That guy's a Maniac...

Due to our important role as a barometer for games due for general release we get sent shit loads of stuff in the post. Games, consoles, merchandise, costumes and magazines. As a consequence we get sent a copy of EDGE magazine. It's not that we would buy it anyway but when you are on the crapper you need something to read that isn't Games TM. Not so long ago you may remember that popular digital culture magazine Electronic Dreams Games Enema (EDGE)published a rather piss poor article about Menu screens. At the time we came up with a list of other piss poor articles that lazy writers could put together but in a valiant show of defiance they went one better and this month's EDGE carries an extremely "interesting" article about booklets with games. The little books you get with games. Honestly of all the topics ripe for an article about gaming. On top of that the editors seem to think it is a good idea to fill ever increasing chunks of the magazines with develop

Did you set up a website to discuss the hot topics in your lifestyle/hobby area of interactive gaming? Were you underwhelmed when nobody cared about what you had to say because the coverage on Kotaku was more even handed and up to date? If the answer to any of those questions is yes then fear not. You are a sad fanboy but by following our hot guide you'll have that template blog up and running again before you google your site url to see if anyone linked to you this week. Step 1: Even if your site is really shit, get sponsored ads almost before you have any other content. This makes your content-lite website look professional and if you get any hits in the future you might generate an income! To add a further professional air get that advertising that highlights words throughout the blog. There's nothing less frustrating than boxes of text popping up every time the cursor accidentally floats over words like "here" or "price drop". Step 2: After taking

Watch the below trailer and join me in disgust! Yes readers, Lara Croft, shooting tigers in the face! Right in the face. We here at TGAM would like to call for an official ban of this game in all territories and furthermore this is call to arms to all the bloggers who usually complain about games being racist and sizeist and all that shit that doesn't really matter. This DOES matter assholes. As you all know, all tiger subspecies are Appendix I listed on CITES and listed as critically endangered and endangered on the IUCN red list. Yet here we have the positive role-model Lady Croft shooting a number of them in the face, in slow motion no less. We and presumably every other gamer, does not want to promote the shooting of any endangered creatures in the face there are already plenty of other things to shoot in the face without sending out a message that flies in the face of environmental conservation ; Nazis, the Japanese, Aliens, Daemons, Spanish Zombies and African Zo

Hot on the heels of number 43 we have a new entry on the best list of best games of all times ever. The votes are in and have been counted and you have voted Tanks! from Wii Play as your 43rd bestest game of all time ever. We are a big fan of Tanks! here which is why Tanks! has been voted as the 42nd greatest game of all time ever. Tanks! what a game. Yes. Tanks!. Did you know reader that Tanks8 from Wii Play is the first Wii game on this prestigious list? Well it is. Check it: 43: Ed Fedemeyer's Haunted Maze 44: Resident Evil "gay den" 45: Final Fantasy VIII 46: Resident Evil Genesis 47: Dino Crisis 3 48: Dead Rising 49: Resident Evil Confidential Report File 1 50: Biohazard 4D Executer Coming next time: NUMBER 41

Oh I see... That Gaming Site Yet another TGAM RIP-off... Should we be flattered?

OMG!!! Rumours of a Resident evil 2 Remake!!! FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP As the top rated Resident Evil Blogsite out there, we found this all out by ourselves, it's not like we read it somewhere else Laters, Richie

Yeah ok, So their list is: Unown - Cuz it is Gimmicky Beautifly - Cuz its a copy of Butterfree Luvdisc - Cuz it looks silly and has rubbish stats Probopass - Cuz it looks really stupid. Mr Mime - Cuz yeah he is the shittiest pokemon ever. Now if we were angsty, under-sexed bloggers , we would dispute this claim saying things like, "Luvdisc can be EV trained to be IMBA". But that is not us, we are better than that. In fact, despite this coming from 1up we whole-heartedly agree! So we are going to gracefully tip our caps to 1up, and expand on the list a wee bit. Top 5 Shit pokemon that are shit, but not quite as shit as the top 5 lamest pokemon that 1up posted: 5. CastForm: Shitty weather dependent Pokemon that changes it form based on whatever weather effect is in play, meaning you waste your moveset on weather changing moves. And of course by the time you have actually changed the weather you are dead anyway. 4. Ditto: Pfft, everyone has at least a

So yeah, it has been a while since I did a bit of blogeriferousness… What have I been up to? Well mainly I have been achievement whoring on Soul Calibur IV which is going well apart from the Tower being a bitch to get through. But in a strange twist of events I went back to Guitar hero 2 and 3 on the Xbox 360, after pretty much getting sick of Rockband. I have done the “Endless setlist” twice now, once on hard and then a second time on expert, though I totally nabbed out on the second time, as the guys I was playing with were on a lower difficulty, and I had got it in my head that I would still get the expert achievement… I have flirted with singin, but I really can’t sing, I failed “Tom Sawyer” on EASY! Though my Glados interpretation was apparently spot on! Drums bug the shit out of me, I’m not willing to put in the hours of practice needed to get my leg working independently of my arms. And bass just makes be really jealous of whoever is playing the guitar part. Then couple that w

What a prick

Yes children! This weekend I actually played some games. Shock and awe is what you are no doubt feeling now. Not satisfied with persistently sitting on the sidelines poo pooing any game that someone else might be interested I decided to see if I still had it and played me some games*. First up I played Turok for the Xbox 360. Totally bog standard shooter that borrows more than quite a lot from Gears of War from the token black guy who carries big guns to running around for six levels for the sake of some comms device. However, it had dinosaurs in it which means an instant 10/10. I totally busted it too! It took me a shocking 15 hours-ish but I enjoyed it nonetheless. All that crap about decent AI was still total bullshit too but it did have some nice boss battles. It is sad that the cheevos were so poorly thought through with the majority linked to multiplayer crap . Then I busted up Dinotopia The Sunstone Odyysey. It took about 5 hours and 50 minutes of my life. The game started

In no particular order: Electronic Arts. People who didn't get the memo about free running "the fad" being over. 15-17 year old skateboarders. EDGE magazine until it's rated [6] even after such a glowing preview article. PS3 owners who don't yet realise it is multiplatform. Review Based on Wikipedia Page It had so much potential but despite promises is very linear and frustrating. The camera isn't quite FPS perspective which leads to some odd moments where arms are inexplicably long. Animations of legs and looking at the floor the whole time grates. 6/10

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Wanted: 'Ideas' person for EDGE magazine. Job Description: To think of game-related shit for writers to fill three to fourty pages with. Menu Screens. Menu screens. The latest issue of EDGE includes an article about menu screens. You know, the bit in games before the main game. Not only is the appreciation of menu screens long overdue but it is plagiarised from us, with our prestiguous best menu screen award of DEC 2007 and our love of alternative menu screens hinted at here in August 2006 . Furthermore, it's boring. It's okay for the losers of the world's 715,214 most popular-as ranked by Technorati- blog to write about it. However, unlike TGAM I don't have to waste my life and £4.50 to access it. Just my life and a bit more of my life to write it. In order to help EDGE magazine staff out so that I, and maybe you, don't waste further pennies and minutes here are some more ideas (some of which may have already been used, I didn't check) to fill the mag

That's not what we're going to do here children. No sir. You see, the group: "gamers" can be divided up into neat little slices and everyone within a particular slice demonstrates exactly the same behaviours and acts in a similar way. Schools in America and "the man" will have you believe that we are all different. We're not. Most of us can be neatly pigeonholed and our every behaviour predicted from a mile away. "Diablo players" is the name of one such pigeonhole-slice as is "gays" and "the sikhs"*. So for example, if I said "All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world", I would be: a) Correct and b) A total wanker. All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world. It is true. Don't believe me? Check this utter piece of shite over at MTV Multiplayer. I read it and thou

You can't. It is physically impossible. Anyway TGAM are going to wade into the cluster fuck bandwagon about some game where the job is to rescue a fat princess. It's by Sony or some shit. Anyway the low down is here and here . It turns out that some parties are upset because it depicts a fat woman or something along those lines. That is such a lazy line to take especially when we are judging from press releases and screenshots. Here are some further (and frankly better) complaints to make so that everyone can jump on this bandwagon and rail against evil sony, catering the whinge to whatever floats ones boat. 1) Fat Princess is racist both the titular princess and the katamari dude are white. What? Asians can't be princesses? Blacks can't be fat? Racist filth etc. etc. 2) Fat Princess is ageist. The princess looks young. What? Old people can't be princesses? Babies can't be princesses? 3) Fat Princess is sexist. The princess looks like a woman. What?

It really is. That's the reality folks. You start off writing the blog for your three friends the next thing you know you are googling yourself for hits. THE NEXT STAGE: Writing our own wikipedia page.

Lol, Just LOL xxx

WEWT! In Soul Calibur you can customize your character right down to the underwear ! Though I do wonder for my sexuality, I saw this picture and the first thing i thought was, "Ooooh those icons kinna look like WoW icons." Fig. 1. Power - Some sword from the Warrior talent tree. Fig. 2. Impact - Some shieldy talent. Fig. 3. Boost - Sheath of Light, Paladin talent Fig. 4. Gauge - Spirally green thing Fig. 5. Special - Primal Mana innit Namco... We're watching you. Richie X

Um, Yeah so there is hunners and hunners of new fap-worthy information n the up-and-coming WoW expansion Wrath of the Lich King. One such fap-worthy bit of information is the addition of "Achievements". Yeah that's right I put "Achievements" in inverted commas. Why you ask? Well because, when this was first rumoured the first thing I thought was, "Oh they are making WotLK part of the Games for Windows range." But apparently not, they have decided to make their own in-game achievements, rather than getting gamerscore, you get vanity pets, tabards, and generally other bragging rights. Makes sense though, WoW is bigger than like 10 360 games, with far too many things to unlock 1000 GPs would not be enough... But still I WANTED A GAMERSCORE BOOST :/ QQ Moar? Luv n Hugs, Richie X

Brain Aged and weighed, village weeded, plants watered, fossil collected, furniture bought, pal-parked, nintendogs fed, watered and walked, berries picked, trees watered, lottery entered, vocabulary expanded, ribbon obtained, berries given, letters written, battlegrounds grounded?, shadowcloth created, dungeon cleared, food cooked, fish caught, BMI checked and mystery gifts collected. What dailies* have you done today? *First one to say wank earns the arcade award Most Useless.