That guy's a Maniac...

ANIMAL CROSSING WILD WORLD REVIEW For Nintendo DS Animal Crossing isn't a game. It's a career. A vocation, a mini alternative life. You could educate a child with it and it would turn out OK. It teaches you everything you need to know about the real world. It teaches you the importance of money, shows you the true value of patience, punishes you for lying, and when characters move out of your town it's an important lesson about the harsh realities of bereavement in adult life. Bunnie is gone, Timothy, she's gone to another town very far away and she's never coming back. It's not a game, it's a job. You HAVE to collect your fruit to begin with, else you can't afford the cool furniture. You HAVE to keep fishing, else you might miss a rare fish. You HAVE to collect all the fossils, fish and insects because something cool might happen when you do. Animal Crossing uses an enhanced version of the COLLECTEVERYTHING(TM) engine that Nintendogs used. I

Dear Chandra, or whoever. I won't say I'm a fan of ONM but I am a regular buyer as the free gifts are sometimes good and you do get the lowdown on games that your Future Publishing colleagues gloss over because they have real games to review like GTA and Dead Rising. In addition I have been diagnosed with the deliberating ( UPDATE: I totally meant deliberating and not debillitating ) condition GFP (Gay for Pokemon). Sadly this means that I often pick up a copy of your magazine. Monthly your magazine offends me. You seem to be stuck in a 1990s time warp where you OMG! in the magazine when you get a female member of staff and you think that comments about your hair and staff member's real lives are of interest to the reader. Frankly I don't care if Chris or Martin or some other office monkey is looking after a new born baby. Furthermore you really have to stop making captions about curries every time you use a screenshot with fire coming out of a characters mouth or anus.

Sooo, Kotaku have posted this... The analysts at DFC Intelligence have gazed into the crystal ball to receive word from the future of the European console war and the news is somewhat of a downer for Sony. But it's far worse for Microsoft. A new report calls for "strong" sales of the PlayStation 3 but that Sony should expect to lose a "big chunk" of the PS2 install base. Wii is expected to dominate, but won't move software like the PS3 may. The analyzing wizards at DFC see an Xbox future filled with doom and gloom, with the 360 "continuing to struggle" in Europe, despite UK acceptance. They have better news for the Euro industry as a whole, with 2008 expected "to break all kinds of sales records." And they all lived happily ever after. The end. "Release the GEGH!!!! DFC Intelligence. Perhaps the three letters stand for ‘Donthavea Fucking Clue’. Similarly, I’d wager the ‘Intelligence’ part comes filed under ‘oxymoron’. FROM HE

As if Adding Yoda and Vader wasn't geeky enough! Check this Shit... Yoshimitsu has an Ammonite on his flag :D Ammonites in popular culture include: Omastar Omanyte Luv n' hugs, Richie

As ever, Yahtzee Croshaw delivers yet another enjoyable zero punctuation *. This time it's super smash brothers brawl. However, it's obvious from the review that he struggles with the control system. Now, we aren't haters here but people who can't play SSBB? We're no experts ourselves and in fact the antipenultimate time the maniacs met up Richie and I didn't enjoy getting double-team-violated by Fox and Falco up against the Great Fox. :( Still. Yahtzee loses some of his cool points because he can't work out the controls. It's not rocket science and it is the third iteration. He tries to cover his noobishness with layers of fanboy baiting and talk about "friends" and "multiplayer situations" but he has exposed a weakness. In fact he even comes across as a bit girly (not racist-girly like Anne Diamond's game reviews girly ) and this is coming from a PC gamer so he should be used to retarded controls. And games. And PC gamer

What happens when evolutionary selection becomes all but redundant in a species but at the same time boys no longer grow up to be men? This happens Seriously, next they'll have to be told which hole to put it into. Expect a DS version later this year so that geeks can pick up on the fly.

Soooo GTA4 then? Might as well get this review out of the way before it “officially” comes out on Tuesday. So for today’s review we are going to set it out in a classic divvied up review with each section out of ten. Section 1. Gameplay. Well this one is quite easy, have you played GTA3, VC, SA? It’s pretty much the same: run, shoot, drive. Except this time they have added some spanky tweaks, including GPS system, a better aiming system, and being able to hide behind cover. There isn’t much wrong with the GTA formulae, it’s non-stop fun and they have not strayed away from this standard. Score: 9/10. Good to see GTA back again, with so many sandbox rip-offs its good to go back to the roots, new and improved roots at that. Section 2. Graphics . Graphics eh? I honestly don’t know how to approach this one… I have always had gripes with GTA’s (rockstar’s?) graphics. I remember when San Andreas was out on the PS2 and everyone was banging on about how great it looked, but