That guy's a Maniac...

71,000 people dead, 10 million WoW Subscribers left farming their own gold. Tragedy…

Some review, I* did in my spare time The gaming industry, for better or worse, enjoys comparing themselves to the movie industry. Call it insecurity, call it a benchmark, but for years now we’ve heard talk of the need to make games more “cinematic”. From the old FMV games, to the deluge of cut-scenes, it can be argued that games have never quite achieved that goal of completely weaving quality gameplay with the cinematic feel of Hollywood movies. In development for the better part of a decade, Pony Friends, despite some significant flaws, is a definitely positive step in reaching that cinematic sweet spot. From the engrossing introduction and opening credits, to the suggestive epilogue, Pony Friends does a great job of finally making the player feel as though he is playing through a Hollywood blockbuster. But as would be expected, it often does so at the expense of the game. Yes, Pony Friends is a short - and quite easy - horse FPS. The entire adventure will last you only six to seven

Let's milk the cash cow till only blood comes out. Milk it like a Polaroid picture. Milk it, milk, milk, milk, milk it. Milk it, milk, milk, milk, milk it. *We're still gonna buy it like a bunch of kidulthood fags.

So GTAIV still grabbing headlines. Some good some bad. But one statement that crops up time and time again, by the naysayers, then reiterated for ridicule by the defenders, is that GTAIV is some kind of prostitute murdering simulator . Which, to be fair it can be. But why focus on such a tiny little possibility in the game? Oh to grab headlines and take up some column inches. But come on journos, senators, presidents and prime ministers. You ain't gonna beat GTAIV. No the game is way too popular and successful. Rockstar has had more court cases than hot dinners and there is even a book out that pretty much says GTA, it's okay. So come on hacks and political wannabes. Rockstar and GTA are a well defended fortress. You aren't gonna beat them. But if your criticism about games you never played boils down to repeating a single sentence to get the mob going, why not choose a softer target than the battle hardened Rockstar. So once again Christian Mothers Against Everything, Dai

Woah now, so last night saw the launch of some DLC (due for today, but we wont persecute MS's timekeeping). This DLC included the much anticipated additional Katamari content... with a hefty price tag. Each "new" zone to create a Katamari in was either 200 or 300 MS points, couple this with the new cousins and accessories. Each of the new zones is 384kb, for the non technologically savvy, there is no way that 384kb can be new content, it is simply a wee file that unlocks content that already exists on the disk. All in all this "new" content will set you back over 2000 MS Points (Nearly £20). Shocking. Also on XBL last nigh the Muse Guitar Pack was up, costing 500 MS Points for a meaty 60mb download including 3 muse tracks. Much better. Luv n' Hugs, Richie X

Introducing the SaSi... This ingenious piece of tech is due in stores very soon. How does it differ from every other sex toy out there? Well for starters it retails for £225, but don't let that put you off, Lets see what you get for £225: From the manufacturer website Je Joue : SaSi is the ultimate, customisable vibrator. Using the latest Sensual Intelligence technology, SaSi is uniquely intuitive. It learns and remembers exactly what you like, giving you the perfect, intense sensual massage every time. Fantastic for partner foreplay or solo massage Splashproof, non-porous and bacteria resilient Removable covers made from phthalate and latex-free medical grade silicone, using the newly patented SMITEN membrane technology Fully customisable with fascias available in different colours. Rechargeable Beautifully packaged ideal as a gift A smooth, rounded head undulates under a thin, silky cover, creating a soft kneading sensation that can be customized by adjusting m

Back by popular demand. Unfortunately, due to the Hollywood Writer's Strike, Omastar wrote this one himself. As you can see it's not the greatest of adventures. EXCLUSIVE REVIEW OF OMASTAR COMICS 18. They're just cranking them out now. It used to have a plot but now it's just like Lost. 4/10.

We got a reply!! Which will go down in TGAM history because no one normally replies to our open letters. Here it all is: Hi Cunzy1 1, or whoever. Thanks for your email. I always appreciate it when somebody takes the time and effort to contact us, as you have done, regardless of your opinion. Thank you also for continually buying the magazines. Your loyalty pays our wages and funds our passion. Thanks for your points and the detail of your email. All criticism is taken on board. It's kind of flattering to see that you're 'onto us hacks'. It's always nice to hear that people actually read the words and don't just look at the pretty pictures. I look forward to reading further analysis of the magazine, should you see fit to provide it. Lastly, let me reassert the point that I/we really appreciate the fact that you continually buy the magazine despite thinking it's far from the standards needed to satiate your refined gaming ideals. Have a great Bank Holiday, Cha

Aussieman: So I'm really tired today. I was up till four last night playing GTAIV. Aussieman's friend: Oh yeah? Any good? Aussieman: Well it isn't as good as Gears but maybe I haven't played it enough yet. Aussieman's friend: I used to play Vice city on my housemates PS2. It was sweet. Aussieman: Yeah well it's okay but there was another game on the 360 that was much better. The graphics were smoother and the story was better. No one I know has ever played it though so.. Aussieman's friend: What game was that? Aussieman: Saint's Row. O-o. So yeah GTAIV. I had a bit of a throw down with it the other day. It's good but as you are pissing around you know that this game is huge and you start to feel a bit scared and overwhelmed. The side missions, cheevos, hidden packages? and silly easter eggs. But as Aussieman shows maybe GTAIV isn't such a big thing for the casual gamer. Oh well time will tell but at least someone may notice when Saints Row 2 com

ANIMAL CROSSING WILD WORLD REVIEW For Nintendo DS Animal Crossing isn't a game. It's a career. A vocation, a mini alternative life. You could educate a child with it and it would turn out OK. It teaches you everything you need to know about the real world. It teaches you the importance of money, shows you the true value of patience, punishes you for lying, and when characters move out of your town it's an important lesson about the harsh realities of bereavement in adult life. Bunnie is gone, Timothy, she's gone to another town very far away and she's never coming back. It's not a game, it's a job. You HAVE to collect your fruit to begin with, else you can't afford the cool furniture. You HAVE to keep fishing, else you might miss a rare fish. You HAVE to collect all the fossils, fish and insects because something cool might happen when you do. Animal Crossing uses an enhanced version of the COLLECTEVERYTHING(TM) engine that Nintendogs used. I

Dear Chandra, or whoever. I won't say I'm a fan of ONM but I am a regular buyer as the free gifts are sometimes good and you do get the lowdown on games that your Future Publishing colleagues gloss over because they have real games to review like GTA and Dead Rising. In addition I have been diagnosed with the deliberating ( UPDATE: I totally meant deliberating and not debillitating ) condition GFP (Gay for Pokemon). Sadly this means that I often pick up a copy of your magazine. Monthly your magazine offends me. You seem to be stuck in a 1990s time warp where you OMG! in the magazine when you get a female member of staff and you think that comments about your hair and staff member's real lives are of interest to the reader. Frankly I don't care if Chris or Martin or some other office monkey is looking after a new born baby. Furthermore you really have to stop making captions about curries every time you use a screenshot with fire coming out of a characters mouth or anus.

Sooo, Kotaku have posted this... The analysts at DFC Intelligence have gazed into the crystal ball to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Sony. But it's far worse for Microsoft. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the PlayStation 3 but that Sony should expect to lose a "big chunk" of the PS2 install base. Wii is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the PS3 may. The analyzing wizards at DFC see an Xbox future filled with doom and gloom, with the 360 "continuing to struggle" in Europe, despite UK acceptance. They have better news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2008 expected "to break all kinds of sales records." And they all lived happily ever after. The end. "Release the GEGH!!!! DFC Intelligence. Perhaps the three letters stand for ‘Donthavea Fucking Clue’. Similarly, I’d wager the ‘Intelligence’ part comes filed under ‘oxymoron’. FROM HE

As if Adding Yoda and Vader wasn't geeky enough! Check this Shit... Yoshimitsu has an Ammonite on his flag :D Ammonites in popular culture include: Omastar Omanyte Luv n' hugs, Richie

As ever, Yahtzee Croshaw delivers yet another enjoyable zero punctuation *. This time it's super smash brothers brawl. However, it's obvious from the review that he struggles with the control system. Now, we aren't haters here but people who can't play SSBB? We're no experts ourselves and in fact the antipenultimate time the maniacs met up Richie and I didn't enjoy getting double-team-violated by Fox and Falco up against the Great Fox. :( Still. Yahtzee loses some of his cool points because he can't work out the controls. It's not rocket science and it is the third iteration. He tries to cover his noobishness with layers of fanboy baiting and talk about "friends" and "multiplayer situations" but he has exposed a weakness. In fact he even comes across as a bit girly (not racist-girly like Anne Diamond's game reviews girly ) and this is coming from a PC gamer so he should be used to retarded controls. And games. And PC gamer

What happens when evolutionary selection becomes all but redundant in a species but at the same time boys no longer grow up to be men? This happens Seriously, next they'll have to be told which hole to put it into. Expect a DS version later this year so that geeks can pick up on the fly.

Soooo GTA4 then? Might as well get this review out of the way before it “officially” comes out on Tuesday. So for today’s review we are going to set it out in a classic divvied up review with each section out of ten. Section 1. Gameplay. Well this one is quite easy, have you played GTA3, VC, SA? It’s pretty much the same: run, shoot, drive. Except this time they have added some spanky tweaks, including GPS system, a better aiming system, and being able to hide behind cover. There isn’t much wrong with the GTA formulae, it’s non-stop fun and they have not strayed away from this standard. Score: 9/10. Good to see GTA back again, with so many sandbox rip-offs its good to go back to the roots, new and improved roots at that. Section 2. Graphics . Graphics eh? I honestly don’t know how to approach this one… I have always had gripes with GTA’s (rockstar’s?) graphics. I remember when San Andreas was out on the PS2 and everyone was banging on about how great it looked, but

Ha! YAAAAS "IcanhasGTA4?" Yes I can! kkthxbye

Right so, I tried logging on to Xbox Live last night, but couldn't as, I have got a new credit card since then... So I check my mail: and I have this in my inbox: To update your credit card information: 1. Select your gamer card. 2. Select Account Management . 3. Select Memberships . 4. Select the membership you want to update. For more info, go to www.xbox.com/support or call Xbox Customer Support at 0800 587 1102. If you have already resolved this issue, please disregard this notice and accept our thanks. Thank you for using Microsoft Online Services. The Xbox Live team. FAIL at step 2.!! The moment you select Account management, it then says "you must be signed in to Xbox live", -.- Caught in a viscous circle where Microsoft wont let me give them my money... To be honest, I'm not actu

...isn't all pointless shit. Some of it is cool pointless shit. Yeah so Wow was so a year ago and even Portal is starting to get old. Just you wait. GTA IV is gonna land and you won't ever have to hear that cake song again! WoW Videos Congrats to BaronSoosdon. Oh and also, if you've got time to waste Halolz is GOLD at the moment.

Aye well! Fuck the Canadians, Lets get the UK back on track! Everyone please sign up here! http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/ukgames/ Love 'n' hugs, Richie