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Showing posts with the label Girls?

New Game Crush

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Forget floppy-titted snipers, drunken Northern lassies or monster-uddered purple-haired psycopaths there's a new girl in town that everyone is talking about. Of course, I'm talking about 2015's Resident Evil Revelations 2's Gina Foley.


Unfortunately, Gina, who MAY OR MAY NOT be pig-faced, wetsuit-busting Rachel Foley's sister/cousin, SPOILERS FOR A  FOUR YEAR OLD GAME dies in the first minutes of Resident Evil Revelations 2 but that doesn't mean she can't be our game crush!

Apparently Gina was a well respected member of definitely-not-another-secret-bioterrorism-front-group Terra Save working in human resources. Who knows, she may have interviewed Claire Redfield?! Or at least emailed her reminders about the procedures for calling in sick.


Even though she's dead she kicks some serious ass in Raid Mode. No mean feat in heels and a work skirt. We'll always love you Gina*! Even with a blood face your wonderful blue eyes and Capcom cleavage still shine …

Alan Wake- This is not the Silent Hill you are looking for?

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We managed to get our grubby mitts on awfully named Alan Wake this wochenende. Suffice to say we agree almost perfectly with unreliable Eurogamer's Eleanor Guitar. We almost agree except Mr Wake's constant auto-narrating grated on us even more. The game plays almost like how Silent Hill the movie watches.
In our mind he also looks a lot like Lucas not Lucas the other one from Indigo Prophecy 2 so all we really wanted to do was press X to Jason. To be fair, we didn't really press X to Jason much when we played Fahrenheit 2/11. Instead we used the time to check out hot mall chicks. We don't really do malls over here so checking out hot mall chicks was a first for us. It was a double first because when we played Indigo Prophecy 2 we were role-playing Lucas Lucas not Lucas as a transvestite so we were actually lesbian scoping for chicks instead of looking for our son. Bored already? Here's a screenshot from Alan Hill, William Hill's brother.
At this point in the g…

The future of gaming interaction is here at last!

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After the recent debate over the Wii, it is nice to see there is some real innovation and blue sky thinking out there. Finally, a new type of controller I can get behind!

Đ

[Flopculture]

Nintendo supports cheating Cockbags

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As if you needed more reasons to not play your Wii, here are 2 massive ones:

Ant and Dec

Fig. 1. Ant and Dec are playing Mario Kart, as you can see they are also making racist Asian faces, furthering their racist stereotyping, they are likely playing badly.


Fig. 2. Ant and Dec are amused that the DS has 2 screens.


Fig. 3. Ant and Dec playing with the Wii balance board, I couldn't think of anything funny here... Just observe their massive shiny foreheads and perhaps pretend they are making "NEEEEOOOW" Aeroplane noises 


For those of you who don't know (i.e. outside of the UK) Ant and Dec are a TV presenting duo lacking any sort of talent. They are huge corporate cash-ins who are involved in pretty much every reality show in some shape or form. There is very little spark of life left in their eyes, further likening them to a money driven automatons and I'm sure you can envision where you insert the cash.

Cheating Cockbags?

Yeah for some reason, possibly…

DANGER: Women in games. Part 2: The Revenge

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So it’s been a while since we last decided to tackle the ongoing issue of the fairer sex grasping at the Joystick of the games industry and giving it a good old tug. Last time we touched on this subject we talked about the industries efforts to entice the female market, the vacant “hotties” keeping the guys interested in the industry, and most importantly painstakingly rendered, gorgeously rendered 3D boobies. Almost two years have passed since that last post, has the industry changed? Well it was this article, brought to my attention by Kotaku, which flared my dismay at the industry/humanity. It reads like an open letter to the gaming community proclaiming that girl gamers should be taken down from their pedestal, claiming that an entire gender is still having a hard time in the industry/gaming because of horny adolescent boys.

I'm afraid that I have to go out on an attack on Dairuka, and perhaps TGN, this entire post was clearly written by a cuckolded-pantsu-sniffer with aspi…

Expanding the family tree!

Every now and then the internet helps us to find family members and lost friends. We rediscovered Miss Bea Havin from 90s game magazine Playstation Pro and we even found our sister. Our real sister not the one we made up . And today we may have found one of our cousins "droolingmaniac". We found him commenting on some bullshit post over at Game Daily? (Who? The site looks like IGN and reads like joystiq so were not even linking it). Anyway the article is about reviewers "seven deadly sins" but the author of the post forgets that writing a review isn't some kind of herculean task. Anyone can do it. Few can do it well. Our cousin, who we will refer to as "drool" put him in his place with this lovely comment:

"This piece of superficial nonsense doesn't inspire confidence in the gaming press. So much of it points to the author's inability to follow his own advice. He's conscious of some of his transgressions, but at the same time his own r…

Captain Falco Whoring Himself Out

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Nintendo are allegedly very displeased.

Last post about this... Maybe

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I dunno how may times I have mentioned this before... but, for those of you don't know, Rez on the PS2 came with a USB vibrating attachment. It was designed to "enhance" the gameplay of Rez, and not originally in a sexual way, apparently it was designed to create a synaesthesic experience... so that you could feel the music in your elbow or something.

Well anyway, with The new HD Rez game coming out on the 360 The question on everyone's lips is whether they can get-off in HD? Well... the answer is yes... Up to 3 joypads can be used as Trance vibrators! This can mean only one thing! Bluetooth vibrators, are round the corner!

Special Hugs,

Richie XXX

DANGER: Women in Games

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Woah, now there is a lot of female attention happening in the games industry at the moment. Like we need more… Seriously I think girls have got their quota in the games industry and are recognised enough nowadays.

Girls have:

1. Personalised Systems, such as the Pink DS and a variety of Pink Peripherals.
2. A selection of shite games, Pony Friends, Barbie shopping, Cooking Mama etc…
3. Zelda?!? Apparently??!?! The Phantom hourglass is advertised as one of the DS’s “Games for Girls”, when the fuck did that happen? Why does the fairer sex get this franchise?
4. The DS in general, all titles for it seem to cater for girls in some way.
5. The Rezibator. Guys are not allowed attachments to games to get them going (apart from the guitar in guitar hero).
6. An unfair advantage in MMOs, due to all the guys being desperate.
1. [General] [Legolaas] ZOMG!!!!11 Nerf Girls they are IMBA
7. An inbuilt ability to multi-task.
8. The “years of persecution” card which they never play, but you know they will w…

Silent Hill continues to rock!

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Silent hill origins came out last week.


But rather annoyingly only on the PSP. So we at that guys have scrambled around in our cupboard of freebies and dug out our PSP (still in its box), part of us was glad because there is actually a reason to use the PSP!

So we break out Silent Hill origins and start that bad boy up! And it is amazing! It follows the story of Travis, a truck driver. Who is getting caught up in the events preceding the original Silent Hill.

*Spoilers… Right up ye*
If you have played the “previous” silent hill games, you know that Alessa is Dahlias Kid, and that Alessa was burned alive, well the story takes place from this moment onwards. Dahlia, Dr Kaufmann, Lisa are all in it, but younger. Alessa is kicking about there to.


The Graphics are actually quite good, as with most PSP games (according to what I have heard) it’s a mix between PS1 and PS2 graphics, a sort of PS1.5 which is great because it is reminiscent of the original silent hill.

Gameplay is more of the s…

Pushing the PC gaming boundaries

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The BBC has this nice little article about how PCs are better at games than consoles or some such. I don't really know as I haven't fully read it as my attention span only lasts for a paragraph before I'm bored. But I got the gist.


All I do know is that whatever you may think about PCs, the people that play them are GEEKS. Nerdo-rama. They wear big rimmed glasses and have braces. They don't have sex either. They just beat off over video game characters who sex with other dead video game characters (see above Fahrenheit).

Some guy from Nvidia says:

"It's absolute nonsense to think that consoles are at the cutting edge,"

Yeah but only fucking nerds buy your shitty graphics cards and that clearly isn't enough. That's why you put those little leaflets in every single one of Future Publishing's console oriented magazines going on and on about how Nvidia is the future and good. BTW Nvidia, those leaflets are shit. Purely because PC games are mostly bo…

Guitar Hero: Groupies [Results]

Tried the Line... and well, I was shot down :(

She in fact looked at me disapprovingly and stated that she was not interested because Guitar hero is no longer made by Harmonix.Of all the ways I expected that line to go… I did not see that one coming.Next time… I’ll use Rock band.

Guitar Hero: Groupies

The Giant Enemy Guitar Hero, recently made an observation that for Guitar Hero 3 to really pull its weight and recreate the rock star life style, then players must have groupies.

So the gauntlet was layed down, this weekend I have to brag about getting Guitar Hero 3 early to chicks, in the vein hope that they will swoon and perform sexual favours.

Update after the weekend.

Peace out.

Richie

That Guy's a Maniac: October '07

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This Months maniac is nothing other than a girl… as if it wasn’t crazy enough that girlsactually play video games... But check this shit:


Observe how she is holding the Joypad, upside down?!? And… get this… she was playing well. I’m sure we have all at some point tried to mess around with how we hold the joypad. For instance, thinking if we have two fingers pressing the Triangle, Square, circle and Ecks button, rather than one thumb, we might be able to perform better. But no matter what, our fingers will reset to the default position where the index finger hovers over R1, the middle finger hovers over R2 and the thumb sits over the right analogue stick. When/If I die I know for a fact my hands will automatically assume the PS2 position, if its an open casket, people will be able to slot a joypad in perfectly, I invite you all to attend and try it out.

Laters,

Richie-O