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Showing posts with the label Gaming Innocence

Praise the Fairy

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Pixelated and graceful fantastical queen
You rule the of the of the bottom my garden, called the 90s
Separated by time
But my pixelated love for that decade’s alt Japanese pop culture,
like you will never die

Each year those letters “E”
Climb ladders and fall slowly, “X”
distancing
I try to grasp at you and encapsulate you “T”
Grappling back-and-forth,
Anxiety heightens
The bi-pedal shark
The unicorn snake “R”
The Amorphous yellow blob with ears
All march on to threaten my clenched prize

Faster as floristry agglomerations spawn
shiny plant buds.
*Boom*
“A”






Love and Deviant art really has everything,

Richie X

Goodbye GAME reward card...

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Its time to pack it all in, I made myself very ill when GAME briefly closed down thinking of the vast amounts of GAME reward points I had collected for over 10 years.

I had been telling myself that I would spend it on the next console release...

...but fuck it! It a slippery slope the GAME group is on, so it's getting spent, diced up and never to be thought about again.

Love and I hardly knew ye,

Richie X

Occupy Wall Street

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Remember the Nintendo Wii? It has a channel called the Mii Contest Channel where every now and then Wii owners, should they choose of their own free will, can create Miis to match a theme and vote on the submitted Miis.
Many of you may have resigned the Wii to gathering dust but there are still a fair few people who obviously spend a lot of time just creating new Miis. We've been astonished at the diversity of creations from a fairly accurate Lady Gaga through to Wookies, Simpsons characters, Aliens, Robots and even the Mona Lisa a Mona Lisa faced woman.
Back to the contests, once a new competition is announced either due to stark homology or a severe lack of creativity, creations tend to all look alike and fit within certain cultural tropes. Any competitions about science or intelligent ends up with hundreds of Einstein Miis (white shirts obligatory) being submitted. Competitions about righteousness or grace, expect Princesses (white or pink shirts). Anything to do with music? E…

That Guy's Interviews: Elizabeth from Bioshock Infinite

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We've managed to scoop another exclusive, this time we interview Elizabeth from the upcoming game Bioshock Infinite.

TG: Congratulations on getting cast to play Elizabeth in this award winning franchise. Bioshock Infinite takes the series to the skies. Was working with heights a problem for you?
E: Oh god. ONE OF MY EYES IS BIGGER THAN MY MOUTH. Where is my stomach supposed to be? Of fuck, I don't have a stomach. Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit

TG: Was it difficult playing a 20 year old character (Elizabeth's real age is 12)?
E: I can't breathe. I can't breathe. My head is as wide as my waist. Who made me like this? Why is my neck so long? {Elizabeth begins to hyperventilate}.

TG: Now that you've been cast a a female character in a PC game are you looking forward to people uploading drawings of you having sex with various people and things? Including possibly that woman from Half Life 2?
E: Ppplease. Kill. Me?

TG: Tell us about that awful fringe you were sporting in …

Deadly Creatures

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I've been wanting to play Deadly Creatures since it came out way back in 2009. The premise is simple you play as a Desert hairy scorpion and a Texas brown tarantula and go about Arachnida business somewhere in the desert of the southwestern United States.

The game is fucking brilliant and also flawed, totally linear but the game drives you on just because you want to see what's next. The game is also incredibly frustrating and right up to the end, death is only ever around the corner leading to occasional rage when a checkpoint is the wrong side of an unskippable cutscene in particularly tough sections. There's some odd reusing of the same level, a particular section of which you return to on four occasions and later level design tends towards laziness with invisible walls stopping you from wandering off piste. Also jarring is the end FMV sequence which is of appallingly low quality.

Play alternates between the tarantula and the scorpion, the former is by far the best one to…

Giving up the...

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Apologies to regular readers but here is yet another angry rant about game retailers in the UK. Fortunately, most have been driven to extinction by failing to see the writing on the wall over a decade ago when online mega retailers could beat the high street specialists in choice, price and service. PLUS the only convenience that high street retailers offer is immediacy. I can pick up a game there and then and be playing it that day in theory. However, as a concerned citizen it saddens me to see the decline of the high street retailer.

Last week I found myself with some extra money following my birthday and consulted 'the list'. Now, I'm an avid gamer. I've played thousands of games, own hundreds and write for three gaming blogs. However, I also have a fairly demanding job, a family, friends who I don't see half as much as I should, passions other than gaming and a hundred other little things that take up my time. Not only does this mean that those heady days and n…

Shocking images from inside terrorists' lair

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On first inspection it looks just like a normal Midgar bar complete with a jukebox, TV and a seedy bar. However, the pinball machine hides the room in which the bomb attacks on mako reactors was planned by the terrorist cell AVALANCHE.

A big TV for following the news. A white-board for planning where bombs should go and a umm pirate flag? A punching bag? Not much in the way of terrorist paraphernalia laying around. These guys were pro and it's a bloody good job they helped to stop that big meteor from destroying Midgar otherwise we'd be really really angry at them.

Second Hand Sales Are Killing The Games Industry

Report just in from our very occassional reporter on the Street. Chuff_72.

I swear this just happened, no exaggeration.

In Game, Central London:

C72 - Hi, I'm looking for a copy of Monster Hunter Tri?
Man1 - *Blank look"
C72 - It's on the Wii.
Man1 - The Wii?
C - Yeah
M1 - Have you looked in the Wii section?
C- Yeah, couldn't see it
M1 - Sorry what was it called
C - Monster Hunter Tri
M1 - Monster Hunter Trial?
C - Tri, T, R, I
M1 - Right, I'll have a look
C - *Waits for a few minutes*
M1 - Sorry can't find it… What was it called again?
C - Monster Hunter Tri?
M1 - *To Man2* Ever heard of The Monster Trial?
M2 - Monster Hunter?
M1 - Trial
M2 - No. Have you have a word with Steve?
M1 - *Bearing in mind they are standing next to me!* No. Turns to me, yeah we can't find it.


Holy. Sh*t. I know we have this all the time but come on dude! At least get the f*cking name right and don't then ask a guy about it in front of me and essentially lie about whether you can find it! I should…

Realtime worlds: I told you so.

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Since 66% of this blog is situated in Scotland, and I am actually in the games Industry, I suppose we are expected to comment on this one. For those of you who don't know, APB flopped, and as such RTW went into administration. Now, did anyone NOT see this one coming? I certainly saw this... not as a pessimistic prediction, more a painfully apparent inevitability. I have seen many people come and go from this company, each time I would pose the question, "why, realtime worlds?". Just to be met with an almost blind ignorance that this company could 'do no wrong', when specifically they were working on a supposed WoW-killer MMO. An ambitious task, anyone would agree. And the premise of this WoW-killer? Cops and Robbers. Realtime worlds I roll my eyes at thee. Though I do have to tip my hat to them, during the time (years) leading up to the launch they did manage to create some hype about a 'GTA-like MMO' (lies), and at one point made micro-transactions sound…

Painful Moments in Gaming: TES: Oblivion

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The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion


Oblivion was one of my first experiences on a 'next gen' platform and looking back I was a far more innocent gamer. I wasn't bothered by achievements, or consulting any guides to make sure I didn't miss out on any weapons or plot developments. I was just happy exploring the world and seeing what happened. I remember the first time i was afflicted by Vampirism and having to abandon the main plot while I dealt with this truly surprising plot twist, I miss that innocence and it was only a couple of years ago.
Anyway I digress.
Oblivion for me was a return to the days of Diablo, which lent itself to multiple playthroughs where you could share equipment across save files and over time I had amassed a huge collection of equipment. This hoarding nature was quickly appearing in Oblivion too.

As I ventured innocently across the world of Cyrodill I started to acquire a lot of cool shit, Unique Weapons, Daedric artifacts, rare gems et…