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Showing posts from January, 2011

Albert berates the Paed

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Most proper gamers would probably not engage with those silly little channels on the Wii menu like Everybody votes or the Mii Contest Channel. We do though and this piece of machinimart is the direct result of such engagements Is the contest channel really a game? Is it machinimart? Or just art? It's neither. This is high art.


WANKY BOLLOCKS. The digital image depicts an angry Albert Wesker standing over a prostrate Paedo Stu. Wesker, a super human cunning soldier and scientist stands over a fallen Stu. Or is Stu enticing Wesker? Either way, Wesker seems to be shouting PlayStation QTEs at him. How will Stu react?


MORE NONSENSE This image is from the game Little King's Story and really examines age appropriation and how well games are tested. Is bewbies really a suitable term for seven year olds? Will Worhar ever make its way into the OED or is that just for serious words like Zig-a-zig-ah and ugh LOL?

These images and others by the TGAM Art Collective willn't be on display in…

Saturday Statistics #3

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Race Rating: 8012.

Unit of the Month: Whore Truck

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What's this? A new feature? Yes, we've been looking at our web statistics and the readers of this site have been spending almost two tenths of a second longer on the site than ever before. We thought that if we introduce more features we could push the dwell time up to a whole fucking second. That and Unit of the Month: Whore Truck sounds a lot more compelling than Most Recent Idea From Our Brain, Unit of The Month: Whore Truck. Or does it? Who are we to decide?
Most Recent Idea From Our Brain, Unit of The Month: Whore Truck. If gaming is to ever be treated seriously, like cancer or X factor then there are certain terms that need to be expunged from the gaming lexicon. One such term is games and another is unit and upgrade, damage, special move and more importantly power-ups. Look at this video, better still, watch it:


Even the little boggle eyed boy sounds cool going on about conquering worlds. What did you do last night? "Well, I upgraded my units so they could do more da…

News Void

There's not been a single piece of midly interesting or pertinent gaming news today. It's very sad.

NO! I lie. Someone at Nintendo said something about how using your electronic device uses up the battery.

How do these science guys work this shit out?

Anyone would think Nintendo had already pulled the plug on the Wii and DS

The news networks are full of 3DS spam today, this week, this year . Paucity of information, waist deep in nonsense. Even better are the gazillion reviews that start with "you can't see how brilliant it is without actually seeing it". Still they type on for another couple of thousand words. They still bother with screenshot galleries. We'd be a little less interested if 85% of the 3DS are literally remakes of older games. But 'in 3D'. I missed the caveats in reviews for Ocarina of Time that end with 90% would have been 100 were it just in 3D. The endless boring pointless speculation. Is this the price? Is that too much or too little? Is a thing which isn't out yet sell for an appropriate price? That's cutting edge analysis right there. Yes? No maybe? The real answer is nobody knows yet. Stop asking. Video game 'journalism' really is at its desperate ugly low around a new product launch and as much as we may or may not appreciate the new system…

Sakura Elbow filth

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This is Sakura's Character selection art from SSFIV...

Now Check out that Elbow [Warning: what has been seen, cannot be unseen]...

Filth
So in conclusion, if you are aroused by this you are defined as a Cubitophiliac (Note: Lover of elbows)

Love and Dirty elbows,

Richie X

Saturday Statistics #2

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Surf Time: 5 seconds.

The Great Butterfree/Venomoth debate.

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Our whole world is crumbling around us, we have been playing Pokemon for 12 years.

Ugh... We just spotted this today...
Caterpie and Venonat evolve in the following way:




But upon further perusal this should clearly be:



Ok so the distinction in the Caterpie - Metapod - Venomoth evolution line is not overly obvious. But the Venonat to Butterfree similarities are astounding!Observe the Antennae, eyes, mouth, hands, and colouration.

Without giving into the horrible realisation that Nintendo fucked up, and have been lying to us; to stop ourselves swapping their positions in the pokedex, turning off the DS and never returning to pokemon again. There may be a way to explain this, from an Evolutionary stance:

1. Theory One: Venonat is a derived form of Butterfree.
If we can assume that Butterfree has remained Morphologically similar, there is a possibility that the species branched off at an earlier point in which may have found a flightless niche exising as a grounded gnat like creature. How…

Capcom's Monthly Loony Statement

“The casual gamer that used to play on the PC
and the hardcore gamer that used to play on a dedicated gaming portable now plays on their smartphone,”

This is probably true which is why we don't consider ourselves gamers anymore. We're just some outmoded relic who doesn't enjoy the flimsy, unreliable, download four updates every time you log in, this game was actually a better minigame in a proper game and jesus fuck who needs to play games on the bus anyway? type of gamer which is neither casual or hardcore. It's sad really because our pining for proper games equates us to that particular breed of film buff who only watches films with subtitles or films that are in black and white. Don't get us wrong, there's nothing wrong with a bit of [POPULAR MOBILE GAME IN THE GUARDIAN THIS WEEK] or [FACEBOOK GAME #1] but they don't quite provide the same level of fun as a game of Hogs of War or Wii Party nor do they really offer the rich experiences of Resident Evil or …

EDGE Day!

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Today is EDGE day! (In the interests of appeasing long suffering TGAM WaG/BS we've been asked to make our content more accessible so here goes). EDGE is one of the finest magazines about gaming in our humble opinion. It's the [INSERT ACCEPTABLY RECOGNISED FASHION MAGAZINE NAME] of gaming. It normally takes us a good fortnight to read through all of it, every single word, but on the first EDGE day the ritual is to read the editorial and the first couple of articles (the looking forward article in this month's mag is both excellent and depressing at the same time) then flick through reading Continue/Quit, Website of the month and internet game of the month before absorbing the ever wise words of Steven Poole. The magazine is then closed until a deeper reading sometime later. However, on the flick through earlier our eyes were caught by an ad similar to this one-but not this one, for what looks like yet another fantasy MMO we're not going to play called Rift.

For blind rea…

Cannon Fodder 3

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WAR! - never been so much fun!
Go to your brother, Kill him with your gun Leave him lying in his uniform, Dying in the sun!
YEAH

Cannon Fodder 3 has been announced from Codemasters!
For PC and 360!
It's been so long!
Incidentally, whilst searching on google image for the iconic poppy image above I stumbled across this gem: Itsa retro pixelated naked butt chick, in a passionate embrace with a green scaley fish man, in the woods at night, with two dragons rising up between them. Classic.
These kinds of images were iconic of the "demoscene" back in the day, trippy nonsensical music and imagary just as a launch before you ran your likely pirated software. 
Gotta love it.
Love and interspecies midnight forest dragon sexing,
Richie X.



Rise of the Total Tosspot

His profile is here. It's Brian Ashcraft.

Fucking art history graduates churning out shit like the article linked in the blog title.

For shame.

For shame.

Saturday Statistics #1

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Tickles: 393

That Guys Google Research

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As you know, here at that guys we are committed to brining you the news that you care about the most! And here we have the fruits of our latest research project:

Most of you are aware that if you search for anything on Google Image and scoll down far enough you will find porn. However with the entire cast of Street fighter it seems more prevalent.

So the rules are:
1. Google image will be set to:  Safesearch "Moderate"
2. Search for, [Character name] Street Fighter. 3. Observe the 1st instance of Porn and the page it is on. 4. Use only the 1st 20 pages of Google Image. [edit]5. Upon researching I noticed and abundance of pics relating to Cammy's butt. These will also be counted.
For those marked at 20+ it means that there was no porn in the first 20 pages however that is not to say it doest exist (thanks to Rule 38)


CharacterSex# of Google image pagesFeaturing Character?Gratuitous Cammy butt picures AbelMale20+2 AdonMale20+1 AceMale12no4 AkumaMale19no3 AlexMale16no1 AllenMale1no2…