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Showing posts with the label Quagsire

Quality Assurance: The ass-end of the Industry.

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Its not often we do a serious article, you know, about real things... But this is something I have had a lot of experience with. And would like to share a few gripes and annoyances with the Industry, specifically "Quality" assurance.

Hey there little man, do you like computer games? Well clearly getting a job in the games industry makes sense that way all your n00b-pwning skills you have accumulated wont go to waste; they are now "experience". So how could you get in the industry? Programming? Nope. that involves a course which takes 3 years, by which time the language you have learned may be defunct. 3D Modelling? Again nope, more course work, and an Art degree... Games Design, Yeah why not, you have played so many games, you know what makes a good game you could write an epic RPG, or create the next 3rd person hack n' slash hit. Oh no, wait, you have to spend more years doing a course on how to design games, which are ultimately, bested in gameplay buy indie …

Legend of Zelda Twiglet Princess

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This is not the exciting exclusive announcement we announced in yesterday's announcement announcement.

Last week we were grumble grumble grumble grots about the new Legend of Zelda game. This is not fitting of the World's Second Greatest Video Game Blog of all time as proved by SCIENCE. So we're going to man up and give it a shot. We're comfortable enough in our sexualities to admit when we may have been hasty or wrong. In fact, I might really enjoy throwing boomerangs or throwing those pathetic little bombs about?

This evening, along with fellow LoZ hater and extremely occassional contributor Chuff_72 we've decided to give Legend of Zelda Twiglet Princess a go. It is only fair. Apparently, this lady is in it?


Why doesn't she wear shoes? We might even live blog it. We say 'might' because we might not get past the first five minutes if Link insists on making that horrible noise he makes. Then that wouldn't make for a great blog at all.

What am I?

I don't have cover based shooting.Or a morality system. Or QTEs Or motion controls I don't try to push shitty 3D on you because I know that it just ruins games/films/tv/everything I won't make you sit through an unskippable cutscene over and over Or hours of updates every time you just want to play a game I'm not a sequel Or a remake Or a wiimake Or a demake Or a film/book/theme park ride adaptation Or an iPad mutant I don't tell everyone through twitter or facebook every time you queef I don't have anyone making utterly unrealistic hyped claims on my behalf which ultimately never transpire My ladies walk around with their breasts covered and their front or back bulges centre shot My men aren't stubbled, chisled or maverick I don't demand you to upgrade your graphics card/desktop wallpaper/boyfriend in order to play me I don't subject you to the lowest form of humans through online play
I don't have version exclusive characters or weapons you can only pay for
I…

Pop Quiz: Umbrella Chronicles Edition.

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You are inappropriately dressed and have been shot and fallen down a fuck off huge long ass metal shaft, probably bumped down the sides a bit and landed on a cold hard metal floor and then had to carry around a Rocket Launcher to throw to your "boyfriend". Racked with pain, alive against all the odds and probably going to die. What would you do next?

a) Phone an ambulance ASAP. My bones are broken. The pain, the pain how am I not dead.
b) Just lay there and hope to bleed out sooner rather than later.
c) As above with crying.
d) Put some bandages on my horribly broken limbs and then limp slightly.

CHOOSE YOUR ANSWER NOW





























The correct answer was d) just put some bandages on and get on with it and SPOILERS kill a whole bunch of hunters, dogs, zombies, lickers and a weird stone Tyrant thing.

If you answered a), b) or c) then you aren't cut out for the worst spy ever industry I am afraid. Try your luck at retail management or maybe customer service?

A very Wii-k

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For reasons not to be divulged here, I had a week off of work and for reasons too painful to recount here I spent most of it on the sofa playing games. Sad perhaps but a week I thoroughly enjoyed as I relived the glory days when I could really get my teeth into some games rather than snatching the odd hour or two or playing games and then dreaming of playing them for the rest of the week, the routine that modern life forces us into. I played the Wii exclusively, proving that you don't need marines in space or space marines on planets or future marines fighting nazis to have a good game session. Here's the synopsis for all none of you out there who are at all interested:

Dead Rising chop til you drop (or shop til you drop as one googler who found this site typed in). I still can't decide whether this is a good game in its own rights, a yorke notes version of a good game or just a bad game. Having played through it all of four times now, I am still none the wiser. Perhaps thi…

Where has Richie been?

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Gone since September. Ha he been working hard? Doing research? Travelling the world and conversing with the interesting people he found therein? I am proud to reveal the answer in a rare email from the estranged co-author of this blog.

Okay so playing Wow for some of it but not for 3 months surely?

Oh okay so maybe one month. Anything else?

Jesus Christ. Expansions work people is the lesson here.

Some people are just happy in Wow I guess.

Seriously though, I'm informed they are all level 70+. This is a lapse for him. Perhaps we should send over the big ass crane that winches WoW fatties from their bed to his house before he explodes.

Thank god! A casual game. There's hope for her yet. RIP in Richie.

lvl up this profession...

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Right if any of you have ever seen the Pokemon Anime you will have noticed that most of the characters have some kind of twisted goal that they want to achieve in life.

For example:

Brock – Pokemon Breeder
Tracy – Pokemon Drawer
Ash – Pokemon Trainer/Master

Throughout the anime there are characters that are bumped into along the way that have some weird quirk that they inflict on pokemon, such as only training yellow pokemon, Pokemon Cattle herders*, or Pokemon Coordinators.

Well I had a thought

In the Safari zone you are given the option to catch pokemon…


As you can see you are given the opportunity “bait” the pokemon

So…

If you got really good at it, could you call yourself a Pokemon Master-baiter..

RAOTFLOL

*on a sub-note, every time you see beef on screen is that actually a Tauros or a Miltank? Discuss…