The Video Game BAFTAs

Yes! The Uk's third fourth favourite tolerated awards-ceremony-organiser people also do awards for video games. Badly.

This image has little to do with anything
Let's take a butchers shall we?

Initial impressions are, what are the criteria for being chosen? Like when is the cut-off point? How come Halo Wars and Flower is on there as well As Cod 2? Were they all released in a twelve month period of each other? Because where's Resident Evil 5 then? Who knows?

Also, as RPS's Alec Meer points out Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-o-rama. Actual most boring list of games ever. So vanilla. And also really? Best story Dragon Age: Origins really? Best strategy Halo Wars really? Why is left for Dead 2 all over that list? Why is Street Fighter IV the only Capcom game on there? In fact where are all the Wiiware, Indie and PC games? Even the Film BAFTAs have those boring foreign film awards. Where are all the good games? Since when was driving a sport? Oh and Dara O'Briain is the host. The TV guy who couldn't beat the Berserker in Gears (I'm such a dick!). Great. Here's our run down:

Action

Assassin’s Creed II- Didn't play it, average.
Batman: Arkham Asylum- Grow up.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2- Boring, didn't play it.
inFAMOUS- Boring, same as that other one we also didn't play.
Left 4 Dead 2- Flinch 4 Flinch Flinch as it is now known. Boring. Didn't play. Worse than Resident Evil Outbreak.
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves- The only PS3 game of 2009 so FAIR.

????

OKAY. Thought experiment time! [Sorry]. Look at these six games and guess which award they are up for. Assassin’s Creed II, Batman: Arkham Asylum, Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, Flower, Streetfighter IV, Uncharted 2: Among Thieves HIGHLIGHT FOR ANSWER: Artistic Achievement O RLY?

Best Game

Assassin’s Creed II- Best average game that did what the original should have.
Batman: Arkham Asylum- Best not horrible Batman game.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2- Best game for meatheads.
FIFA 10- Best game for criminals.
Left 4 Dead 2- Best game for girls.
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves- Best game for the PS3 in the last...since ever Flower.

Family & Social

The Beatles: Rock Band- Social benefit.
Buzz! Quiz World- Social service.
EyePet- National Socialist Party.
Guitar Hero 5- Socialitis.
New Super Mario Bros Wii- we've run out of social words.
Wii Sports Resort- Socialitis wasn't really one anyway.

Gameplay

Batman: Super Assassin’s Duty Calls Bro- See above
PixelJunk Shooter- Red Faction Guerilla was awesome.
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves- You could literally walk through buildings in a mech.

Multiplayer

Battlefield 1943- Hmm does it have to be a real person to count as multiplayer or can it just be the kinds of organisms that play Battlefield?
The Beatles: Rock Band- Sitting in silence a room listening to plastic clacking and hit/miss beatles songs staring at a screen and looking like a twat has never been so fun with friends
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2- See Battlefield
Halo 3 ODST- Didn't play it.
Left 4 Dead 2- sigh
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves- SURPRISE!

Original Score

Assassin’s Creed II- Dare anyone to try to recall any of the score.
Batman: Arkham Asylum- Dare anyone to try to recall any of the score.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2- Dare anyone to try to recall any of the score.
Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince- OH YEAH REALLY ORIGINAL. ORIGINAL SINCE THE FILM YOU MEAN. AND AUDIO BOOK.
PixelJunk Shooter
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves- Dare anyone to try to recall any of the score.

Sports

Colin McRae: DiRT 2- Not a sport
FIFA 10- Not again
Football Manager 2010- Not a game
Forza 3- Not a sport
Wii Fit Plus- Not a sport
Wii Sports Resort- Phew. Got there in the end.

Story This award is sponsored by the society for people who have been locked in basements for the first fourteen years of their life and who have never actually heard a semi decent story before.

Assassin’s Creed II- REALLY?
Batman: Arkham Asylum- SHOCK!
Broken Sword – Shadow of the Templars: The Director’s Cut- Is this out?
Brutal Legend- REALLY!
Dragon Age: Origins- TOLKIEN?
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves- Better than Schindler's List I hear?

Best Game Featuring An Asylum

Assassin’s Creed II- REALLY?
Batman: Arkham Asylum- SHOCK!
Call of Duty 2 Something Warmens- SHOCK!

Use of Audio

Batman: Arkham Asylum- LIES.
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2- LIES.
DJ Hero- A nomination that makes sense.
Flower- Was there audio?
Left 4 Dead 2- Yes screaching internet twat.
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves- Better than Crash Bandicoot?

A Fuck Load of Other Sponsored Or Newcomer Award Probably:

Batman: Arkham Asylum
Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2
Assassin's Creed 2
Left 4 Dead 2
Uncharted 2: Among Thieves


It's being streamed live from the BAFTA website on Friday the 19th of March so make dinner plans. Go on a date with your Boyf. Perhaps go and see the ballet or go to the pub with some friends. The cinema is always nice. That's all we've got time for this week but be sure to tune in next week. Let's thank 2009's special non-award-nominated guests: Moon, Mirror's EDGE, House of the Dead Overkill, GTAIV: Episodes, Dawn of War II, Killzone 2, Empire:Total War, Resident Evil 5, Pokemon Platinum, The Chronicles of Riddick, Boom Blox Bash Party, Red Faction: Guerilla, Little King's Story, Borderlands, Torchlight and Dead Space Extraction. Fuck you BAFTA. Fuck you very much!

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