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Showing posts with the label Gay

Gay

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We picked this up from father of MUDs (or another appropriate title), Richard Bartle:
When role-playing games offer the possibility for player characters to romance non-player characters, the pressure for including same-sex relationships doesn't come primarily from gay players. Rather, it comes from straight male players who are playing female characters and get creeped out when they get hit on by male non-player characters. Now he's a man who would know but I'm going to call Bouffalantshit on this one especially as it isn't qualified at all. is this an assumption or assertion? Are we talking about existing games, theoretical games or the two or three games that virtual world scholars study? Has anyone talked tot he developers who make this decisions and asked why they do/don't allow same sex relationships? Or at least I'm hoping it is all codswallop. Far too much has been written about gender and identity in games but for our liking none of it has really …

I didn't cry until the Streets of Rage 2 End Theme Played

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The rise of casual and social 'games' had us feeling a bit chipper. The brownanising, teenarisation and grittisation of all console games only caused a waver in our shit eating grin. Hell, it only took us a cup of tea to get over this new fad for making games shit to play with 3D but the camels back is broken. Sad days indeed UK Resistance has finally closed its doors.


Genuinely funny and in a knowing way UK resistance even in these latter years remained a benchmark for both enjoying gaming and acknowledging the sad sorry state of affairs that gaming is in. Properly funny too, not "Monkey Island" funny (funnier than everything else doesn't necessarily mean funny at all) or Zero Punctuation funny. But it's over now. That's it. Gaming as we know it is dead. We've known it for a while. Modern games try to compensate by giving out achievements for walking down corridors or by showing us tits and gore that twelve year old us would have found fascinating but…

If I'm Gonna Stare At Something For Hours On End It Might As Well Be A Woman's Ass

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Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullllllllshit. I call bullshit on this oft quoted excuse for men playing as female characters. Because in most games you rarely look at your character, you're focused on the environment, stuff and things. Also, depending on how you associate with your various avatars it's kinda creepy to perve on the character that you are playing. SO here's the reasons why, given a choice I'll probably play as a female character. ITS ALL ABOUT ME HOLMES.
Male Characters Are Boring. Dull, dull, dull. Chinned stubbly affairs driven by revenge or sometimes sheer gruffness. The mind numbing you-aren't-kidding-anyone shit that leaves their mouth, normally with a voice like a 40 a day batman with an acute throat infection, is nothing any man has ever knowingly uttered apart from actors in exciting action films with awful plots. More often than not they are the default character too. The guy will have the standard punch and the standard gun. The…

This is hardcore?

This kind of thing (IF we notice it, that's a big IF) is game breaking for us. It seems more and more to use that hardcore games are anything but and casual games seem to be good for the kind of challenge that made games so compelling in the first place.

Doesn't matter anyway BECAUSE YOU ALL BOUGHT IT IN THE MILLIONS.

P.S Multiplayer is for Phags before you even go there.

UPDATE WHEN I WAS FIXING THE VIDEO. It turns out I know quite a lot of the Spanish from Resident Evil 4. I don't know what they are saying but I imagine it is the equivalent to Achtung! Schnell Schnell and ACHTUNG GRENADES! in German.

Guy Cocker defends 360 as gadget of the century

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So editor of Gamespot UK, and owner of a name that still makes me giggle, has come out and stated that the 360 should be gadget of the 21st Century:
As a gadget fan with an iPad, an Android phone and many of the other gadgets on this list, there's still only one thing I'd take to a desert island -- my Xbox 360 S. With a flat screen TV, an Internet connection and a copy of Halo: Reach, obviously.

Surely the flat screen and "teh internets" is cheating? but yeah, ok 360 as Contender for Gadget of the 21st Century? It's a big claim! I mean we are only 10 years in (I assume this must be some sort of rolling competition?) anyways.

I love the 360, i prefer it to the PS3 and the Wii. So yeah if a console is gonna get the Gadget of the 21st Century, I would vote for the 360. Honestly though, I don't see a console winning. The contenders consist of the usual Apple products, a selection of Phones (some as outdated as the Motorola Razr), some Cameras/Camcorders, laptops, HD…

Dragon Ball Z: Raging Blast - Goku Balls Naked Super Street IV Update

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Warning Gibberish:

Super Saiyan 3 Vegeta!!!


He's in the game and I'm a happy man.

Currently the game is set for a UK release on 23rd of October... I still highly doubt it...

Laters,

SS3 RichieXX

London Fashion Week vs E3

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This is the first post in one of our signature 'series' that never had more than one post in it. You can find all the others (there aren't any and there never will be) under the tag of "Us vs them".

This Friday London Fashion Week um, it, well it comes to London? Although it doesn't really go anywhere else. London Fashion week will get miles and miles of column inches over the next couple of weeks from articles in those wanky glossy fashion magazines that look like future porn through to the columns written by plump middle class Bridget Jones wannabes who write for the Guardian.

Fashion is an okay thing for people to be interested in. Gaming not so much. Its fine to waste money on shoes, clothes and bags. Not fine to waste money on games. In an not so scholarly analysis we'll have a look to see why one interest is perceived as socially acceptable and the other as socially abhorrent by comparing two of the biggest events in each camps calendar. It's Lond…

Penny Arcade WTF

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Apologies if this is not new news to everyone, but I just saw the creators of of Penny arcade, i.e. Gabe and Tycho.


This reminds me how horrible IRL can be in the games industry, nobody wants to see that.

As such this will be my farewell salute to Penny Arcade. It was fun while it lasted*, but it is now time for us to part ways

Original here

*i.e. keep you open in one if the firefox tabs, and read you when the boss is not looking.

Dismayed,

Richie X.

Dear TGAM....

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This is yet another first in a 'probably not going to get past two series of posts' series here at TGAM. It seems that a lot of people stumble upon TGAM by typing filthy questions into search engines. They then stay for an average of 00:00 to 00:01 seconds before going elsewhere, questions unanswered. It seems that nobody has heard of GAMEfaqs, fucking idiots. Well we're here to help you. An agony aunt for the depraved youth of today who don't know how to do searches properly.

So this will be a weekly surgery to answer those burning questions that many of you think we can't answer here at TGAM:




1)Every week about a thousand people look for Sheva Nude, Sheva's panties, nude, nude code, nude mods, naked, nude patch, naked cheat, Sheva's ass and combinations of all of the above. The full cheat is here but you're better off just creaming off a hot one over at deviant art.

2)List of dinosaur games. You can cobble together most of them by visiting here. But here…

Welcome Strangers

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After years of attention seeking it finally happened. It's the fourth biggest day of our lives. We got a link on Kotaku after we sent a link to this post after Brian C (Big C we call him) didn't take to kindly to our latest tip. Tip 25 reposted here for your eyes only:
25. Rumours abound tips too
Handwashing and gargling? Seriously. Are you even trying over there? Here is a good tip for you though which might cause your stomach to erupt if handwashing floats your boat!
In the game 100 Classic Books for the Nintendo DS, the summer evening BGM makes a fine accompanyment to a quick read of the Hunchback of Notre Dame because, wait for it, it has bells tolling in the background. Share this tip carefully boyos.
He replied with "Hey how’d that happen? You’ve landed on my spam filter."
Then I shared the link to the post and it turns out he was a lie head because he then went on to share the link with the whole of Kotaku.
What happened next?
Then overnight we recieved an influx o…

Resident Evil Degeneration: A review

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This weekend we got a copy of Resident Evil Degeneration, the new CGI Resident Evil film. Despite watching the first ten second trailer a hundred times we managed to stay away from any kind of exposure of the film at all. After watching it, here are out thoughts on the film and exactly where capcom got it all exactly wrong everywhere. Warning: SPOILERS, although technically there has to be a plot in order for it to be spoiled at all.

What we wanted. You may remember this post (before all the Wow gayness) about our hopes and fears for the film that takes on the most precious game in the entire world, Resident Evil 2. Here was our wishlist:

1) Will Smith cast as the face of Marvin Branagh.
2) Zombie and/or Claire tits.
3) Herbs.
4) The line "That guy's a maniac, why'd he bite me?"
5) The exact same plot as Resident Evil 2. In fact don't spend money making a whole new film just record someone playing Resident Evil 2 and stick it on DVD that would be best.
6) A cameo from D…

Gender issues in Games

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So it seems from my all important viewpoint that a whole bunch of losers insist about worrying about gender in games the whole frickin time. "All girl characters in games just look hot or cry except when they are big and fat". And someone will whinge about it if they are all, any or either of the above. So what? Get over it. Male characters have a raw deal in games. So there. All genders get a raw deal when depicted in games. But that's no surprise the same is true in children's drawings, advertising and every other medium ever. Street signs have better narratives than most games the only good thing games have is shiny graphics and a distraction from daily life or news of stabbings, economic crash, climate change. Do not look to games as a fulcrum in your hack paper on gender in games. I mean you Terra Nova.

No. The losers mentioned above use their internet moaning like a horde of "liberal" zombies to skirt around the real gender issue in games. This my frie…

Ummm

This rather creepy, Something Awful did a generic gamer guy skit:



It is worrying how similar this is to myself and Cunzy, putting the OTT homoeroticism to one side of course.

Hearty Masculine Handshake,

Richie

TGAM top 50 ultimate TGAM top games best list of best games of all time ever: Number 44

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Yes it's Resident Evil Gaiden for the GameBoy Color. Color should have a "u" in it.



We've never played it, even though it's ten pounds from amazon. We probably won't either because the GBA is no doubt some kind of corroded battery affair by now. We're also opposed to it because it is called "Gaiden". Which sounds a lot like gay den.

Resident evil gay den: After the events of resident evil 1 & 2 Barry and Leon are hanging out at their secret tree house base. After Claire goes to Europe to find her brother, the boys discover through a friendly game of spin the bottle that Leon and Barry may be more than just friends. Play as Barry or Leo in in this exciting adventure for the GameBoy color. Choose the right time to come out to Rebecca. Berate Barry for always going on about Chris as if he is in love with him or something jesus Barry if you love him so much why don't you go to Europe to find him. Tell Leon cunning lies about Ada Wong in order…

LET'S GO A MILKING!*

Let's milk the cash cow till only blood comes out. Milk it like a polaroid picture. Milk it, milk, milk, milk, milk it. Milk it, milk, milk, milk, milk it.












*We're still gonna buy it like a bunch of kidulthood fags.

Quick Question...

“Hey Richie, you know how you were bigging up Devil may cry 4, and even managed to get it early? How come you only have 3 Cheevements and are only at mission 8?”

Good question.

And to be honest it’s a culmination of many things:

Firstly my X-box was constantly Dirty Disking the game, I was getting 15 mins of playtime, and was reduced to saving after each red orb. This has now been rectified as I have upgraded to an X-box elite.

Secondly Katamari has been a big hit, don’t get me wrong I still <3 Dante, but that Katamari rolling game is stupidly fun to play as each level is timed, most of them being around 2 mins. As such I got 450 cheevements from some “casual” gaming.

And lastly*… and the main point of my post. I think I approached Devil may cry from completely the wrong angle, I found myself desperately struggling to work out the most efficient achievement based route through the game, trying to make my first playthrough as fruitful as possible… Gamerscore-whore. I’m far from an epic …

Incontinent Gay Nonces

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Yes, those perverts at IGN, spurred on by creative juices and out of the box thinking are doing another Top 100. Let's hope they are doing the list by the rules. Let's check:

1) Don't ever mention Zelda or Metroid. FAILED. Number 78 is Link's Awakening. I suspect the top 30 will be littered with metroids and zeldas. Come on IGN sort it out.

2)When everyone least suspects it pull out a really shitty retro game to fuck off all the youg'ns. PASS! Number 70 is Tecmo Bowl for the GB and NES. Yes, that's right it is better than Wipeout, Goldeneye, Quake 2 and the original Resident Evil.

3) Ignore all PC games except the crappy Molyneux games that no one really played or enjoyed anyway. FAIL. They've gone for some other shit like Syndicate, Mech Warrior 2 and planetscape:Torment. Selling out.

4) Cram in as many "Great but underrated" games as possible. PASS. Hello! ICO.

5) Put at least one of the Final Fantasies, other than VII above VII in the list.PASS. Fin…

Giant DINOSAUR enemy Guitar Hero Speaks Yet Again: Assasin's Creed review

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Hi kids. Part three of our fanboys rantings after this inspiring post by Richie!. Here is part one and two.

Chuff_72: There are no interiors in the game (well there are a couple but essentially all the buildings are just pretty boxes - there is also no interaction, you can't remove a plank bridge to stop people following you for example.)

Mysterio: OMFG!THIS GAME IS SHIT - ALTAIR IS A HUMAN CHARACTER, WHY CAN’T HE REMOVE HIS ROBES AND MASTERBATE??!!!!???!!!111

Cunzy1 1: Because that would be gay and you'd probably like it and spend all your time in toilet cubicles getting rimmed and thus not buying more over hyped games.

That Guy's Are The Worst Wedding Guests

Last week, Richie and I travelled to snowy Estonia for the wedding of our old friend Randy McSporran. Suffice to say the event was chaotic and it's probably a good thing that Cunzy and Richie are normally seperated by several hundred miles. Memory is still a bit hazy but here is the summary;

Stansted at midnight, vodka, coke, Pokemon Diamond, smking, checking-in, vodka and red bull at 3 in the morning, legendary battle, Ponyta, Omastar, Focus Band, Cunzy afraid of flying, airport dimensia, immaturity, Doug and Liz, Easy Jet, flying, landing, Randy and Ollie, new friends, sniffer dogs, bus, 'fit' or 'fat', hotel, mini bar, spluff on beds, snooker, MacDonalds, Kat, supermarket, Seaman's shot, Absinthe, Dark Dog, cheese waffles, Kent fags, drinking, raging, stupid cocktail, some other liquer, mixers, bull pish, more absinthe, Richie vomit, pub, Pokemon talk, stag night, kissing men, fighting, beer, Richie wiping things of his shoe onto a girl, strip club, lots of m…

Homophobes

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Although we all try our best to be inclusive, some gaming websites just can't handle the gays or women. Imagine my disgust at seeing this this morning:

For those of you who can't read or don't want to click the above image, essentially I was banned from Kotaku before I'd even had a chance to shine. For those of you who don't know it, Kotaku is a website on the internet that has lots of news about games, it's what Joystiq is trying to be . It was going to be the platform from which we launched BRAND TGAM!But it's ok, I won't cry too hard because as fate would have it I already voted for one of the co-editors, Brian Ashcraft as Games Writer Twat of 2007 in the RAM RAIDER Awards 2007. How do you like that Brian? Imagine the dissapointment on the spunk filled rubber faces of your "family" when they hear you won that award from the only decent, respectable, industry recognised games award ceremony. Unfortunately, I think I reffered to him as Brian …