Resident Evil: Wnakery

There comes a time in every blogs life, when all the rantings, drivel, and fantasies actually pay off!

You remember “Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within”, do you remember the feeling you felt when it was first coming out, when you though it was going to be everything “Final Fantasy: Advent Children” was?

Well it’s that time again except it not Squeenix its… CAPCOM, and instead of Final fantasy it’s


Now I know that Resident evil has not had the best track record at the cinema, with that pissy trilogy, of defiled characters, and tainted plotlines. But this time Sony (You better not pull a PS3 on this one, you fucks) and Capcom are copulating in the hope of conceiving a CG Movie. Of Resident evil proportions

Catch all the news here.

What we want to see in Biohazard: Degeneration or we will actually start to MDK people starting with whoever is the nearest. This is the definitive list any slight variation and it's curtains for everyone.

1) Jill, Chris, Claire, Rebecca, Leon, Barry, Wesker, Enricho, Joseph, Brad, Richard, Edward, Forest, Ken, Will Smith AKA Marvin, Joe Kendo, Kevin, Annette and Billy Birkin, Ada, Carlos, Brian Irons, Ben Bertolucci, Nicholai and the others, Mr X, The Nemesis, the Ashfords, Hunk, Tofu, female zombie, fat zombie, hunters, hunter gammas, lickers, Tyrant, Titan, Neptune, Cerberus, the white zombie from the first Resident Evil all the characters from outbreak including sub characters.

2) The whole film should be Canon and fit perfectly within the storyline of the games even though they conflict themselves. The one exception it that although Sherry Birkin looks exactly how she does in the game, we are told very explicitly from the start of the movie that she has just turned 16.

3) Ideally the film should be a number of days long and cover events from Resident Evil Zero all the way through to the End of Resident Evil 3.

4) There will be Cameos from Dante, Chun Li, Ashley, Frank West, Morrigan, Regina and the alien from Under the Skin

5) About half way through the film there will be a scene where Hunk dances move for move to Rihanna's Umbrella. See here for more.

6) Bewbies, Jill bewbies, Claire bewbies, Ada bewbies, Nemesis bewbies, Dante Bewbies, Annette Bewbies, Alexia Bewbies, Zombie female Bewbies. And a bit of muff wouldnt go astray either. Assuming Capcom want to include the Canon game Resident evil: DS (douche simulator), they can perhaps prove once and for all that Zombie female does have Green and bloody douche Juice.

7) When you have watched the film once, you get to watch it again with alternative outfits.

8) The opening line of the film will be "That guy's a maniac. Why'd he bite me?". The film then flashes back to the beginning.

9) DVD extras will include:

A long overdue heartfelt thanks to TGAM, the blog that has been keeping Capcom's reputation in good stead since Resident Evil 4.

Cell by cell comparisons of Jill Valentine's biff and Sienna Guillory, proving CG to actually be better than RL.

Eliza's Story: how drugs and nymphomania got her cut from Resident evil 2 and replaced with the iconic Claire.

The Biohazard 4D film with 3D goggles.

Audio Commentary from the Nemesis and Marvin Branagh.

Special Audio Commentary from Dante, whilst receiving head from Richie.

10)The mansion should be the mansion from the original Resident Evil. Not the remake because that mansion confuses us and scares us because we are unfamiliar with it.

We're just so darn excited and we can't wait for our ideas to come to fruition. How excited you ask? Well Omastar was perplexed at the involuntery responses we had here at TGAM.

DISCLAIMER: If this turns out to be rumour then we will release the T-Virus without warning. Have your zombie plans ready people.


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