Rise to the challenge of our Rivals

So in Cunzy’s previous post he laid down a challenge:

"Richie is writing an epic Twisted Metal , Final Fantasy VIII kidz, Naruto, Speed Freaks, Star Wars Phantom Menace fanfic set in the World of Warcraft."

Enjoy:

Sweet tooth was driving in his usual dilapidated ice-cream van though Goldshire, when he noticed a bunch of kids fending off some Lvl 70 Horde Gankers. Now Sweet tooth being the nice psychotic freak that he is, decided he was going to help these kids as he didn’t like gankers, especially ones that pick on the poor little noobs, who don’t even give experience or count as an HK. Sweet tooth drove up to the lvl 70 Tauren druid, the Blood elf Priest and the Undead Warcock and promptly let of several volleys of machine gun fire and his “Special” (a flaming clown head missile). The gankers quickly realised that they couldn’t handle Sweet tooth as he was the equivalent of a lvl 72 Elite Boss, thinking that Sweet tooth must be some kind of World Boss with some Phat Epix, they ran away LFG.

“Quick kids get in, they’ll be back and I won’t be able to stop them next time” Sweet tooth hurriedly said.

The kids all clambered into the back of his van, all except one…

“What about that kid with the spiky hair and the skateboard, can’t one of you rez him?” asked Sweet tooth

One of the kids wearing a blue dress said, “Nah he’s fucking annoying, he thinks he can hold agro with just fist weapons”

Sweet tooth sped off in the direction of Duskwood, they were all relieved.

“So what are you names?” asked Sweet tooth.
“I’m Selphie”, said the girl in the yellow dress, “I’m a lvl 9 mage”
“I’m Irvine”, said the boy in dusty Trenchcoat, “I’m a lvl 10 hunter specialising in guns”
“I’m Rinoa”, ssid the girl in the blue dress, “I’m also a Hunter, I’m following the beastmaster talent tree, but I’m lvl 2”
“Oh”, said sweet tooth, “How come you are a lower level?”
“I fucked off for a bit and thought I was going to be an empress like my nanny, the others just kept levelling”

The kids quickly looked away from Rinoa in embarrassment.

“I’m Quistis”, said the girl with the glasses, breaking the awkward silence, “I’m a rogue, and I have not-so-secret leanings towards bondage and S&M”

And that was everyone introduced, except for one kid, who had been quiet the whole time.

“So what’s your name?” Sweet tooth enquired to the kid in the leather coat with the furry lapels.
“…”, replied the kid in the leather coat with the furry lapels.
Sweet tooth looked at him.
“…”, said the kid in the leather coat with the furry lapels.
Sweet tooth continued to look at him.
“…”, said the kid in the leather coat with the furry lapels.
Sweet tooth seemed angry now…
“…”, said the kid in the leather coat with the furry lapels.
“WTF! Kid! … is not saying anything! It is simply an ellipsis. A figure of speech in which a word or words needed for the sense or grammar are omitted but understood. Or in text: a set of three dots (...) that indicate the omission of a word or words, e.g. in a lengthy quotation.” said Sweet tooth angrily.
“Used in this context it means nothing! Are you simply saying nothing? I mean what are you doing? Just forcing me to repeatedly press X?”,
continued Sweet tooth.

“…”, said the kid in the leather coat with the furry lapels.

Sweet tooth reached into his jacket, pulled out a gun and pointed it at the Kid.

“Noes”, screamed Rinoa, “His name is Squall, he uses ellipsis to make himself seem broody, dark and mysterious, like Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer, and later in his own spin-off series.”
“I find it devilishly attractive.” added Quistis.
“My name is not Squall.” said Squall
“I wanna be called Leon” said Squall
“…”, said everyone in the van, looking around embarrassingly.

Sweet tooth and the Kids traversed the continent, levelling up where ever they could, they found pleasure at hitting a point where they were able to get the jump on some lowbie hordes and inact their revenge, in a way, against the level 70 horde. Together they laughed, they cried, they ran naked through Ironforge, they created a guild and set up a team speak server. All was good… Until one day…

[Sweettooth] has left the guild
[Guild] [Riona]: ZOMFG!!!1
[Guild] [Irvine]: No way!!
[Zell] Whispers: Who was that? Wanna do SM cath?
[Guild] [Squall]:
[Guild] [Selphie]: OMG, Does anyone know what happened?
[Guild] [Rinoa]: Not a clue I keep /w him but get no answer!
[2. Trade - City] [Cunzy_11]: WTB [Vibrator of Prostate Massage]
[Guild] [Squall]:
[Zell] Whispers: SM Cath? plx
[Guild] [Irvine]: He’s in 1k Needles
[Guild] [Riona]: Ok let’s tool up and go there!
[Guild] [Selphie]: Ok I’ll join you in a sec in a BG right now
[Guild] [Quistis]: I’m Cybering at the moment, I’ll join as soon as I can
[Guild] [Quistis]: Squall you coming?
[2. Trade - City] [Cunzy_11]: WTB 2x [Super Trigasmic Prime] + 3x [Nipple ring of Electrostatic Might]
[Guild] [Squall]: Yes… but please call me Leon…
[Guild] [Riona]: Ok everyone meet at Menthill harbour, We’ll get the boat across
[Guild] [Zell]: SM Cath, PLX!!!! I can tank, Just need Healing and DPS
[Guild] [Selphie]: Fuck off Zell
[Guild] [Irvine]: STFU Zell
[Guild] [Quistis]: Quiet Zell
Ultimacia has come online
[Guild] [Ultimacia]: Ha, I have come from the future I will inhabit Rinoa’s body and take over the whole world
[2. Trade - City] [Cunzy_11]: WTS [Pink dress of Bisexual Curiosity]
[Guild] [Selphie]: Not right now Ulty, We gotta go to 1k Needles.
[Guild] [Ultimacia]: Oh… ok anyone wanna do SM cath?

And with that our fearless adventurers set sail to the other continent and to Theramore harbour. They traversed the perilous Duskwallow marsh, side tracked only by killing a few turtles which Quistis needed mats from to lvl her cooking skill. They escaped the darkened Duskwallow marsh and into the taboo that is The Barrens, they found themselves surrounded by Lowbie horde chars…

[Guild] [Irvine]: WTF! There’s too many of them!
[Guild] [Squall]: Game over man! Game over!
[Guild] [Selphie]: Wait a sec! Look over there!
[2. Trade - The Barrens] [Cunzy_11]: WTS my body for tender abuse
[Guild] [Riona]: It’s (The Konoha Ninjas!)

(The Konoha Ninjas!) are a 1337 hardcore raiding guild believed to have mystically existed in the server since before WoW beta trials. They are quirky, all the members of the guild must have characters from the 4 most popular current animes, One Piece, Naruto, Bleach and Death Note, Older characters are permitted to use DBZ charcter names, but no names from filler episodes/movies.

[Naruto] (The Konoha Ninjas!) says: Hey guys! Dattebayo!
[Ichigo] (The Konoha Ninjas!) says: WTF are you guys doing here, this place is crawling with Lowbies! *Cough* Bankai
[Irvine] (GFs rot your Brain) says: Hey thanks for the rescue!
[Selphie] (GFs rot your Brain) says: We are on our way to 1k Needles, thank god you turned up! It would have been hell to corpse crawl all the way.
[Sakura] (The Konoha Ninjas!) says: Gomenosai, We’re on our way there too Oh are you there for the race?
[Quistis] (GFs rot your Brain) says: Race 0_o?
[Luffy] (The Konoha Ninjas!) says: Yeah it’s a world event all the top racers are competing! I wanna be Pirate king.
[Naruto] (The Konoha Ninjas!) says: LOWBIES! They are Rezzing quick Run! Dattebayo!

The group now teamed up with the Konoha Ninjas and armed with this new race information, the troops fled from the Barrens, down the great lift and into the Thousand needles. The Konoha Ninjas informed them that the only place that the race could take place is on the shimmering flats, on the old Goblin/Gnome race way. As they were travelling to the shimmering flats the group noticed that there were may people flocking towards the raceway, horde and alliance. It was a magnificent sight, there was no ganking, horde and alliance, hardcore and casual, PvPers and raiders, noobies and lowbies all were gathered to look on at the racing event.

[Guild] [Riona]: No way guys! Look how many people are here
[Guild] [Irvine]: Yeah laggy!
[Guild] [Selphie]: Can anyone see Sweet tooth?
[2. Trade – Thousand Needles] [Cunzy_11]: WTB BF for dry entry anal justice.
Announcer yells: Ladies and Gentlemen!!!!
[Guild] [Selphie]: Ooh its starting!
Announcer yells: Welcome to the first annual Blizzard Thousand Needles prix, The Goblins and the Gnomes have been working together to create the best cars possible with the mats the entrants have provided them with. So without any other further waiting on to the contestants!
Announcer Yells: From the guild (Retarded PS1 Mario Kart Rip-off) we have: Tabitha and Monty
Announcer Yells: From the guild (Jar Jar Anal love) we have: Annie and EwnMcGrggr
[2. Trade – Thousand Needles] [Cunzy_11]: WTS Anus for dry entry anal justice
Announcer Yells: From the guild (The Konoha Ninjas!) we have: SSJ3vegito
Announcer Yells: From the guild (Geology Rocks) we have: Mrdavebaker
[Dqghghds] Whispers: Buy WoW gold cheep! Love you long time. Will accept Paypal and pussy.
Announcer Yells: From the guild (We are not emo) we have: Sombrelove and Wildsatyrinane
Announcer Yells: And from no particular guilds we have: Ifrit, Doomtrain, Aizen, Harrytipper, Sweettooth, and Sefiroth.
[Guild] [Irvine]: There he is, on the starting line!
[Guild] [Riona]: OMG
[Selphie] yells: You can do eet Sweettooth!!!
Announcer Yells: The racers have taken their places and are ready to go!
[2. Trade – Thousand Needles] [Cunzy_11]: WTB 100x [Anal Mageweave Bandage]
Announcer yells: 3
Announcer yells: 2
Announcer yells: 1
Announcer yells: GO!
[Guild] [Squall]: What’s Happening Why is Sweet tooth not moving?

And now gentle reader, what was to come was, not a pretty sight… you see, Sweet Tooth, already had his own van already equipped and planned to destroy the contestants, but the horrible sight was not the strewn carcasses of the other players. It was:

*Disconnected from server*

To be continued?

Comments

Anonymous said…
I like the way you pretend that this is newly written. It's clearly been sitting on your hard drive for a long time. Geek.
Richie said…
YOU'RE newly written.

Suck my 1337 fanfic writing skillz

Be-atch

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