Thursday, November 30, 2006

Dr Wo 69’s surgery

Yes it’s time for another one off running series feature! Dr Wo 69’s console surgery. With all the hype around at the moment for the new consoles and handhelds it can be easy to think that the future has arrived already! However, as Sony have shown there are many lies abound the internets and many features mentioned in the run ups to launch magically vanish on launch day. So Dr Wo being an actual Doctor and everything is here to answer your questions. Leave any further questions or answers in the comments section and I’ll be sure to update them into the main body of the post. Here we go!

Sony
Bearing in mind that PS2 i-link port just vanished from the third or fourth-gen PS2s. Will you be able to play Playstation 2 link up games on the PS3? For example Timesplitters 2?
No, Because for you to do that would entail packing your PS3 up in a suitcase and lugging it round your mates house and, speaking for myself thats too much effort already.

Can you play PSX link up games on the PS3? For example Wipeout 2097, Destruction Derby or Command and Conquer.
No, see above.

Will PSX and PS2 joypads be compatible with the PS3?
Only for PS1 games and PS2 games and to get your save files across you need to purchase an Official Sony Memory Card Unit Thing For Transporting Your Files To The Hard-Drive Which You Will Use Once.

What about light guns and dance mats?
They will say that it is backward compatable, however I doubt it will work.

Will you be able to play four-8 player playstation and playstation 2 games using wireless pads or will there be a secret port for psone and PS2 multitaps? Or will you have to keep a PS2 (not slimline) and a psone multitap?
I think Sony have forgotten about that.

Microsoft
Are all Xbox games playable on the 360?
They are, sort of, maybe, Microsoft are getting there, there are a lot of games out there so its going to take time. If your online then when there is a system update it automatically updates your 360 to allow some games to work, like Half-Life 2. However if your not online, Halo 2 anyone?

Nintendo
Will the GC microphone, dance mats, wave bird controllers and donkey konga bongos be compatible with the Wii?
Yes all the old Ninty crap peripherals are compatible because more or less the Wii is a Gamecube. It will not be compatible with the GBA player, Gamecube modem or Broadband adapter.
Can you play GBA link games using a DS with some kind of link cable?
No
When will the old DS become obsolete. Nintendo announced they aren't making anymore and new software that comes out (like the opera browser) currently has DS and DSLite versions. How long before Nintendo phase out the DS stuff?
Its already obsolete, nintendogs pack and Mario Kart Packs are discontinued. Should have made the stylus bigger.

Is it possible to play wi-fi GBA games on the DS? For example Pokemon Fire Red and Leaf Green which came prepackaged with a wi-fi adapter.
No

Will you be able to use the GBA as a controller for games like the GC Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles on the Wii? Will you be able to use the DS instead? Or will you have to keep a Gamecube around to play these games?
The GBA should be ok to use to play Crystal Chrons as long as you have the GBA - Gamecube link cable. And you wont be able to use the DS. And keep the cube around, never know when you may need a door stop or book end.

Is the light sensor that came with Botkai compatible with the DS?
No
Will you be able to port the pokemon from Fire Red, Sapphire, Leaf Green, Emerald and Ruby to Diamond and Pearl using the DS? Personally I am fucked off with collecting and evolving all the pokemon every game I think across the games I have 600 of the fuckers most of which I will never use again.
Dunno
Are there any games yet that use the DS-GBA synch feature that was promised at DS launch?
Aside from Pokemon Mystery Dungeon. Allegedly you could swap Advance Wars maps onto AWDS? Rumours need confirmation please. No Possibly Maybe?.Rumours, I hate fucking rumours. Rumours abound, Bound in what?LIES!!! ALL LIES!!!!! frickin Rumours, Boomers more like.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

That Guy's A Maniac Con 2: November

As I sit and type I am 3 out of 4 days into the second That Guy's A Maniac Con of 2006 and it was more everything than the first one.

RoodyPoo69, Dr Wo 69, Chuff_72, Cunzy1 1 and Wendy 72 took on the world on Gears of War and Mario Kart DS. Right now Gears is being set up for yet another day of fighting. Next Gen is truly here and it became apparent that Sony and Nintendo have a big job on their hands with the Wii and the PS3. With only two DSes and two Xbox 360s the five of us managed to play Wi-fi, wireless, splitscreen co-op, online co-op story mode and fully online almost at the switch of a button. The Ds and Xbox 360 are slick. It is that easy to "jump in".

Massive props to *$ophi£*, loco1116, A Pissed Monkey, minging mic, Chuff 72, Pixel princess, Dr Wo 69, Nev569, Oneflyer, Puppet Master, Captain Birdseye, Captain Japseye, Headshot888, Wendy 72, Brutus6, Roody Poo 69, gamensound, hustler 10, stomper 28, DaSmoef, Venom 58, ozzybear, Zachariah 123456, Rickzz01, Na2RalBornPlaya and Gray Phox. Everyone was good spirited and made for some pleasant gaming. Even the corpse smoking, frag tagging and inevitable corpse humping were taken in light spirits.

Legendary status to Loco1116 who not only seemed to be online for more time than the five of us put together but who is also a L337 sniper and all round good guy.
Roodypoo 69 and Wendy 72 kicked ass for the girls silencing the occassional asshole who thought that girls ain't got no game (Vulture19 you know who you are!). Gears of War dominated the weekend meaning that there was no traditional TGAM Con cake from Wendy 72 :( and at one point the house nearly burned down because a pizza sat cremating in the oven as the gang were fully engrossed.

Not that the other consoles were left untouched. After more than a 10 year wait Dr Wo and Cunzy1 1 finally saw Dhalsim's ending on Street Fighter thanks to Chuff_72's Bison beating skills. I showed the Maniacs how ridiculous Devil May Cry 3 really is in terms of looks and difficulty. Wendy 72 also busted Guitar Hero 2 on Hard unlocking all the songs and characters within a ridiculously short time.

It was also an amazing to see how gaming has evolved in our own lifetimes. We started out together more than 10 years ago with games like IK+ and New Zealand story playing after school or on the weekends. Our imagination filling the gaps between the pixels, interpreting on screen images into fully realised worlds. Now these worlds are fully realised yet we are still gaming together as part of our lifestyle. We all work hard to be able to afford to play hard guilt free. It was also easy to see "the dark side" of gaming. This weekend was a hell of a lot of fun but I will be happy to go back to my wireless and Xbox 360 free world away from the temptations to play into the early mornings as I have done last night, the night before, the night before that and inevitably tonight.

Now I must leave. Roodypoo and Pissed monkey are getting cocky so I'm gonna Jump In for some ol' skool Cunzy1 1 learning.

Cunzy11

Friday, November 24, 2006

Like the British but retarded

Yes, dear friends it's AMERICANS.

Americans are stupid, which is fine, and even many Americans admit it themselves especially American bloggers. It's not offensive that's just what they are. English people have their quirks too as do the Scots as I am reliably informed by lazy boy Richie.

However, of all the offensive things in the world, America is guilty of the top two. Now I promised I wouldn't do this, but as a voice of authority to literally handfuls of people on the world's 1436966th Technorati ranked blog I will use my seat of power to right these wrongs:

1) 2nd most offensive thing of all time.
Buying American Football games. Why do you go so retarded after American Football games? As a sports game it's rubbish with more pauses and menu screens than Menu Fighter 4: Pause the Menu Master they are like football games requiring less skill and more patience. Myself and Quadbee played Madden back in the early 90s and we're still stuck on the same match not because it's hard but because it takes that long between Nickels or whatever 'half' is in American Football! Yeah that's right 'match' not game. They even tried to make rugby games for a while but they were equally retarded. Equally aannoying is that it massively skews every top list of best games ever because every american votes for one. You might not care but listening to people talk about an American Football game is very boring, like the news or waiting half an hour for a bus in the countryside. Make them, buy them, but never talk about them or ship them here. How come American Football games are available in stores but the more interesting innovative and appealing Hentai (from UK:R) games don't?

2) First most offensive thing of all time.
It's MARIO you fucktards. Not MAAAAAAAAAAARIO. Super Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaario brothers. There is nothing more annoying than listening to Americans (why are they all so fucking happy?) talking on the internets about Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaario. HE EVEN SAYS IT AT THE BEGINNWay cool! It's the New Super Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaario brothers game for the Famicom DuoING OF THE ARGUABLY GREATEST MARIO GAME OF ALL TIME "IT'S A ME! MARIO" not "It'a a me Maaaaaaaaaaaario". This is doubly offensive because Nintendo didn't fuck America in the ass by not releasing any games so every American raves on about how great Maaaaaaaaaaario is. Writing it, not even hearing it, makes my normal delicate face twitch a little bit on the left. Maaaaaaaaaario Maaaaaaaaario Dr.Maaaaaaaaario Maaaaaaario. Do you say Caaaaaaaaaasio when talking about calculators? Do you? No Casio Casio Casio Mario Mario Mario.

NOW STOP YOUR SINNING or we'll send the time devil from New Zealand story after you! You know the one. Walls don't stop him. Watch out he's fast, he's fast and carrying a clock. Make the above changes or die via time devil.

Ha! See Richie! I told you getting the time devil from new zealand story would come in useful one day. TIME DEVIL!

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Sexism in games

Following our research into these two posts we have become aware of the massive tenuous sexism in games. Here’s a brief list, I’m sure you can think of more. When we get enough we’ll get a petition going and then we’ll send it to the European Union Justice Comissioner.
I think you’ll agree that this inherent sexism changes the way we all think about games.

1)Half Lives
Our hero Dr.Freeman is a silent physicist. What kind of message is this sending you young men? That you can only be a hero if you stay quiet and work in science? Outrageous.

2) Beyond Good and Evil
The main heroine is an attractive lady who wears green lipstick. Her sidekick is a male pig. What message is this sending our children? That you can only be a heroine if you are hot and use green make up or that all male sidekicks are pigs? Think of the children.

3) Tomb Raider
Lara wears a lot of man clothes with the exception of when she wears a dress to steal something in Tomb Raider 3? and when she is naked in the shower at the end of TR2. What message is this sending to the children? That you can only be an adventuring archaeologist if you wear man clothes? That women who wear dresses are thieves? That all women shower naked? Perverted is this game.

4) Pokemon
Although most of the pokemon can be either sex some are exclusively male or female e.g Mr.Mime and Jynx. What mesaage is this sending to the children? That only men can be called Mr.Mime? Or only men can be psyhic type mime artist pokemon? Only women can be Ice and Psyhic type pokemon unless you are Lapras??
For god's sake man! Women can be good at mime and many of my good male friends aren't lapras but they sure as hell are ice and psychic types.

5) Resident Evil
In the original, playing as Jill was normal mode and playing as Chris was hard mode. What message is this sending to our children? That women are normal? That women have an easier life? That men are hard? Jesus H on a bike no wonder the age of transvestitism is now as young as 6. The children are confused by the games they see their older siblings or parents playing.

6) Silent Hill
You play as a guy in the first, second and 4th game but as a women in the 3rd one. WHat message is this sending to the children and adults of the World? That you can only be a protagonist in the first, second and fourth instalments of a saga if you are a man? That women are only good for being the lead in things that are a multiple of three? How has it got this bad?

7) Harry Potter
In the Harry Potter games, Harry Potter is always a boy. What message is this sending to the precious children? That you can only be Harry Potter if you are male? That series set in wizard schools will always focus on men? THESE GAMES ARE CHILDREN'S GAMES FOR FUCK SAKE.

8) DR.Kawishima's Brain Training
Dr.Kawishima is male and he instructs you on how to train your brain. What message is this sending the children? That you can only train your brain if you listen to a man? That Drs are all male? That if you want to become a disembodied floating mascot for a game on a handheld you better be male or be willing to undergo surgery? Fucking shitty billboard hell! My daughter went to University specifically to be a disembodied head mascot. Was it all in vain? Was it?

9) All the Super Mario Games
Princesses Daisy and Peach feature in a lot of the Super .... games. What message is this sending the children? That Princesses live a life of basketball, tennis, golf, being captured and go-karting? That all women look the same but have different coloured hair and dresses? That if you don't want to be a mushroom or turtle you have to be a princess or a guy who wears a flat cap with your intial on it? How sick is that world view? VERY SICK I TELLS YA.

10) Timesplitters 3
All of it. Sexist. I don't know where to start.

This is just the beginning people. No wonder we live in such a mixed up varied world. People don't know where to find their role models in computer games. It was easy for us in the early days we read books and looked up to our parent's and had conditioning at school. It was easy; crying was for girls, running around and shouting was for boys. Anyone "getting it wrong" would go to the reconditioning room. Now we have girls in boys clothing, boys who don't want a family with girls at all, girls who want jobs even after they've given birth. Ban all video games aside from Tetris, although the band that plays at the end look to be male or women masquerading as men. BAN ALL VIDEO GAMES. Except Thrill Kill that was well balanced.

UPDATE From RICHIE:
Final Fantasy all the male leads are a) Male leads which in itself presents us with a whole load of issues, some of which are touched on above and b) Androgenous, kinda waif and seem to be oblivious to the obvious interest of the
Frelky women. What message is this sending to the kids? That all women love androgeny? That the best ladies are relatively flat chested but the evil women are buxom? That you know when you're in love when you utter the phrase "........" a hundred times? That if you want to get with a women you have to rescue her from space and/or nearly die. Goddam you Squenix inventor of the metrosexual male!!

UPDATE 24/11/2006
YEAH! Jon Wood knows what were talking about! It's about breaking down them barriers man. He writes so elegantly as to almost sound like a woman. What was particularly nice is that whilst I was reading Woody's post the ad on the right was for Last Chaos showing three women in their underwear/nightdresses. DISGUSTING SEXISM. (by the way Wood, Wood and Wood)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

Cunzy1 1’s International Periods of Gameplay Chart

Now that we are getting properly old it is increasingly hard to find time to play games. Previously we used to divulge in SESSIONs, MISSIONs and the odd HIT would catch us out. These days a daily SKIT would be nice. The day before yesterday I was struck by a HIT and boy did I suffer the next day. Whaddya mean you don’t know what I mean?

Cunzy1 1’s International Periods of Gameplay Chart


0.01 minutes-1 hour; A SKIT
From the daily tasks of Brain Training, Nintendogs & Animal Crossing or a quick mission on Timesplitters, the Skit is a good way to live your life and keep playing games in the interim. The Skit is the favoured length of play time for casual or busy gamers or those with partners who take ages getting dressed to go out/have a shower/sleep in till 12 on weekends.

Between 1hour-4hours; A SESSION
Be it a Half Life 2 episode or good old multiplayer Micro Machines, a Session is a good way to spend an evening solo, with friends, lovers, housemates or workmates.

Between 4ours-6hours; A MISSION
A Mission is a dedicated evening set aside for making progress in RPGs, action adventures or on Xbox arcade. From Kingdom Hearts to Metal Gear 6 hours should give you enough time

Between 6hours-12hours; A HIT
A Hit will quite often sneak up on you. You get in from work; fix a quick bite, sit down to play Champions of Narroth or GTA then POW! It’s five in the morning, it’s light outside and you have work again in 3 hours. This is your minds way of letting you know that you should factor in some more Sessions or Skits to stop it happening again.

Between 12hours-48hours; A RAID
Personal hygiene starting to go out of the window here. A raid occurs with rare frequency with “normal gamers”. Perhaps on the launch day of a new console or big title (expect many Raids and a minor blip in the economy around Halo 3 day as everone pulls a sickie). We end up on a Raid every time the Maniacs get together. At least time is allowed for toilet breaks and meal times. Afterwards you literally feel “game dirty” and you don’t want to see or touch a PC console or joypad again for a long time. You just want to wash, eat nice fresh food and live your life again until a month later…..

Between 48hours-weeks or months; A SLave Drive
You probably “play” Second Life, WoW or another life eater as your main job or as a sideline to being unemployed. Showering is out of the question in case you miss anything or because you can’t afford not to farm for that long. You are probably single, or will be soon. Breaks are allowed to check the market prices on your gear, IM your partner, order a pizza online or via phone and to download patches. Seek help it just ain’t healthy man, it just ain’t healthy.

Tuesday, November 21, 2006

Chuff_72 Speaks Again!

With Richie ummm predisposed and my (creative) juices running on low after yesterday's excitment we bring you Chuff_72 again. Having been a stalwart commentor, adding more shit to this blog than Richie or I could on a daily basis sometimes the Chuff_meister just has to let it all out. SPEAK Chuff_72. SPEAK in a nearly-not-very exclusive UK Gears of War review. Kinda.

Gears of Motherfuckin' War
I really really want to go home, fuck work, I want to sit down and play Gears on Xbox Live all day, I've got the itch! I'm just sitting at my desk fidgeting... DAMN IT I NEED A HIT!!! So glad I never played WoW it would probably fuck my life up, I neeeed to shoot some people in the face, stick a chainsaw in someone's gut or shotgun someone's legs off.

Last night was completely awesome, the Dr (Ed. Dr.Wo long time Maniac and gamer) and I played for about 5hrs, the last 1hr or so was spent with a bunch of northerners, and we managed to start some banter straight off the bat, which evolved in to slagging the hosts mum constantly, genius. Everyone has their mic and headset so you can just chat away, and when everyone cheers when you lop someone's head off... it just fucking rocks!

It's really got me going, Xbox Live costs £40 for a year, I believe you also get 1000 free Microsoft points, all I can say is well done Microsoft and unlucky Sony, the first reports of their PNS network is "poor-mans Live". Obviously we'll see how it pans out but I can see where Msoft spent most of their resources in the first year, getting Live to where it is now, easy to use, stable, and friendly, it's awesome (there's two Maniacs on there at the moment, we could use some more...).

The campaign is pretty good, great atmosphere, mainly due to the sheers balls out greatness of the graphics and the sound fx but a rubbish "story". I've been playing co-op system link with the good Dr on Hardcore (hard) and we've been cruising through fairly easily, but we've got Insane mode to try so that's something to look forward to. Hmm it's fun, I guess that's about it really, and quite compelling with a good amount of "one more go" about it due to the instant restarts and well spaced check points, but to be honest, if you're not on Live then 70% of this game will pass you by.

I'm looking forward to seeing what new content they're gonna release for this thing, I get the feeling they've got a lot of stuff lined up, I wouldn't be surprised if they made some major change, like including vehicles and larger levels with higher player caps, 8 players is easily enough for the current maps, but sometimes you can't help thinking, what would it be like if there were 32 psychos chainsawing the fuck out of each other... Maybe they don't want to directly compete with Unreal 2007, which is coming to 360 now, I thought it was only on PS3 cos of all the tech demos they were showing, apparently not!

So to conclude, pass me my chainsaw!

Monday, November 20, 2006

Super Princess Peach 2: PMS adventure.

We at Thatguys, being the front and foremost of all games news, have just got word from Mr Nintendo about a new title for the DS. It's a sequel to, the now reaching cult status, Super Princess Peach, we don't
have all the details as yet but Mr Nintendo has told us personally that we can publish the information so far, in a Thatguys Exclusive.

Super PMS Peach.
Due to the success of the "Emotion" system set in place in the original Super Princess Peach, the next
logical step was to take Peach's emotions to the next logical step.


Super Menstrual Emotion Advanced Routine (S.M.E.A.R.). Super Princess Peach 2: PMS adventure
will work in conjunction with the Nintendo DS internal calendar. The Player will be given a chance at the start of the game to set the "Time of the Month" and for one week every 28 days Peach's emotions will be
enhanced to scary new heights. She will have enhanced anger and sadness and will be able to decimate all foes in her path (if they don't run away in fear first!) However this is a double-edged sword as though her
emotions are heightened they are also unstable, one minute she will be destroying everything in her path, the next she will be sobbing uncontrollably on the floor, leaving her open to attack.


During the other 21 days when Peach is not Menstruating a new engine comes into play, the Super Menstrual Emotion Advanced Routine Estrogenic Deception (S.M.E.A.R.E.D) this is where Peach can power herself up for short bursts by "pretending" to be Menstrual. S.M.E.A.R.E.D

We are, of course, mainly targeting female players allowing their Ovicular movements to cycle with Peach's. However we believe this game will be not only appealing to male players but will also all allow them to learn the emotional distraught felt by women in their "magical" time.


And there you have it Super Princess Peach 2, you heard it here first on http://www.thatguys.com/, call your Mum in the room and tell her how great we are.

Posted by Richie, now with no added internet.

Bullshit

Okay, okay, rarely do we get it wrong here at TGAM but back here when I said:

"So it's nearly time to say goodbye to the DS because it seems that Nintendo has had enough of Europe again."

That was bullshit. Nintendo love Europe it's just Mr.GAME who doesn't want us to be loved by Nintendo so he cunningly tells us that Mr.Nintendo doesn't write to us anymore when secretely Mr.GAME is keeping all the letters in a box. One day when Mr.GAME is out to lunch with Nickelodeon we're going to sneak upstairs and find the letters in that shoe box he has under his bed. Then we will cry tears of joy. Mr.Nintendo did love us all this time*

*This sudden change in stance has absolutely nothing to do with the authors discovering FUCKING DINOSAURS in Sonic and The Secret Rings, FF III + FFXII: Revenant Wings for the DS, Resident Evil: Umbrella Chronicles on the Wii or anything like that. We are impartial at all times here. Yes sir.

Technically Speaking 2

We here at TGAM aim to give you the best blog service on the internets. Unfortunately, sometimes the internets fights back.

You may have noticed that many of the images aren't uploading or appearing. We apologise for this and we'll get our technician on it ASAP. In the meantime if you want to see any of the images then email us at www.hotmail.com and we'll do out best to explain the images in less than 100 words.

Apologies dear friends and Foes

Cunzy11 & Richie

Serious games source, Serious

So we seriously stumbled upon some new serious games review blog site. And apparently it is so serious we had to seriously review it seriously. So we went to the newest and most serious article, which was this serious article on Super Princess Peach. The article seriously depicts some serious issues about the serious title Super Princess Peach, these serious issues include Feminism in games, Masculinism in games, and how certain blogs who perceive themselves as serious, can actually do an obvious article on a game which has been out for months, with perhaps the worst grammar ever seen in the blogsphere (excluding www.thatguys.co.uk) .

Note: old news:
In case anyone does not know Super Princess Peach is a DS game where Princess Peach takes on the role of the hero to rescue Mario. She makes her way though the levels as usual, and is helped by her emotions, crying raises and lowers the water level in a level etc.

Serious games source takes the stand point that Super princess peach is sexist as she is blonde, wears pink, and her powers are crying, being happy etc. But sexist to what avail? As a role model, personally I don’t think any kids will want to grow up to be Princess Peach. Even if the roles were switched, I certainly don’t think there are many kids who want to grow up to be Mario (A mushroom eating Plumber).

Deal with it Serious games source, it’s a game featuring Princess Peach, it’s not sexist, it’s just a fairy-tale-esque Princess getting the lead role for a change. Plus we all know that Princess Peach could easy handle a M-16.

Serious.

That Guy's A Maniac Award- November

In our long running but not very consistently written "That Guy's a Mania" series we have nominated many a maniac, you may remember good ol' Xzin or Brice Mallen. True maniacs both, in their own seperate ways. But now after a 3 month hiatus we bring you November's Maniac of the Month: Isaiah "Triforce" Johnson

Not only is New-Yorker Isaiah a maniac because his middle name is "Triforce" but he is one of a number of maniac gamers taking to the streets in order to be the first in line for the new consoles. What makes I."T".J so mad mental? He has been queuing for a week for a Wii (story picked up here by the Beeb).

""I had to get it first," said the 29-year-old, who shook hands with Nintendo of America president Reggie Fils-Aime after buying the console. "

And he got to meet long time Maniac and Dear friend of ours big Reggie sans-amies! Queuing for a week has some serious implications like Urination issues, food issues, hygiene issues, life issues, safety issues and girlfriend/boyfriend issues. Spending a whole week on the streets on New York with $250 in your pocket is acheivment enough but I."T".J, as you may now call him, is hardcore enough for that.
Also, it made us realise that we aren't that crazy about games. Sure we do daily updates about things other people said about games but no way are we queueing up for a frickin week for a new console in fact we probably couldn't not masturbate for a week to get a new console and that requires not doing anything! It made us feel like we were armchair gamers. I."T".J doesn't waste time on the internets whinging about games he just fucking plays them! I."T".J is so maniac he wasn't happy enough just preordering the Wii he wanted to be there in his piss soaked, body cheesed clothes to get one in person. Fighting the good fight on behalf of us half arsed gamers.

Isaiah "Triforce" Johnson. You sir, are a maniac.

Friday, November 17, 2006

Yawn.

Front page of the Times this morning-web version here and an alternative one here. Basically, some EC nobs, bored of trying to save real people have decided to save the children by protecting them from the boringly average Rule of Rose.

"Frattini said he been particularly shocked a new psychological horror game, Japanese-designed 'Rule of Rose' for Sony Corp.'s Playstation 2 console. In the game, a young girl, Jennifer, is subjected to mental and physical torture by a gang of sadistic female teenagers, whose ringleader also turns lesbian attentions on the hapless Jennifer before she is buried alive"
It's clearly an image of a vagina. Spam Butterfly-chalk butterfly it's clearWell thanks Mr. Frattini for saving the children now where the fuck were you when we had to endure Sherry Birkin getting mauled by zombies, Edwina and Dedwina getting shot in the face or Cheryl getting bound and gagged in the disturbing Silent Hill? Why didn't you protect us from all of these sick Hentai games (thanks again to Something Awful.com)? Huh? Was our generation not good enough? Now you want to protect all the underage ASBO weilding Europeans from a less than average game. And on what grounds are you objecting to lesbianism you dumb fuck?

Also
".....his revulsion after watching Rule of Rose. "

So he hasn't even played it yet. Awesome. Did you just watch the FMV? Or did he stay up one weekend with a mate and watch them complete it? Did you see all of the storyline? Maybe there was a positive ending that enforced good principles like don't torture children. Did you see all the alternative endings Franco? Or was it just 5 minutes of the most disturbing scene looped for 30 minutes? The symbolism here is barely veiled. Two girls hands around a 'flower' fucking sick!
Although I'm glad that you people are admitting that games are a powerful medium how about using them in schools for education? I don't mean CD-ROMs but proper immersive educational software. How's about that? Changing European schools to incorporate this powerful but sometimes dangerous technology. How about the Don't sit around and eat and get fat game? That way children would receive the message that getting obese is a bad thing. How about a Don't be gay game then we could get rid of the overt lesbianism which Rule of Rose so staunchly supports as the generation of children are exposed to the positive themes of nongayness.

Franco Frattini your are a maniac, a homophobe and a Prick.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Gravija

Wahey! The internets need more images of hawt, yet alternative girlz and MVG is happy to oblige. It's yet another Miss Video Game! picked up by one of our subsidiary sites UK:R

And in true UK:Resistance style:

Would, Might in a pinch, Wouldn't, Clearly just would, Wouldn't, Wouldn't, Go on then, Would and Would, Wouldn't, Wouldn't, Dude, Wouldn't, Totally, Would, Would, Would at a push, A high chance yeah, Richie would, Would, Richie would twice, Would, Yeah, Would in a year so I don't feel too bad, Go on then cheeky, Yeah, peasent chic,Would,Already did,Wouldn't, Would, Would, Wouldn't, Would, Would, Would, Would NOT, Would lefty not righty, Would more than once, Cheat, Would if she stopped lying about her age, Would if she didn't smile, Ummm yeah OK then, She is actually 8, Wouldn't, Wouldn't, Wouldn't, Would frequently, Would, Would because she was so methodical about listing her games, Wouldin the anus, Would, naughty, Hello Shannon, would, Not at first but then a bit, Wouldn't, Would,Would, If she scrubbed up well, maybe,in the cunt,Wouldn't,C'est possible,Wouldn't,not with yours,Ditch the cat then would,
Would,Would with that specific face,Dependson whether that is snot or a piercing would either way though,Would,Hard to judge,Would especially because of the screenshot Freedom Fighters!,Not now maybe later,Would,Too old,Yeah I love a girl with a British accent,Would,Would,Definitely in part because of her answers awesome!, When you photoshop yourself, you know it's bad but would,Would,Would,Would,Would,Would,Would,Would until one of us was bleeding, Would,Would,Would,Would,Would,Would,Would the Neverhood saved you,Would,Obvo,Would,Would yep,Would,Would,Wouldn't,Would,Would,Would,Wouldnice choice of games,Wouldn't but only because I hate link,Would,Wouldn'tshe seems happy with her man,Would,Would,Might,Would,
Would& you are never 30,Wouldboth sides,Would twice,Wouldn't that's clearly a face hugger,Would from here to sunday,Would,Would,Wouldactual boobies nice,Would,Would,Would you cheer up?,Wouldwithout the hat,Would,Wouldn'tlooks like Frodo in the third photo,Would,WouldYuna cosplay seriously affects my judgement though,Wouldboobies and bum,Would,Wouldn't too good, Serious? would though, Would,Would,Would,Would,Would,Wouldn't,Would,Wouldn't,Would,Would,Would,Would,Would,
Would,Would,Would,Would Dobrieden.

Fucking Hell. I know that most of them are real or very HD but yeah, nicely done there. Strong competition I think. A few surprises along the way but you go girls. This post will also keep me going through winter quite nicely.

DS Download Play

So it's nearly time to say goodbye to the DS because it seems that Nintendo has had enough of Europe again. Old film tie-in, Fox tie-in, Warner Bros tie-in, Dreamworks tie-in, SpongeBob Squarepants, Urban GT and a title that should have been out ages ago.

So it's time to look back on some of the good things the DS brought us, starting with download play.

A majority of DS games have both single cart and multicart download play with rare exception (Resident Evil DS, I'm looking at you) which is cool because two+ mates with 4 games each could play 8 different games and because of the wireless there was no need to keep digging out cables. It meant that with one DS you also have four different ways of playing; single player, single cart multiplayer, multicart multiplayer and Wi-Fi.
The interconnectivity stuff that the playstation has failed at (link up PS2 anyone?) and which made the GBA so attractive. The downside is that for some reason, in Europe at least, you never really knew more than three people with the correct combination of games or link cables GBA-GBA SP which meant that Pokemon, Four Swords and other benefit-from-link-up games never really took off. Also, I've had my DS for about 6 months and despite a few half hearted attempts I've never been able to go on the Wi-fi because of weird security configurations or non compatible networks.

Multicart play is excellent because all the players have full versions of both games all the characters etc. it also means that everyone is more likely to know the game and the controls. Co-op and Vs. Resident Evil DS is excellent (despite not having single card play) once you get over the "star" representing the other players. Mario Kart is obviously brilliant as is Advance wars.

Single cart play was a bit hit and miss though. The download takes a long time and quite often it's a bit of a piss around. For example; Sonic Rush. With single cart play you can race against other players on levels and collect powerups that hinder the other player quite fun. The pain in the ass is that after a race you can either play the same level again, straight away, or go back to the menu and choose another level which takes ages to load up. The Advance wars single cart stuff is the crappy real time combat mode which is OK but is much worse than the full game mode. The Mario vs. Luigi thing on the New Super Mario Bros. where you have to be the first to collect a number of stars on a small wrap around level. It was a bit pointless, nothing more than a 5 minute distraction. Mario Kart was also OK, a limited selection of tracks and the player without the cart has to play as shy guy which gives them the obvious oppurtunity to cry foul when they lose because they didn't have a choice of characters or carts.

So although it is (was) a great feature that breathed some life back into link up play the single cart stuff could be better. It's a shame that the DS is gone now, imagine link up versions of Resident Evil 2, Doom or Ecks vs. Sever. It could have been great. So great.

UPDATE Apart from Worms on the DS. Seriously, you be thinking yeah but I've got worms (Ah haha ha ha) on the PC and playstation, but if you have a DS and mates with DSes get it! As good now as it was then

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

WoW the Aftermath

So as I’m sure we are all aware, World Of Warcraft is a “game” made by a Company called Blizzard. Some of you may or may not know but blizzard also had on the books another game called Starcraft: Ghost. A Third Person Shooter based in the Starcraft Universe, but this was canned a few months ago. It was to be the first real venture for Blizzard on the console market. Now the reason for it being cancelled was never truly apparent, but what’s been plaguing me recently is whether or not Blizzard are even bothered to bring out any other games after WoW, as it’s a constant stream of money for them. Blizzard have an amazing track record for creating games of an outstanding quality Diablo Series, Starcraft and of course Warcraft. All of which score in the high percentile. I think it may be safe to assume that Starcraft ghost was not a very good game, as it kept getting reworked and release dates were pushed, and as such Blizzard were reluctant to release it. So, what happens now? World of Warcraft is in full swing and they have an expansion for it due out in January 2007, Where the fuck are the other games?!? There was Talk of the old Diablo II programmers being called in for a new project… but what that is, is anyone’s guess. Though it’s about time for Diablo 3! Or a new RTS! I want to be able to enjoy Blizzard without thousands of fuckwits online at the same time. This is a plea to Blizzard! Bring back single player!

…Is what I would say if I was a well balanced person, but I ain’t! Blizzard are fucking us over in the name of Quality there’s a fucking line! I dare you to Google Image search “Starcraft Ghost” and not blow a load! It’s like drugs without the drawbacks to see properly rendered Starcraft enemies and we all know that the cutscenes would be an audio/visual fuck-buddy with no strings! Buuuut No… Blizzard are too S.C.A.R.E.D. of releasing a console game. Oh, or maybe it was just too generic for them, a Third person shooter? because maybe there’s too many (SHEEEE-ITE) Third Person shooters out there. Well then take a fucking chance and make a good one Blizz-fucks! Instead you have to pump resources/time/effort into the Tainted Social Nightmare that is WoW. You want your “Quality” name to continue?!? Then keep bringing out new titles not “improving” on your “Safe” pissy MMO! Bring on Diablo 3 and if you must add a few online faecal smears in there, you’re good at that.

Get your socially rejected over qualified cock cheesy developers and just fucking pay them.

WE WANT DIABLO III (And for the love of Jesus/God/Holy (Starcraft) Ghost/Allah/Jehovah/Buddha/Sephiroth don’t make it an MMO!)

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Next-Gen

Yeah yeah, multimedia, online, interconnectivity, lifestyle and gaming that's all great but the gamers didn't ask for it. The single most obvious leap for the next gen hasn't been made yet. It's obvious, you don't need market research and you certainly shouldn't be getting told by such a high profile games site as That Guy's a Maniac that's for sure.

Styracosaurus, with a forward curving nose horn. Einosaurus? maybe. STILL FRICKIN GREAT THOUGH

MORE FRICKIN DINOSAURS!!

Yeah more, bigger, shinier, HD dinosaurs

What are you waiting for?

Coincidentally, does anyone know of any dinosaurs in Xbox 360 games? Does anyone know of any next-gen dinosaurs? IF NOT THEN THAT MEANS THERE ARE ACTUALLY NO NEXT GEN DINOSAURS. Come on guys get in the record books by being the first NEXT GEN DINOSAUR GAME. and I mean real fake dinosaurs not fake fake dinosaurs like Yoshi, Bub or Bob.

Monday, November 13, 2006

New Resident Evil Spin off!

Great news every one! There’s a new Resident Evil spin-off game, and guess what its not a pissy Outbreak, Survivor, Gameboy or mobile version! It’s coming out this Friday (17/11/2006). It features a character never seen in officially in the Resident Evil universe and features a fantastic, multi-developer, multi-platform, cross-involvement back-story, here’s a snippet of what we have managed to get of the plot (Warning Spoilers):

The main character is Jill valentine’s half Brother, Vincent. Vincent was kidnapped after the events of the first Resident Evil, from the perspective of the Gamecube version. Vincent is captured by Umbrella and is experimented upon. However it turns out Vincent has a very individual genetic make-up which makes him resistant to a variety of strains of T-Virus and G-Virus. Vincent was kept locked up several years but still remained almost immune to all the artificially created Umbrella viruses, such as the V-Virus, Z-Virus R1-Virus. Until they finally hit upon their newest and most intriguing virus, the VII-Virus.

This virus was a conceptual virus dedicated to being both a biological and technological virus. However this virus attacked Vincent on a sub-pixel/atomic level, in doing so this virus, broke down many of the barriers of the Universe he existed in, no longer was he constrained by pre-rendered backgrounds, inevitable zombies and six inventory slots. He was now in a vast universe of freedom, filled with delights of materia, talking dogs, spikey haired heroes with personality disorders and Bahamut. The VII-Virus has proven so strong that it even invades our universe affecting our sight, making us believe that he is a Square-Enix character when he is in fact the Genetically altered half-brother of Resident Evil's (Capcom) number one heroine Jill Valentine. How will his story pan out find out in Resident Evil: Dirge of Cerberus!

Seriously though, even though its gonna be shite, you know you’re gonna buy it, its Midgar in proper 3D! Ugh I feel something creeping up my rectum… Is it a piece of materia… Is it a Malboro tentacle… is it a cactuar…

Noooo I think Squenix is forcing their manhood into me without permission.

NEWS ROUND UP

I like this image well done the guys at http://games.groups.yahoo.com/group/playstation/ Well, after several false starts and some setbacks, hitches, spanners in the works and delays the PS3 finally landed over in Japan. Even the bloody Times had a two page spread on next-gen consoles, hilariously giving the PS3 4/5 for hardware and 3/5 for software where as the poor old 360 received 3/5 for hardware and 3/5 for software.
We got our PS3 on the weekend and boy oh boy is it mediocre. After one hour Richie managed to crash it and after three hours we ended up playing Micro Maniacs on the PS2 because the multitap doesn't work on the PS3. MotorStorm is alright but the lack of any real games at the moment makes it the most expensive chunk of stuff in the house. Seriously kids wait until something comes out for it.

In other news...

I got my Brain Age down to 20!-Flying planes in GTA San Andreas voted "hard" by TGAM blogger Cunzy1 1-Next Resident Evil film to be set on Mars and have genetic mutants instead of zombies-Chuff_72's bid to complete PS version of Hidden and Dangerous foiled by the game being unplayable-Nintendo giving up on the DS already-Dr Wo69 playing CoD on 360-TGAM Blogger Richie working on secret Psygnosis project-Nobody playing WoW Blizzard to introduce truancy tax- Robisgay says Doom 3, "scary" especially the bit in the toilet.

Image from here

This is not warcraft in space

I found this image on my hard drive. I still find it funny. Something Awful do a great job on the videogame Photoshop Phridays, make sure you check em regular like.


Yeah, yeah so it's not a proper post but I want this image blown up a million times and postered on my wall at home. I love it. It works on so many levels. At least 3 I reckon

That Guy’s a Maniac Update

Hi all!

As you may have noticed there are some changes happening to the Thatguys.co.uk website.

And since we appreciate the reader, and the reader’s opinions/approval/acceptance of us, as it makes us feel safe/like-the-cool-kids-in-school/horny, we openly are willing to listen (ignore) your suggestions for the site.

Please leave a comment in this post, if you don’t then it means you like man-cock.

(If the internet reaches everyone, and I don’t get 6.5 billion comments minus the gay population, than that means everyone in the world is gay, It’s a new thatguys record…)

Monday, November 06, 2006

Kingdom Hearts 2: THERE'S THE GAME!!!

So I recently bought Kingdom hearts 2, and after trying to overcome a few issues I had with abundant cut scenes and lack of fighting, I hit the middle of the game. And therein lies its greatness not only was I presented with some good cutscenes (finally) of par example Cloud and Squall (Leon) back to back fighting thousands of bad guys and having a bit of banter! It also presented me with shit loads of fighting, par example Kill 1000 enemies with out dying (wnak). Admittedly I am now at a bit of a loss as I have to re-visit all of the past worlds, and I fear that the damn game is gonna get annoying again… anyways fingers crossed for some Sephiroth action.

Quote from Fanboy#9

Overall I give it 2/10 because I cant get past the Disney characters.

P.S. Some Twat didnt like this game...

Animal Crossing Weird World

He woke with a jolt. Boy was that a weird dream; maths, driving in circles, a zombie house. The dreams seemed so vivid, so real. Cunzy1 1 got up from the bed and felt all of his joints click. How long was I asleep? He went downstairs; the TV was showing the highlights of the football match he had seen was on the night before. He turned the TV off and went outside.

Immediately, he saw that his mailbox was full. Odd, he thought to himself as 10 letters were wedged in the relatively small letterbox. Whilst examining the envelopes he became slowly aware that something was wrong. As the letters dropped to the floor Cunzy1 1 felt a cold shiver take over his body. Overnight, it seemed the whole town had been struck with autumn. The beautiful greens that had bathed Gaylando only last night had turned brown and orange. No, it was more than that. He walked up to one of the apple trees and touched the bark. Oh god. A sick feeling rose up from his stomach. This fully grown tree was one that he had planted only two days ago, how had it grown so fast?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

9.51. She would be here in 9 minutes and hopefully explain this nightmare. The sick feeling in his stomach had now taken over his whole body. He didn't want to think about it. Bunnie would explain everything.
After leaving the fully grown apple tree that had seemingly grown exponentially quickly he wandered around Gaylando. Each of the residents he saw asked where he had been for 4 weeks. At first he thought it was a joke. After further questions the residents he had trusted just the day before, no a month before, just ignored him. Instead they talked about clothes and furniture. He checked the town message board; a month's worth of messages were there. A whole month? Nookingtons had undergone an expansion. Yuka had moved away. The turnips he had bought had gone mouldy in his pockets. Two new animals had moved in but he didn't catch their names; his mind was buzzing with questions when they introduced themselves. That was when Bunnie had suggested coming over later that day. He had wanted her to explain everything right then but she kept pleading for him to be patient. 9.55. He sat in the tall chair in the middle of his room. The glow of the TV lit up his face. That football match again? The same football match he had seen this morning and a month ago. When would he wake from this nightmare? Then he started to think about before and another wave of nausea washed over him. Where had he come from? The first thing he can remember is being driven to this place in the pouring rain. Where had he been before that? Nothing made sense. It was OK Bunnie would explain he kept reminding himself, before panic overcame him. He didn't trust the others Bones, Chief, Nook they all ignored him. She was different, they were close and before all this he had hoped they would get closer. Deep in his thoughts he hardly noticed her come in.

He jumped off his chair and ran over to her. Yet something was different. She had the same glazed look on her face as the others. She had changed? No, the nausea washed over him again. This is how she had always been. This is how they'd all been. Occupied by the day to day tasks and with no cause for suspicion he hadn't seen it. Before he had a chance to say anything she spoke. He tried to interrupt but couldn't. She was..... she was talking about the furniture? Inside his mind something snapped. He wanted out of here, this room, this house this place. As she stood in the doorway commenting on his house he walked to the chest of drawers and took out his axe. He would open her up. Hack her to pieces and try to find an answer to all his questions in her dismembered remains. She didn't move or flinch as he came towards her. That fact alone made him feel sick again. In the seconds before her death she could do nothing but make small talk about Feng shui. He reached into his pocket but he couldn't get his axe out. She stood there babbling inanely and he tried, struggled to bring out his axe and end all this. Couldn't she see the sweat pour down his face? The crazed look in his eyes? What was all this. For minutes he stood trying to make his arms obey him and bring about the violent end of Bunnie. Nothing. Eventually, she skipped out of the house. He sat in his chair. He wanted to die. He was living a lie, a dream a fallacy. As he promised himself to get to the bottom of it all and to never sleep again he found himself climbing the stairs. As he mentally willed himself to stay awake he lay down on the bed. As his eyes closed he was mentally screaming out in a state of absolute panic and dread. As he fell asleep he realised he wanted to cry himself to death. Would he wake again? Tomorrow? In a month? A year? Then. Nothing.
Would, would, would, would, would, wouldn't

Friday, November 03, 2006

Symbolism in games

Following on from this post because there is fuck all else going on (and we are still waiting for that call from the UK:R ladies) we realise that symbolism in videogames is very important.
Many normal (=stupid) people think that playing computer games is geeky, a waste of time and stupid! But they just don't get it. Videogames, through the power of symbolism, teach us important lessons in life and remind us of some of the lessons we could learn from history. Sometimes these lessons go beyond even the unquestionable deepness of the original Matrix film.

1) Sonic 2 and WW2.
This is one of the classic symbolic games of our time. Sonic, a japanese game, which features checkpoints with stars (=Jewish). Thus, Sonic 2 is about the Japanese experience in the second world war. How Japan (Sonic) with the aid of the Jews (Checkpoints) tried to defeat the German's (Dr.Robotnik).

2) Katamari Demitri
This is symbolic of the "struggle of cancer". The little green man and the big man that aging bloggers love so, represent cancer. The levels represent the hostile environment of the human body, and other animals. The aim of the game is to get the ball to get as big as possible (cancer growing) within the time limit (before the cancer ridden animal dies of non-cancer causes). It is for this reason that I object to this game on moral grounds.

3) Medal of Honour: Rising Sun
The themes explored, symbolically, in this game are that of "the game of football". The fighting between the Axis and Allies symbolises two teams playing against each other. The round helmets everyone wears clearly represents "footballs" and the gloves the NPCs wear in winter are clearly synonymous with goalie gloves.

4) Wipeout 2097
Bizarrely the other games in this series represent the theme of the palaeobiogeographical spread of ratites in the southern hemisphere. This game, the second in the series, symbolises the act of fertilisation. The levels, a vision of a neon future, clearly resemble the tummy, where, fertilisation occurs. The actual ships themselves are symbolic of spermatozoa, their task to drive around the womb until fertilisation occurs anywhere between 3 and 7 laps.

5) Resident Evil
The highly acclaimed Resident Evil series is a satyrical, yet persuasive, representation of Hollywood. The "good guys" such as the S.T.A.R.S (stars=Jewish) members, Leon and Claire represent the big studios who are fighting for justice and purity. The shambling hordes symbolise Indie film makers, clogging up the streets with their filth and """High concept""" shitty films. The Nemesis in Resident Evil 3: Jill in Hollywood, represents Steven Spielberg, constantly in pusuit of the big Hollywood films yet eventually dying by SPOILER SPOLER SPOILER getting shot with a Magnum. Umbrella Inc. is symbolic of cocaine infecting the whole film industry whilst working on secret projects.

So you see guys, Games are important. You can catch more of my examples at my lecture-perfomances currently touring San Francisco. I'll be at Pink in the Stink on the 25th of Novemeber and Red & White Bum Marmite on the 1st of December. Please email any suggestions to www.hotmail.com