It starts! Batteries, check. Wii check. Component cable showing green? No. Sort of? Eventually fixed.

We're in.

To start press A+B. Why. Why not A or B? Save file has been created. Pretty interesting stuff so far.

Choose name- Dink. Winner. Dink and Apony. Epic adventures.

Water is not as good as Baldur's Gate (better than Wow though).

Spirits. Talking about spirits. There's a man with a moon face. It's tough. We're in Hyrule again. We know that much.

TRIVIA: The first horse you see doesn't have a penis. We were both looking for it too.

Ugh Goat herding. Squirrels. Red colour's gone looks like Gears now. Games been paused to sort out the issue with the colour red.

Tits! She's washed our penisless horse. Discussion about whether Dink is mute or not. Sex of Apony confirmed by tits.

We have to play an instrument already. This is one of the things we hate about LoZ. On the upside we're riding a horse. Apony to be specific.

We've herded some goats and held a chicken. Odon village is pretty boring. Everyone looks at bit special needs. We like the glory hole in our house though. The ladder climbing is quite good too. Dink doesn't have a toilet in his house. Perhaps that's what the basement is for.

Dink is soliciting equipment from kids. We got our first rupee. There is a fucking scary kid that looks like the baby from Brain Dead outside our house....Everyone looks like they have Minimata disease.

WE GOT A YELLOW RUPPEE! OMG Bausting. There's bausting in this game. We failed to catch a goat. Damn looks like we missed a cheevo. There's a woman with a cradle, and a cat to find. ESCAPISM.

We're currently chasing a cat with a chicken. Too early to GAMEFAQ? The cat is attracted to the fishing rod....

We're rolling now. We got a sword, a lantern and a slingshot. AMERICA!

So a lot has happened since the last update one of the Thalidomide got captured by a monkey. But not really. So we fought off some purple goblins. Then rounded up some more goats. The game then got a bit dark. A little girl was shot with an arrow. Morglum Necksnapper rocked up and blew a horn. Now we're a dog. In a sewer.

What is it about sewer levels that is very very boring?

Whilst Chuff was out I accidentally got a game over negotiating the dumb dog around and falling off the stupid towers of Hyrule Castle twice. Shhhhhhhhhhh don't tell him.

We beat a shadow being and talked to a massssive (15ft) goat of light. All in a day's work.

Spoke to another goat of light. So maybe we're halfway through already? We're collecting tears to unleash the goat of light. Chuff's having a tough time with the map. Apparently if you invert camera it means right is left and down is up on the map screen. Off to get the dark insects of darkness to get the light tears of lightness. Or something.

Ah! It wasn't a goat is was a monkey of light. Makes sense.

Yep. Don't waste it.

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT: Apathy set in when we got to the Forest Temple. We stopped live blogging it. We stopped talking even. Out of a sense of "if we do ever play this game again I don't want to start halfway through a dungeon" we soldiered through. It's not a bad game. It's polished, it works (apart from the combat which for your average fight is a combination of mad flailing) it's just boring. Going through the motions without really wanting to. The Forest Temple dungeon is mostly linear, you just have to work out whether or not you have the right equipment to progress. It isn't particularly mentally challenging. Last night we beat the Forest Temple and had clocked up six hours of playtime. The killer question is is playing this a competitor for the myriad of other things I can do with my free time? The bar for this is set low given that the world economics is about to implode so "myriad of other things I can do with my free time" translates to get home from work tired and watch Come Dine With Me. In this instance I can't say that playing LoZ:TP is of advantage over CDWM. The story is hackneyed- find the three shadow things and save the four light things to bring light upon the land. It isn't enough of an impetus to make slogging through the game worth it. The game works but is more a matter of finding the right tool to get to the next dungeon to get a new tool to get through the next dungeon. Playing it isn't fun enough to make slogging through the game worth it either.

Lastly, I couldn't give a monkeys (Forest Temple joke!) if the game gets better after this first dungeon. Six hours is my game time for a month and there's a ton of games I know I enjoy more than this one already. Sorry Nints, but it looks like I'm going to give Skyward Sword a miss but can't say I didn't try with this (not)hated(as much as I used to) franchise.


  1. rob_is_gay17:09

    You said, tits, baust, AMERICA and massive all in one LiveBlog.
    Top marks.


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