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Showing posts with the label Magikarp

Flame Rounds: Boss Bass

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Flame rounds lets us fulfil our yearning passion to be Frank Skinner, taking on his role as Judge, Jury, and Executioner in Room 101. We will be presenting a case for a particular Trope/Character/Item/UI element that pisses us off and then trying to justify whether this thing should go into room 101 (get flame roundsded?).

Richie: So! What trope has bested you this time!
Cunzy1 1: Super Mario Brothers 3. Level 3-3. You're having a good time with your brother Luigi fighting the Koopalings and making progress then this level happens and it gets real. It gets brutal. Boss Bass just outright murks you. It's not so much the being swallowed by a big fish thing it's just the sheer bluntless of it. You're there one minute, fish boy jumps, open gobbed then. Gone. I want to remove Boss Bass from gaming so I can sleep at night without waking up bolting upright and screaming because I thought I'd been swallowed out of fucking existence.
Richie: Just dodge him/her?
Cunzy1 1: Now no…

Pokémon Go: Back with a Vengance

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Oh boy,

Many moons ago we covered Pokémon Go in our regular/not-so-regular bit: Are mobile phone games any good yet? And our list of gripes beyond not being able to log in included:
Does this actually have anything to do with the actual games (is it canon?) Whats the point, beyond collecting them with an annoying catch mechanicHow do gyms work, why is no one explaining this? Two years on and even though there is still login problems (particularly trainer club accounts), the question of whether this will ever be compatible with the real games is still being asked, the game has improved! Not massively, it has not arisen like a mighty Ho-oh from the ashed of its former self, but neither has it eeked out like a wet quagsire queef.

Niantic have bothered themselves to include a friend system, this allows you to connect with your IRL friends and rival each other, and even help each other out with trades. This only seems like a little thing but it has re-kindled a little bit of love for the g…

Endless Ocean 2 (like Neverending Story 3)

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As you may well know 25% of Team TGAM is totally hot for swim 'em up Endless Ocean. Well guess what dilwads? Endless Ocean 2 has been dated for the 5th of February this MUTHAFUCKING year.

The first Endless Ocean was our game of the year 2007-2009 so it goes without saying that I am looking forward to Endless Ocean 2.

Some people dismiss titles like this as being too casual or easy or not really a game. Presumably these are the tards that prefer shit like Bioshock and Portal which is the casualist shit going. Get over it losers. This game is all about science and exploration and shit. You might learn a thing or two about some real animals which impresses the chicks* inifinitely more than the fact that you can do no scope headshots 1 in 15 times that you try it you lazy fucking adolescent fagballs.

Also, it will be compatible with Wiispeak so in out fantasy world where we actually enjoy online play you can speak to people you dive with as well as drawing luminous penii with the dr…

Hideo Kojima updates site with cryptic message

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Hideo "hasn't made a decent game for quite a while and won't be continuing Metal Gear series" has been updating the Kojima productions site with all kinds of bullshit. Scenic imagery, counters that countdown to more counters and other crap that has Kotaku and nobody else even remotely excited. Until this morning that is.



At 4am this morning GMT the above image went up on the site. What does it mean?

It's Official: Cunzy1 1 no longer a gamer

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It's true. I recently bought ONM (for the free gifts of course) and the free gift was crap. A keyring made out of hideous cheap-off-the-market-for-a-quid-"lego"-plastic so I decided to get my money's worth I'd actually try to read the magazine.

It was hideous. The writing is by four year old never heard ofs who desperately try to sound like they don't have to give all the games above average marks. Anyway, this is besides the point. They had an article on the hot 100, trying to convince Nintendo fans that there was a reason they have a Wii other than to play Wii Play and Wii Sports or Wario Ware (Zelda can just fuck off). And what games was I interested in? Was it Pokemon Battle Revolution? Well a bit but everyone knows it's just an expensive husk of a game. Was it Mario Galaxy? No. I don't particularly like space as a setting for things and it just brings back memories of playing Super Mario 64 which is sometimes a good thing but sometimes bad too. N…