Operation Boobfall

As we mentioned in this post we've finally acquired all of the Operation Rainfall titles for the Nintendo Wii and we're proud of it. Thanks again to all the people who badgered Ninty to localise these titles. We've spent hundreds of hours on Xenoblade Chronicles, tens on the Last Story and fractions on Pandora's Tower. Nonetheless we're now in a position to bring you the most important information about these innovative titles that caused a mini renaissance in JRPGs. That was until nobody bought them. That question, which we bring to you now, uncut and unedited, free from the chains of 'the man' who keeps the video games press subdued and gagged. That question, which we're about to ask and then answer is: What are the tit physics like in the Operation Rainfall titles?

We know. Finally right? Each of the games being a JRPG of sorts, Pandora's Tower is more of an action adventure if you insist on using nonsensical genre terms like that, features titted protagonists. In the Last Story and Xenoblade Chronicles, developers have cottoned on to the fact that if you allow players to choose whether or not they strip their characters down to their underwear, then you can't be accused of being a pervert or being sexist. Weirdly though, when we're given the option to run around in the buff we tend to get a little bit protective of our female characters but are happy with the men running around in their grey boxers. That's an exclusive to the world btw. However, purely in the interest of research we were forced to strip Sharla, Fiora and Birdlady from XC and (Heart) Syrenne and Mirania from the Last Story down to their briefs and examine their jigglypuffs both in menu screens, stills and in the field. Unfortunately, the sometimes grotesque Elena from Pandora's Tower remains clothed throughout so we had to judge from cutscenes alone.

The Breasts
Both Xenoblade Chronicles and The Last Story boast a total of six breasts from the female cast and Pandora's Tower has two or less depending on how much Elena is mutated at the time. However, all the breasts on show here are really (and sometimes literally) in the shadow of Sharla from Xenoblade Chronicles rack. The pair dominate every cutscene they are in and are bigger than the other femme fatale's heads, probably put together. Well done Sharla, we salute your front shirt watermelons. SPOILERS SON An honourable mention goes to Fiora from the Xenoblade Chronicles who manages to maintain her breasts, presumably now mechanised, even after she is given a robot body by the Mechon. I'd love to see the design documents for the assimilation of Homs that rationalises why female robots still require breasts. Not very efficient design is it? Then again the mechon do tend to have an art deco flair to their design.

The Camera
Now Capcom has been the King of the Creepy Cam in recent years with barely a Capcom female character having anything less than a camera shoved down their inappropriate top making Metal Gear Solid 4 look like   a tame video game version of calendar girls. But which one of these titles never misses the chance of a gratuitous tit shot? Surprisingly, it's Pandora's Tower that delivers with creep cam and very early on in the game too. We almost spat out out tea with shame and instantly penned a letter to Points of View when in the middle of a cutscene the camera decided to give us an eyeful of her, not to be confused with mountains, breasts. Medical is the term we'd used to describe that shot. Medical.

The Jiggle
Ah the jiggle. The proverbial starting task for those starting out in game development. Some games dedicate an inordinate amount of time to the ridiculous jiggling of breasts and both Xenoblade Chronicles and poor old Elena's Twangers are once again abused by pervy old developers. The boob jiggle in both of these titles is doubly obvious however, especially in cutscenes, as the rest of the character models seem to have been lazily choreographed, the movement and posturing reminiscent of the wooden posing in Resident Evil. Characters move around like puppets but unfortunately for them their breasts seem to bound about of their own accord as if they are surrounded by a magical field that amplifies the force of a passing breeze to send them reverberating in reaction to the slightest motion. Once again, Sharla, or elastatits, as we affectionately call her takes the prize, her breasts frequently steal any scenes she is in. We spent at least four hours on the equip menu screen mesmerised by how they flop about every time a neutrino passes by. Elena gets a close second place because despite not having a continental shelf hanging under her chin her slim jumper puppies have still been given a little bit of jiggle nonetheless. For God's sake. It's as if these developers have never seen or indeed touched a range of breasts and have only heard third hand stories about what they are and how they react to the physics of this Universe from a guy in the mail room whose friend's brother once copped a feel.

The Outfits
The Last Story breaks with many JRPG conventions. Upgrading armour and weapons is simple but not basic, dungeons are bite size rather than laborious and most surprisingly, the armour design mostly falls on the side of appropriate. Of course if you wish you can invisibilate it all and have your characters run around in the buff but when we found ourselves wanting to perv on the women researching this post we were hard pressed to find outfits that draw the eye to cleavage (Pro tip, until you get the invisible dye, your best bet is the Hunter's armour and then remove the chest mail. Bonus tip and word to the wise, although it looks like Syrenne has the bigger pair both Mirania and Syrenne share the same body model. Psychologise that). One exception is a glitch that we discovered on our playthrough. At a certain point in the story Calista leaves your party for a relatively long time. Whilst she is away if you dress her in her ball gown she'll randomly appear in cutscenes with a naked male torso and no legs looking all the world like the top half of Sephiroth's final form. We can't find images of it online so EXCLUSIVE RIGHT HERE. As far as we've played, Elena doesn't get a costume change, although in the opening cutscene she's wearing an alternate costume that is a little bit exposing but in video games is practically prudish. Xenoblade Chronicles wins for the perviest costumes. When characters aren't running around in the buff, throughout the game various questionable armour can be found including a bikini and even armour that is just oil or gel. Wearing it doesn't change the appearance at all. It's the emperor's new clothes but with stat boosts. Not that Sharla needs an excuse to show off some tit. Virtually every costume has her exposing side, under or interbooble regions. This screenshot (thank you pervs) shows typical Sharla garb.

The Winner
If like us you can only get off to sleazily creeping over virtual girls you can get to know over the course of a hackneyed RPG then Xenoblade Chronicles is the title for you on the strength of Sharla's dairy baguettes alone. They wibble, they wobble and you needn't worry about upgrading her armour because virtually every set gives you access all areas to her mounted globes. You'll miss entire plot points and dialogue details just watching them bound, lope, jiggle, flap and bobble over hundreds of hours of gameplay and you'll find the free camera 'accidentally' honing in on them just for the chance to see what they're up to. FILTH. 


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