Like the British but retarded

Yes, dear friends it's AMERICANS.

Americans are stupid, which is fine, and even many Americans admit it themselves especially American bloggers. It's not offensive that's just what they are. English people have their quirks too as do the Scots as I am reliably informed by lazy boy Richie.

However, of all the offensive things in the world, America is guilty of the top two. Now I promised I wouldn't do this, but as a voice of authority to literally handfuls of people on the world's 1436966th Technorati ranked blog I will use my seat of power to right these wrongs:

1) 2nd most offensive thing of all time.
Buying American Football games. Why do you go so retarded after American Football games? As a sports game it's rubbish with more pauses and menu screens than Menu Fighter 4: Pause the Menu Master they are like football games requiring less skill and more patience. Myself and Quadbee played Madden back in the early 90s and we're still stuck on the same match not because it's hard but because it takes that long between Nickels or whatever 'half' is in American Football! Yeah that's right 'match' not game. They even tried to make rugby games for a while but they were equally retarded. Equally aannoying is that it massively skews every top list of best games ever because every american votes for one. You might not care but listening to people talk about an American Football game is very boring, like the news or waiting half an hour for a bus in the countryside. Make them, buy them, but never talk about them or ship them here. How come American Football games are available in stores but the more interesting innovative and appealing Hentai (from UK:R) games don't?

2) First most offensive thing of all time.
It's MARIO you fucktards. Not MAAAAAAAAAAARIO. Super Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaario brothers. There is nothing more annoying than listening to Americans (why are they all so fucking happy?) talking on the internets about Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaario. HE EVEN SAYS IT AT THE BEGINNING OF THE ARGUABLY GREATEST MARIO GAME OF ALL TIME "IT'S A ME! MARIO" not "It'a a me Maaaaaaaaaaaario". This is doubly offensive because Nintendo didn't fuck America in the ass by not releasing any games so every American raves on about how great Maaaaaaaaaaario is. Writing it, not even hearing it, makes my normal delicate face twitch a little bit on the left. Maaaaaaaaaario Maaaaaaaaario Dr.Maaaaaaaaario Maaaaaaario. Do you say Caaaaaaaaaasio when talking about calculators? Do you? No Casio Casio Casio Mario Mario Mario.

NOW STOP YOUR SINNING or we'll send the time devil from New Zealand story after you! You know the one. Walls don't stop him. Watch out he's fast, he's fast and carrying a clock. Make the above changes or die via time devil.

Ha! See Richie! I told you getting the time devil from new zealand story would come in useful one day. TIME DEVIL!


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