leave you. You are not a real man. When she looks at you do you think she sees house, kids and a nice life? No she sees you as a fat bearded loser still playing pokemon as your belly continually expands to fill your space invader XXL T-shirt. Real men like cars and earn enough money to buy things like a nice barbecue, houses or floor boarding. Real men don't save up for a month to buy a plinky plonky childrens game.
I'm not even catholic you can't guilt me. Anyway that's not true man. She understands me. It's like shoes, she gets shoes and I get pokemon. She thinks it is cute
It's not at all the same. She cries in her room at her dead end relationship with a loser. Other people will appreciate her sexy shoes they have a real world value. Only other men and children on the internets will care about your level 100 Omastar. She doesn't think it's cute at all she hates it. It's eating her up inside. She's going to leave you and use her sexy shoes to get with the Nintendo board of directors, they are real men. They earn lots of money and buy flowers and jewellery. They are all going to laugh at you, they're going to find the exat £24.99 you paid for the game and they are going to pay her to sleep with them for 50p a go, she doesn't care that it is only 50p because she is so happy to be with real men again. They'll be laughing at how pathetic you are throughout the orgy, all the while you'll be trying to catch a shiny Beldum. You sad pathetic loser.
HA HA HA THIS IS FUN THIS IS GREAT THIS IS THE MOST FUN I'VE HAD. GOD BLESS YOU NINTENDO 10/10
Monday, July 30, 2007
Friday, July 27, 2007
2. In other news Kotaku has possibly posted the most wondrous and amazing photograph EVER, I was scanning though some post on the perils of conventions, the photo didn’t immediately grab my attention as on first glance it seemed to a be a usual collection Cos-players:
But look closer to the middle one…
That’s right! It’s Claire from Resident Evil 2 and Resident Evil Code Veronica. (Though I believe the outfit depicted is Claire’s Code Veronica outfit) As such I wanna make a call out to this woman, or indeed any like-minded women out there:
Wanted for Casual encounters:
1x Claire Redfield outfit
Claire Redfield = Wnak factor 13
Thursday, July 26, 2007
Seeing as Pokemon Diamond and Pearl are finally out in the UK I also thought I’d whack Pokemon Stadium on and take the opportunity to spend some time with my old friends on Pokemon Yellow and Silver. That’s when I found out. That’s when I discovered something that would sink my heart and almost bring a tear to my eye. I set up the N64 and put Pokemon Stadium 2 on with Silver and Yellow in the Gameboy adapters. Yellow was registered fine but the N64 kept saying that Pokemon Silver ID###### didn’t appear to have any save data. It’s fine I thought I just took the game out, blew in all of the slots and started it up again. The same problem, and a bead of sweat rolled off my brow. I then put Silver into my GBA and at the menu screen there were only two options: New Game and Option. My data had been wiped…….
It then dawned on me that the record of well over 300 hours worth of play had been lost including all of my 2nd generation pokemon as well as most of my 1st generation ones that I had transferred over, including Farley, my level 58 Pikachu and my first ever pokemon.
I’ll never again see his little face, I’ll never hear him say “Pika!” in the grainy low quality gameboy sounds. I’ll never see his light ball again, an item that Richie was in slight envy of back when we were both much younger. To lose a whole two generations of pokemon is nothing short of a tragedy. I imagined that I would show my grandchildren Farley and co. and explain to them that in my day you had to have special cables to transfer data from one game to another. I always imagined that Farley would be there until my dying day, staying the same age and lvl as I grew older and less able and eventually finally being put to pasture as I leave this life.
For those of you who don’t play pokemon imagine that all of your WoW characters were suddenly wiped and there was no evidence in Azeroth that they were ever there or imagine that your XBox 360 achievements were all gone the next time you turned the 360 on. Fortunately Carpetman, my lvl 100 Charizard was on Yellow on levelling up duty. The loss could have been much worse but I’m going to release all of my pokemon on Yellow so that they can roam Kanto free and not be wiped out so cruelly.
There will be a memorial service on the 11th of November. I ask all pokemon trainers, young or old, avid or lapsed to convene at their pokemon centers in Kanto, Johto, Ohrre or Hoenn at 11am and hold a two minutes silence for those pokemon lost to the digital ether. At 2pm there will be a private memorial service in Gaylando my Animal Crossing:Wild World town. There will be flower planting at a grave site and then we will wander down to the beach and send messages of remembrance in bottles off to the wide blue yonder. I would greatly appreciate it if you would join in these proceedings or celebrate the lives of these pokemon in any way you see fit. Visit your favourite place in Azeroth and take a chance to think about what it all means or name your capital city Pikachu in Civilization.
The full list* of pokemon who are lost forever but never forgotten:
Squirkle- Lvl 37 Blastoise
RITCHIE- Lvl 24 Butterfree
BIRD(B)- Lvl 44 Pidgeot
RATFACE- Lvl 20 Raticate
Fartwoxy- Lvl 22 Fearow
Cap Ash- Lvl 33 Arbok
Farley- Lvl 58 Pikachu
Sneddy-B- Lvl 23 Sandshrew
Razar- Lvl 57 Sandslash
NIDORINA- Lvl 32 Nidorina
NIDOKING- Lvl 16 Nidoking
CLEFABLE- Lvl 12 Clefable
Lord Atann- Lvl 14 Vulpix
Jiggly- Lvl 16 Wigglytuff
Nubatman- Lvl 44 Golbat
Doomhead- Lvl 31 Vileplume
MOYOUSKA- Lvl 47 Parasect
Mesme- Lvl 31 Venomoth
Digdo- Lvl 26 Dugtrio
Happy- Lvl 28 Meowth
Blinky-B- Lvl 28 Psyduck
Monkey boy- Lvl 30 Primeape
ARCANINE- Lvl 28 Arcanine
Cragwag- Lvl 31 Poliwrath
Openses- Lvl 36 Alakazam
Chipshop- Lvl 30 Machamp
Lipface- Lvl 30 Victreebel
Armsandhed- Lvl 33 Tentacruel
Geoguyver- Lvl 24 Geodude
Oregon- Lvl 37 Ponyta
Fastpunch- Lvl 27 Slowpoke
Magnetface- Lvl 38 Magneton
Nearlost- Lvl 30 Farfetch’d
Birdhead- Lvl 26 Doduo
Waterdog- Lvl 34 Dewgong
Polish- Lvl 5 Shellder
Sharkbayoz- Lvl 35 Haunter
Baldyface- Lvl 25 Gengar
ROCKY- Lvl 21 Onix
Layzee- Lvl 35 Hypno
Bubbleboy- Lvl 10 Krabby
Pokeball- Lvl 40 Electrode
Eggface- Lvl 22 Exeggutor
Frasertwo- Lvl 24 Marowak
Venomoth- Lvl 21 Hitmonlee
Starforhed- Lvl 39 Hitmonchan
Cheesypuff- Lvl 37 Wheezing
Treborman- Lvl 35 Rhyhorn
AsparagusB- Lvl 21 Chansey
Badhairday- Lvl 22 Tangela
Mangastan- Lvl 32 Kangaskhan
SEADRA- Lvl 20 SEADRA
Narwall- Lvl 20 Goldeen
Starken- Lvl 18 Starmie
Miles- Lvl 10 Mr Mime
Babe- Lvl 22 Jynx
Inoceramus- Lvl 20 Magmar
Emplydox- Lvl 21 Tauros
Redados- Lvl 30 Gyarados
Waterface- Lvl 58 Lapras
V V V V V- Lvl 100 Ditto
Teepee- Lvl 31 Vaporeon
Mickney- Lvl 44 Jolteon
Shoes- Lvl 33 Kabuto
Hairyback- Lvl 30 Aerodactyl
_p M- Lvl 100 Snorlax
Icybird- Lvl 50 Articuno
Lekkybird- Lvl 68 Zapdos
Flamebird- Lvl 50 Moltres
Featherman- Lvl 41 Dragonair
Stubbitow- Lvl 44 Meganium
Marmosa- Lvl 3 Sentret
Porolithon- Lvl 36 Noctowl
Currysawz- Lvl 36 Ledian
Spiderboy- Lvl 15 Spinarak
Nagler- Lvl 36 Chinchou
Cock- Lvl 14 Togepi
Kurtis- Lvl 15 Mareep
Shaffet- Lvl 17 Flaaffy
Akorn- Lvl 11 Sunkern
Sedimentei- Lvl 48 Quagsire
Bashknee- Lvl 45 Misdreavus
Unown- Lvl 5 Unown
Mamench- Lvl 15 Girafarig
Slashing-B- Lvl 50 Scizor
Riptor- Lvl 40 Sneasel
Pillow- Lvl 21 Piloswine
Hardass- Lvl 22 Delibird
Lastminit- Lvl 20 Larvitar
Psybirdon- Lvl 40 Lugia
Gaybird- Lvl 70 Ho-oh
*This list is compiled from various spreadsheets some of which were out of date so not everyone is here. For those whose names I have missed forgive me. And yes you needed spreadsheets because the box system was so godawful back in the day.
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
Only 2 more days till Diamond and Pearl hit the shelves, for the UK.
But since I was an impatient bastard I decided to get the US version, as yet I have found no issues with the US/UK compatibility, wireless works, transferring from my UK Leaf green and Ruby has been fine, the UK version of Ranger even gives the Manaphy egg over no problems. The only thing that can possibly go wrong (and it seems a very small possibility) is that the Wii Battle revolution game may not be compatible.
So since the US release I have clocked up over 150 hours, I took down the elite 4 after about 50 hours as, well I did some mincing about trying to get the right team for the job.
The team I first took the elite 4 down with was:
Steel/Psychic lvl 56, a defence-y pokemon, the first time I actually tried training one of these guys up, he’s really good can take loads of hits and has a bunch of annoying moves like Confuse ray, as well as Extrasensory (a really powerful Psychic attack with loads of PP)
Ghost/Flying lvl 57, I have always been a fan of Flying pokemon, and the crazy combo of ghost and flying made me train this guy up.
Electric lvl 56, Mandatory electric pokemon, and is on a par with Ampharos, and looks cooler than Raichu, learns some powerful attacks.
Normal/Flying lvl 57, another Pidgey rip off, but some wonderful attacks, and also learns a very good fighting move later on. Very powerful.
Water, This guy was the main problem, I needed a water pokemon but the ones to choose from at the start of the game were crap, as such I never really bothered to train one, I trained this guy up easily as most of the enemies in the cave before the elite 4 are rock type and got pounded buy Floatzel.
Fire/fighting lvl 54, Useless, barely used him at all, there are a couple of enemies which can me taken down quickly with fire, but other than that, Useless, I regret this pokemon starter so much.
So, after the elite 4 what have I been doing? Well, I have been spending most of my time at the Pal Park, 12 pokemon every 24 hours (6 from leaf green and 6 from Ruby), send across the most evolved pokemon and breed away. I have also been messing about with the battle park and dabbling in some EV training
I have a perfectly EV trained Magmar (need to trade to evolve him into Magmortar) and Rotom, though it was a bitch getting the natures, I had to breed SO Many Rotoms.:
The EV training in Diamond/Pearl is so much easier there are items you can buy from the Battle tower that increase the EV points you get in a specific stat. if you know the basics you can EV train a pokemon in a couple of hours.
Hints for new players:
I chose Chimchar as my starter pokemon, and regret it immensely, though there are VERY few fire types in Diamond/Pearl I would definitely suggest the Water or Grass starter. Chimchar’s primary stat is speed and his special attack and normal attack are weak, generally a weak pokemon over all. Get a ponyta/rapidash if you really want a fire pokemon at the start of the game.
The game comes out on Friday, run to the Valley windworks as soon as you can straight away, every Friday there is a Drifloon (the prevo of Drifblim Ghost/Flying) a brilliant pokemon that saw me through most of the game.
Don’t bother with Budew, you may think it is an interesting grass pokemon, it is not, it is the prevo of Roselia which you have to evolve during daytime and happiness, which is a pain, you can just catch wild Roselias later in the game, to be honest there are more interesting grass pokemon such as, cherubi, snover and wormadam in the game.
Monday, July 23, 2007
Finally back from E3 where the thatguys were in full effect, we exposed the game we discussed rumours on the movie based on the game, based on the blog. We traded pokemon with some of the top high ranking execs of Capcom, Eidos, ID Games and Blizzard. We held con-calls with our thatguys branded iPhones.
We got drunk with a few of the Konami booth babes, who couldn’t speak English. We discussed the Transformers Movie and its sequels, including the possibility of thatguys sponsorship.
Omastar Comics is huge over there, personally I thought most American were ”stupid”, but as it torns out they really dig the moral and social commentary that omastar represents, as such we have another non-canon E3 Omastar comic:
This week Omastar (and Magmar) Discuss the growing market of anal sex toys and whether the vagina is receiving enough/too much attention.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Today Omastar goes to Japan to buy cool games and merchandise. Oh boy! Japan is so great all gamers should live there! Click for a bigger version.
1) A book review of the Command & Conquer Tiberium Sun paperback I bought the other day
2) Nothing else. Life is very depressing at the moment
3) A story about the time we met the guy who made paperboy
4) Something copied and pasted from kotaku with two lines of text about what we think about it
5) The death of EDGE. How EDGE has got increasingly unreadable in recent months
Friday, July 13, 2007
Next week on TGAM:
We do a really boring review of an old game to make ourselves sound better in the oh-so-intellectual field of writing about videogames.
Richie, the supposed co-author of the world's second greatest videogames blog in the world, That guy's a maniac thinks about doing a post. CO-AUTHOR UNCONVINCED
Nintendo make an original Wii game, exclusive right here. Apparently it is controllable.
We explore the 'PS3 online' rumour sweeping the internet. Click here for a sneak preview of the result
Counter Strike Priapism Syndrome: We get all the details on this disturbing medical condition affecting America's youth.
Until then, take care and I'll expect to see you 'all*' next week.
*Well I'm guaranteed to be here so Richie, I'm expecting to see you here is what I'm saying
Well we've been playing our cards close to our chest on this one but if you were at E3 you may have seen a trailer of it at the Nintendo stand. Anyway here are a few more details:
As well as the ice, fire, warehouse and sky levels we've been working with the developers on a train level, an Orc level, a space level and a level set in a post apocalyptic warehouse.
One of these levels will be available on release but the others will be released as downlodable content but it'll be worth spending your Wii points and MSpoints because we will bundle the levels with a bunch of other crap you don't want or need!
Players can now dual wield weapons and customise their characters. Three available characters are available: A dwarf, a marine and a WWII medic. Players can choose either red, mauve or hot pink colours to create their own unique avatar!
Features split screen co-op and online multiplayer with jump in and jump out options for those playing on the Xbox360. For the Wii, players can swap their favourite screenshots.
The game will come in two versions: Richie and Cunzy1 1 versions. The Richie version will include two extra cut scenes featuring characters from Bodokai Death Oruenden: No tamao Noteruto and the Cunzy1 1 version includes Jurassic Park for the mega drive as a hidden minigame.
We already have four canon sequels planned: That Guy's a Maniac 2:Revenge, TGAM 3:Nemesis, TGAM Code:Wnak and TGAM4:Noborobouru No Mandororodu.
There are also 14 other versions planned for release on the DS, GBA and Wii but most of them will feature minor characters from the series including: Satyrwyld's Opionatedometer, Dr Wo's Stock Management Game and Miss Bea Havin's Troll S.W.A.T.
November 2007. Keep you eyes peeled for the official TGAM:The Game website which will be launching it's countdown after players crack the code to find the countdown countdown website which can only be found after at least one country from Europe has banned the game before release.
Thursday, July 12, 2007
And in response:
made by the writers of That Guy's A Maniac, the Second Greatest Videogame Blog of All Time In the World, assembled in full and free convention with a temporary no cybering cease fire in Gaylando in Animal Crossing: Wild World as the first true Synthetic Worlds Congress.
2. A players’ bill of rights should be drafted and should include the right to shut the fuck up if someone is better than you. If they can kill you or grief you and you can't escape just except them as master. Free speech will be released by EA on XBox 360 Marketplace sometime next year.
3. A universal age verification system should be created to support the individual rights of all users. That way when men find out that there is a 90% chance that they are cybering another man, not the teen girl they thought, they will just go back to the old 'car and sweeties' trick thus freeing up a lot of server space for gamers.
4. Virtual world designers should have freedom of expression and should not have to answer to people who continuously whinge and beg and threaten to leave because "The Lindens won't listen to me"
5. Virtual worlds should include plain-language End-User License Agreements (EULA) to enable all individuals to understand their rights. However, these should not be written or communicated anywhere at all. People should have to figure it out for themselves. Anyone claiming they did not know their rights should be called "Bookboy book" or "Bookgirl book". This same agreement goes for instruction booklets and game manuals everywhere. Work it out for yourself like everyone else dumb ass.
6. There are different types of virtual worlds with different policy implications. The only exception is Google chat and Second Life. In terms of policy implications they are exactly the same except Google chat is playable without getting cyber raped by furries.
7. Access is critical to virtual worlds, so net neutrality must be maintained. Alternatively, just use a fucking console or here's an idea a DS. I know that means that you might have to move to a different area of the room to spam up the message boards, forums or blogs every time you get 'griefed*' but actually nobody cares. In fact I'd grief you if I knew that you'd go and complain. Besides PC gamers are lame and everyone (including 67% or PC gamers) knows it.
8. Game developers shall not be liable for the actions taken by players and players shall not be liable for the actions taken by game developers. If game developers can't get busted for not blocking animal cyberring then why the hell should we get done for doing it.
9. Fair use may apply in virtual worlds that enable amateur creation of original works. As long as 'fair use' means pay us to keep it and as long as original works means yet another variety of digital dildo or butt plug for use in Second Life.
10. The government should not provide a comprehensive package of funding for educational games research, development, and literacy. The government should however, actively support the televising and staging of events around kick ass games like Burnout, Starcraft, Timesplitters 2 and Sentimental Shooting
*In this instance, making allowances for squinnying TNers and Profoky Neva griefing includes: being IM'ed, dying in game, pressing the wrong key, accidentally toggling crouch, losing, someone somewhere disagreeing with you, someone leaving a comment on your blog, someone typing 'Lol' rather loudly and people not giving your web comic 5 stars.
WHATEVER VIDEOGAMES BLOGS SHUT UP NO ONE CARES ABOUT E3. If you take one thing from E3 this year take this and shove it down your japs eye like you used to with the paperclips.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
I ain't mad - I just think it's FUCKED UP you don't answer fans
If you didn't wanna talk to me when I finally finished Devil May Cry you didn't have to, but you coulda signed an autograph for Dr Wo
That's my little brother man, he's only six years old
We waited in the blistering cold for you,four hours and you just said, "No."
That's pretty shitty man - you're like his fuckin idol
He wants to be just like you man, he even bought Monster Hunter 1 and 2
I ain't that mad though, I just don't like bein lied to
Remember when we met in Super Street Fighter 2
I've bought all your games and I'm worried about zombies - see I'm just like you in a way
I never liked platform exclusives neither; I used to always cheat on RE2 on the Gamecube
I can relate to what you're saying in your games
so when I have a shitty day, I drift away and put 'em on
cause I don't really got shit else so that shit helps when I'm depressed
I even got a tattoo of Capcom vs. SNK across the chest
Sometimes I even frag myself to see how much it bleeds
It's like adrenaline, the pain is such a sudden rush for me
See everything you say is real, and I respect you cause you tell it
My girlfriend's jealous cause I talk about you 24/7
But she don't know you like I know you Capcom, no one does
She don't know what it was like for people like us growin up
You gotta call me man, I'll be the biggest fan you'll ever lose
Sincerely yours, Cunzy1 1 -- P.S.We should be together too
Monday, July 09, 2007
This week Omastar discusses global warming from an extinct marine invertebrate perspective.
Thursday, July 05, 2007
Anyways in today’s headlines it seems that the CryENGINE 2 has been licensed to another company, and this is the great thing, the company is called:
Apparently all of their titles have a distinct Neanderthal them throughout. Ok, ok… I know they have the retarded American way of spelling “Palaeo” but I think they can be forgiven for the cool theme and idea for a company, getting the CryENGINE 2 Licence (whatever that is) and also finally for selling branded Palaeo entertainment rocks in their online shop. So cool.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Every time you take you pokemon to be healed from too much battling, or they are poisoned, or paralyzed, or generally KO’d, Nurse Joy will happily take your pokemon, without any lectures on animal cruelty. Not only will she heal them up to perfect form but she will then say “We hope to see you again!”. Translated, “Go abuse those pokemon and I’ll heal them up nice and proper so you can do it again”. This service is also free of charge, you know why? ‘cause Nurse Joy get her kicks from it, she sends little kids out in to the world to abuse pokemon and then she fixes them up good and proper, it’s like and underground pokemon abuse ring. Sick.
Enjoy Pokemon Pearl/Diamond (sickos)