Friday, August 29, 2008

Resident Evil 2: Remake

OMG!!! Rumours of a Resident evil 2 Remake!!!

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP

As the top rated Resident Evil Blogsite out there, we found this all out by ourselves, it's not like we read it somewhere else

Laters,

Richie

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Lamest Pokemon according to 1up


Yeah ok, So their list is:

Unown - Cuz it is Gimmicky
Beautifly - Cuz its a copy of Butterfree
Luvdisc - Cuz it looks silly and has rubbish stats
Probopass - Cuz it looks really stupid.
Mr Mime - Cuz yeah he is the shittiest pokemon ever.

Now if we were angsty, under-sexed bloggers, we would dispute this claim saying things like, "Luvdisc can be EV trained to be IMBA". But that is not us, we are better than that.

In fact, despite this coming from 1up we whole heartedly agree!

So we are going to gracefully tip our caps to 1up, and expand on the list a wee bit.

Top 5 Shit pokemon that are shit, but not quite as shit as the top 5 lamest pokemon that 1up posted:

5. CastForm:
Shitty weather dependent Pokemon that changes it form based on whatever weather effect is in play, meaning you waste your moveset on weather changing moves. And of course by the time you have actually changed the weather you are dead anyway.





4. Ditto:
Pfft, everyone has at least a lvl 70 one of these, not because they trained the fucker, but because they have leaft it in the daycare center for so long so that it can fuck all your other pokemon and make babies. Slut.







3. Mawile:
Yeah it's a Steel type, big woop, it has terrible moves.Such a disappointment in Ruby/Sapphire for a Pokemon that looks this cool... It needa at least a Pre-evolution and a few steel moves would be nice!







2. Kricketune:
Stupidly weak and... Why did they give it a moustache? I mean really a moustache. I dare you to give me one reason one plausable reason for giving it a moustache!





1. Ludicolo:
Cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheaty cheat






Luv n Hugs,

Richie XXX

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Riche MIA Blogartist

So yeah, it has been a while since I did a bit of blogeriferousness…

What have I been up to? Well mainly I have been achievement whoring on Soul Calibur IV which is going well apart from the Tower being a bitch to get through. But in a strange twist of events I went back to Guitar hero 2 and 3 on the Xbox 360, after pretty much getting sick of Rockband. I have done the “Endless setlist” twice now, once on hard and then a second time on expert, though I totally nabbed out on the second time, as the guys I was playing with were on a lower difficulty, and I had got it in my head that I would still get the expert achievement… I have flirted with singin, but I really can’t sing, I failed “Tom Sawyer” on EASY! Though my Glados interpretation was apparently spot on! Drums bug the shit out of me, I’m not willing to put in the hours of practice needed to get my leg working independently of my arms. And bass just makes be really jealous of whoever is playing the guitar part. Then couple that with the fact that I have played all of the songs over and over (notably sick of: I Think I’m Paranoid, Orange Crush, Maps and Creep), and the DLC just is not doing it for me, Though this may change as there is apparently six full albums of DLC coming out today!!!

Anyways, so I was playing Guitar Hero with my troops, and I just found it more, fun. The mechanics for Hammer-ons and Pull-offs are much better in the GH series, plus playing the songs is more of a challenge. So after a bit of discussion about the Guitar in Rock band which is all I care about TBFH) versus Guitar Hero, we decided that Rockband is more angles for the general public or a family situation, whereas Guitar hero is more catered for the hardcore Rhythm gamers. Which makes me wonder, will they keep this formulae for the up and coming Guitar hero 4, or will Rock band 2 step up its game a bit since it is now established? In any case I’m buying both, but I’m finding myself getting more excited about Guitar hero 4, despite the lack of confirmed tracks.

Elsewhere, I have decided to hate my Wii. One of the main reasons I wanted the Wii was for Super Smash Brothers Brawl, being a big fan of Melee. I played it recently and it is sub par. The graphics are EXACTLY the same as the gamecube version, but with less game options and modes. Which just makes me wonder why on earth I still have it.

2. Trade [Richie]: WTS [Nintendo Wii].

Even the titles I’m looking forward to are now only on my 360!

19th September – Force Unleashed.
26th September – Silent Hill.
26th September – Lego Batman
24th October – Fable 2. (Dependant on a review, forgive me for not trusting Molyneux)
7th November – Gears of War 2
TBC – Street Fighter IV
TBC – Mortal Kombat vs DC
TBC – Ghostbusters
TBC – Rockband 2
TBC – Guitar hero 4

Slight rogue DS title that may come out this year is Chrono Trigger, I fucking love that game, and could totally dig some time ravelling Square RPG action on my DS.

This is gonna be an awesome Autumn/ Winter :D

P.S. Throw in Wrath of the Lich King in there as a TBC too. Stupid WoW.


Arthas: Covered in the jizz of 10 Million WoW players

Luv n Bum hugs,

Richie XXX

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

A weekend of two (4) games

Yes children! This weekend I actually played some games. Shock and awe is what you are no doubt feeling now. Not satisfied with persistently sitting on the sidelines poo pooing any game that someone else might be interested I decided to see if I still had it and played me some games*.

Wooty tootFirst up I played Turok for the Xbox 360. Totally bog standard shooter that borrows more than quite a lot from Gears of War from the token black guy who carries big guns to running around for six levels for the sake of some comms device. However, it had dinosaurs in it which means an instant 10/10. I totally busted it too! It took me a shocking 15 hours-ish but I enjoyed it nonetheless. All that crap about decent AI was still total bullshit too but it did have some nice boss battles. It is sad that the cheevos were so poorly thought through with the majority linked to multiplayer crap.

Then I busted up Dinotopia The Sunstone Odyysey. It took about 5 hours and 50 minutes of my life. The game started off as truly awful and then got progressively better until it peaked at 10/10 around 2 minutes into the game. If you haven't heard of it, buy it and play it. It's an underrated classic, you know like Beyond Good and Evil and Ico. In fact there was a general consensus that it was similar to but much much better than WoW.

I also tried to do Dino Crisis 3, going for the holy Xbox Dino Games Triathlon but the smart guys at Microsoft haven't made it back compatible yet. SAD SMILEY FACES ON THE HOUSE GUYS.

Then we did some museuming, firstly in Liberty City Museum, taking in the Triceratops, Tyrannosaurus and Whale (below). Then in Chicago Historical museum(above)! It was sweet!

BEHIND YOU SHITFUCK Expect all this dinosaur related-shittery to get the full treatment over here sometime before 2009.


*Assholes in the audience point out that Turok, GTA IV, Stranglehold or Dinotopia are not real games, then go back to playing Guitar Hero and WoW.

Friday, August 15, 2008

The people who are actually excited about Mirror's Edge

In no particular order:

Electronic Arts.
People who didn't get the memo about free running "the fad" being over.
15-17 year old skateboarders.
EDGE magazine until it's rated [6] even after such a glowing preview article.
PS3 owners who don't yet realise it is multiplatform.

Review Based on Wikipedia Page
It had so much potential but despite promises is very linear and frustrating. The camera isn't quite FPS perspective which leads to some odd moments where arms are inexplicably long. Animations of legs and looking at the floor the whole time grates. 6/10

This Geekend

Always wanted to see the end of this game?

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Future Publishing: NOW HIRING

Wanted: 'Ideas' person for EDGE magazine.
Job Description: To think of game-related shit for writers to fill three to fourty pages with.

Menu Screens. Menu screens. The latest issue of EDGE includes an article about menu screens. You know, the bit in games before the main game. Not only is the appreciation of menu screens long overdue but it is plagiarised from us, with our prestiguous best menu screen award of DEC 2007 and our love of alternative menu screens hinted at here in August 2006.
Furthermore, it's boring. It's okay for the losers of the world's 715,214 most popular-as ranked by Technorati- blog to write about it. However, unlike TGAM I don't have to waste my life and £4.50 to access it. Just my life and a bit more of my life to write it. In order to help EDGE magazine staff out so that I, and maybe you, don't waste further pennies and minutes here are some more ideas (some of which may have already been used, I didn't check) to fill the mag with through the empty, empty summer months:

An article about the best game boxes. Jewel cases the lost art form? or Why do the Japanese get all the cool boxes and we get cardboard crap that doesn't stand the test of time?

An article about the little shapes on the spine of the Nintendo game boxes and what they mean. I know what they mean! I know!

An article about some of EDGE's previous worst articles from the TIME EXTEND articles about the most obscure overhyped games which they rated 5/10 in previous issues to the endless Scandinavian dev articles.

An article about GAMES TM and how they are total copyface copies. Big copy cats! But more pages.

An article about the best use of the square button. Light kick, taunt or all-the-way-back-to-the-first-menu-screen? Perhaps Simon Pegg and Daniel Craig could vote for the winning use.

A behind the scenes article about how Future Publishing employs about four people who write all the mags but take on different personas for each one: child minded wacky fun goers for ONM, trendy flat cap wearing dropouts for EDGE and psychotic e-number addicted savants for N-Gamer.

An article about itself with images of Molyneaux, who holds placards with Fable 3? 11/10 written on them in various Wario Ware poses.

An article about chess and monopoly and why American Monopoly is so wrong.

A two part article about how Beyond Good and Evil was better than Ico and how Ico was better than Beyond Good and Evil even though both were better and worse and overhyped and underhyped and overappreciated yet underappreciated more and less than SODDING KATAMARI.

There's just some for starters. Don't fret about using them, they are free!

Diablo players: Busting the myths

That's not what we're going to do here children. No sir. You see, the group: "gamers" can be divided up into neat little slices and everyone within a particular slice demonstrates exactly the same behaviours and acts in a similar way. Schools in America and "the man" will have you believe that we are all different. We're not. Most of us can be neatly pigeonholed and our every behaviour predicted from a mile away. "Diablo players" is the name of one such pigeonhole-slice as is "gays" and "the sikhs"*. So for example, if I said "All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world", I would be: a) Correct and b) A total wanker.

All the people who like Diablo I, II or III are keeping gaming from becoming a progressive medium in the modern world.
It is true. Don't believe me? Check this utter piece of shite over at MTV Multiplayer. I read it and thought that it was a send up. Are there really people sad enough in the world to photoshop screenshots of Diablo III to show what the game "should" look like? Yes. Yes there are. With nothing else to do until launch sometime next century, they cling to what Blizzard drip feeds them and then, in true Blizzard-fan style they whinge and gripe to such an extent that the Xbox 360 and PS3 fanboys temporarily put down their pitch forks to cringe and point at the PCtards. Here is a selection of comments from the MTV Multiplayer article to cringe/laugh yourself to sleep with:

"Diablo III? All I’m seeing in theses screenshots is WoW from a top-down view."- SHIT MAN it's time to call the national papers! Actually I agree with this guy. WoW is Diablo with a slightly lower camera which makes it a little bit easier to click on the bad guys. Diablo is hardcore.

"There is Warcraft influence and that is my main problem, they even reused a sound effect that was incredibly out of place in Diablo from Warcraft 3"- I'm no Doctor but from the comfort of my Gamerzzz(t) chair I can tell you that no, that is not your main problem. Your main problem lies elsewhere. In fact, I imagine that the Warcraft influence in Diablo III is perhaps the least problematic part of your entire life which is why you shouldn't complain about it young lady.

"Why do these fans want the game to look like Killzone 2? We don’t need any more games with no color!"- OMG! Someone from the 90s who remembers the Killzone 2 FMV short feature. Retro, solidarity brother!

"To me, Diablo III looks very much like Diablo II."- HERETIC! Next they'll be claiming that Diablo II looked like Diablo or that all three of them play like a less mainstream version of minesweeper.

"I love hearing people go insane criticizing about a game which isn’t even out yet."- I love being the smarter prick who loves to hear the smart prick who loves to hear people go insane criticizing about a game which isn't even out yet.

"I do suppose a blend of each style would be best… People aren’t understand the “Diablo feel”. It’s not just about gothic unsaturated looks. It’s about bizarre and disturbing things. Think about the music in Diablo I, it’s just insane."- I am understand the Diablo feel, thank you very much! It's the feeling that you should be doing something else like maybe tidy the house or go outside? Something with a clear end goal and a bit of variety. Maybe email some of the guys you went to school with to see if anyone wants to catch up and remenisce. You know, about the time when you had a life and when you could put things into much better perspective.

I think SOMEONE needs to explain the appeal of Diablo to me. Maybe I just didn't "get it" but to me Diablo is unappealing, boring, laughable, monotonous and attractive to people who are losers. You know like Doctor Who fans.

POP QUIZ: Which, TGAM has committed the ultimate sin of online gaming and "met up with a guildie, in real life" leaving the other member to do posts about games he hates with a passion.

* This is meant as a joke everyone. After what happened last time these things need clarifying. Besides, the Sikhs are pretty diverse. One Sikh I know plays FPSs. All the other Sikhs are like "Twitch!".