Flame Rounds: Timesplitters: Future Perfect

Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101. We will be presenting a case for a particular Trope/Character/Item/UI element that pisses us off and then trying to justify whether this thing should go into room 101 (get flame rounded?)

Richie: Oh man Sweet, its that time where we flame round shit again! Lets see what Cunzy has for me to shoot down this time!
Cunzy1 1: This is our first entire game on Flame Rounds and it's 2005's Timesplitters: Future Perfect. As gamers of a particular vintage will tell you, Timesplitters was phenomenal and seemingly came from nowhere, an early PlayStation 2 first person shooter, against the clock game with great original characters, amazing multiplayer and silly modes/cheat characters/silly characters goofiness the likes of which hadn't been seen since Goldeneye. Timesplitters 2 built on that in almost every way. One of our favourite games of all time. Then. Then there was Timesplitters: Future Perfect. It's not easy to say quite why it didn't work, it was playable enough but 'MARKET FORCES' perhaps just took the soul of previous games out of it. Vehicles were sort of unnecessarily added (hello Halo), the bright colours were replaced with beiges, cool weapons were swapped out for a far more Call of Duty armoury, the amazing levels set in strange places became several flavours of rubbly war zone, new modes left a bad taste in the mouth and female characters were, well, sluttified into gyrating, moaning barbies. We were annoyed at the time and clearly we still are! So I'm proposing we flames round Timesplitters: Future Perfect with the aim of making the Timesplitters' legacy a far more positive one and who knows maybe the landscape of serious armoured marines shooters we have today would be different.

Richie: But EA was involved in this one, surely this was the powerhouse Free Radical needed *Vomits*
Cunzy1 1: DID YOU KNOW YOU COULD PLAY AS THE MONKEY? 

Richie: I mean I don't really have a counter argument for this one, this is embodiment of how formulization of games removes the core of what the game should be.  Do you think there is any room for Timesplitters any more in this Battle Royale soaked world?
Cunzy1 1: Potentially. But it would have to be a good team that mixed old with new so what was appealing about the series originally shines through but the game incorporates all the good bits from first person shooter game design of the last 14 years.

Richie: If you had to take a crack team of Timesplitters, back in time to Flame Round Timesplitters: Future Perfect. Who would you take?
Cunzy1 1: Lady Jane, Impersonator, Mr Giggles and Calamari

Richie: That Evil Dead level though?
Cunzy1 1: Is a zombie-fighting schoolgirl in a Slut t-shirt progressive or CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS DISGUSTING SHIT WAS IN GAMES? Answer in the comments.

Richie: You may not know this but, Timesplitters: Future Perfect is actually the only Timesplitters game I own. The rest of the time was spent playing Cunzy1 1's copy of the game. I actually remember buying it for the Gamecube! At the end of an on an 8 hour drive with Doppelganger, I bought it at midnight from a 24 hour ASDAs. There was ads everywhere for it! billboards, busses, TV, it had some real hype escalating around it.

But ultimately, I think I got suckered in and didn't even finish it(?). As great as it was to get it on a midnight adventure... I think that is the only fond memories I have of this game...

Flame round this EA-Eugenically malformed formula game.