Breaking News!

In case you missed the TV-adverts, radio spots, advertorials, news features, interviews with Will Wright, selling out sponsorship on every gaming blog, magazine adverts and zeitgeist "Sporn" articles then you read it here first, Spore is out.

We have had an exclusive hands off playthrough with both the DS version and the lesser known PC version. You won't find another hands off exclusive like this anywhere else!

Spore Creatures for Nintendo DS.All images copywright The Sims GuyMany companies release fully fledged games for the proper consoles then release some half-arsed watered down version on the DS. All the publicity and the marketing for the proper versions means that many people buy the DS version on good faith only to find that it is a steaming pile of GBA shite. Spore Creatures for the DS is one of these games. Imagine, if you will, a watered down version of pokemon put through the Fossil League Dinosaur Tournament Championship filter and then whisked together lightly for twenty minutes with Drawn Together. That's what you get. It's awful and clearly has been quickly put together to generate some extra dollars off the back of the main game. We give it 4/10. Gamespot is too afraid to even review it in case they lose all the spore advertising money.

Spore the "Real one" for the Personal Computer.

We created this creature and called it Dinosoar
Unlike the shoddy DS version (see above) the PC version is okay, the same way that the Sims was okay.
Hours 1-36 after opening. After tearing open the package and installing the game it slowly dawns on you that this is the future of gaming and within your very hands lies perhaps the greatest game of all time. Spore will silence all the critics of gaming and all your friends who laugh at your hobby will suddenly take an interest. You will be a guru to them! Hours 1-36 will be played straight in a row. The first day will be mostly creating creatures. Hours 24-36 will be spent evolving and managing your civilisations.
Hours 415-420 after opening. You probably won't have really played it since those first few crazy days as you felt a bit "game dirty" so you dedicated time to going out in the real world with your real friends in order to compensate. However, the time away from the game has given you some exciting ideas for creature creation. You load up the game and play it for five hours. It's alright but you can't quite do all the things you imagined in your head. You quickly look on GameFaqs for some kind of cheat that lets you dispense with the boring bits and log out when you get bored.
Some time in 2014.After a conversation about it in the pub you remember how great Spore was and load up the old game file. Within an hour you realise why you hate it. It's good in theory but exhausting and ultimately unsatisfying in the long run. You get bored and play 20 hours straight of Burnout 2 on the old PlayStation 2.
Later in 2014.Toy with the idea of deleting your save game during a file cleanup but realise that it will take you ages to get back to the point you got to 6 years ago on that first day.
2020. You get a virus on your computer and the Spore save files as well as all your photos from University are forever lost to the ether. 7/10.
So there you have it. Hands off exclusive from TGAM. Join us next time where we will be discussing our best dead maiden upskirt moments from Ninja games.

Comments

dj ballssz said…
burnout 2 yeah man 3 was better though it had that awesome radio dj burning route baby yeah
Anonymous said…
I honestly don't know if there's room for an official troll on this page if you keep writing articles like that :@

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