Posts

Showing posts from October, 2009

Bayonetta: The tiny head that could?

Image
So our good firends over at the Zeonic Front have gone and made a nice photo shgop edit of bayonetta, in proportion! Well done:




Yeah we concur, the proportions of she-dante were totally out of whack!


Regarding Bayonetta, we have been wrestling (in a non-homosexual way, we just finish each other off in the showers afterwards) over this title for a while. You see it DOES look good, there are some classy Dante-esque manoeuvres, and we all love Devil May Cry. But despite the fact that the DMC genre is not ripped off that much *looks in Kratos' direction*, it is SEGA that is doing the ripping off, and well SEGA suck, they have done nothing but 3/10 forgettable trashy cash-ins. I just cant get excited about this game, ultimately I feel it will be an underwhelming disappointment, Too much hype, to much focus on inferred nudity (and I'm usually a fan, though it helps if their head is not tiny), and too much focus on how great it is gonna be.

Anyone else feeling this?

Putting lotion on i…

Gamer Laureate

Image
NB:Some things aren't good enough for that other site we occassionally write for. And then sometimes we forget we've some stuff that doesn't get published and then it becomes out of date and then we post it here. Here is one such fine post.

You may all be delighted to have heard of the recent appointment of Carol Ann Duffy as the first female, first Scot and first openly bisexual person to become the poet laureate of the United States of the Kingdom of the UK. Congrats to Carol. Good job. But what does a poet laureate actually do you may ask? Aside from being a staple answer to a pub quiz question (and with three firsts Carol Ann Duffy will be the answer to trivial pursuit questions for many many years to come) a poet laureate composes poetry for state events as well as being a spokesperson for poetry. To disseminate its worth and to kindle the eternal flame of poetry at all costs. After all, there are few forms of media that will help you to get laid, 'I directed a fi…

The Ad Man is a Bad Man

Image
Those of you living in the United Kingdom Emirates may have seen a couple of the recent Fallout 3 GOTY edition TV spots. This makes a refreshing change from the constant Wii adverts.

We looked for a relevant video on Youtube but there are so many gameplay videos it was tricky to find. So instead we're going to go back in time to 1950 and explain the advert using only words*.

THE GUY WHO DOES ALL THE VOICEOVERS FOR AMERICAN ACTION FILMS: Play Fwallout 3 NOW!
2 second clip of someone doing a head shot.
2 second clip of someone hitting someone with something else.
2 second clip of someone having an explosive device thrown at them.
2 second clip of someone having something [indistinguishable] violent done to them in slow motion.
THE GUY WHO DOES ALL THE VOICEOVERS FOR AMERICAN ACTION FILMS: Gwame of the Ywear Edition out No[Gravel, gravel, Gravel]w.
1 second shot of credits.
End.

Now we're all for televisual adverts for great games but is the advert really capturing what is truly great abo…

Dragon Ball Z: Raging Blast - The Inevitable.

Image
Yeah it happened... Delay #1

Where it was previously set for October 23rd UK release. It is now set for a November 13th release.

No news on any new characters... so it looks like we are just on the usual set of DBZ characters, with a few of the movie characters. Though there are rumours circulating of around 4 or 5 extra characters. Which logically will be Hercule (Comedic character), Cell Jr (Spawns of Cell), Saibamen (Little green aliens the Saiyans use) and Janemba (The big bad that fought Goku and Vegeta's combined form, Gogeta, who has already been confirmed, though I suspect that SS3 Broly might be his adversary [interesting, maybe we can get SS3 Gogeta?]).

On a personal note. I would like them to return all the previous characters from previous games, GT aside there was plenty of interesting "What-if" scenarios in the previous games such as Goku and Hercule fusion (Gocule) Tien and Yamcha fusion (Tiencha) and even the addition of the original Dragonball characters (…

Bethesta Announce:

Image
An Elder Scrolls book:



Fuck that shit, get the finger out on Elder Scrolls V! Stop fannying about with Fallout 3 DLC! Jesus...

What we're all thinking,

Richie V

Breaking News

Image
Internet fiend and Leaderboard legend the Hockster just gave us the tip-off about the new Resident Evil 4 HD version. We're pretty sure this is breaking so you'll see it in a TTECNK on lesser sites soon.

Here is the original:
Here is Resident Evil 4 HD. You can see that Capcom, fingers burnt from Resident Evil 5, have played it safe and set the whole thing in Asia land.
Can't racist yourself! Except you are being racist if you just racist yourself and not everyone. Try again Capcom.

That Guys Interviews.

Image
Gaming is trying hard to be mainstream, even though it already is but not in the way many gamers gamers can appreciate because they are too busy grinding and cyberring to spend enough time in the real world. A world without elves and muscle men and barrels and princesses and invisible walls. One thing that might help the deluded to believe that gaming is more mainstream is if we create some Gaming Celebrities. That way we join the common woman by slating off how fat, ugly, beautiful, stylish, hideous and underweight our favourite gaming people are and we can OMG to our hearts delights every time Jeff Minter takes a crap and it makes headlines.

Our part in all this is to interview the top 100 gaming celebrities pushing them from blogosphere obscurity to the heady heights of celebrity and maybe see them take part in ice skating, ballroom dancing and orgies-on-islands television programmes like real celebrities do.

This is not Leigh Alexander.

We emailed over 500 gaming celebs and we've…

Dragon Ball Z: Raging Blast - Goku Balls Naked Super Streetfighter IV: WE DID IT FIRST!!!

Image
HA, this isn't really an update, but more of or crazy conspiracy theory that Kotaku may be "the man" and he is keeping thatguys down, mainly through subliminal hits and Machiavellian conduct. But also sapping and impurifying the precious bloggily fluids with their fluidic and readable posts.

It goes all the way back to Jesus, man! 'Kotaku' in Sanskrit means nothing more than "wanks over graphical representations of girls/boys with exaggerated eyes and which have possible insinuations that they are not of age of consent". And of course any layman can see this is synonymous with the church, which in-turn are synonymous with the fabled Illuminatti. The Illuminati...blah, blah, blah... Dan Brown is Brian Crecente...blah, blah, blah...Moses was the original top-ten list Blogger...blah, blah, blah...4, 8, 15, 16, 23, 42...blah, blah, blah, yakity, smakity...Is nothing more than biased media dictating what we should and shouldn't like.

That aside, yet again …

Dragon Ball Z: Raging Blast - Goku Balls Naked Super Street IV Update

Image
Warning Gibberish:

Super Saiyan 3 Vegeta!!!


He's in the game and I'm a happy man.

Currently the game is set for a UK release on 23rd of October... I still highly doubt it...

Laters,

SS3 RichieXX

Top ten genicon gaming characters.

Image
It's Monday okay! Much easier to bash out a dirty top ten than it is to do any actual thinking. Here are our top ten characters to get you 'there' if your current humpee ain't doing it no more.

1) Q Bert
2) Merchant from RE4
3) Zangief
4) Lickitung
5) Ms Pac Man
6) Aeris (dead).
7) Zelda as Sheik.
8) That tranny from Neir.
9) The gorilla dude, above, from Alex Kidd when he loses a game of paper, scissors, stone (and also his undies)
10) Murdered maidens in Tenchu.

All of these are tried and tested winners according to our girlfriend.

PSPGo and stay there.

Image
Yet again the technology companies are pushing the technology that we didn't want or even ask for. PSPGo has been creating some headlines with some rolling their eyes and others heralding the dawn of the package-less game. Like they did with mobile games. And all those other times.

If you are anything like us, you have some severe reservations about it all. One of them being that the average person who plays games doesn't buy games mags, they don't even know about metacritic, they probably don't follow gaming blogs, the still go to the high street to buy their games and they probably haven't even taken their console online and if they have they probably have not downloaded any games let alone check the new releases every week. This is the average gamer. These are the people that saw the Wii soar to the heady heights. This is not your average forum lurker. This is not your average office of game journos. This is why many many great games perform underwhelmingly in th…

Games on Display

Image
Our glorious hobby is now so almost mainstream that it is time to give it up and complain how it was better back in the day before it got popular and spolied. Last week I couldn't sleep so ended up watching people trying to sell a Wii on one of the shopping channels. A year ago I would have smirked and sniggered my way through it as the orange hosts said the names of games wrong or struggled with the controls. Sadly it turns out the presentation was almost flawless and at one point the male orange went on a tangent about Super Star Wars and Metroid. I died a bit inside.

But shopping channels, TV shows, proper adverts aside you know that gamin has made it big when Museums put on exhibitions all about gaming. Museums are the vanguard of culture and no matter how great you thought your latest tweet was in 50 years time if it ain't in the museum then nobody will know about it. In recent years there have been a number of gaming exhibitions. Some good a la Science Museums' Game …

Total Cunts