Future Publishing: NOW HIRING

Wanted: 'Ideas' person for EDGE magazine.
Job Description: To think of game-related shit for writers to fill three to fourty pages with.

Menu Screens. Menu screens. The latest issue of EDGE includes an article about menu screens. You know, the bit in games before the main game. Not only is the appreciation of menu screens long overdue but it is plagiarised from us, with our prestiguous best menu screen award of DEC 2007 and our love of alternative menu screens hinted at here in August 2006.
Furthermore, it's boring. It's okay for the losers of the world's 715,214 most popular-as ranked by Technorati- blog to write about it. However, unlike TGAM I don't have to waste my life and £4.50 to access it. Just my life and a bit more of my life to write it. In order to help EDGE magazine staff out so that I, and maybe you, don't waste further pennies and minutes here are some more ideas (some of which may have already been used, I didn't check) to fill the mag with through the empty, empty summer months:

An article about the best game boxes. Jewel cases the lost art form? or Why do the Japanese get all the cool boxes and we get cardboard crap that doesn't stand the test of time?

An article about the little shapes on the spine of the Nintendo game boxes and what they mean. I know what they mean! I know!

An article about some of EDGE's previous worst articles from the TIME EXTEND articles about the most obscure overhyped games which they rated 5/10 in previous issues to the endless Scandinavian dev articles.

An article about GAMES TM and how they are total copyface copies. Big copy cats! But more pages.

An article about the best use of the square button. Light kick, taunt or all-the-way-back-to-the-first-menu-screen? Perhaps Simon Pegg and Daniel Craig could vote for the winning use.

A behind the scenes article about how Future Publishing employs about four people who write all the mags but take on different personas for each one: child minded wacky fun goers for ONM, trendy flat cap wearing dropouts for EDGE and psychotic e-number addicted savants for N-Gamer.

An article about itself with images of Molyneaux, who holds placards with Fable 3? 11/10 written on them in various Wario Ware poses.

An article about chess and monopoly and why American Monopoly is so wrong.

A two part article about how Beyond Good and Evil was better than Ico and how Ico was better than Beyond Good and Evil even though both were better and worse and overhyped and underhyped and overappreciated yet underappreciated more and less than SODDING KATAMARI.

There's just some for starters. Don't fret about using them, they are free!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An Omastar Is For Life

The Sheva from Resident Evil 5 Nude Cheat