Valentines Day!

Oh Sick! Its that time of year again, where you cry at home and watch the Brit awards, whilst all of the other happy couples are out grind questing in Outlands to level 70 with their Gamertag sharing partner.

But what about all those happy couples? getting that Epic flying mount is gonna take longer than 1 day of romance, what you need is Richie's Valentine's day guide to gaming.

So you and your partner are gamers, what do you do for Valentine's day? to share those special "hobbies" you both enjoy. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Strip Warioware.

This is a fairly timid yet, sure fire way to get some nudity, fast. The premise is simple you play warioware, either for Game cube, Wii, GBA, or DS link-up, each time a player loses to their partner the lose an item of clothing, simple. This can also be played for shots, if you are trying ease the partner into suggesting a strip version, It can also be played for sexual forfeits. "Ok, if you win this one, I'll let you stick it anywhere" a la Sarah Michelle Gellar.


2. Marathon Laps.

Dig out your copies of Project Gotham, Gran turismo, and Need for Speed! Your partner sets the number of laps, difficulty and placing and your goal is to perform the "Both-watch -X-Files"* position. and sustain coitus for the duration of the race, ideally with the point of orgasm on the finish line, this gives couples a gauge for that ever sought after blissy come-together moment. As I mentioned before your partner can also set the position of the race and dependent on the finishing position you can also aim for certain sexual bonus. e.g.

5th or lower: No ejaculation. i.e. "Game over. Retry?"
4th "Come on my belly"
3th "Come on my Tits"
2nd "Come in my mouth"
1st OH MY GOD!! GOLD MEDAL Come inside me!!.


3. Foreplay Points.

This gives the player and partner to brush up on their oral skills. The Player Will be achieving insurmountably cool points/Kudos/cash in a Tony hawks/snowboarding or any other extreme sports game (Guitar hero Works well too). Whilst the player is getting these points, there will be a time limit, and once the player has reached a set point level they are allowed to come at the end of the point limits.
Be very careful on this one, the adrenalin caused by reaching the heart-pounding dizzy heights of high-scores can trigger the odd premo

4. Sentimental Shooting.

Play/wnak.

5. Rez-ibation

Most of you out there will be aware that there is a "vibrating attachment" available in a limited edition Rez pack. This one is simple, Play Rez really well whilst your partner enjoys the "vibrating attachment".

Those are but a few of the many "games" you can play. Feel free to mess around with the formulas most 2 player games can be modified to include sexual forfeits and favors, though the wii can prove to be a little too be restricted in certain positions. Remember to utilize the Vibration function where appropriate.

Cunzy1 1 adds:

6. Sporty Sex
This requires a bit of set-up but it's worth it. Choose any sports game Fifa, NHL etc. and create a team giving them max stats and name all the players after positions e.g Cowboy, 69, the Badger. Then start a full length exhibition match against the worst team. Start the game in the default position (missionary) and when one of your players scores change to that position until another player scores. For an added bonus call the goalie "anal" on the off-chance that they might score. Continue shagging until the match finishes climaxing in the position of your last scorer.

7. Civilised sex
Very similar to the sporty sex game but more suited to gamers/lovers who like to make love at a slower pace. Set up a game of Civ IV and name all your settlements after sex acts or positions e.g. "Kissherclam" or "Cockinface". Then as the game goes on, when a player sacks or takes over the other player's city/town the player who lost their city has to perform that act on the aggressor. This game can be super fun if you set up a LAN party with 2-10 players. Because Civ takes so long there is ample oppurtunity for a marathon.
(This one goes out to my homies Robisgay and Caz x)

Happy Gaming and don't forget to get your girl to call you Dante at least once.

* Pretty much just doggy-style with both of you facing the TV, preferably a wireless controller too, there's nothing less off putting than wired controllers. though this can serve as an Orgasmic asphyxiation device, in fact the Wii controller+Nunchuk is ideal for this.

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