Who else?

S.T.A.R.S!! Hey gang, since 2006 we've had, literally, infinite emails from some of our traditionally stalwart readers asking "Why should we stick with you phags? Your site sucks?". We hired a consultancy team to have a look but then we remembered that we didn't actually do that at all. We then tried to examine this question ourselves but we ended up laughing too much. We were pretty funny back in the old days. So I, Cunzy1 1, took it upon myself to use the internet to find out why you, the reader, should stick with us (all 6 of you). I googled "ask jeeves" (which is now just 'ask'. The Jeeves bit was probably judged to be homophobic). I then asked Jeeves "What other videogame blogs are there?". This, dearest friends, is what you could be reading instead*

Result 1 (and 2) Fucking IGN. Nobody reads IGN, their sole purpose is to come first and second in any search with the word game in it. We didn't even click on these because both links were to forums about Sparda vs. other video game bosses. Who cares? If it isn't a sex fantasy Vs. question about videogame characters it isn't worth it. At all. Fuck you IGN.

Result 3 Harvind1's Blog. I like this guy's style- ending his name with a 1 is a master stroke. Of course, two 1s or a "1 1" is much better but, hey, he/she/it is probably a rookie or maverick at best. Anyway to the meat of Havind1's video game blog! The first line is: "It was not that much Important for me. After coming from school there were many sports which were good time pass. Among these one that I loved most was playing marbles. I loved this game because it was some sort of gamble for child" He writes like us! Well done Harvind1 for adopting our style of journalism- Tgamo Journalism! The second paragraph starts "The second game that we used to play was chainbreaker. I don’t know about the general name. This name was coined by us. This game was really strange. One boy out of the group was made a thief." Clearly reading Harvind1's blog daily is empirically, genuinely more interesting and entertaining than reading TGAM. In answer to our original question, you should probably, nay definitely, read Harvind1 before us. If you are in an emergency situation, where you only have 5 minutes and a good internet connection; then check Harvind1's blog first then ours if for some reason his site is down. Shit, I am thinking we may come out of this badly...

Result 4 and 5 Videogame posts on IMEEM Not a real games blog just a collection of things tenuously related. Disqualified from the competition.

Result 6 GameDaily Biz's article on the best videogame blogs! Not a blog as such but if Jeeves tell us it's a blog we must believe the Daft Gay. We were on the shortlist for this but then Richie accidentally called GameDaily Biz a "bit of a spaz". Taken out of context it seems nasty but I assure you it wasn't originally meant like that. Regardless, ever since then we've had no love from GameBizly Day. Coincidentally, they list the greatest videogame blogs as Joystik, Guardian Gamesblog, Terra Nova and the Video Game Ombudsman. As all gamers are want to, we will review each of these "blogs" in one word; Hideous, Boring, Pretentious, French. Jeeves doesn't acknowledge them as blogs so neither do we. Looks like TGAM is still the number 2 videogame blog after Harvind1's!

Result 7 Videogame Blog. Free blog templates and an easy to use, free, bannerless blogging solution. This blog is rubbish. No foetus pictures, no homophobic commentors, no resident evil. Worst videogame blog ever.

Result 8 After a gaming festival drops Super Columbine Massacre RPG! (yes, it’s what you think) from consideration, other videogame makers drop out in protest. Is it art, or just offensive? Another not very good blog, this time by MSNBC. There is only one post and it's about the stupid columbine game. Who cares about a game where you collect corn? GTA San Andreas had a columbine and if you run over people blood comes out the back! 9/10. Oooops, I just accidentally reviewed GTA San Andreas. You can consistently expect such high quality reviews 24:7 from the acclaimed videogame blog That Guy's a Maniac at www.thatguys.co.uk . There is no game too big, no subject too touchy. This blog on the other hand, sucked. You could tell Jeeves was pained to even count it in the search but rules are rules.

Result 9 Rebbawskaced's Website When we checked Rebbawskaced's site he/she had totally copied our idea from early this year and from sometime last year of cunningly replacing our blog with an error page. When we did it, it was art. Expression against Microsoft, censorship and Google. Rebecasked is just a lame copycat. 0/5 Rebbeckini 0 out of 5.

FINAL RESULTS Jeeves gave us 124,500 other blogs to check but everyone knows it's all about the first page results. The final, final result is that in the whole of the internet TGAM is the second greatest games blog, second only to Harvind1's blog. That was proved scientifically by the way so, no disagreeing. Harvind1, cap off to you sir. We can't match the high concept posts you do involving 'Chainbreaker' or games where boys are thieves. Still as a consolation, number 2 isn't bad. Just wait until Harvind1 gets too greedy and then the people start to turn against him. Then we will be king! KINGS AMONGST BLOGGERS! Then we will remember who stuck by us. Until then

Cunzy1 1, co-author, World's Second Greatest Video Game Blog- That Guy's A Maniac, out

*Or at the same time or just before or after. Feel free to use your time however you see fit.

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