That guy's a Maniac...

The first DSi only games were announced last week. I just don't understand why they would do that. Why so quickly? Why wait until half the world have a DS or DSlite, then bring out the DSi then bring out DSi only games. Wouldn't now be the time to be bringing out the DS games now that everyone can get in on the action? Realistically, it is probably something to do with the DS having an average attach rate of 3 games. Which means anyone wanting to accrue a collection or play through all the decent/semi decent DS games gets fucked with a stylus but the average punter gets to keep that shit-eating grin on their face. Everybody sing it with me! [In eastern European propaganda stylee] R4 cartridge! R4 cartridge! Giving the consumer a genuine chance at experiencing! This wonderful culture! They killed R4! They killed R4! Now the only option is to buy Kirby: Canvas Curse on Ebay! For a hundred bucks! R4 cartridge! R4 cartridge! Giving consumers the dream! The only way to play them a

'Free lads' have been arrested for mimicking drive-bys using a 'PlayStation Gun'. The beeb knows the score . "The gun was found to be a silver plastic PlayStation gun. " Shoddy reporting from the beeb. Was it a G-con? A G-con 2? G-con 3? Or was it a MadCatz pile of shit? Either way the boys should sue Sony because there is fuck all you can do with a PlayStation light gun these days so what other option do kids have after purchasing expensive peripherals that are in no way supported by new platforms. In unrelated news: Here is a list of light gun games for the PlayStation and PlayStation 2 you cannot play on the PS3. Area 51 (Justifier) Crypt Killer (Justifier) Die Hard Trilogy (Justifier) Die Hard Trilogy 2: Viva Las Vegas (Justifier/Guncon) Elemental Gearbolt (Justifier/GunCon) Extreme Ghostbusters: Ultimate Invasion (GunCon) Ghoul Panic (GunCon) Gunfighter: The Legend of Jesse James (GunCon) Judge Dredd (GunCon) Lethal Enforcers 1&2 (Justifier

No reason now that backwards compatability is off the cards altogether. That is all.

Hot on the heels of E3, there are a couple of Heavy Rain trailers up on the PS3 network. I've seen em both. One of them is your typical trailer packed with mysterious sound bites, action sequences and a quite impressive looking dance floor. The other is a demonstration of how the game will play. Now, we were fans of Fahrenheit for the first hour until Monster Syndrome kicked in. Then we weren't fans. Then we were fans for the dead man sexing bit. Then we weren't fans again. Heavy Rain does look good but the demonstration showing a rather plaid looking woman going into the bogs to sex herself up a bit did leave us feeling. Well. A bit cold. The idea of the demo is that she has to sex herself up a bit to, I dunno, sex a dead man or something. So she enters the toilets and then looks into the mirror. At this point a bunch of arrows pop up around her hair, face, tits and cooch and the player has to help her get slutified through a bunch of analog stick movements.

Following in the footsteps of non-game series Guitar Hero, now on it's 16th iteration, and Rock Band (are we on 4? 5? nobody cares), the upcoming DJ Hero is also keen to milk the shit out of mainstream non gamers with these three peripherals so you can play with your mates: DJ Hero Dex - Estimated Retail Price $140 pounds. This killer dex will show how truly easy the job of a DJ is. Just put on a compilation CD and watch the game play itself. In the meantime you can feel up some jailbait who is on an AK trip. DJ Hero Manbag - Estimated Retail price 54 euros. Show off to all your friends how much of a super underground artisan you are with this mass produced man/record bag available at any shitty independent music shop that still sells vinyl. Customise it with up to four slots for anti war and graffiti inspired badges. DJ Hero Beanie - Estimated Retail price £30. Look like a youth knob at and away from the console! Has three slots for official DJ Hero 'ironic goth message badges

Hotlinking to some news that's been all over my boink today. For those of you who are lazier than we, the premise is to slap a tax on violent video games to ugh cut knife crime, Britain's second favourite national sport. We don't think the tax is a good idea because a) People who stab other people don't buy games, they steal them at knifepoint duh and b) People who play games don't stab people*. They stay at home and play games. I'm all for reducing knife crime but I think there is a better way to be going about it, like nuking Britain from space until knife crime goes down or mass sterilisation of people who wear caps. However, I am in favour of slapping taxes on Theme Hospital to improve the NHS and we should tax the fuck out of Train Simulator to keep trains running on time. Taxes on Katamari Damacy to cure cancer etc. etc. *Excluding FIFA, Halo, CoD, GoW, the other GoW and MySims.

For the Wii.Thoughts in roughly chronological order: I love Agatha Christie. She was genius, I hope Nintendo release a 100 Agatha Christie books on the DS. That would be sweet. Oh shit man murder mystery. Who is gonna die first? Sailor Boys indeed. It's the Butler. Cheese? What do I do with cheese? I hope nobody notices I am stealing everything from this house. It's Vera. Vera is hot. Glad I didn't miss that. It's Emily. Blore sounds like 'Boner' It's Boner. Stupid Wiimote safe cracking. GODDAM STUPID WIIMOTE SAFE CRACKING. Oh, wrong code. Goddam AWE and your crashes. Everygame. And again. And again. I should save more. It's the Judge! WHY WON'T EARRING MIX WITH CHEESE? Goats. Goats like cheese? Goats like apples? Goats like honey? Goats like buckets? Goats like cocktail shakers? Goats like books about bird watching? What do goats like? GODDAM AWE GLITCHES SHOULD SAVE MORE OFTEN. Not a glitch actually. It's the Doctor. Goats like walking st

There's nothing happening in games at the moment. Except for Resident Evil 5 and Dead Rising Chop til you Drop. Everyone else is getting fired. Here's a round up of the top stories this week: 1) I played a bit of Animal Crossing: Let's got to the city. I didn't go to the city, I failed to make a snowman and I only found two pitfall seeds (no fossils). The town was pretty weedilicious too. I did buy the common painting from nook though. I also got a very disturbing letter (screenies later). 2) Dead Rising Chop til you Drop is allegedly out on Friday!? How can this be? We're looking forward to it. I say we I mean I. Richie died a couple of months ago [reminds me, I need to do an obituary post] and didn't 'get' the original one. We (I) am sad that there won't be any photography as there was nothing better than accidentally whipping out the camera and taking a sneaky photo only to find some secret erotica. We (I) are not very bothered about the reduced n

Remember Crispy Gamer ? The guys behind some pretty good articles in recent years to be frightfully honest. This time around it's an article, pre-empting EDGEs upcoming article on the subject, about the best disc art. They then choose some of the worst disc art around but not the worst worst, just the mehhiest worst and put it up for all to see. If they went full retard it would have been fine to see some of the worst disc art around. However, the writer , one Karl Florid seems to have chosen a bunch of discs that were within reach rather than execute any kind of judgement about quality and what makes a good disc cover. What do we care you might be commenting already? We care a lot. Firstly, there's a lot of Xbox games on that list. Not that there's anything bad with Xbox and it's relation to art on disc covers per se but half the disc is covered with the Xbox banner and the other half is covered with logos etc. Automatic disqualification methinks. Secondly, it is rea

Two 'interesting' articles went up this week Why are black game characters failing audience on EDGE and Resident Evil 5 Coverage Reignites Racism Debate up on some shit blog we found. It appears that discussion about racism, race and games once again rears it's ugly head for do gooders to send their good thoughts out into the ether. However, this time around it is black history month and Resident Evil 5 demo is live so it's kinda topical. However, both of these posts completely gloss over the main meat of issues about race in games. We've all played the Resident Evil 5 demo by now and realised that there's nothing there really. Anyone wanting to single out things that they think are racist are overstretching a bit and any gamer who has been around a while can easily cite other games where the race scenario is reversed, irrelevant or ambiguous. And no one got the heeby jeebies then or had to try so hard to fight for race rights. On the internet. On a blog.

This public service notice relates to the use of the term "facepalm". The use of such a term is increasing in forums, on blogs and on those motivational poster images. The users of the term may wish to rethink using it as it is only really used by american people who spend more than two hours a day watching cartoon network. Here are some suggested alternatives to use to impress fellow children on the internet: Gosh that was really embarassing for that person. Whoops. Oh dear that was unfortunate that that thing happened to that guy and everyone saw it. Please help make the internet a cleaner, more respectable place so that alien archaeologists don't have to shift through so much shit when trying to work out whether or not humanity was all that or not.

Wow. We are on fire today with three posts n all. Anyway does anyone else find it ironic that a site/franchise called 1Up just died? We do. Ah haahahahahahahahaha. Also, it was shit anyway. Yeah.

Oh dear, rumours abound that Free Radical might be in trouble . Pre-2005 us are very sad indeed. This could be the saddest news ever. But that is only because we haven't heard this news yet , which in late 2008, will make us kill ourselves. Truer words are not written anywhere else. Post-2005 us will be holding a fourteen day party to celebrate, if the rumours are confirmed. The whole world is invited and we'll be burning copies of Timesplitters: Future Perfect and Haze and getting high and then getting dead on noxious fumes. The Facebook page for this party is up so feel free to bring yourself and all the chav kids from the bloc to ruin our house and stab each other so we can be on TV in a filler spot on BBCNews 24, in between the news about how to save money on mince pies and more news about the end of the world.

Gone since September. Ha he been working hard? Doing research? Travelling the world and conversing with the interesting people he found therein? I am proud to reveal the answer in a rare email from the estranged co-author of this blog. Okay so playing Wow for some of it but not for 3 months surely? Oh okay so maybe one month. Anything else? Jesus Christ. Expansions work people is the lesson here. Some people are just happy in Wow I guess. Seriously though, I'm informed they are all level 70+. This is a lapse for him. Perhaps we should send over the big ass crane that winches WoW fatties from their bed to his house before he explodes. Thank god! A casual game. There's hope for her yet. RIP in Richie.

Has arrived and been played by me. It's good or is it? Well yes I think it is. You start off and it is all so familiar, you can import your face, hair and some of your catalogue from wild world but unfortunately, you are still back to square one otherwise. As ever, you need to meet the villagers, undertake some tasks for Nook, and then start afresh increasing your box flat to a mansion, destroying the local ecosystem through over harvesting and turning your hick town into a thriving country 'destination'. Some veterans might be a bit peeved that although your catalogue can be transferred from the DS version, you still lose all your fish, bugs, gyroids fossils, art works, resident potraits, golden equipment and Sahara carpets and walls. I am peeved at this. I don't mind catching them again to give to the museum but would it have been so hard to have transferred over the data so that it shows that you have, at some point, caught a banded dragonfly, without neccessarily c

We're thinking of doing a big 2008 retrospective because we are lazy, like to recycle content and love to use any opportunity to show off our unforced 'whacky' comradorie?, comradory?, comodorarody? and witty office banter. So I've been going through the archives, pulling together bits for this epic post about what we did this year, shifting computers every time I finish checking through a month in order to up our unique visitors. Whilst doing so I found this piece where we managed to stay focussed enough to ask our future selves some questions. Now it is the future and I will answer our pastselves' questions for my own pleasure. 1. Did all the above games come out in 2008 (Devil May Cry, Resident Evil 5, Silent Hill 5, Super Smash Brothers Brawl and TGAM: The game based on the blog based on the games that influence our lives.)? Yes, Not yet, yes, yes and no. After seeing the shitty Penny Arcade game TGAMTGBOTBBOTGTIOL got shelved. 2. Were they good?

So it seems from my all important viewpoint that a whole bunch of losers insist about worrying about gender in games the whole frickin time. "All girl characters in games just look hot or cry except when they are big and fat ". And someone will whinge about it if they are all, any or either of the above. So what? Get over it. Male characters have a raw deal in games. So there. All genders get a raw deal when depicted in games. But that's no surprise the same is true in children's drawings, advertising and every other medium ever. Street signs have better narratives than most games the only good thing games have is shiny graphics and a distraction from daily life or news of stabbings, economic crash, climate change. Do not look to games as a fulcrum in your hack paper on gender in games. I mean you Terra Nova . No. The losers mentioned above use their internet moaning like a horde of "liberal" zombies to skirt around the real gender issue in games. This

This weekend I had a chance to catch up with two new games on the Xbox 360, the alleged "real console". Saying that will make PS3 owners scoff, Wii owners laugh in their gazillions and PC owners head straight to their favourite forum to rat me out for the console loving luddite they expect me to be. Turning on the spot is over rated any case. Anyway, as we are in the midst of the winter of good games after the seemingly eternal summer of absolutely shit games I was anxious to try out two of the games I was particularly looking forward to. Gears of War 2. DANGER DANGER! SPOILERS IF YOU COULDN'T GUESS THE GIST ANYWAY Having enjoyed Gears of War after it came out and long after most Xbox 360 owners had changed their 20 second attention towards something else a little bit different (Does anyone even play Halo 3 anymore?) I was looking forward to the second one. I'd read a bit about it and Cliffy B spouting off about the story and it being, bigger and better etc. etc. The

Click the title if you don't know what it is. It is a silly place with so much potential but it is rarely ever realised. For every 14,0098 awful videos like this this and this there may be one good video or idea. Concerned comics is one such idea as is this simple one stolen from here . The rest however, is a fetid mess. Like a child's bedroom. Banal, derivative nonsense. It is horrible to behold yet it is often followed by clammy sweaty palmed comments of "LOL" and "AWESOME" and it looks like they genuinely mean it. It's what games would be if fan service overwhelmed everything else. Glimpses into the psyche of these morons shows levels strewn with melons (LOL MELLONS) or with G-Man doing the retarded and cliched Gmod dance. What do I care though? I'm seventy going on dead but for you. You poor sorry souls. For you these people are your future . :( Indeed.

Yes! This seasons bandwagon is four player vs. lots of enemies jobbies. A couple of seasons ago it was vehicles in FPS and the season before it was war games set in Vietnam. Left 4 Dead, Horde mode in Gears of War 2 and the recently announced zombie mode in CoD:WaW have all recently been announced. Basically it's 4 player co-op vs. waves of things meaning players have to co-operate rather than fight against each other or be on each others teams but not really co-operate. Suspiciously, I should say, that these three games have all spontaneously come up with this idea. Is this innovation? Did we really have to wait until this gen to do these things? The answer to both of those questions is no. Basically, it's a bit of inspiration from Serious Sam, Timesplitters 2 Arcade challenges and virus mode and Project Eden mixed in with a bit of zombie love that has become the flavour of this dev cycle. Sure, it's a nice feature but we'll all be bored to death of it after th