Saturday, April 25, 2015

Dragon Age: Inquisition a TGAM Review

Well... Dragon Age. What an immensely huge, I mean really massive game. And honestly I'm 70 hours into it and I think I have barely scratched the surface! It a fantastic way to lose several hundred hours of your life.

The sweetness of this come from pretty much just giving the player what they want... a novel approach. The game merges the greatest things from western RPGs: Such as Skyrim, WoW and of course the previous 2 Dragon age games (with plenty of fan service to those who have played them).

The exploration alone in this game is just fantastic, akin to Skyrim with little hidden quests for those who are willing to take that little extra time to look for them. The difference with this dragon age is the multiple sandbox areas, which are brilliant and feel unique This is what reminded me of WoW*, with all of its varied zones and questing through them with the odd dungeon to enter really hit that home.

And there is all the wonderful other bioware greatness in there. You have the deep character interaction, you have dicking about with skill trees, you have the genuine fear about a character choice, that causes you to look up a dragon age Wiki page just to ensure that it isn't going to case you to offend or worse, lose a character.

If I had to make a complaint about this game, aside from it taking a chunk out of my life, though I assure you I am willingly giving it over, It would be the inventory system. I think after 70 hours I'm starting to get an idea of how it works. It is very overly complicated and pressing the "B" button just seems to fuck everything up. Wonderful gems like:  Are you sure you want to cancel this action: YES, NO , CANCEL. Wait... what the fuck am I pressing? Double negatives man... The loot is pretty shit too. You get tiered lot of common, rare, epic and crafted. And you seen start to stop being excited about looting a box as it wil just contain some entirely un-viable item, which just needs to be sold later.

But yeah other than that, Dragon Age: its fucking awesome. I... I think I L-word it...

Love and several hours in the character creation part, knowing full well: YOU... WILL... BE.... BACK...

Richie X

*You know I feel like I said this several years ago, but a one player WoW would really work, especially in this format. I think questing in those zones, in that kind of dragon age format... It would be amazing, Add and extra interaction layer and you have it n the bag. Maybe one day...

Tuesday, March 03, 2015

Family Guy: Well fuck it it was cheap on Steam

So based the greatness of South Park: Stick of Truth I took a punt on the Family Guy Game and fucking frankly I'm glad it was only a couple of quid. It is the curse of the steam sale, you see something that you wouldn't normally buy and you buy it because it's super cheap. Which incidentally is the steam sale ethos, it's £1.99 that they were not actually going to see. But anyways: fuck it have a list.

  • Played through it, it's painfully easy up until the last boss, where it is just cheap.
  • The plot is not even in tone with the show.
  • The audio is simply lifted from the show.
  • The game looks pretty shitty, the 3D does not work!
  • Its a straight up generic 3rd person shooter.
  • Like super generic.
  • I mean why do they have guns?
  • Like proper guns! Not even themes, just guns, shotguns etc.

Anyway it only lasts few hours, fuck it. Try not to buy it, it's really not good.

Love and

Richie X

*I'm not writing one, I feel dirty enough after playing that game.

Monday, March 02, 2015

Every Day We're Pokemon Shuffling

Like everyone else we were reaching for the pitchforks when Pokemon Shuffle was launched, a title published by Nintendo with explicitly freemium bullshit unlike the freemieish Steel Diver: Sub Wars which started life slightly less free to play and then got updated to be slightly more free to play and of course the Pokemon Trading Card Game Online which is a card game so for whatever reason the gaming press give it a pass or don't bother covering it. As lifelong Pokemon players I'd also like to throw in the "physically drag yourself to a GAME store to download a legendary Pokemon" for the Pokemon main series into the same category but only because those experiences have been so harrowing in the past it feels like a cost that transcends money. Our trajectory with this game went like this:
Please won't you buy some jewels to errr shuffle me? Please?
Boo. Hiss. Ninty sellouts!

It's... okay but I'd like to buy it. I doubt I'll stick with it. 

Has it been two and a half hours yet? Has it been two and a half hours yet?



The main gripe was that unlike Steel Diver:Sub Wars there's no way to buy the full game so all you can do is wait for the fairly generous recharge of in game currency, hearts, which replenish every half an hour to a maximum of five or to shell out for in game currencies (jewels buy you hearts and coins AND FUCK OFF IN-GAME CURRENCIES) with real virtual money which the game rather cynically prompts you to do every time you lose and don't have any resources in the bank to carry on. One oversight seems to have been that it's not possible to use play coins, the 3DS currency you earn by walking around with the 3DS hasn't been incorporated. For a while Sub Wars allowed you to use play coins to buy online play time and it would have helped to dampen the initial knee jerk cynicism of this F2P title.
Actually though, it's an alright game. Yeah sure it's a match three game with a Gotta Catch 'Em All twist but the quality is high, Genius Sonority polishing the experience and for those of you who don't get hooked there's little incentive to buy extra credits. But of course, as we all know it's not the well adjusted majority who pay, it's the minority percentage who give in to the one more go cravings.

I'd be interested to see if payment figures are ever released (we doubt it) but according to the news it's been downloaded over a million times at least and anecdotally I've seen a lot of StreetPassers playing it this last week (whether this is just because the game is new or more enduring remains to be seen). I'll also be keeping an eye on whether or not the generous currency recharge will be updated.

In the meantime carry on shuffling and whilst you're at it download IronFall: Invasion. As a leftie it was impossible to play without a circle pad pro and we're too classy to be seen out with that abomination hanging off our 3DS like a malformed conjoined twin.

Friday, February 27, 2015

South Park: Stick of Truth

So again we are reviewing a game that came out ages ago. But man... we just completed this bad boy and its fantastic.

First up is the animation! It's flawless the whole thing plays like watching an episode, all the story events include your character right in there wearing what ever clothes you have given them, outside of that the player moves in familiar areas and it feels exactly like South Park. Extreme Kudos on that.

Gameplay is sweet, the RPG mechanic they put in there is so much fun to play the character attacks are fun, if a bit repetitive, to watch. You level up you gain access to new and funny attacks, you can even ply with perks and customise your character further.

The plot, The game is plot driven and it's so fucking funny, there is so many nods to references throughout the entire 20ish years South Park has been running. It's got the same laugh out loud, shock, cringe, factor as the show, brilliantly done. There are some familiar references and a couple of repeated jokes from the show, but all is forgiven in the context.

So what is shit? there is a couple of let downs the game menu is fucking horrible and unintuitive you constantly open it up, have to scroll through, and when you get to what you want it feels like you are not sure what button to confirm/deselect something, BAD UI. The powers you get all interact with the environment, and frequently just annoy you they are a shoehorned puzzle mechanic which is not that puzzling. "oh look a teleport node, I best teleport than shall I?" Replayability wise, well I have played through, there are a few more collectables to get, but short of getting some achievements, I am not motivated. What bothers me more is that at the start of the game there was four choices of character class, I went the fighter, who quite frankly had boring skills, but I never got to see the other classes in action. And honestly I don't want to play through the plot again to see them, shame.and on that note you cant customize the support characters, They get 3 generic attacks and that's it really.

All in all, If you like South Park, just fucking play this. It's brilliant.

Love and Stinky dildos

Richie X

Thursday, February 26, 2015

Get Your Smashies on

So we finally fucking did it.

We got ourselves a "Next-Gen" console. The Wii U. Wait what do you mean it's not a next-gen console? It's actually less powerful than the Xbox 360, never mind the Xbox one? Well whatever, SMASH BROS BITCHES!!!

Oh here have some fucking screenshots:
There's me Dual fucking wielding, as you should be able to do in any real sequel. 

Dual wield goggle bitch pikachu. 

Cunzy and I chilling out on Mario Galaxy world.

Cunzy and Togepi about to fuck up shit.

Yeah take that, fucking lvl 50 amiibo Peach! 

Cunzy checks out Wii fit girls butt... Alone time required.

Yeah So Smash Bros, makes a WiiU worth it.

Love and Sticky Bombs,

Richie X

Friday, February 06, 2015

Season's Greetings

Due to austerity measures, we're only allowed to post one article a year.

Here is this years.

Merry Xmas 2015 everybody.

Cunzy1 1 & Richie too.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

A game from 10 years ago.

So I fucking bought San Andreas... Again. (Currently owned: PS2, Steam, Windows Phone, now 360)

It was really just on a whim, £2.99 on XBox Live seemed well worth a punt. I had a dick-about with the iOS/Windows Phone version and as cool as it is to have San Andreas in your "pocket" the controls are just wank. Nobody likes a fake dual analogue stick game.

But the 360 version is worth it. Its prettier than 10 years ago, it now has achievements, it actually stands the test of time! Downside is after playing the iOS version I am very aware that this is the port of the iOS version and now a newly reconditioned version, there are obvious giveaways with the controls. And it crashed a couple of times.

Love and Hot Coffee,