Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Pirate Ninja or Zombie Sasquatch?

I thought pirate ninja, especially considering I decided to make my whole town (Gaylando) gay because that really matters in videogames, however, the answer was Zombie Sasquatch. That's right folks I'm talking about Animal Crossing Wild World. Recently Team That guy's have all bought AC:WW. We'll be giving out friends codes here just as soon as the UK gets Wi-Fi. Seriously, checking for Wi Fi hotspots in my top secret London location reveals 3 BT Openzone Phone Boxes, 2 student unions and 4 pubs; all of which I wouldn't dare pull my DS out an play in because: 1) It'll get stolen 2) If I'm with anyone else it's really antisocial 3) If i was on my own in a pub it would be weird 4) I'm not standing in a phone box for 2 hours playing my DS.

Aside, from the WiFi problems, probably should move to Norwich for two reasons, AC:WW is as good as the original and as good as everyone out there says it is, which is a good job really considering the absolute shit lined up for September release in the UK step up DS , PSP , Playstation 2 , Xbox 360 and lets not forget the NoonesellsithereanymoreCube. I know it's the summer lull but fucking NASCAR 2007? But I have been sitting on my hands in anticipation of B-boy the realistic Am a caaaant gunna nife ya simulator. Maybe in America, where they organise massive graf, breakdance, sk8ting tournaments this game may be relevant, even good. Over here its' mostly what chavvy gangs do between group raping drunk girls walking home on their own at 4am in the morning or beating up grannies for fag money. Actually, that's BS they don't do anything other than rape drunk girls walking home on their own at 4am in the morning or beating up grannies for fag money. Still GAME will probably burn every other game in existence so that B-boy and Monster House top the laughable, meaningless UK CHARTs.

Still, I drew some tits and a belly button and now its' the flag in my town. I'm going to chop down all the trees tonight and then blame Tom Nook on the Town (Gaylando) notice board, the fucking monopolising poptard

Fatal1ty is a cock

Yeah so for those of you who don’t know Fatal1ty* (hereon in referred to as “Cock”) he is a Pro-Gamer. He won some competitions playing FPS’ like Quake and Unreal. Anyways so now this guy has his own brand a selection of Keyboards, Mice, headphones etc.

Which brings Thatguys to think that we should bring out our own selection of hardware. Our idea is to create some kind of hands free device which allows wanking at the same time as playing specifically for:

Dead or Alive.
Dead or Alive: Beach volleyball
SSBM, for looking up the skirt “that” trophy of princess
Streetfighter II, get two Chun Li’s to bounce about making that “Hup” sound and perhaps KO her just as climax occurs.
Devil May Cry

We have already mocked up a controller:


All we need now is for Nintendo to “release” a virtual Spluff-the-biscuit game. Multiplayer fun!

Which leads me to another thought; the classic Spluff-the-biscuit game, the rules are the last person that unloads on the buiscuit has to eat it right? This gives gay guys a real advantage… Not fair.

*P.S. I dont actually hate Fatal1ty as a person, I just hate people who are better at games than I am.*

*P.P.S Everyone in the world.