Posts

Because some things are worth re-posting

Image
Taken from the folks over at Kotaku who we like to abuse, and also from our rival Thatgirls, who we are green with envy about getting onto Kotaku yet again.

But on the upside a while back we did kill Day/Night note. You can thank us later.

Enjoy the pic. We did. fourteen times and counting.


Pika-ah-ah-ah-ah-chooooooooooooooooo

Richie X

Abuse on Xbox Live

Image

Dear TGAM....

Image
This is yet another first in a 'probably not going to get past two series of posts' series here at TGAM. It seems that a lot of people stumble upon TGAM by typing filthy questions into search engines. They then stay for an average of 00:00 to 00:01 seconds before going elsewhere, questions unanswered. It seems that nobody has heard of GAMEfaqs, fucking idiots. Well we're here to help you. An agony aunt for the depraved youth of today who don't know how to do searches properly.

So this will be a weekly surgery to answer those burning questions that many of you think we can't answer here at TGAM:




1)Every week about a thousand people look for Sheva Nude, Sheva's panties, nude, nude code, nude mods, naked, nude patch, naked cheat, Sheva's ass and combinations of all of the above. The full cheat is here but you're better off just creaming off a hot one over at deviant art.

2)List of dinosaur games. You can cobble together most of them by visiting here. But here…

Never go full retard.

Image
Here's a little insight into the world of video games journalism. We've all thought about doing it but no journo with integrity would ever go through with it. Hell, we flew pretty close to the wind one time but we pulled out at the last minute.

However, Owen Good at Kotaku has broken one of the golden rules of games journalism. It's so meta we just don't even know where to look or to start reading it from.

Yes. Kotaku has lowered the community IQ by several hundred points by doing a top 5 list of other top ten lists. Click only if you are brave enough.

Oh and Owen, don't forget some of the top tens we've had here over the years including:

Cunzy1 1's Top Ten Non lethal Weapons in Video Games.

Cunzys top 10 computer game characters he like to get screenshots/photos of cos-players of, so that he can get hard, as nothing else does it now.

Top 5 Shit pokemon that are shit, but not quite as shit as the top 5 lamest pokemon that 1up posted:

TGAM's Top Ten "Oh Sh…

DANGER: Women in games. Part 2: The Revenge

Image
So it’s been a while since we last decided to tackle the ongoing issue of the fairer sex grasping at the Joystick of the games industry and giving it a good old tug. Last time we touched on this subject we talked about the industries efforts to entice the female market, the vacant “hotties” keeping the guys interested in the industry, and most importantly painstakingly rendered, gorgeously rendered 3D boobies. Almost two years have passed since that last post, has the industry changed? Well it was this article, brought to my attention by Kotaku, which flared my dismay at the industry/humanity. It reads like an open letter to the gaming community proclaiming that girl gamers should be taken down from their pedestal, claiming that an entire gender is still having a hard time in the industry/gaming because of horny adolescent boys.

I'm afraid that I have to go out on an attack on Dairuka, and perhaps TGN, this entire post was clearly written by a cuckolded-pantsu-sniffer with aspira…

Omastar Comics #23

Image
Today marks the return of the internationally adored fictional cephalopod, Omastar. Originally, Breloom was to star in her own comic. Breloom Comics? Would have never worked.

This week Omastar is annoyed by giving away all the best secrets and getting none in return. Always the last to know. God. Just, just why do I even bother?



The monologue in panel 3 was used in scene 2 of the popular film version of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Did I see a penny of royalties? Did I f.....

In other gaming news:

It is the onset of the summer drought so stack up on sun cream and go outside for a bit yar?
It's Buddha burning time in England! I really want to see them flames people.
Eidos, we'd be happy to give your new game 95/100, just send us a signed copy of the game to www.hotmail.com
We read Brian Ashcraft's book! Much like our personal hero, the book was impersonal and missed the point but we forgive it because of its lovely flowing locks [hair]!

Next week we're going to Capcom HQ to play…

The joy of the Xbox 360

Image
Yo' this weekend just gone was an ace geekend. One of the rare times when the 20 something crew can get together and pretend that we are 16 all over again. Playing games until the eyes hurt? Check. Laughing at fart noises? Check. Laughing so hard that milk comes out of a nostril? Check. Eating junk food caning your knees up sitting on the floor playing games? Check. Only one thing marred it and that was the Xbox 360.

Consoles vs. PCs is an age old conflict but the latest generation of consoles have come leaps and bounds, caught up with PCs and carried on going. They have surpassed the PC experience altogether. Constant patch and update uploading, crashes, playing shit games just because they are free, rip off DLC and matchmaking wankybuggery can all be found on the 360 recreating the traditionally desk-based good times that can be found with a PC.

This weekend the 360 insisted on crashing every half an hour. Poor performance considering it had only been on constantly for a mere 12 h…

Blinky bill and Breathy Bob

Image
Call us turn around kings if you will but news of Shadow of Memories coming to the PSP has changed our hearts and our minds.

We loved the 2001 original. It was brilliant. Perhaps third greatest game of all time. We still finished it with a bunch of weird objects left over but travelling through time in the sleepy streets blew our minds at the time*.







*That and some special biscuits.

Ritin little stories about PC games is the new new games journalism

Image
Enjoyitbeforeit gets: a) derivative, b) covered by a ""cutting edge"" piece in the guardian TV guide c) Copycatted to death d) wedged into your Xbox 360 a la facebook and twitter in the place of some more useful kind of functionality like, finding the fucking game you've just inserted without negotiating 14 pages of trailers, all your friends' defaultly dressed snoozing avatars, advertising and Rare videos produced using a camera obscura and an etch a sketch.

Is the PSP worth getting yet?

Image
Let's check. The last time we paid any attention to the "little handheld that could" there was nothing going on.

From field data gathered by observing people using it on the bus and on the train it seems that 98% of them use it to watch Family Guy or South Park episodes. The other 2% play GTA.

Apparently, it can connect to the PS3. Which is a shame because the PS3 is probably the least useful thing an appliance could ever connect to. In fact plugging your PSP into the ground probably offers up infinitly more exciting gaming opportunities.

And what of those "games" that Sony used to do?

Hmmmm Tekken is the best game for the PSP according to Gayspot. Looking at Metacritic there has only been one game post launch better than Lumines and Wipeout. Thems are four years old y'all.

Well I do not know about you but I certainly can't wait for PSP Go! to play those four year old games on. Can you?

The last revelation

Image

We're going to Glastonbury

Image
Cause he called our* girlfriend fat innit.


*Yeah we share one.

Dead Fantasy IV, V and VI

Image
We're fans here of the one man project which despite being an overwhelmingly fan pleasing endeavour and entirely violence oriented manages to put most modern games and the whole of Hollywood to shame including blockbuster movies featuring transforming robots with million dollar budgets and fight scenes which are made by putting a kettle, two forks and a sieve into a washing machine, setting it on spin and filming it.

This one guy, with less time, staff, money, technology and cocaine does better. By a million. I would happily pay full price for Dead Fantasy I-V on DVD than Resident Evil Shitgeneration, those awful other Resident Evil Films and Advent Children put together.

And who needs a storyline? Buy a fucking book if you want stories. Pricks.

Anyway Dead Fantasy IV, V and VI are kinda up on the net. But we're not going to post a link here until Monty Oum himself uploads the full versions any day now....

Black Wii (racist)

Image
Aw isn't that cute... They made it look like a real console, adorable.

Yeah it's some bundle with Monster Hunter Tri (3) so dont expect the EU to get it, ever.

Luv and shiny wired controllers,

Richie XXX
Image
We aren't fans of recycling shit from the internet but sometimes it's worth it.

By *sigh* RoflCopter 761 via Halolz

Heavy Rain

Image
Hot on the heels of E3, there are a couple of Heavy Rain trailers up on the PS3 network. I've seen em both.

One of them is your typical trailer packed with mysterious sound bites, action sequences and a quite impressive looking dance floor. The other is a demonstration of how the game will play.

Now, we were fans of Fahrenheit for the first hour until Monster Syndrome kicked in. Then we weren't fans. Then we were fans for the dead man sexing bit. Then we weren't fans again.

Heavy Rain does look good but the demonstration showing a rather plaid looking woman going into the bogs to sex herself up a bit did leave us feeling. Well. A bit cold. The idea of the demo is that she has to sex herself up a bit to, I dunno, sex a dead man or something. So she enters the toilets and then looks into the mirror. At this point a bunch of arrows pop up around her hair, face, tits and cooch and the player has to help her get slutified through a bunch of analog stick movements. So selecting th…

Omastar Comics #22

Image
Hidden beneath literally millimetres of wit, satire and irony, the joke in this latest installment of the paint created, pixellated, irregularly posted, fully clickable, popular webcomic Omastar Comics will be missed by all but the sharpest of readers. This week Omastar is minding his own fucking business thank you very much.

In other gaming news:

We turned 3 years old a while back. The party was awesome thanks for all those who came along.
Guitar Hero 5! looks like Guitar Hero.
Dread Kong in the upcoming New Play Control! Donkey Kong Jungle Beat has been officially confirmed as racist. Expect N'Gai Kroal to be on the case ASAP.

We need an ability to project the Penis in to other rooms!

Image
So yeah Project: Natal? We all know and realise it is a glorified Wiimote (but better). But it must have some use in that moral grey area dividing sex and games, here are a couple of suggestions.

1. Interactive Web chat.
Webcams all over the world are currently being used to allow wannabe pornstars work from home, and using the conduit of the internet project themseves naked into the bedrooms of curious teenagers who stole their parents credit card. So why not apply this to Natal, allowing gamer chicks to make some cash to fund their habbit. Hell I can see in the near future a website of gamer chicks avatars showing who is online and you just buy their gamertag. So where does Natal play into this? Well from those of you that saw the Natal preview you'll have seen that there were two burds discussing what outfit to wear and projecting it on them. Cue the frenchmaid, dominatrix and Jill Valentine outfits... But how will this funtion from the fappers point of view? Well ideally you nee…

More on the Rotombrator

Image
Bulbabpedia have now updated their site with the new Rotom Formes.

So how long till the crazy Japanese actually create one of these...

Luv n Hugz

Richie XX

Wolverine Origins Nude Cheat

Image
Yeah so the new game is pretty fucking cool.

Essentially it is a 3rd person Hack n’ Slash, however there is a multitude of things that set this one aside from the regular crowd of movie tie-in trash games:

1. It is not a move tie-in. Yes it may have a few things in common with the movie, such as the likeness of many of the characters, but the plot seems to be its own entity. (This was because the game was in development before the movie was in production, good call from the guys at Raven)
2. The fighting is a new level of fun. We have all got a hack and slash game that we all love in our hearts, whether it is Devil May Cry or Kingdom hearts. Thankfully this game differs from the usual repetitive Hack and Slash action of other movie tie-ins or trash games, there is a great mix of skill and luck. Basically the action is not repetitive, the combos and the timing of the button pushes are really intuitive, allowing for different types of gameplay, e.g you can choose to counter or just straigh…