Friday, November 15, 2013

The PlayStation 2 x 2

Okay so everyone is going on about it but here's our exclusive lowdown on the PS2x2, that is two PlayStation 2s taped together. We've unboxed ours, here's the extensive feature list.

  • Extensive Game Catalogue. What is it they say about buses? You wait a whole generation for a decent game (thanks PS3) and then hundreds come along. The PS2x2 can play some of the best games ever released straight out of the gate.
  • Backwards compatibility. You can play all your favourite PlayStation and PlayStation 2 games and playing them couldn't be easier. Just put your old games in either of the disc slots and play away! With a PlayStation or PlayStation 2 memory card you can even continue your old games from where you left them. No rebuying games you already own. No waiting for downloads. Microsoft are going to have to really nail it to beat this.
  • Forwards incompatibility. The PlayStation 2x2 is completely incompatible with PlayStation Move, any Resistance games or Heavy Rain
  • Stream live TV on your TV. You can watch live TV at any point by using your TV remote to turn over to the television seamlessly. 
  • All your favourite movies! Just put any DVD in either disc tray and your favourite movie is beamed into your living room. INSTANTLY. Even your Grandma can work it out! Better yet, DVDs are cheaper than Blu-Ray and they both come with chapter selection, subtitles and CD-ROM content you never check anyway!
  • Your favourite Sony characters. Unlike PlayStation Allstars Battle Royale, the PS2x2 features some of your favourite PlayStation characters. Crash Bandicoot, Jersey Devil, Kain and Raziel, Tommy Vercetti, Spyro the Dragon, Lara Croft and even the dude from Quake II
  • No patches or updates ever. They've achieved the impossible! With the PlayStation 2x2 you'll never have to wait for a day one patch, infuriating updates or two weeks copying a game to the hard drive so that it plays properly. All the games load up almost instantaneously and you can play them FOR EVER. Even if they decide to turn the servers off six months after a weak launch window. 
  • Something for everyone. Half your friends want to play an FPS and half want to play a karting game? No problem. With an extra television (sold separately) you can have half your friends play Timesplitters 2 and the other half play Crash Team Racing across two TVs. NAY BOTHER.
  • A great controller. Thankfully Sony have dropped sixaxis completely and all the balls touch pad shit from the Vita is nowhere to be seen. Just a comfortable functional pad. Also, NO MORE BATTERIES. EVER. You can plug the controllers directly into either of the consoles. 
  • Great price point. You already own the consoles & the games. If you're a PS2 short then you can buy one online for 3 euros. Away you go son. 
  • Take your games with you! Want to go to a friends' house but they haven't unlocked all the dinosaurs in Jurassic Path Warpath yet? Once again an emphatic NO PROBLEM. Just take your game and your memory card over to their house and you'll have all your characters unlocked straight away. No DRM and no downloading bullshit. 
  • Worried about the apocalypse? Are you concerned that when society falls you won't be able to play your games because you can't connect your console to the Internet every five minutes? Once again, Sony has you covered. As long as you have access to a generator you can play your PS2x2 until the gas runs out! Even zombies can't stop you finishing Beyond Good and Evil
It may be too early to call but we're confident enough. The PlayStation 2x2 just won this gen. We give it 145 different colour variants of the PS3 out of 147 different colour variants of the PS3. 

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I love you. This is genius.