Friday, July 08, 2016

Are Mobile Games Any Good Yet? Pokemon Go

Not got enough Nintendo accounts? In between your Nintendo.com account, Pokemon Global Link account, Nintendo ID, Nintendo Online Store account, MyNintendo and MiiVerse accounts, Nintendo has recently launched Pokemon Go which works with your Pokemon Trainer Club account which is the same as but not the same as the Pokemon Global Link account. 

Pokemon Go is a mobile game that lets you catch pokemon IN THE REAL WORLD. Here's our exclusive hands on review:

It's a bit slow to get going but once you login

And then you get to have another go, oh.

Gameplay a tad repetitive but nice image of Golbat 9/10

Friday, May 20, 2016

Freedom Force: A game that came out 13 years ago

Like most people with a steam account, I buy things on a whim... I have around 150 games in my steam library and still complain that, I have nothing to play... One such of these whim-bought games is Freedom Force.


I, at the risk of being one those dicks who say, "OMG this movie came out X years ago, doesn't that make you feel so old!", remember this game fondly when it came out. It wasn't Marvel or DC but it was a comic book style (even though I do not read comic books) game. I remember it being pimped to me as Diablo 2 with Superheroes, even though it is not a hack and slash, nor features any loot whatsoever. I do remember spending until the wee hours customizing and clicking on these copyright infringing polygony superheroes.

So I bought it and loaded it up again, well I say "Loaded up" as with any game on Steam, more than a few days old there is always a bit of jiggery-pokery to make it work, so let me rephrase:

So I bought it, clicked play, turns out the mouse didn't work, pressed alt+f4.... a few months later... I clicked play again, remembered the issue with the mouse, pressed alt+f4, opened Google, Searched for "Frredom Force Mouse issue", Google asks me did you mean "Freedom Force Mouse issue", yes I did Google, thank you very much for passively-aggressively auto-correcting me, found some forums with the same issue, created an icon on the desktop, double clicked it, the mouse worked... huzzah. I'm so glad I paid money already; I'm solving puzzles before the game even launches!


So I mentioned polygons earlier, yeah I did. Polygons is a word that does/should make you feel old. Polygons existed from like really early games but they proper kicked off with PC in the Mid 90s then a bit more so with the PS1/N64. they were the first answer to "3D" before (and after) you had to wear silly glasses to trick your eyes. Anyways nowadays you have many many more and more intelligent polygons. but with Freedom Force there are like, I dunno, 3 polygons... Big flat faces. So not only do I feel old for using the word Polygon, I now feel older still remembering when that was visually passable.

Check those polygon knees, that is just cruel

What the fuck Richie... Shut up!
I will! Just lemmie quickly tell you about the game, does it stand the test of time? No, no it does not, but also yes, yes it does. As much as the rose tinted memory of the gameplay doesn't really match up to today's standards, you can literally just spend hours on one mission, there is also no games quite like it now... Its sort of a campy X-Com with no fluff (they don't make em like they used to!). Will I play this again? No probably not, I briefly had a wee look online about Freedom Force, there is still a hardcore following, mods are still being made (mostly for Marvel/DC universe characters) these mod  sites/communities have been going for over a decade, those are gonna be some OLD site moderators...

Love and Minuteman is not a flattering name,

Richie X

Monday, May 16, 2016

Project X Zone 2: Project X Done

It happens to us all, we hit the end credits and we slowly die inside as various names scroll past our eyes, as 50+ hours of investment in characters and mechanics is being taken away from us. This time it is happening to me, y t again, I am left with a a hollow void in my heart where once lay Project X Zone 2.

It has been a wonderful adventure, All of these characters coming together to save the world from the Deux Ex Machina that is "Dimensions Melding".  It doesn't matter to me! I dig the gameplay but equally love the visual novel aspect... the interactions are priceless:



I'll miss these guys. Roll on Project X Zone 3, (maybe time to go back and play New game+ on Project X Zone?)

Love and KOS-MOS

Richie X

Friday, April 15, 2016

Hyper Dimension Neptunia U: Action Unleashed

We may not gave discussed this properly on TGAM but recently we have fallen in love with the amazing series of  Neptunia games. Action Unleashed is a tear away from the time-sink RPG's that are the other Neptunia games...

Its an amazing project, they have taken all the "assets", from the previous game, and made an arena hack-n-slash title, but not only that, they actually kept all the moves, whew in the RPG the EXE drives (limit breaks etc etc) were drawn out separate animations that just do damage  akin to the summons of FFVII and FFVIII. It is an amazing endeavour to have translated an RPG into a hack and slash and kept the same "feeling" when executing the moves or running about. And it still has boobs....


 ...and a weird new "Costume break" function... Which is lovingly explained to you via the medium of fourth-wall breaking visual novel (my favourite way to have anything communicated to me)


Like the last game you can dress up your troops, a must have, we would all agree?
Then you pop in and destroy the hell out of some bad guys, depending on how you do it you get ranked, Which is on a scale of "Meh" to "Godly"
All in all what more do you want from a game about video game platforms anthropomorphised as anime girls?

TGAM gives this 11/10 play this, play this unashamedly, and take lots of screenshots.

Love and Lady Green Heart,

Richie X
 

Tuesday, April 05, 2016

Are Mobile Games Any Good Yet? Miitomo Edition

Not got enough Nintendo accounts? In between your Nintendo.com account, Pokemon Global Link account, Nintendo ID, Nintendo Online Store account and MiiVerse accounts, Nintendo has recently launched MyNintendo the new-all you need account for worse news and updates that independent Nintendo fan sites and the first vehicle that uses the MyNintendo account is mobile 'app' Miitomo

Ninty has been trialling gentle-disgustingly fierce micro-transactions from free to play games like Pokemon Shuffle and Pokemon Rumble World through to not-ware Nintendo Badge Arcade and presumably a lucrative line in customising your handheld with 3DS themes.  

Miitomo, like Nintendo Badge Arcade, takes pay-to-not-really-play to the next level. What is Miitomo? It's a hyper scummy new social network that uses Miis. The app is so blatantly aimed at capturing the social network hype, for example, you can earn large amounts of one of the three new MyNintendo currencies just by linking Miitomo to your Facebook and Twitter accounts. 

But what do you actually do in Miitomo? Well in my limited experience you create your Mii, and then make willy jokes with all the other 30-40 year old weabos. There's daily rewards for 'liking' and 'commenting' on other people's answers to mundane questions and of course there's a clothes shop with limited and rotating stock which can be bought with real and in game currency (another currency than the three MyNintendo ones). It's a very cynical and initially hugely popular app that combines all the least interesting bits of Tomodachi Life, Everybody Votes Channel and the album cover maker from Wii Music

You can however, make images like these:








So you know, 9/10. Buy it today. 

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Reason to love Project X Zone 2: #36198

They totally make jokes from obscure Resident Evil references from 20 years ago.

Love and hidden underboob,

Richie X

Monday, March 28, 2016

Pokken Tournament How do you get one of those accent things on the e?

NEW CHALLENGER APPROACHES! Cunzy1 1 FINALLY joins the eighth generation of video game consoles! I'd been waiting for the XbOne, PS4 and Wii U to finally build up enough of a 'must-have' list of software to finally make the frankly-still-ridiculous cost of a new console worth it whilst working through the huge backlog of great older generation video games LEGO & Pokémon games.

With the release of Pokkén Tournament, the time was right to finally pick up a Wii U and I've spent the variably weathered Easter in a darkened room catching up with three and a bit years of software. Initial impressions? Much like the Wii, interesting uses of the ''''whacky''' tech seems to have gone out of the window after earlier experiments like Nintendo Land and ZombiU. For example, Super Smash Brothers use of the second screen is virtually non existent and Pokkén Tournament doesn't use it at all apart from in the borked couch-vs mode. At the other end, Splatoon and ZombiU can't be played without both screens for those times when the Great British Wank Off takes priority on the big TV. So, it's a Nintendo console then destined to join the GBA wireless communicator, the Pokéwalker, GameCube Microphone and the WiiSpeak in the big pile of proprietry plastic in a few years. 

Because why would you want to evolve your Pikachu for that competitive fighting edge in a tournament for money?
So whatsthisaboutPokkén Tournament then? It's okay I guess. I've not really played many arena fighters as they tend to be NarutoBall themed and that shit is for children, unlike the Pokémon franchise which is definitely NOT JUST FOR KIDS so I don't know how it holds up to the genre standards. Battling is pretty pacy and there are options. Spades of options. Support Poke.. look I'm gonna stop doing the proper accented e okay... Support Pokemon can be selected both between three quick options of support pairs and then between each in a pair between rounds and then there's the option of choosing between 'cheers' you receive between rounds which vary depending if you win or lose. There's a strategy to conserving meter, called Synergy Burst, as a use of it can clinch a first round win but then will need filling up in the second round. Fighting switches between dual and field phases, offering advantages to pokemon that are zoning specialists and those that hit hard up close. 

I've put about 20 hours into it so far, so I think I'm enjoying it but I'd break down my 'issues' into three easy to digest bullet point. 

Proof I beat story mode and that I am a woman. 
BULLET POINT The single player mode is as easy as your mother on a Friday night at 'Spoons. In over 120 battles I think I dropped 8 games and about twice as many rounds. Maybe I'm just very very good at the game and there are a lot of systems and match ups to learn for those who aren't innate talents like we are but the balance seems to be slightly in favour of ease rather than challenge and I've still only levelled up one character to level 70 out of a hundred. I doubt I'll do the other 15 characters up to level 100. 

NUMBER B Characters. With over 720 of the fuckers to choose from it seems very Mario Kart to have a quarter of the roster as some flavour of Mewtwo or Pikachu and a large overlap with the Super Smash Brothers cast. Off the beaten track characters like Chandelure and Braixen are interesting choices and hopefully they'll be a couple of more characters in the pipeline HOW ABOUT A SINGLE ROCK TYPE NINTENDO?

In case you didn't know, yes. It's a Japanese game. 

THREE The last complaint is very similar to Richie's complaints about Marvel vs Capcom 3, now lost to the depths of our 10 year old archives, in that you've got the character licensing, you've got the tech and instead of a finally semi-decent storyline in 20 years of Pokemon games, the 'story' if you can it that is bare bones. Okay so it's not another fucking journey but it's a wasted opportunity, not quite as wasted as MvC but up there. They don't even bother to explain why half the world seems to own 'Legendary' Pokemon Suicine. Still it's better that than ending up with Metal Pikachu, Dr Pikachu, Toon Pikachu and the like. 

Final thoughts- 3 Pikas, 4 Chus and 2.5 Pikachus that is until the online community work out the exploits and our ageing hands get blown up every second, then take of 2 Pikas and half a Chu. 


TEN YEARS MOTHER FUCKERS X X