That guy's a Maniac...

Oh shit! For anyone who is interested in games and on the internet you have probably by now learned that E3 is getting downgraded or something. Well paint me yellow and call me supersonic if I'm not over the fucking moon about it! As much as I love to download shaky-cam videos of fat Americans saying "So like so like so like totally awesome" (we don't have the proper internet in Britain so we have to save everything to VHS) I couldn't give a monkeys about E3. Here are this years highlights as I have observed them... 1) Reggie Sans Amie telling everyone how to play a fucking Zelda game. Oh really, the big button? Mental. 2) Over 200 hours of FMV sequences for sequels to popular games giving absolutely no insight into what the actual game may look like or how it plays. 3) More Sony lies, but the new Motorstorm video was pretty amazing. Not since MGS on the playstation has terrain been so realistially modelled in real time! Those footprints in the snow were a

6Gun 2 - Developer - BattleBorne Entertainment Ahahahahahahaha Avalon - Developer - Climax Studios Ahahahhahhah Dark Sector - Developer - Digital Extreme Ahhhhahahahahahahaha The Darkness - Developer - Starbreeze Studios Ahahahahahahahahaha Devil May Cry 4 - Developer - Capcom Aha. What? Seriously........ EA Sports Fight Night Round 3 - Developer - EA Chicago Ahahahahaha Eyedentify - Developer - TBA Ahahahahahaha Fifth Phantom Saga - Developer - Sonic Team Ahahahahaha Final Fantasy PS3 - Developer - Square Enix Ah. What? No way. LIES Sony LIES Formula One PS3 - Developer - Developer - SCE Studios Liverpool Ahahahahahahahahaha The Getaway PS3 - Developer - SCE Studios Soho Ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahaahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahaha Heavenly Sword - Developer - Ninja Theory WOOT!! I-8 - Developer - Insomniac Games Ahahahahahahahah Infraworld - Developer - Quantic Dream Ahahahaahahhahahha Killing Day - Developer -

Yet another weird sextoy add-on for the iPod . Is there really a market for this type of thing? Does timing of music really make a difference? Do Apple endorse this sort of thing? Do we have a female That Guys reader to review this? Do we have a female That Guys reader? Wait... I had a thought... If Lily Allen bought this and listened to herself whilst using it is that not like Self-Gay-Cybaaa Version 2.o? Either that or she can go fuck herself.

We love video games (or computer games as they are known). Be they epic sprawling adventures such as Ed Federmeyer's Haunted Maze or pick up and play wonders such as World of Warcraft. The hardware developers sometimes go out of their way to enable us to play all our old favourites on the newest generation so we don't have to own all the previous generations in order to pwn some classics. OR do they? Let's take a look at how Sony, Microsoft and Nintendo regularly shaft gamers for more cash. Sony Sony is hard to keep track of, especially with the PS3 lies which, have been covered here and elsewhere. Nonetheless, here are some golden oldies... PS1 Games - You can play all your PS1 games on the PS2, which is great but you do have to use your old Playstation1 Memory Cards in order to save games, which, are rapidly becoming an E-bay acquisition. Multitaps. Sony stiffed everyone when the other two ports for controllers magically dissappeared from the PS2 a similar thing seems to

To highlight the meaningless analysis of video games from people who claim to be gay, feminist, humanist, masculinists, journalists we have compiled a list comparing game developers and producers to female genitalia. It is about as relevant. Rockstar The Rockstar vagina would be huge but look a bit grubby if you looked in detail. Also everyone you know has played it Midway The controls aren't in the book, they are impossible to control and not even the fucking developers know how the fucking thing works. But if you bought the game for £5 you can't complain Capcom Absolutely top quality! But then a bit like vagina you've had before other times. Ed Federmeyer They would be simple to play, hard to master and wouldn't smell like a Chinese fish market in the morning in the morning. EA The EA vagina would be like a hysterectomy vagina, fun to play but ultimately pointless. Blizzard It would be massive, but the gays would have trouble getting in. (It woul

Well it had to end but Autumn is upon us (it rained yesterday), this summer has been unusually rife with exciting news. Normally, summers are long and boring on the games front with dribbling pieces of crap news like another Armoured Core game announced and Nintendo releasing a new edition of one of their consoles. Here's the summer round up: Leeroy Jenkins Video "fake" Nintendo Revolution to be renamed Games are art Girls play games! Child-killer once played Ridge Racer Games make you fat PS3 launch date brought forwards to three weeks ago Blizzard bans heterosexuals for inherent un-PCness Take Two sued for Grand Theft Auto London WoW expected to "take off" says lesbian programmer who did the letterboxes in Paperboy Another rubbish "media culture" author spends four years in second life promoting a free version of a very boring book with a shit cover Tekken 6 looking great Sega ends the Dreamcast Half Life 2 disappoints again RE4 "quite good"

This weekend I had two longish train journey's and a lot of waiting time so naturally the DS got a lot of love. Desperately trying to complete some of the games 100% for the Big List I ended up completing Sonic Rush with Blaze and Sonic (need to get the Zone 7 Emerald which is fiendishly hard), beating Resident Evil Deadly Silence, again as well as completing a number of Mario Kart DS Grand Prix. What I was stupidly happy about is that each of these games comes up with a message after the credits. Thanks for Playing (MKDS), Thanks for playing Congratulations (SR) and Wow what a tough guy (REDS). Now whether I just haven't been busting a lot of games recently or whether games have stopped saying Thanks for Playing! I don't know but it seems like ages since I've seen that. In fact if I was to go on EDGE online I would set up a thread on "When did games stop saying Thanks for Playing?". I would then have to post the first response "Fuck off prick"