On the Faces of WoW


WoW's Character creator is shit. Just putting that one out there. Don't get me wrong the initial models are fine, but when it comes to customisation of the actual character its pretty fucking limited. especially when you compare it to the multitude of slider scale options seen in other games. Curiously not much has really changed on this even in today's iteration of WoW.

So lets jump into it. I am just going to mention a few of the races and the more iconic looks. If you, gentle reader, feel that there are looks missing that is because the looks are so fucking bland and indistinguishable that they are not even worth mentioning.

Foresaken Male, is actually probably the best in terms of "individuality" i.e different looking from one male foresaken to the next. 

First up Bondage Zombie, easily the most iconic look of the undead characters, leather straps to hold their skulls together, they are blind, yet at no disadvantage... I guess you don't question it as it's an animated corpse, and to be honest the rest of the undeads just have glowing yellow spheres for eyes.

Angry Homer Simpson. One of the "features you can pick for undeads is having their face ripped off. Nice.

The lolling tongue: What says hero of the forsaken more than a missing/broken off jaw?

Troll Males...

Trolls are solidly my favourite race but yeah pretty shit options:
Make up, oddly wrapped up in the same options with tusk size, you select tusks, some of them have make up, sure why not?

The Dick Dastardly, those tusks, as a moustache, tell me you see this right?

Orcs, ah orcs! staple of the Warcraft Series they are bound to have some good customizations right? Wrong, several shades of green and some pretty ugly faces!

The Frankensteiner, shove a couple of bolts on this guy's neck, and gather your pitchforks.

The 'Nice' Face for the Peon fans, "work work", "Something me doing?" etc etc

Onto the Ladies, Just a quick on on the Ladies of WoW I do get a bit grumpy about their customization options, where make counterparts in the most part get to pay with facial hair and the size of their tusks, the women get "piercings", earrings or in a couple of cases a nose-ring, which given the quality of those models is barely fucking noticeable, bullshit #metoo

A lady Dwarf, tbh they are better than the Male dwarves mainly because male dwarves are just different shaped beards meh

Tired old Female Dwarf, I'd be interested to know who chooses this and why? What is the character fantasy here...

Female Orcs, Back to Orcs! and it's the same story!

Yup that is a generic angry Orc Female, tbh I'm glad they exist I think there was only like one or two Orc females in warcraft games of yore, setting up like a Surfette/Arcee group orgy situation.

This is the Nice Orc face, however in hindsight with those earings she is super chavvy, I kind of expect her in in a pink tracksuit pushing her kids about in a shopping trolley.

Female Undeads, best for last, this is my favorite for change spectrum, you can go from freshly dead (ed: still warm?)  to Fully decayed... Nice
Why do undeads have glowey eyes? i guess its cuz the eyes would rot first, nice touch to keep that in mind.

Crowning glory the full night of the living dead skullface model, you know you wanna rock this look

As I mentioned I have deliberately left off the more generic or ordinary looking customizations, and as you can see from above there is barely any alliance, Sorry but the hoard definitely has more 'character' the alliance has 3 very 'human' races Human, Dwarf, Gnome which are just humans of varying degrees of sizes (some of the skins are repeated over these races!) And you have the Night elves left over, and short of some being pink and some being blue, they all look very generic there is very little in the way of interesting there.

TBH i am not a fan of the alliance, but since my beloved Paladins only exist there, I guess i'm stuck with different sized humans and purple Sesame Street characters. 

Love and Taurens are fucking boring,
Richie X


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