That guy's a Maniac...

Well the Hunk competition is over. After two years we've had no entries. This can be taken as proof that you can't trust the Machinima community. Fuck you Machinima community. Fuck you. How will the fanfiction guys fare? We're running another competition (wow now we're just like the official Mega Man site !). As you may well now, Wesker is to appear as a rip off DLC pish in Lost Planet 2. What we want to know is how did he get there? Feel free to dick around with the "Resident Evil Canon" as Capcom so frequently do but do make sure your fic. contains the following elements: 1) Barry Burton's daughters Polly and Moira. 2) Tits McGee from Dead Rising. 3) Dante slicing a whole train in half. 4) A non racist justification for Sheva's totally racist costume in RE5. 5) Jill and Rebecca talking about who they fancy in S.T.A.R.S. 6) Cheryl Jones' supplementary mission in it's entirety. 7) A recurring joke about how Mega Man is into Moir

Oooh ooh you have to shoot civilians! Boo hoo! It's all a bit morally challenging. SHUT UP. SHUT UP MW2 PRICKS. Nobody gives a shit anymore because we talking bout MUTHAFUCKING TOFU: You can shove your DLC, your customisable characters, your Valve Pish, your Fallout 3 stories. It's over. End of day. Shut up shop. Time at the bar. This is it people. Nobody does games with Tofu in them like Capcom. Review of Darkside Chronicles based on the single above screenshot : Game of the year. Game of the year. End of. Game of the century even! It's got Tofu in it. What more do you want? Tofu. Can I say anymore? No. But I will and that it muthafucking Tofu up in this muthafucking, muthafucka.

Sorry guys, look like our fantasy of being taken over by robots and molested and dissected for pure mechanical fiends' entertainment isn't going to be this year. Look like all so Scy-Fy (yeah!) writers were wrong again. Robots have only just learned, been programmed, become remotely controllable worked out how to do corners so that Pac Man can be played very very slowly . Sadly this means sex robots are still at least 1500 years away people :(

Was the front page news the Metro was running today. Is it the first ever gaming news front page in a publication with semi-decent circulation? Probably. Anyway to the story as reported by the Metro. One gamer, cut off by MS had this to say: "I was gutted, completely gutted. It's like telling someone their dog's just died" Our thoughts on this. 1) Why is only people in newspapers say gutted. They are always gutted about things in newspapers but we all know nobody actually says gutted since the late 90s. 2)It is not like telling someone their dog just died because normally dogs last longer than a console generation, you can play with your dog any time regardless of whether you are connected/Xbox is working, you can entertain more than two people with a dog at any one time without having to set up Rock band, people know what a dog is, a dog is fully compatible with any dogs you may already have, girls are interested in dogs, you can take your dog outside or on holiday

As if you needed more reasons to not play your Wii, here are 2 massive ones: Ant and Dec Fig. 1. Ant and Dec are playing Mario Kart, as you can see they are also making racist Asian faces, furthering their racist stereotyping, they are likely playing badly. Fig. 2. Ant and Dec are amused that the DS has 2 screens. Fig. 3. Ant and Dec playing with the Wii balance board, I couldn't think of anything funny here... Just observe their massive shiny foreheads and perhaps pretend they are making "NEEEEOOOW" Aeroplane noises  For those of you who don't know (i.e. outside of the UK) Ant and Dec are a TV presenting duo lacking any sort of talent. They are huge corporate cash-ins who are involved in pretty much every reality show in some shape or form. There is very little spark of life left in their eyes, further likening them to a money driven automatons and I'm sure you can envision where you insert the cash. Cheating Cockba

And this years most underwhelming promotion in video games goes to.... ... ... ... *Rustles envelope* ... ... A quiet hush captures the ceremony ... ... Congratulations Bayonetta!!! Nobody cares. Love and hugs. I find Mr Vaz's Modern Warfare outrage arousing, Richie X

Yeah well, we cant really call ourselves a gamer website without mentioning this. Consider it mentioned. Oh and by the way, Makro have it for £20, that's the cheapest in the UK. Love and Hugs, Right between the eyes Richie X