Posts

the most heart-breaking imagery created by any video game ever

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We feel every single death. The cute little bastards. They just want to help. They volunteer themselves just for your materialistic gain Olimar, they shouldn't but they do. We love Pikmin but at the same time don't play it too much because then there's a chance that more pikmin will die. We're not good enough to save them all. Oh god I'm gonna cry again. As for Olimar Kirby's weird temporary existing pikmin in Super Smash Brothers Brawl we're not sure that shit isn't banned under the Geneva convention.

3DONSLAUGHT

It's that time again. New console/handheld device time. Time for endless coverage. How does it smell? What comes in the box with it? How long is the power cord? How many minutes will it survive in a hot glass of milk? It's tiresome and we're pretty sick of all the video game news outlets just abandoning normal service to churn out endless insignificant details. We're almost tempted to abandon proper gaming to try out all that iphone shit so we don't have to filter through 40 posts about what scientifically feasible colours a 3DS could or might come in. Even worse is that you can't see the fucking 3D effect through shitty videos. Can't we just this once keep everything a surprise? Can we? Let us not spoil it so that we've all rated and reviewed every single game and feature before it has even come out. Whilst we're at it, the DS is still the best platform currently available to people. Let's show it some love before buying all the games we have al

The Trashmaster

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Good machinima is very thin on the ground so it's with great joy that we direct you to go and watch a feature length filum called The Trashmaster, filmed inside GTAIV. Watch it here . The plot is as schloky as a Gears cutscene but the machinimatography is second to none. There's no hyperbole here but there are so many amazing shots crammed into 88 minutes you can't help but wonder at the eye for detail shown here. I've lived in that city but the filmakers have noticed details that makes me want to visit Liberty City again. Some of the shots in this film are ridiculous and we're willing to overlook sub-par narrative to congratulate the makers on a really really stunning piece of machinima. God knows how many hours were spent trying to set up the perfect shot and hopefully a bloopers reel will pop up sometime soon. Not only is it beautifully shot but this film is really a testimony to the highly detailed city that Rockstar built. Tiny little details that when highligh

Why I hate Final Fantasy. TGAM edition

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Blatantly stealing this article from Eurogamer. Its a pretty good article outlining some of the major flaws with the game(s) unfortunately Mr Daniel Bettridge dicks himself over quite early on in the article with this statement:  "While the cool kids were out playing footie and smoking tabs I was plundering dungeons as a Night Elf, hunting for loot and trying to work out how my level 20 paladin was going to escape hordes of Orcs." Shame, credibility out the window. The boy touched on a few good points, like androgynous characters, endless walking about, and OTT CGI sequences. Though made some stupid statements about physics defying weapons, not understanding mini-games, and some drivel about too much text. Anyways, why I hate Final Fantasy... Well firstly I don't "hate" Final Fantasy, I have fond memories of FF7 and FF8 and given the time I would happily play them again. And they are OK as games, they have a fun menu juggling mechanic that

1001 Video Games You Must Play Before You Die

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Is a great little (well, big actually) book compiled by the usual suspects (I wonder if the guys from ONM ever wonder why they never ever get asked to contribute to anything like this?). Put simply, this book lists 1001 video games you must play before you die. It is of course obligatory to now go through and list the shocking omissions and where they chose the wrong games but it is a very well balanced selection. Normally lists like this tend to neglect recent games but there's a good spread of games throughout time and space. There are 1001 of them though. How many have we played? Well I've played 155 of them. There's some odd choices but I don't envy making the selection. For example, which Street Fighter games make the list and which don't? Also, if you were to take the premise of this book very seriously and only had months to live must you really play both Advance Wars and Advance Wars Dual Strike? The book isn't without its errors don'tcha know? After

Turns out we're pretty odd

This excellent little piece is up on Inside Voice about what we mean by the average gamer. It's worth a read. We're constantly worried on behalf of the nation of gamers in that the term gamer doesn't mean anything anymore. "I play WoW exclusively" is not the same person as "I only play Fifa and CoD on Friday nights after the pub". But what we love about the post is the following list quoted word for word: * Facebook has become the platform of choice for the average gamer. * The iPhone has taken over as the most popular platform for the average gamer. * The console continues to be the primary gaming platform for the average gamer. * Due to the massive popularity of free-to-play, the average gamer won’t pay for anything anymore. * The average gamer has a subscription to Live. * The average gamer loves microtransactions and cannot wait to buy absolutely anything offered for sale. * The average gamer doesn’t have any online friends, is unfamiliar with chat

This is hardcore?

This kind of thing ( IF we notice it, that's a big IF) is game breaking for us. It seems more and more to use that hardcore games are anything but and casual games seem to be good for the kind of challenge that made games so compelling in the first place. Doesn't matter anyway BECAUSE YOU ALL BOUGHT IT IN THE MILLIONS. P.S Multiplayer is for Phags before you even go there. UPDATE WHEN I WAS FIXING THE VIDEO. It turns out I know quite a lot of the Spanish from Resident Evil 4. I don't know what they are saying but I imagine it is the equivalent to Achtung! Schnell Schnell and ACHTUNG GRENADES! in German.