That guy's a Maniac...

Finally. Finally, we got the Wii online this weekend. Why the long wait? Well it's a combination of one part refusing to give in to having the internet in the house, two parts getting the internet requires phoning people and organising things and twenty parts I have problems with other people in online spaces . This last one is fairly debilitating much like my Valvitis but I get the shakes and some serious anxiety when I game online with other people. It is super exhilarating but also very nerve wracking. Anyway these issues were conquered. The internet was switched on and here's what I did next: Downloaded all the Wii channels from't Nintendo Shop. Having done this laborious task at least four times for friends who had no idea the Wii could even be "online" I was happy to do it for someone who might actually use the channels more than once in a lifetime. I appreciate that the news and weather channels might not be up everyone's street but there is nothing fi

Ok, I'm a bit of an Oblivion nut. It was the first real game on the 360 that i got lost in (and still do to this day) Richie then moved me on to Fallout 3 "It's oblivion with guns!!" and Ive gotta say I'm enjoying that universe and the seemingly endless, yet rich DLC (no horse armour here!) However I've always been a sucker for a more traditional fantasy setting, so when we heard from GDC about a new Dungeon Crawler from Bethesda with a 2 player Co-op focus i think i soiled myself slightly. So what is it? Well it's called Hunted: The Demon's Forge (Anyone else picturing the Chaos Sanctuary in Diablo 2?) and it's a third person, 2 player Co-op game based around 2 hero's, E'lara (think Amazon Bow and Arrowey type person) and Caddoc (Barbarian Tank type person with insanely big swords and grunts)  The co-op is restricted to online co-op (Richie you in?) as they wanted to 'maintain a level of detail'  There is also a Matc

Windows Phone 7 series Xbox Live integration Is this the future of handheld gaming? I hope not. I might be being shortsighted here but I really think there needs to be separate real estate for controls for any meaningful gaming. ( Tap Tap Revenge isn't meaningful) With Web browsing and scrolling through contacts, touch makes sense, you touch it once then view, with a game (short of a Guitarhero style rhythm game) you need to be able to view the screen and react quickly without smudging it up with your fat fingers. Bring back snake I say! However given the Xbox Live integration with achievements, there will no doubt be endless subpar titles purchased and played solely for boosting their penis compensating GamerScore. However, with that said if they make Diablo 2 on this sucker, with cheevos, I'm in!! Đ

At various points over the weekend this image from that Neogaf thread had us inappropriately laughing whilst just going along, or on the bus, or at two o clock in the morning in bed. Oh god, uploading it got me going again.

So here's 2130 words on the PS3. Merely a small slice of the moronic bleating everyone has had to put up with from PlayStation fanboys and hacks looking to make easy copy. Hopefully now blinkered addlepates will concede that there is no Sony wild card. This is their trump. They all played out. Goodnight! Shit Just Got Casual. The future is the PlayStation 3. This is not a video game machine, this is not a games game machine . The console is more into what I would call the toy market, because most of the Wii games I've enjoyed felt more like toys than like games. The PS3 is doing the same for games as the PS3: pushing the graphical envelope, but it’s also added a multimedia element to proceedings by coming with a Blu-ray player. We're not tailoring it to the hardcore or the casual, this is just a strictly better interface for the kind of games that we want to make At a recent interactive entertainment conference, Tal Kerret, Oberon Media chairman, pushed the issue that t

And we're done. We would have thought it was going to be a stiff competition but we've got a clear future-proof winner in early March. Outstanding. This is a screenshot/promotional material for a title called Sports Champions for the PlayStation Move. If the rest of the game is like this we can hardly wait. Before the confirmed announcement of PS Move there was a harmonious balance amongst factions of the gaming community. What the Wii lacked in pure power it more than made up for in gameplay and what the Xbox 360 and PS3 had in pure shininess made up for the lack in diversity of genres on offer, the lack of any decent software on the PS3, that whole Sixaxis sham, the constant slimlining and different versions nonsense, the incessant patching, the non starter of face capturing and the one by one release of launch titles which were tired and passe before they even launched four years too late. However, now that Wii Sports and Wii Fit have come to the PlayStation have the scales

So is this living? Is that what they meant by the Third place? The power of the PlayStation can cure cancer but can't deal with more than three kinds of cowboys? Even Dead Rising: Chop Til You Drop had more types of zombies. Oh Jesus Christ. AND it's appear to be either an on-rails shooter or a static shooter? Aren't they supposed to be bad? Holy shit. This game has to be free for it not to be widely condemned.

I am Jack's Complete Lack Of Surprise.

Yes! The Uk's third fourth favourite tolerated awards-ceremony-organiser people also do awards for video games. Badly . Let's take a butchers shall we? Initial impressions are, what are the criteria for being chosen? Like when is the cut-off point? How come Halo Wars and Flower is on there as well As Cod 2? Were they all released in a twelve month period of each other? Because where's Resident Evil 5 then? Who knows? Also, as RPS's Alec Meer points out Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-o-rama. Actual most boring list of games ever. So vanilla. And also really? Best story Dragon Age: Origins really? Best strategy Halo Wars really? Why is left for Dead 2 all over that list? Why is Street Fighter IV the only Capcom game on there? In fact where are all the Wiiware, Indie and PC games? Even the Film BAFTAs have those boring foreign film awards. Where are all the good games? Since when was driving a sport? Oh and Dara O'Briain is the host. The TV guy who couldn't beat the Berser

Spring is almost upon us! But new seasons do not always bring good tidings. Ruminate us up like a Mofo Omastar. Not wanting to put too fine a point upon it but you were a bit of a dick Kabutops .

Diablo 3 wizard. Apparently looks like Russel Brand. I'm fed-up with dribs and drabs of Diablo 3 news! Early on last year there was a playable version of the game and evry few months they bring out concept art (Not actual in-game gfx) of characters. At this rate its gonna take years to release. Ok fair enough they are working on Starcraft 2, and WoW:  Cataclysm  Milking the cash cow. But all these little teases are not good for my health. And plus, at the back of the gaming communities head, we all know they might just pull a Starcraft: Ghost on us. And before we know it, it's just not been released.  Dear Blizzard, Do us a favour, please stop dangling the preverbial carrot, in the form of hypothetical character art, precious time is being wasted while you do this. We will all buy your game, just make sure it is out quickly! Think about it, there are people dying every day, and the chances that Diablo/Diablo 2 fans are dying getting higher and higher, given th

Ok. So you are thinking you want buy Game X, but you are not sure if it's going to be a game you'll like, how do you get a decent overview of whether or not its going to be the game for you? Do you go to Gamespot, IGN, Metacritic? Do you wait for your EDGE subscription? Do you wait for the Demo? Or do you take a chance, because the name is cool and the box art is pretty? I doubt many folks do the latter, either due to common sense or due to a previous fit of ill-advised spontinaity. I think at this point there are few people who will trust the "journalism" sites. After the great Gamespot walkout, I'm surprised it has any followers. And the same goes for most of the other sites, I find it hard to have faith in a site which has a full screen/page Ad of the latest flavour-of-the-week 3rd person romp. Understandably publishers are going to want advertise on games related sites; anyone who's on a "games" site is going to be interested in some for

First can we say how sad it will be for all those who lose their jobs in the closure of 43 shops across the UK. Now that is out of the way can we now say good. Good riddance GAME. We tried to support you in the credit crunch crisis thingy but you didn't have the games we wanted a mere six days after launch . Also, I'm not entirely surprised at the closures either when your stores look and feel like a teenager's bedroom. We remember the days when GAME was merely an awesome mail order site and you'd order stuff from the back of a mag. We got Legacy of Kain, Resident Evil, Broken Helix and Tomb Raider from GAME before it became a shop*. Any and every title including the more obscure ones were available back then when gaming shops on the high street were basically for PC games and printers. To see it's horrid generic commercial horribleness now makes us sad :( *Just checked wikipedia. Our memories seem to be totally apocryphal. Maybe we meant Gameplay ? W/ever. OH MAN

Many of you may have taken a stroll around Amity square with one of your 'cute' pokemon friends. Can I ask that as of today everyone boycotts Amity Square as it is nothing more than RACISM AT IT'S WORST. Yesterday I attempted to take a Kabuto for a walk around the square only to be told that it wouldn't be allowed in because it wasn't 'cute' enough. Not only is cuteness subjective but the Nazis at Amity Square define cuteness as pink normal types (with a couple of exceptions). Quite how this barefaced racism is tolerated in Hearthrome City comes as no surprise- the religious rednecks there have even built a church opposite the entrance.

The last Ubisoft game we bought was Combat of Giants: Dinosaurs. Until this DRM thing came up I didn't even know people played games on their PC. PCs are for making graphs and writing reports on. Jeez already. AMENDMENT 1: So is like Rayman on PC then? AMENDMENT 2: What happened to Rayman?

A bunch of people at the office were circulating the latest link for the latest masterpiece by Kotaku's Brian Crecente: Motion Control in Gaming: Rationalizing a New Dissonance . The usual jokes were flying around about how "Editor-In-Chief" means something different in America, and discussion arose as to when exactly Kotaku became (or desired to become) a science fiction pastiche of the real games industry. Deeply moved by the latest travesty from Kotaku Towers, I decided to get in touch with the big C for some constructive criticism. Here's how it went: TGAM: Hey. Just read your post about motion control in gaming. Thought I'd drop you a line to let you know it is one of the worst pieces of HTML pretending to be writing on Kotaku (FYI this is akin to saying it is one of the worst pieces of writing on the internet). Next time leave it to Leigh Alexander or someone else who can write their way out of a paper bag. It couldn't be more high school even if it ment

Yes citizens, the hype machine for Heavy Rain has sprung to life, opened up one evil eye and focussed it on the sky. Recently, Heavy Rain TV spots have been appearing in between televised shows about cooking and ice skating and all those Wii adverts that dominate the idiot box. We know, we know, you are dying to hear our verdict on them but first we interrupt this post for yet another look at 5/10 butterface leaning against the window in her pants. There's no way around it. She just isn't attractive. Well done feminism. You won! Anyway, back to these TV ads. I can't find any of the videos online (depressing in 2010) but basically, if you were a non gamer and you saw them you wouldn't realise that Heavy Rain supposedly represents gaming at it's best, gaming of the non running and shooting and inspiring high school killers kind, gaming for the thinking person. In fact I'd shoot the marketing team behind the spots because it makes the game look more like a video g

I think like most people out there, the first thing they thought was "Could this be Mario Kart on a non-Nintendo system?". But then again most people would rather not get their hopes up as this just may be another shit SEGA franchise game. But we had a play through and as close as it may be to Mario Kart. It's not quite there. Dont get me wrong it's fun, but not in the same way, yes the mechanics are the same, yes pretty much every pick-up is a clone of the Mario Kart pick-ups, and the levels are actually quite cool, including the loop-de-loops of Sonic vintage. But its missing that special something, I have decided to call this "something" Nintendroin and amalgamation of Nintendo and Heroin . I have decided that Turtle shells, Chomp chains, Plumbers and Princesses are the visual equivalent of Heroin, they have hooked us when we were young, and simply looking at these images makes us all feel all warm and comfy. That aside though, what about this

Zorua Zoroark Apparently a dark type, if it was 3 stage I'd like to think it could have been a starter. I'm fond of the idea that the starters could be something other than Fire, Grass and Water again. Dark, Fighting and Psychic seem the most viable. But I digress... It's been announced much in the same way as Lucario of Generation IV as he'll be in the TWELFTH movie!  Love and still waiting on HeartGold/SoulSilver, Richie X 

Right well apparently this took 5 years to make, the full story can be found here . Hint: Hit up page 16 for a disturbing picture of the creator. My apologies this post is bitter, but c'mon, you could know you could knock this (or better) up in an afternoon in Photoshop. Plus, i feel a bit tainted as this just feels like a Wonderland post. What next? Knitted resident evil toilet roll cosies. I don't think so. ugh Love and raging-at-ideas-we've-had-but-never-done-and-then-when-they-get-done-by-others-they-don't-fulfill-our-expectations, Richie X

Click the title for the link. Some nonsense about a lady off the telly going on about violent video games again. Which reminds us we wanted you all to have these links if you are genuinely interested: The Byron review . 2007-2008 review into keeping children protected online. A full report, a summary report and a report for young people are available so no excuses. Review of research on the impact of violent computer games on young people . A DCMS review of the research up until 2006 on the link between violent videogames and young people. With interesting conclusions as to the nature and quality of that research. How to set parental controls on the Wii , Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 . That awful Susan Greenfield woman again. Digital Britain 2009 report into Brits and what they get up to online. Some interesting stats here. Don't Shoot a 2007 proper look at violence and video games links and you know, proper research. Lastly and we're being naughty here Atro

Pray you don't have offspring and if it is any consolation you inspired this poem: A Man A man today is trying to convince me that Sega is pronounced Sea-Ga Not Say-Ga And that there was the last straw That is what made me take my Daddy's Glock Down to the family fair It took me Ay-Gees x x

In the big, bigger, biggest tried-and-tested format.

So Lego Star Wars III has been announced, and the above image has been released. First impressions: Fucked up. Is no one else freaked out by those faces?!!? I mean don't get me wrong, Lego characters are already quite freaky with their cold dead eyes, but there is a definite uncanny-valley caused mixing the two genres of CG Cartoon and CG Lego blocks. Well freakyness aside, this one is based on the clone wars cartoon but will feature some of the other characters from the Starwars Universe, not much else to say to be honest, It's another Lego game, same formula as the rest of them, though hopefully we'll get some cool new force updates. Due out before the end of 2010 Freaky CG characters missing their noses and Seducing Yoda's, Richie X

We really wish we could be as happy as these folks: And a small part* of us is, Generation V pokemon have been announced. ... Well "announced-ish". For now it is just a silhouette, our bets are that it is a Lucario evolution. The reveal is happening in March. But yeah the reason we can only  wish we could be happy, is well, we need HeartGold/SoulSilver first! It's hard to care about new Pokemon when you still have a whole game to get through... Roll on March *not a racist joke I promise Love and Generation V Conspiracies, Richie X

I could list all the reasons as to why this video is the full spectrum of wrong, but including that as post content would lead to some rather debatable hits from google. Just no. Richie :(

After the recent debate over the Wii , it is nice to see there is some real innovation and blue sky thinking out there. Finally, a new type of controller I can get behind! Đ [ Flopculture ]

So many piss jokes we don't know where to start. All the major gaming news networks reported that two Heavy Rain 'videos' were 'leaked' (when is the game out again?). One of which was the opening sequence, the other was gameplay of slutbungwulla having a shower and having a wee. We watched both videos on your behalf and here are our thoughts: 1) It is a fucked up world where a video of a virtual woman having a wee generates more interest than all those videos of virtual death and mass murder. Even more so that either of those kinds of videos drums up more interest than all that depressing 'news' stuff on real MDKs. 2) On the upside, the shower scene is so devoid of titilation (ha tit) that only the most frustrated of adolescents are in danger of getting aroused. However, it is really boring. This is an unattractive woman having a shower after a hard day at work perhaps? From what we saw she doesn't frig or hide the soap. She just showers a bit.

Since I was a kid, gaming has always been synonymous with Nintendo. Here was a company that for me had awesome graphics, huge libraries of games and timeless franchises. However this relationship unfortunately ended with the Game Cube and while the Wii has been a runaway succes it got me thinking why did they lose me as a customer? My first gaming system was a Commodore 64, a system that looked enough like it might be educational to fool my parents, however for me it was purely for games. While I spent many hours with Treasure Island Dizzy (one life and no saving!!), bubble bobble and Rick Dangerous, my first experience with what i believed to be 'true' gaming was the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) I would accompany my parents on trips to Makro and immediately split from them and head to the gaming isle where they had a Nintendo wall with NES systems running Super Mario Bros and Duck Hunt. These Instant gaming machines let you slip in to a simple, co

Over the weekend we watched the first episode of The Virtual Revolution . A series all about the history of the web innit. Presented by I'm-A-Doctor-Now-Former-Bits-Presentertator-Aleks Krotoski. Anyway here's the breakdown just in case you missed it: 10% Gratuitous shots of Dr Al's breasts and butt. Really gratutitous. 5% Aleks nodding/glowing/gushing in the presence of an old San Franciscan. 15% Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive. 15% Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive with her shades on. 30% 5 of the richest men in the world celebrating how the web is the great 'leveller' specifically their software. 5% Bitter hippies claiming it's all gone to shit now. 7% Aleks looking into the camera and flicking her hair out of her eyes. 5% Aleks typing away on her laptop WITH HER MAN HANDS in the street near a famous landmark. 3% HIPPIES! 10% Some pointless graphic which was being 'unveiled' for the first time ever. Episode two i