Tomato Juice and Black Umbrella

Rocco's modern life
Sup maniacs? We were at GDC and we've had precious little blogging time so here's a brief catch up in the form of a numbered list:

1) The Guiness World Records: Gamer's Edition is now out (already reduced by 33% in many shops) and it is worth picking up in the future when it is somewhere around the £5 mark. Packed with a lot of tenuous records and inaccuracies but it's worth ignoring the blindingly obvious mistakes (Resident Evil 2 and Resident Evil 3 are not PlayStation2 games, why didn't anyone consult us?) to discover some lesser known gaming related gems. So for example, did you know that David Lynch directed the PS2 'Third Place' adverts? Or that the PSOne could connect to a number of Sony mobile phones? I don't know what they could do when they were connected but you could do it. In Japan.

2) Both myself and Richie have had our IPs banned from the Resident Evil Wiki for trying to add the articles "Jill Sammich" and "That Guy's A Maniac". Quite frankly a "Resident Evil wiki" without those articles is a misnomer. They don't even have an article on Akuma for christ's sake. So in facetious spite we looked at all 1843 articles on the REwiki over a gruelling two days and discovered 1223 and 1/2 mistakes and didn't correct them! Ha! Wiki that arseholes.
3) Despite claiming to quite like the Resident Evil Series neither of us had ever played the reportedly bad Resident Evil Outbreak.... until now that is! And yes. It's bad. Here's a brief list of things that are wrong: story is non canon :(, characters can make vocalisations that are pointless offline, way too many cutscenes (14 cutscenes on the first level, a level which takes about 14 minutes if you are fast so that's one cutscene per minute of gameplay! Must be a record Guiness!), AI characters are frankly arseholes and will run off or just refuse to follow commands despite getting mauled in the face and the dub on some of the cutscenes is completely different to the subtitles. This list is not comprehensive but all these issues do mount up and unfortunately bring the score down to 9/10: best game on the PS2. It could have been so much more though.

4) Someone needs to go to Tim Buckley's house and check that he's taking the proper meds. First there is this ridiculous I'm not too sure what it even is "storyline" that smacks a bit too much of Bouncer's Dream in Neighbours. Be it an early mid-life crisis or a bad break up, someone should check on Tim. You know, just in case.....

5) GDC was okay but as with every year, a bunch of Peter Molyneux's and Peter Molyneux himself were bigging up the "next big things in gaming" (online gaming apparently). I think they meant to say Brain Training 3, Halo 4 and shit like Mario and Sonic at the Olympic games. The sandwiches at GDC were really nice although next year some kind of sticker or flag to highlight which ones are fish, vegetarian or meat would save some valuable time.

6) After hunting 6 different high street shops I managed to pick up a copy of Resident Evil Umbrella Chronicles. It's a nice little game, a bit too easy perhaps but nice nonetheless despite being a bit non canon thus confusing the new kids who weren't there from the beginning. Nonetheless 10/10 best game on the Wii.

7) Following the purchase of RE:Outbreak I've been skimming a lot of FAQs recently and this is a formal public service notice to FAQ writers: There is no need for the sections: version history, author's notes, disclaimers, special thanks or game controls sections. No one ever reads that shit and no one cares if Jigglypuff12 helped you out on the section about where to take upskirt screenies. Just skip to the bits where you start giving up the information straight away if people can't work out the controls themselves then I doubt they can translate your broken english anyway and I imagine they are beyond help in the first place.

So that's what we've been up to campers, what sandwiches have you been avoiding recently?

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