That guy's a Maniac...

Mr.Sony You’ve been a constant joy for so many years. Just look at your back catalogue. My wish list is still longer than the Xbox 360 release list. We’ve had laughs, tears, fear and comfort. Memories of the PSX are happy memories Colony Wars, Micro Machines, Dino Crisis, Tomb Raider, Resident Evil, Theme Hospital, Quake 2, Syndicate Wars, Silent Hill… The list is endless. The end of the PSX was like getting a favourite dead pet dog stuffed. It was still around, you could still have intercourse with it and you could make your brand new dog still have intercourse with it. Then you started to be naughty. “Four ports for joypads” you said “Easy Peasy Online” you said. But these things didn’t transpire. So now we have to own two different multitaps for PSX games and PS2 games. But it didn’t matter you gave us more Silent Hills, 3D Grand Theft Auto, Quake 3, Dynasty Warriors, Burnout, TImesplitters, SSX Tricky, Project Eden, Metal Gea… The list is endless. There was no point in owning a gam

What is the point in having an E3 or a Serious Games Summit or any of these events when BEING A GAMER IN EUROPE IS LIKE BEING A MONK IS LAS VEGAS. It’s hard to find a nice new habit to buy, no-one will give be a bowl haircut. There are no bible, or other religious merchandise, shops. Also the “churches” they have are an insult to real churches. What I’m trying to say is that following this post and after certain comments from Chuff_72 . I have a big beef with four, lets call them, people: Mr.Nintendo, Mr.Sony, Mr.Micrsoft and Mr.GAME. I’m willing to put aside all petty grievances and differences and I think gamers of Europe should come together and rebel! (Although exactly what form this rebellion will take is beyond me? Maybe we should all buy gizmondos and Dreamcasts until the four evils give in to our demands. Mr. Microsoft. What the fucking fuck are you doing? You have had a YEAR (and counting) headstart on the other next-gen console (I say other because a name, a new controller a

Wow, one of our growing ranks of commentors (now we have a readership of 3!) has requested that is post this little poem I composed here. It was first published on my old blog . This new release also comes with a special author's comment at the end. Oh Spuddy! You are my first gun You are my worst gun It takes you three shots to blow up barrels And with your negative zoom and miniscule crosshair It is easier to no-scope But you are always there for me You're not like the other guns, Drip feeding me ammo for lazy setpieces I cannot collect too much ammo for you Sometimes you have infinite ammo And when I've spunked my grenades on peons And used my automatic weapons on bigger guys And I have to face a boss and I didn't save at the last checkpoint There you are useless, small but reliable Sometimes you have a silencer Sometimes you have a semi-automatic mode But I know, when I want to write rude words with bullet holes I can count on you, The only permanent slot in my inve

As it turns out there is a game coming out soon that i care about: 30th June: Super Dragonball Z from Atari Oddly enough this bad boy doesnt get a review on Gamespot, but hey... Once it comes out, the That Guy's... guys will surely post a review. I own most of the current gen Dragonball Z games: Dragonball Budokai - GC Dragonball Budokai 2 - PS2 Dragonball Budokai 3 - PS2 Dragonball Budokai Tenkaichi - PS2 There was some Bullshit Dragonball Z game (Sagas) that came out in the US which got the worst reviews, and is not worth playing as it doesnt even encompas the full plot of Dragonball Z. And i dont own the PSP (Shin Budokai) one beacuse well, i dont own a PSP, nor do i ever want to own one.

We have all been strafing round docks and warehouses belonging to yet another Mr.Bigevilscientist, shooting generic balaclava man No.69, who is conveniently hugging an explosive barrel, before pressing identical lever No.23 before sprinting to disabled access-unfriendly door that stays open for just enough time to make it No.22. BUT, it can be argued that when AI cocks up or NPCs act squiffy it can be more chilling than the bit with the doll in Silent Hill 4: the Room. Now, as all (two) of you know I’ve been playing the same six console games for about 40 years now so I’m in an IDEAL POSITION to get on my high horse and tell you-tales of (virtual) worldly adventures and the glitches that have the power to force involuntary anal outbursts or insurmountable rage. Tomb Raider and (as Chuff_72 points out) the original Driver were poster games for the fall through the wall/floor into 360° sky glitch. In fact, most games if you push them hard enough will cough you out into an endless, yet s

Step 7. Get Home. Yeah pretty much the same deal as last time, I seemed to leave everything to the VERY last minute, managing to get on the train/plane etc. just in time. Although there was one thing that bugged me: I don’t know how many of you have travelled on the London Underground and the Glasgow Underground within a few hours of each other. Well I did and I can say Glasgow Underground Is a bit of a disappointment when compared to the London Underground. Now I have used the Glasgow underground (Clockwork Orange) for many years now but stepping on it after the wonders of the London Underground (timed tubes, digital displays for where the tube is going, voices telling you information about where the train is going, and a lovely woman who tells you to “Mind the Gap”) just made the Glasgow underground seem like a fisher price toy . The underground is dated to say the least its retro 70’s architecture and retro 70’s upholstery doesn’t do it any favours. T

HELP DESPERATELY REQUIRED!! I need help from you! (by you, I mean Richie and our pseudo-anonymous commentor). I recently bought myself a DS (Yeah, yeah. I know the DSlite is coming out soon but I'm a big guy and I'm worried that i might either eat the dinky thing or end up covering the touch screen with my fat digits). Anyway, I have Mario Kart DS , Advance Wars Dual Strike and Nintendogs. Of course you understand that Nintendogs was part of a bundle, despite what the man at GAME will tell you. It wasn't Mario Kart at all. I still have to train my dog properly (at the moment he sits down about 1 in every 10 times I tell him to, despite the fact that on his tricks menu he has "learned" this skill), I still have to finish the missions and the 150cc cups and I've still to finish campaign mode not to mention my desire to go online with MK. But I want a new game too. Due to Nintendo's passionate hate for Europe ( Wario Ware Twisted anyone ? Have you tried to

Step 6. Break into the Big Brother house. Too Drunk, and Cunzy didn’t know where the house was… Step 6: Break into the Big Brother house. FAILED. Score: Richie 4: London 2 To be continued....

This month the “ That Guy’s a Maniac… ” Award goes to: “Xzin” This guy is apparently organising a 40 man raid in WoW which he will be controlling himself. For those of you who are WoW-illiterate: 40 man raids are when a group of 40 people, who have reached the end of the game, enter an event where they have to kill very hard enemies and boss characters, mostly to collect some of the more “epic” items to improve their character. The 40 man raids have to be ‘balanced’ i.e. they will have an even spread of all the different character classes (mages, paladins, warriors, hunters, priests etc.) all of which have their own role within the game. Anyway this guy is apparently gonna control all 40 characters... Good luck Xzin, and Congrats you are a Maniac More here .

Cunzys post a hard act to follow but I am gonna blindly try. Much of what Cunzy was saying is true the "pick up and play" games are a lot of fun, but of course there are all sorts of games out there. Of course there would have be some way of defining games which is something I have been working on for a long time, and by "defining games" I don't mean RTS, FPS, RPG etc… because I believe that there is a deeper element to video games, of which I call the "Gaming Core" (copyright Richie 2006). Basically these can be divided into Good games and crap games, However for now let's have a basic look at how far I have got: Emotional core: Games with the epic story lines, rich plot and evoke a strong emotional response. Which is of course what draws you in and makes you want more… E.g. Silent Hills, Final Fantasy Series. Skills core: This is development of in-game skills such as timing, combos, and special moves. Inherent of b

You honestly couldn't have scripted it more perfectly if you tried. Well not here anyway because we use a certain amount of autistic licence with our spelling and grammar. Gay (in the 13 year old sense) bloggers don't like football. Now I'm no sportsman myself, I've dabbled with Football and Rugby and Richie famously appeared on the Silver screen as a rugby player but it takes a certain breed of San Fransisco, blogger, ex-goth, OMG I heard my cat wheezing at 4 this morning so I had to take it to the vet, oh god what would I do if he died? Sicknote Sam to make an Indie video about it! Is it because you can't run very fast? I imagine there were jocks at your high-school? In Europe it is compulsory to like football and/or feign liking it, especially around Euro or World Cup time unless you are a girl in the biological sense or a girl in the other sense.

The “future of gaming” is the new "are games art" question of new games journalism . Every amateur hack is whining on about whether it should be graphics? (Sony Lies, Xbox Lies and Nintendo Statistics) User-created ipodcatowningsecondlifesanfransisconofightingflickrpishimadeafourtyfootmodel ofmycatlisteningtoanipod? (Second Life) Or emotional storytelling (Ummm…) Well Fuckward journos if you put your mac down for two seconds we here at That Guy’s will set you straight. First of all games are inherently broken. Fix them please by following my easy recipe here . Secondly, fuck-online play. Soooo many console games have a one player mode, no splitscreen mode and a hashed-out-deathmatch-only-crappy-level-online aspect to it. Sure keep doing your MMORPGs but make fighting compulsory and let people ambush the guilds who endlessly hang around the hubs talking to each other. Now, if you want to make the next thing in gaming, I’m going to give the recipe to you right here and now: 1)

As much as i hate blogs which link to youtube: 1. David Bowie 2. More David Bowie 3. Echoes 4. More Echoes Enjoy!

Step 5. See David Gilmour. Yep well, this was the main reason I even ventured out of grey rainy Scotland . The concert was on Monday 29 th May at the Albert hall. And was IMMENSE, seriously one of the best fucking gigs of my life, EVER!!! For those of you who don’t know David Gilmour is, he is the Lead Vocalist and Guitarist in Pink Floyd, and if you don’t know who Pink Floyd are then: fuck off, curl up and die, and burn in hell you fucking philistine. I’d like to see anyone top this gig, I dare you: David Gilmour. Richard Wright (Pink Floyd vocalist/keyboardist). Crosby and Nash (From Crosby , Stills, Nash and Young) as his Harmony Vocals. David Gilmour. The Whole of his new album: On an Island. A 20 minute version of Echo’s ( a la Live in Pompeii ) David Gilmour. David Bowie!* David Gilmour. *Yeah! David Fucking Bowie ! The last two songs Daid Gilmour says, “I’d like to introduce on stage a good friend of mine… Mr David Bowie” then he sings the Syd Barrett s

Hey Zangief nice ears! Have you ever thought about male modelling? With that beard and that bulge , gamers of all persuasions would lust after you. Hey, in fact whilst other "boys" were pausing the screen whilst Chun-Li was kicking to get a flash of the pixellated gash but I was pausing you to get a nice ass shot .

Step 4. Purchase/Drink a Cosmopolitan with a Straight face. This was a Challenge actually set by one of the Scottish. The plan was to go to some “upmarket” pub/club and actually order a Cosmopolitan with a straight face. A fairly easy challenge, however due to the fact that London is big and Me and Cunzy have no sense of direction we failed miserably to even find a fucking “upmarket bar”. Hell we even fucked up going to the XL Centre in London’s Docklands for some Cars-tits-sports-jaropening conference (anime and video game conference) , we ended up in Islington because: 1. Islington has a conference centre 2. It’s in London Step 4: Purchase/Drink a Cosmopolitan with a Straight face. DENIED. Score: Richie 3: London 1 To be continued....

Cunzys top 10 computer game characters he like to get screenshots/photos of cos-players of, so that he can get hard, as nothing else does it now. Zangief Barret (but only with the Comedic Punching Glove weapon) Steiner All Kingdom Hearts Characters Nanaki (Red XIII) and his dad when he cries Paras Sweet Tooth Blinky Bill (shadow of memories) Walter Sulivan (Silent Hill 4) Default Man

Singing the Resident Evil 2 script in L337 to the Buffy the VAmpire Slayer Musical soundtrack on your ipod whilst roleplaying Magic: the Gathering in Yuna cosplay and wearing Nintendo Boxershorts with Advent Children in the background on the TV.

Richie's top ten hottest video game characters: 1) Sherry- RE2 2) Rikku- FFX (not FFX-2 ) 3) Ash Ketchum 4) Aeris (whilst she is dead, but still warm) 5) Young Lara Croft- Tomb Raider Legend & Chronicles 6) Cloud (During wheelchair sequence) 7) Little Cloud (During flashback sequence) 8) Little Aeris (During flashback sequence) 9) Marlene- FFVII 10) Nemesis- RE3 Dude. That is just wrong (except 1,2, 3, 4, 5, 7, 8 & 9). Sicko

Richie was asking about gay characters in computer games the other day. I wasn't I was watching straight porn, driving my massive 6 litre-4 cylinder-8 diameter alloyed car to play a sport whilst opening really tight jars for women. However are there any? Other than Tara and Willow in the Buffy games. There are a lot of trannys and this seems to be ok with the Japanese and the Federation-of-American-Mothers-for-the-purification-of-filth-on-all-types-of-media-god-that-bastard-father-of-your-is-working-late-at-the-office-again. However, bona-fide out there gay characters seem to be a no-no. How about an aggressive gay beat'm'up character who says "Show me the Butt" when he wins? There are the gay guys in vice city who walk around saying lyrics from YMCA (I presume they are gay. My American friend tells me that they all wear blue Hawaian Shirts and have ginger hair). There is also Squall who passes up the chance to tap Quistis to spend it moping around saying ..... to