That guy's a Maniac...

Yes citizens, the hype machine for Heavy Rain has sprung to life, opened up one evil eye and focussed it on the sky. Recently, Heavy Rain TV spots have been appearing in between televised shows about cooking and ice skating and all those Wii adverts that dominate the idiot box. We know, we know, you are dying to hear our verdict on them but first we interrupt this post for yet another look at 5/10 butterface leaning against the window in her pants. There's no way around it. She just isn't attractive. Well done feminism. You won! Anyway, back to these TV ads. I can't find any of the videos online (depressing in 2010) but basically, if you were a non gamer and you saw them you wouldn't realise that Heavy Rain supposedly represents gaming at it's best, gaming of the non running and shooting and inspiring high school killers kind, gaming for the thinking person. In fact I'd shoot the marketing team behind the spots because it makes the game look more like a video g

I think like most people out there, the first thing they thought was "Could this be Mario Kart on a non-Nintendo system?". But then again most people would rather not get their hopes up as this just may be another shit SEGA franchise game. But we had a play through and as close as it may be to Mario Kart. It's not quite there. Dont get me wrong it's fun, but not in the same way, yes the mechanics are the same, yes pretty much every pick-up is a clone of the Mario Kart pick-ups, and the levels are actually quite cool, including the loop-de-loops of Sonic vintage. But its missing that special something, I have decided to call this "something" Nintendroin and amalgamation of Nintendo and Heroin . I have decided that Turtle shells, Chomp chains, Plumbers and Princesses are the visual equivalent of Heroin, they have hooked us when we were young, and simply looking at these images makes us all feel all warm and comfy. That aside though, what about this

Zorua Zoroark Apparently a dark type, if it was 3 stage I'd like to think it could have been a starter. I'm fond of the idea that the starters could be something other than Fire, Grass and Water again. Dark, Fighting and Psychic seem the most viable. But I digress... It's been announced much in the same way as Lucario of Generation IV as he'll be in the TWELFTH movie!  Love and still waiting on HeartGold/SoulSilver, Richie X 

Right well apparently this took 5 years to make, the full story can be found here . Hint: Hit up page 16 for a disturbing picture of the creator. My apologies this post is bitter, but c'mon, you could know you could knock this (or better) up in an afternoon in Photoshop. Plus, i feel a bit tainted as this just feels like a Wonderland post. What next? Knitted resident evil toilet roll cosies. I don't think so. ugh Love and raging-at-ideas-we've-had-but-never-done-and-then-when-they-get-done-by-others-they-don't-fulfill-our-expectations, Richie X

Click the title for the link. Some nonsense about a lady off the telly going on about violent video games again. Which reminds us we wanted you all to have these links if you are genuinely interested: The Byron review . 2007-2008 review into keeping children protected online. A full report, a summary report and a report for young people are available so no excuses. Review of research on the impact of violent computer games on young people . A DCMS review of the research up until 2006 on the link between violent videogames and young people. With interesting conclusions as to the nature and quality of that research. How to set parental controls on the Wii , Xbox 360 and PlayStation 3 . That awful Susan Greenfield woman again. Digital Britain 2009 report into Brits and what they get up to online. Some interesting stats here. Don't Shoot a 2007 proper look at violence and video games links and you know, proper research. Lastly and we're being naughty here Atro

Pray you don't have offspring and if it is any consolation you inspired this poem: A Man A man today is trying to convince me that Sega is pronounced Sea-Ga Not Say-Ga And that there was the last straw That is what made me take my Daddy's Glock Down to the family fair It took me Ay-Gees x x

In the big, bigger, biggest tried-and-tested format.

So Lego Star Wars III has been announced, and the above image has been released. First impressions: Fucked up. Is no one else freaked out by those faces?!!? I mean don't get me wrong, Lego characters are already quite freaky with their cold dead eyes, but there is a definite uncanny-valley caused mixing the two genres of CG Cartoon and CG Lego blocks. Well freakyness aside, this one is based on the clone wars cartoon but will feature some of the other characters from the Starwars Universe, not much else to say to be honest, It's another Lego game, same formula as the rest of them, though hopefully we'll get some cool new force updates. Due out before the end of 2010 Freaky CG characters missing their noses and Seducing Yoda's, Richie X

We really wish we could be as happy as these folks: And a small part* of us is, Generation V pokemon have been announced. ... Well "announced-ish". For now it is just a silhouette, our bets are that it is a Lucario evolution. The reveal is happening in March. But yeah the reason we can only  wish we could be happy, is well, we need HeartGold/SoulSilver first! It's hard to care about new Pokemon when you still have a whole game to get through... Roll on March *not a racist joke I promise Love and Generation V Conspiracies, Richie X

I could list all the reasons as to why this video is the full spectrum of wrong, but including that as post content would lead to some rather debatable hits from google. Just no. Richie :(

After the recent debate over the Wii , it is nice to see there is some real innovation and blue sky thinking out there. Finally, a new type of controller I can get behind! Đ [ Flopculture ]

So many piss jokes we don't know where to start. All the major gaming news networks reported that two Heavy Rain 'videos' were 'leaked' (when is the game out again?). One of which was the opening sequence, the other was gameplay of slutbungwulla having a shower and having a wee. We watched both videos on your behalf and here are our thoughts: 1) It is a fucked up world where a video of a virtual woman having a wee generates more interest than all those videos of virtual death and mass murder. Even more so that either of those kinds of videos drums up more interest than all that depressing 'news' stuff on real MDKs. 2) On the upside, the shower scene is so devoid of titilation (ha tit) that only the most frustrated of adolescents are in danger of getting aroused. However, it is really boring. This is an unattractive woman having a shower after a hard day at work perhaps? From what we saw she doesn't frig or hide the soap. She just showers a bit.

Since I was a kid, gaming has always been synonymous with Nintendo. Here was a company that for me had awesome graphics, huge libraries of games and timeless franchises. However this relationship unfortunately ended with the Game Cube and while the Wii has been a runaway succes it got me thinking why did they lose me as a customer? My first gaming system was a Commodore 64, a system that looked enough like it might be educational to fool my parents, however for me it was purely for games. While I spent many hours with Treasure Island Dizzy (one life and no saving!!), bubble bobble and Rick Dangerous, my first experience with what i believed to be 'true' gaming was the Nintendo Entertainment System (NES) I would accompany my parents on trips to Makro and immediately split from them and head to the gaming isle where they had a Nintendo wall with NES systems running Super Mario Bros and Duck Hunt. These Instant gaming machines let you slip in to a simple, co

Over the weekend we watched the first episode of The Virtual Revolution . A series all about the history of the web innit. Presented by I'm-A-Doctor-Now-Former-Bits-Presentertator-Aleks Krotoski. Anyway here's the breakdown just in case you missed it: 10% Gratuitous shots of Dr Al's breasts and butt. Really gratutitous. 5% Aleks nodding/glowing/gushing in the presence of an old San Franciscan. 15% Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive. 15% Dr Aleks walking around looking pensive with her shades on. 30% 5 of the richest men in the world celebrating how the web is the great 'leveller' specifically their software. 5% Bitter hippies claiming it's all gone to shit now. 7% Aleks looking into the camera and flicking her hair out of her eyes. 5% Aleks typing away on her laptop WITH HER MAN HANDS in the street near a famous landmark. 3% HIPPIES! 10% Some pointless graphic which was being 'unveiled' for the first time ever. Episode two i

Exciting unboxing complete we've now played through a lot of Darkside Chronicles, some of the normal Capcom secret modes silliness aside. The review that summed it up best was probably the EDGE review. This is RE2 & Code Veronica the best bits. All the bits you remember with all the inventory management, backtracking and key finding edited out. Some reviews bitched about how Capcom had taken a hatchet to the storyline but the bits they cut out and edited gave a bit more elbow room to new elements that weren't there before and a bit more exposition. The new "bit" set between Code Veronica and Resident Evil 4 feels less last minute made up than the Umbrella's End Mission from Umbrella Chronicles and has some nice South American twists of RE B.O.W classics, the Anubis and the new Ivy being particularly stand out. Obviously, for us this game is some much needed Resident Evil massage oil for the relevant bits of our brains that crave it but if you aren't

Since the Blogosphere is rife with everyone finishing each other off whilst masturbating vigorously and furiously to Apple's latest product, we at thatguys felt compelled to drop our fluids* into the Apple wank pile. To be honest there is not much to say that hasn't been said on EVERY other site out there, seriously do apple even need to advertise? A Blogger said: It's like a mix between an iPhone and a Macbook. Twitter went viral with #iTampon, yet again proving that the internet is blatantly immature as us. Facebook is crawling with the same link to Steve Jobs Keynote. The BBC said it was a "gaming device", fuck off. The Guardian called it an oversized phone. Kotaku were not overly impressed. Metascore 4/10: Wait for iPad 2 *fluids, it's more PC you know cuz women get to do it too. iLove and iHugs. Richie XX

®eads pa®t of the headline f®om a site so insidious we a®en't even gonna give the fucke®s a wo®king link. ©unts.

Apparently, Dittos* are going extinct, according to yesterday's newspaper the METRO. This is stupid. Everyone has a Ditto right? And they aren't fished, you just catch them in the grass. I have a spare if anyone is interested. Or find them at music festivals. But they aren't very good. By the time you have wasted a turn you are then in the unfortunate position in that your foe knows all your moves. We hate it when newspapers get all their shit wrong. Stupid newspapers. Sadly I only worked out Ditto wasn't great when it dinged level 89. *We know it should be Ditto not Dittos but we love annoying those wiki pricks who genuinely care about it. Because when the aliens find part of a server floating round in the space where Earth used to be, they're really gonna be concerned about the correct way of pluralising a fictional monster. Anyway if it does go extinct we won't have to worry about that.

Not happy just to have baabara running around dropping the n-bomb Nintendo have turned their racist little eyes onto the Scots. Yes starting from last night and up until the 1st of February, you too could download the "I hate the Scots" hat for Animal Crossing Wii. Complete with ginger hair and tartan Tam o shanter. You too can recreate Glasgow on a Saturday night by dressing like a stereotype heckling K.K.Slider and then vomiting into the river before dying of hypothermia and obesity. Nintendo have yet to confirm the car bomb furniture set for St Patrick's day.

Read it here . Basically, former who-is-that-guy-again? leader of the tory party, IDS has pulled a Vaz. This time though, avoiding Vaz's idiotic mistake a few weeks back, he appears to be aware of all the laws about selling stuff to people who aren't old enough to buy it all. He just says nobody pays attention. He also comes out with: “We are driving children to lose their childhood, and some video games are incredibly violent, like Grand Theft Auto. They are meant to be 18 but nobody cares what it says on the label." Fuck off IDS. Just fuck off. When was the last time you took a bus after 11pm in this country? That's violence right there. Real actual violence. In fact for anyone living in London they probably see violence every week. I know I do. And then of course there are violent films on TV all day every day which anyone can watch with no restrictions whatsoever. Oh and books. When was the last time you got ID(S'ed?) for a book? And even then. Even if 1997 gam