Posts

Showing posts with the label wiiBrator

THE DEFINITIVE BARRY BURTONS RANKED

Image
"It's back Barry. It's ruddy back" Said Ron. Yes it's time for the 2019 Barry Burton Rank Off #BBRO where we rank Barry Burtons on a scale from Barried Up To The Hilt to I'll Be The Coat, You Be The Hook Barry . Can't find your favourite Barry on the list? It's a gross oversight from us. We should get fired. 8 . Barry is that you Barry? As seen in : Resident Evil Franchise. Description : Not all Barry are born equal. We'd rather this Barry just held us and stroked our hair. 7 .  Flesh Barry As seen in : Resident Evil Franchise. Description : The Barry that got our gussets gooey all the way back in 1996. That he's this far down in the list goes to show how Barry some of the Barrys are out there! His blood type is O. M. G. 6 .  Gai Den Barry? As seen in : Resident Evil Franchise. Description : This Barry is blocky. This Barry is bulky. We've got some ideas about that hunk o junk. We'll give you a clue- BURY IT BARRY. BU

Pokken Tournament How do you get one of those accent things on the e?

Image
NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES! Cunzy1 1 FINALLY joins the eighth generation of video game consoles! I'd been waiting for the XbOne, PS4 and Wii U to finally build up enough of a 'must-have' list of software to finally make the frankly-still-ridiculous cost of a new console worth it whilst working through the huge backlog of great older generation video games LEGO & Pokémon games. With the release of Pokkén Tournament , the time was right to finally pick up a Wii U and I've spent the variably weathered Easter in a darkened room catching up with three and a bit years of software. Initial impressions? Much like the Wii, interesting uses of the ''''whacky''' tech seems to have gone out of the window after earlier experiments like Nintendo Land and ZombiU . For example, Super Smash Brothers use of the second screen is virtually non existent and  Pokkén Tournament doesn't use it at all apart from in the borked couch-vs mode. At the o

Get Your Smashies on

Image
So we finally fucking did it. We got ourselves a "Next-Gen" console. The Wii U. Wait what do you mean it's not a next-gen console? It's actually less powerful than the Xbox 360, never mind the Xbox one? Well whatever, SMASH BROS BITCHES!!! Oh here have some fucking screenshots: There's me Dual fucking wielding, as you should be able to do in any real sequel.  Dual wield goggle bitch pikachu.  Cunzy and I chilling out on Mario Galaxy world. Cunzy and Togepi about to fuck up shit. Yeah take that, fucking lvl 50 amiibo Peach!  Cunzy checks out Wii fit girls butt... Alone time required. Yeah So Smash Bros, makes a WiiU worth it. Love and Sticky Bombs, Richie X

Super Smash Brothers- Progress Report

Image
See those trophies up there? They are the latest three I've managed to hunt down in Super Smash Brothers Brawl. That takes my total up to 538 out of 544, with three more to unlock from challenges (Boss Battles Intense, Boss Battles Very Hard and Collect All Stickers), two more to get from the Subspace Emissary  which is no easy task (you have a stupidly short time to get Meta Ridley) and one (Capsule) which just hasn't turned up randomly yet. By far the one we're most proud of grabbing is Tabuu's normal trophy (above on the left) which we found a particularly onerous task and one our right thumb will need a few days to recover from.  The Subspace Emissary mode in Super Smash Brothers Brawl (essentially the game's story mode) got mixed write-ups in reviews but we're already up to 42 hours just playing through the story a number of times. Not too shabby considering it is somewhat an optional mode.  We've also got 22 stickers left to collect as well.

GOTY:2011

Image
I was really struggling to recall any stand out gaming experience this year. There were plenty of polished experiences but nothing that particularly blew my mind. UNTIL LAST NIGHT! We treated ourself to Wii Play Motion, partly for a sexy red controller to match our sexy red classic controller but also to finally get on the Wii Motion train almost two years after it came out, now that Zelda makes the accessory worth owning. Before, this list didn't seem to justify the purchase. We were big fans of Wii Play especially Tanks!, in fact we think there are only 41 games better than it in existence . So we were quite looking forward to Wii Play Motion. Don't get us wrong there are some rum games in the pack and the experience is severely hampered if you don't have more than one Wii Motion Plus controller. Sometimes rather unnecessarily, a number of the games could easily have been pass the controller multiplayer. However, Star Shuttle is phenomenal and we wish there was

KYOTOKEI! The demo

Image
Wiiware has demos, Wiiware doesn't have demos. Wiiware sorta has demos but there are none avaialable. Wiiware has demos of weird games. We keep out eye on demos that sometimes get put up on the Nintendo channel. Sometimes we download the demos. We then play an excellent mini game called "juggle the channel data" where we try to free up enough space in the Wii memory to be able to play the demo just downloaded onto the SD card. We try to do it in as few moves possible, leaving the minimum amount of free blocks spare on the Wii. Right now as we type you can download the demo of Fast: Racing League , Kyotokei and some micro racers game. We downloaded Kyotokei. First impressions aren't great. It looks like an amateur webcomicist did the characters. Erk. The music is also annoying. Not a good start. The game itself is quite cool. I don't know how original the concept is but it is basically a side scrolling shooter but you can change the colour of your guy riding a bi

Eight Little Touches to Little King's Story

Image
That see it rise above the crap that has outsold it. I recently completed it so it only took me just over a year . It's a really good game . We aren't good enough with words to express it. It's a great game even are there words to express better than great? Here are eight little touches that, for me, made it a really greatastic game and why my heart is made heavy with the knowledge that we won't see a game quite so beautifully crafted or surprisingly fresh for a long time. 1) Detail in everything . Everything from collectibles to the snippets that your civilians will offer up in conversation through to incidental details in the cutscenes draw the eye. It's all been lovingly crafted to reward players who will care to look for those tiny little details. 2) Naughtiness . Not as in, lame pre-watershed sex scenes or characters who stream cusses but genuine naughtiness. Citizens send you rude notes , perhaps my favourite of which is a letter rating the princesses (O

Pelvic Floor Training

Image
We’re sure we came up with this as a joke ‘game’ around about the time that Eye training for the DS came out. Looks like we’ve got grounds to sue because it’s actually been fucking released on wiiware. How did we get to this? UPDATE: Proof http://www.thatguys.co.uk/2007/10/two-down.html that's a four year old idea.

We Dare Pulled at the 11th hour.

Image
We dare, is a risqué party game akin to "Truth or Dare" but without the truth part, essentially a collection of suggestive minigames: (I actually find this pic quite hypnotic) (She puts the wii mote in her *ahem* waistband, then he spanks her) Despite the ad campaign which is a bunch of attractive bored swingers this game has been slated by the Tabloids the Sun states:  A RAUNCHY Nintendo Wii game for kids as young as 12 Well, firstly , its also available for the PS3, and frankly the Move controller has much nicer rounder edges for insertion and whatnot and secondly the rating on it is 12+ it does not mean that it is the target demographic. Lastly, why pull the game? why not up the rating? or last why not deal wit hit, its a bit bawdy but, we all know you'd just end up sitting on the sofa flicking your wrist to get through all the mini-games. And frankly any 12 year old interested in this game, is probably already up to much worse than ta

Silent Hill: Shuttered Mammaries

Image
Is bloody brilliant. We were fans of the original Silent Hill, most of the sequels and even the film didn't suck too bad although it wasn't a patch on the games in terms of shit-your-pantiness. Then there were those reboots on obscure formats (Origins anyone?). So it was with some trepidation that we played Silent Hill Slatted Marmosets. However, it turns out to be great. So great that only a bulleted list will do it any justice. The game opens with a Cheryl section that almost puts the Jason section from Heavy Rain to shame. Our favourite game was waggle the wiimote whilst shouting Cheryl whilst looking at saucy pictures AS IF WE WERE WANKING. It works best when he says 'Sweedie' whilst you do it. Dicking around with the mobile is awesome. It's like real life! But with better reception. And fewer Indian call centres. I think Harry kept it from the shrink but I bet obsessively phoning every single phone number you find is pretty diagnostic of mental issues. Brill

Wiiware demos are back!

Image
As the other three people in the UK who stop to actually use the other Wii channels may have noticed, via a message from ninty, that playable Wiiware demos are back! It used to be the case that you could try a handful of the download service games helping you decide whether to buy or not but for unknown reasons nintendo stopped the service which was annoying. We have issues with all of the downloadable games platforms on all the current generation of consoles but demos work really well on the Xbox 360 and used to on the Wii. Otherwise, of course, spending those Wii points on an unknown entity can result in players never using it again (missing out on gems like Swords and Soldiers, World of Goo and our favourite Lit). So we welcomed the change. Furry Legends (Gamelion), Jett Rocket (Shin'en Multimedia), ThruSpace (Nintendo) and Zombie Panic in Wonderland (Akaoni Studio) are currently available. We managed to scrounge up enough free blocks (sorry Today and Tomorrow channel but you w

Nintendo Channel: Now Showing

Image
Attending prior international affairs, means that today will be spent trying to hunt down fucking E3 videos (we just don't trust your spin) and catching up with the good ol' Nintendo Channel. Fortunately, a paltry FOUR videos since last time means it'll all be over soon and we can get back to finding E3 videos. Nintendo TV continues with episode two all about the 'Wii world cup'. This video feels oddly familiar pitting the Miis of various famous Englishmen against the Miis of various famous Germans in a five challenge in Wii Sports Resort, Mario and Sonic at the Olympic Games, Mario Kart and Wii Fit Plus. Why don't you create your own Wii World Cup? Nice idea ONM but a credit would be nice next time Chris. Super Mario Galaxy 2 has a third trailer up on the channel. Fortunately, it's a medley of the all those bits you've no doubt seen before so don't worry about more spoilers. We get the point Nintendo. We'll buy it already. Christ on

Everybody Votes Idea

Image
The excellent Everybody Votes Channel on the Nintendo Wii has the uber Web 2.0 option for (l)users to submit questions for future polls. About a month ago I made the following suggestion: This has still not been a question on the channel yet so something must have gone wrong when I sent it in to Nintendo. I have emailed them this JPEG this time so they definitely won't miss it. Expect to see this question on the channel soon!

Nintendo Channel: Now Showing

Image
Thank god Most Painful Moments in Gaming is over. Not only did the frustration of my individual pains come flooding back but the pain of my right honorouble friends made me cringe anew. However all this frustration will be offset with next week's feature-creeping best moments. In the meantime, I'm going to take a quick butcher's at some of the stuff currently up on the Ninty Channel at the moment. I'm a big fan of the Nintendo Channel, I know not everybody is, but if I have some spare time I try to check it out once or twice a week to see what's new. This week: Monster Hunter Tri still dominates the channel with a massive 19 videos currently up. The latest video, bizarrely titled Hunting Jhen Moran Online is actually just a cutscene from the game (a fucking cool one nonetheless) advertising the now closed(?) event quest. The World of Monster Hunter Tri parts 1 to 6 and the World of Monster Hunter Tri Hunting Grounds set the scene for MHnewcomers but also st

Battalion Wars 2

Image
In a frantic attempt to work our way through the highlights of the Wii back catalogue before the deluge of SMG2, Metroid Other M, No More Heroes 2 and other sequels further off on the horizon we picked up a copy of Battalion Wars 2 for a measly £7.99! Yes it was second hand but it was sold out first hand in my three go-to places. I will support your creativity if you fucking let me at my convenience. Sorry guys but thats commercialism for ya! Battalion Wars 2 is very good and for us it itches the spot that has gone un-itched since the good ol' Starcraft days. You know, schoolboy football with loveable tanks and grunts and ships and stuff. Playing it also reminded us of another one of our all time favourites, Giants: Citizen Kabuto. Play time is dwindling in the single figures and sadly progress on the campaign is already up to 20% (:() but already we're hooked, especially on the online modes which had us cursing the day various anonymooses were born. Also, on a plural personal

The Casual Gamer cum Sex Addict : Playing is believing

Image
Apparently some classy woman decided to tell the world about her tale of over active lady bits following a Wii fit session that just got too much for her one day. Amanda Flowers, 24 from Harpurhey fell off her Wii Fit board (presumably on her cunt) and has since developed persistent sexual arousal syndrome from a damaged nerve, or sticky twat for short. As a result of this Amanda Flowers, 24 from Harpuhney is aroused by the slightest of vibrations, from Mobile Phones & Food Processors to Omastar's Seismic Toss. Amanda Flowers, 24 from Hapurhey had these moving words to say: "It started as a twinge down below before surging through my body. Sometimes it built up into a trembling orgasm" "With no cure, I just have to try and control my passion by breathing deeply. Hopefully one day I'll find a superstud that can satisfy me" Well Amanda, 24 from Hapurhey, If you're ever at TGAM towers and not so large that a Wii Fit board can

Wii Are Online

Image
Finally. Finally, we got the Wii online this weekend. Why the long wait? Well it's a combination of one part refusing to give in to having the internet in the house, two parts getting the internet requires phoning people and organising things and twenty parts I have problems with other people in online spaces . This last one is fairly debilitating much like my Valvitis but I get the shakes and some serious anxiety when I game online with other people. It is super exhilarating but also very nerve wracking. Anyway these issues were conquered. The internet was switched on and here's what I did next: Downloaded all the Wii channels from't Nintendo Shop. Having done this laborious task at least four times for friends who had no idea the Wii could even be "online" I was happy to do it for someone who might actually use the channels more than once in a lifetime. I appreciate that the news and weather channels might not be up everyone's street but there is nothing

Wiiwaa advert, inappropriate overload

I could list all the reasons as to why this video is the full spectrum of wrong, but including that as post content would lead to some rather debatable hits from google. Just no. Richie :(

Our new favourite video game character

Image
Is this muggy cunt in Wii Fit Plus (on the right in the image above). I don't know how he is voiced in other territories but he sounds like a proper geeza in the PAL version. Here are a selection of sound bites: "Punch it! Don't touch it up you muggy cunt" "Alright you muggy cunt let's box this mush" "I'm a cockney I'm a cockney" "Ening staaaaaaaaaad. Ening staaaaaaaad" "Jog on you muggy cunt" "Ya muvva ya muvva ya muvva. And ya faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaava" "Love a duck you muggy muvva" "Cost you a pony you muvva" We don't even know his name but we love him. Excercise and video game characters have never been so fun. We can't wait for him to get his own sequel Wii Geezer . Basically you spend the whole game selling pineapples, driving taxis and taking shanks's pony everywhere. IMPROMPTU REVIEW BASED ON CONCEPT ALONE ; Excellent characterisation and a good storyl

Next Step, the Wiibrator.

Image
Ok so Again I'm shamelessly stealing from Kotaku. These are images from a patented Nintendo Peripheral which is an inflatable pillow, designed for "horse racing" games, oh yeah! You know what, fuck it, I'll leave this to your own imagination, you filthy, filthy people. Yours Equestrianly, Richie XXX