That guy's a Maniac...

Every now and then a game comes along that does away with pretense of lies about AI. Velociraptor Safari is such a game. If only there was an emoticon to depict a room filling up with ejaculate produced through excitement related to videogames with dinosaurs in it.

Undertow as an apology… I don't accept it for 2 reasons: First up… I was not EVER inspired by a fucking side scrolling shoot-em-up with memaids. Secondly… What is the deal with the reviews it's getting? It seems all the Internet based games journalism has rated it the upper percentiles, yet the non-www media rates it as pish. The user ratings are quite mixed too ranging form piss-poor to Awesome. Of course I should download it and review it myself properly. But fuck that, it have plenty of games for my 360 that I ACTUALLY want, rather than freebie pish. I was one of the unfortunates who actually lost their gamer Tag in the ether as I "recovered" it a mates house, and since I couldn't recover it over the whole of Xmas I couldn't play my Xbox for the whole of Xmas. Undertow is a poor, poor apology. Just a quick FYI to Micro$oft: When Blizzard fuck up, they give WoWers free days on their accounts, I would have been much happier with that since, in t

Ok. Enough now. This is a public notice to all game developers currently in the "hype" stage of development. Please stop dropping the "We've got some great AI" bomb during interviews UNLESS . You do have some great AI. FPS are by far the biggest culprits of just throwing that line in there after they've talked about the graphics and the story. A recent playthrough of the Turok demo shows that those cheeky guys at Propaganda games are living up to their name. Check this whole article about it over at IGN. Fair dos you might thinking. Now, this would all be believable if after about two minutes of play you couldn't sense that all of that talk about AI was absolute bullshit. Chuff_72, the man allegedly made of pure candles, waxes lyrical: "WHY can't people who make these things try something a bit different, like, the raptors that attack you, they look cool and move nicely, and look dangerous, but behave like any normal retarded FPS e

I know that they all probably assume they have better, much more important, urgent, timely, things to campaign on, but I sure would like to get their individual takes on the new video game that one company is marketing to fifteen year old boys. It's called "Tetris" and it allows its players - universally male no doubt - to engage in the most realistic sex acts ever conceived. One can custom design the blocks into the images they wish to "engage" and then watch in crystal clear, LCD, 54 inch screen, HD clarity as the video game "blocks" hump in every form, format, multiple, gender-oriented possibility they can think of. Short ones in big holes, long ones in short holes, some blocks can fit into more than one hole at a time. The objections to such filth should be simple to understand. Starting with the disgusting idea that one can "create" their own versions of what blocks look like, removing warts, moles, and bald spots while enhancing -

We are proud and sad to bring you this exclusive. Apple and Nintendo are merging! Shock I hear you say. There's more though. They've been working on a console already. It's called the iii. Our woman on the inside say that the iii will merge the best bits of Nintendo and Apple. Great. Here's some of the features for the iii. You can never turn the machine off. No games that aren't already out on the GameBoy. Exclusive launches that require bloggers and nerds to queue up overnight. You'll be able to go online but not really do anything. The console will be taken off the shelves in a year. Japan will get 15,0000 games The US will get 20 Europe might get five. Third party developers will not be asked to make games for the machine. Everyone will think you are a tosser for having one. And a child. The iii will have a massive 1,000,000 features but you'll probably only use the alarm, time and call functions. For the first time Wiimotes will be

Nothing happening in games for the whole of January I'm afraid. Today's post is for those time travelling from 1996* IT'S FUNNY AND TOPICAL NO? *Why have you travelled 12 years into the future to "surf the net"? Do you still use "surf the net" as a phrase? Oh well, since you made the effort, put money on Princess Diana dying in France. It'll pay off.

Basically, weirdo reader going through the archive this is a list of all the games I have ever played. So now fellow gamer, you can judge me by the glaring omissions. Listed in alphabetical order for your viewing pleasure. Amiga games. The Simpsons: Bart vs. the space mutants, Batman, Beneath a Steel Sky, Bubble Dizzy, Cannon Fodder, Chase H.Q., Chuck Rock, Clwon o mania, Daylight Robbery, Days of Thunder, Desert Strike, Dizzy Panic!, Double Dragon II: The revenge, F/A-18 Interceptor, Fantasy World Dizzy, Forgotten Worlds, Golden Axe, Heroquest, Hybris, International Karate Plus, James Pond, james Pond 3, Kick off, Kick off 2, Kid gloves, LED storm, Lemmings, Marble Madness, Mega Lo Mania, New Zealand Story, Nightbreed:Action Game, Nitro Boost, North and South, Pac-Mania, Pinball Dreams, Pipemania, Postman Pat, Premier Manager, Prince of Persia, Puffy's Saga, Rainbow islands, Road Rash, Robocop 3, Rodland, SAS Combat simulator, Scorched tanks, Sensible Soccer, Sensible Train Spotti