That guy's a Maniac...

Yes children! This weekend I actually played some games. Shock and awe is what you are no doubt feeling now. Not satisfied with persistently sitting on the sidelines poo pooing any game that someone else might be interested I decided to see if I still had it and played me some games*. First up I played Turok for the Xbox 360. Totally bog standard shooter that borrows more than quite a lot from Gears of War from the token black guy who carries big guns to running around for six levels for the sake of some comms device. However, it had dinosaurs in it which means an instant 10/10. I totally busted it too! It took me a shocking 15 hours-ish but I enjoyed it nonetheless. All that crap about decent AI was still total bullshit too but it did have some nice boss battles. It is sad that the cheevos were so poorly thought through with the majority linked to multiplayer crap . Then I busted up Dinotopia The Sunstone Odyysey. It took about 5 hours and 50 minutes of my life. The game started

In no particular order: Electronic Arts. People who didn't get the memo about free running "the fad" being over. 15-17 year old skateboarders. EDGE magazine until it's rated [6] even after such a glowing preview article. PS3 owners who don't yet realise it is multiplatform. Review Based on Wikipedia Page It had so much potential but despite promises is very linear and frustrating. The camera isn't quite FPS perspective which leads to some odd moments where arms are inexplicably long. Animations of legs and looking at the floor the whole time grates. 6/10

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Wanted: 'Ideas' person for EDGE magazine. Job Description: To think of game-related shit for writers to fill three to fourty pages with. Menu Screens. Menu screens. The latest issue of EDGE includes an article about menu screens. You know, the bit in games before the main game. Not only is the appreciation of menu screens long overdue but it is plagiarised from us, with our prestiguous best menu screen award of DEC 2007 and our love of alternative menu screens hinted at here in August 2006 . Furthermore, it's boring. It's okay for the losers of the world's 715,214 most popular-as ranked by Technorati- blog to write about it. However, unlike TGAM I don't have to waste my life and £4.50 to access it. Just my life and a bit more of my life to write it. In order to help EDGE magazine staff out so that I, and maybe you, don't waste further pennies and minutes here are some more ideas (some of which may have already been used, I didn't check) to fill the mag

That's not what we're going to do here children. No sir. You see, the group: "gamers" can be divided up into neat little slices and everyone within a particular slice demonstrates exactly the same behaviours and acts in a similar way. Schools in America and "the man" will have you believe that we are all different. We're not. Most of us can be neatly pigeonholed and our every behaviour predicted from a mile away. "Diablo players" is the name of one such pigeonhole-slice as is "gays" and "the sikhs"*. So for example, if I said "All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world", I would be: a) Correct and b) A total wanker. All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world. It is true. Don't believe me? Check this utter piece of shite over at MTV Multiplayer. I read it and thou

You can't. It is physically impossible. Anyway TGAM are going to wade into the cluster fuck bandwagon about some game where the job is to rescue a fat princess. It's by Sony or some shit. Anyway the low down is here and here . It turns out that some parties are upset because it depicts a fat woman or something along those lines. That is such a lazy line to take especially when we are judging from press releases and screenshots. Here are some further (and frankly better) complaints to make so that everyone can jump on this bandwagon and rail against evil sony, catering the whinge to whatever floats ones boat. 1) Fat Princess is racist both the titular princess and the katamari dude are white. What? Asians can't be princesses? Blacks can't be fat? Racist filth etc. etc. 2) Fat Princess is ageist. The princess looks young. What? Old people can't be princesses? Babies can't be princesses? 3) Fat Princess is sexist. The princess looks like a woman. What?

It really is. That's the reality folks. You start off writing the blog for your three friends the next thing you know you are googling yourself for hits. THE NEXT STAGE: Writing our own wikipedia page.

Lol, Just LOL xxx

WEWT! In Soul Calibur you can customize your character right down to the underwear ! Though I do wonder for my sexuality, I saw this picture and the first thing i thought was, "Ooooh those icons kinna look like WoW icons." Fig. 1. Power - Some sword from the Warrior talent tree. Fig. 2. Impact - Some shieldy talent. Fig. 3. Boost - Sheath of Light, Paladin talent Fig. 4. Gauge - Spirally green thing Fig. 5. Special - Primal Mana innit Namco... We're watching you. Richie X

Um, Yeah so there is hunners and hunners of new fap-worthy information n the up-and-coming WoW expansion Wrath of the Lich King. One such fap-worthy bit of information is the addition of "Achievements". Yeah that's right I put "Achievements" in inverted commas. Why you ask? Well because, when this was first rumoured the first thing I thought was, "Oh they are making WotLK part of the Games for Windows range." But apparently not, they have decided to make their own in-game achievements, rather than getting gamerscore, you get vanity pets, tabards, and generally other bragging rights. Makes sense though, WoW is bigger than like 10 360 games, with far too many things to unlock 1000 GPs would not be enough... But still I WANTED A GAMERSCORE BOOST :/ QQ Moar? Luv n Hugs, Richie X

Brain Aged and weighed, village weeded, plants watered, fossil collected, furniture bought, pal-parked, nintendogs fed, watered and walked, berries picked, trees watered, lottery entered, vocabulary expanded, ribbon obtained, berries given, letters written, battlegrounds grounded?, shadowcloth created, dungeon cleared, food cooked, fish caught, BMI checked and mystery gifts collected. What dailies* have you done today? *First one to say wank earns the arcade award Most Useless.

Bored of Summer shitty games? Want something more than news about more crappy rock updates for Rock Band/Guitar Hero? E3 is here to deliver. Every year E3 has a theme. This year the theme is "innovation" and the line up of games on show really underpins that. New Resident Evil 5 trailer!- Like Resident Evil 4 but shinier with vehicle sections. Final Fantasy XIII - Like Final Fantasy X but shinier with more androgenous characters/airships and the same summons etc. from every other game. Vehicle sections yet to be confirmed. Gear of War 2 - Like Gears of War but with vehicles. Dante confirmed for Soul Calibre IV!- Like Soul Calibur III but with Dante. Metal Gear Flaccid 4 special edition - With extra cutscenes and the option to turn "jam" on/off because it's wacky you see! It's random and wacky! Kojiiiima is a random whacko! Woo! Woo! I am a train. Rockband 2 Band Manager peripheral - Introduce yet another key aspect of being in a real band! Mo

Welcome ladies and gentlemen for yet another inappropriate combination of sexual release and Nintendo. Look someone has made some attachments for the Wiimote that increase stimulation... TBH Annalee over at io9 says, "Everybody wants to figure out how to put their thinger in somebody else's thinger via bluetooth or TCP/IP or port 1337. " , and this attachment has to be the least inventive Thinger2Thinger yet. Like no-one else thought of it! 2 anal-tickles out of 10 poor effort, see me after class. Luv n Hugs, Richie X

To all those people who have just woken up from an 8, 20, 32 or 44 month coma. Here's Jill Valentine wishing you merry christmas! Thanks the internet! Thanks Jill! Next on TGAM! Happy VJ day and welcome to the 21st Century for those who have had comas for a very long time.

Aaaaron Greenberg is some guy . He was saying some thing about games earlier. But he does have a massive SLAP. Just look at it. It goes on and on. Aaaaaaron Greenberg you have a fine SLAP sir. A fine SLAP. Do you get security guards to patrol it? Do you? Do you sell parts of it for advertising or mineral prospecting? Is your slap self sustaining? It could be. That is some prime farming land you have above your eyes there sir. Yes it is. So there we have it. Greenberg-Slap.

Finally!

So, I finally did the "Endless Setlist" 58 songs, around 5 hours straight playing it... Sickening. Next up... Rock band 2. It has been announced , unannounced , and maybe-rumoured for an acceptable release date in europe (uk) this time. Bet it doesn't, I bet the Americans get it in September, and then we get it 6-9 months later. I mean seriously what the hell is that! The first Rock Band was almost forgiveable, given their excuse was hardware (fake drums, fake guitars) shortages. But this time round no excuses... Harmonix/EA, you are racist, hands down racist. *sulk* Luv n Hugs, Richie

Yes. This is still going on. Today at number 43 it's Ed Fedemeyer's Haunted Maze . That shit was made in thirteen day y'all. Play it now. It's still the number one Net Yaroze game according to us in this list. Here's our low down on it almost two years ago! We don't change very much do we. The already bored of but will see the end of Top 50 list as voted by TGAM readers on our fora so far: 44: Resident Evil "gay den" 45: Final Fantasy VIII 46: Resident Evil Genesis 47: Dino Crisis 3 48: Dead Rising 49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1 50: Biohazard 4D Executer

It is not full on boob, It's not cleavage, It's... UNDERBOOB Coming to a System near you soon!

So yeah, I have been officially playing WoW casually * for a while now, my most recent project has been levelling a Paladin (currently lvl 63) which I have really been enjoying in some slightly risqué ways, I have not been RPing her per say. However she does have the Tabard of the Scarlet Crusade , the whole Scarlet Chains Set , and I made sure I did all the Scarlet related quest lines in Eastern Plaguelands and Stratholme . Enough that I think we can all just agree I am a little bit gay for the Scarlet Crusade. Who are the Scarlet Crusade? I ain't gonna go into it, there are plenty of other websites that can go into the details, they are essentially a bunch of Zealots who beleive that the all the Undead in WoW should be eradicated, along with anyone who sides with them, or indeed anyone who doesn't side with the Crusade. But there is a whole load of meaty story to them, political intrigue, spies within the ranks and corrupt figureheads. So anyways, one