What is Apex Legends?

We're old. We're decrepit geriatrics. You can tell because we use Twitter to find out things. And this Monday we were somewhat blindsided by a game called Ajax Heroes a battle royale shooter from a studio probably full of people who wear long sleeve shirts underneath their t-shirts who made one of those other online shooters, no not the one with the purple lesbian, another one. Firefall? Rain Legion? Over Damned?

A stealth release is quite an impressive thing in this day and age but aside from the same veiny eyed forum cranks muttering about gossip and rumour previously, first thing Monday morning there was barely a peep about this game and then at half eight GREENWICH MEANTIME this nonsense:

A stream of blue tick 'influencers' making generic non committal statements about a game which at that point was all of 20 minutes old. Which, I don't know, is a modern master class in how to do it. Stealth release, get the old mags and the influencers to 'push it' and by the end there's probably some genuine tweets in there. PC Gamer alone published 46 articles on it at the same time. Eurogamer still exists. Can you believe it? There are already parody twitter accounts and parodies of the parodies.

Well good on them, guaranteed trending on various platforms off the thunderclap and the twitchers and the Youtubers falling over themselves to broadcast the new hotness.

His chest is the bird in this one
And a million miles away from the Anthem demo shitshow and launch window and oh they have the same publisher.

What's the actual game? It doesn't matter. There are loot boxes. And guns. And a gas mask man and a samurai man and a robot man and a short hair woman man. It's 2016 all over again! They deliberately designed it so you can identify the characters from their silhouette. You don't play Ajax Bubba, it plays you. It takes this long to be Adax Beltifore. If it exists. If it even fucking exists. We just don't know anymore. This could be art or a Netflix thing.

REVIEW BASED ON STEALTH MARCOM ALONE 7/10 somewhere between ForthRite and Heroes of Doom Legend.

Who knows, it'll probably have gone platinum and been on Game of the Year lists by Thursday. Or shuttered the developers. We're going to go for shuttering the devs. Not hoping for. Going for. Let's see if we were right!

Cynically hating your and my fun.

Cunzy1 1


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