Tuesday, April 15, 2014

StreetPass Quest: Complete

Well there you go, after a few months of Constantly looking for streetpasses, Streetpass Quest (and 2) is complete, all items obtained, i never need to rescue the King and his offspring again.

I am nether elated or deflated about this. I now need to find something else to occupy my time for 3 minutes on a commute. The streetpass games are not games, they are at best glorified puzzle games with an evil addictive core to make you a completionist.

I'm not sad Streetpass Quest is out my life, I'm not even that excited I completed it.

Well, there you go...

Love and indifference,

Richie X

Monday, April 07, 2014

Fuck Video Games

Hey sports fans. Long time no see. The reason why I've been absent from these pages leaving Richie to hold the fort since January is because I got burnt out by video games. This probably happens to most gamers every now and then but since January this year, I've just become so frustrated with games and the games industry I pretty much cut them out of my life for a while. 

I haven't stopped playing them. At the moment the magical trilogy of Resident Evil Revelations, Pokemon Y and Fire Emblem: Awakening in my 3DS keep me ticking along but my perception of what the video game journalists and industry would consider, I'm not really playing games. Those games are old. Nobody is talking about them still. Why play those? Why not shell out a still-ridiculous amount of money for a new console that it appears nobody wants and nobody seems to know what to with. 

I get a bit obsessive about things and most frequently, video games is one of those things I obsess about. I'll eat, sleep, write and think about video games all the time. I'll surround myself with merchandise. I'll buy games I never play. I'll listen to a video game soundtrack on a loop for weeks on end. But, sadly, I don't have anyone to play video games with regularly. I miss the rapport. I miss playing some of the world's worst games but having a blast because it's with a buddy. So these days I kinda feel like I'm gaming alone and from time to time. Like now, I just feel like the games industry isn't interested in me. I'm not interested in anything on any of the three main consoles. I have no faith in mobile games. I feel like a troglodyte because I still enjoy games on my Wii and PS2 and the zealous 'gaming' community makes me sick. It's a toxic and insular community of the worst kind. As for the gaming 'press' thanks to Google Reader dying, I've been without a decent feed reader and, you know what? I don't miss it. I don't miss the adverts pretending to be copy. I don't miss the opinion posts from people who should be restrained and never be allowed to write about anything. Ever. I don't miss games journalists writing about how much they hate themselves and they're audience.

I find myself watching let's plays and listening to podcasts as the main way I consume games these days and actually, it saves me money and I have a better time all round. I'm not interested in the industry. I'm not interested in developers. I'm interested in a handful of interesting gamers who are passionate about games and the banter they have between each other but I'm so relieved and a little less stressed because I just don't care at the moment.  

Don't get me wrong, this is wholly my issue. It may give you the shit eating grinz(tm) to read a thousand 'articles' on a single 'leaked' 'leaked' screenshot. It might fill your knickers when cherished franchises get the 'mobile treatment' and how Capcom and Squeenix seem to be in a secret race to bankrupting themselves. But I can't help personify games and gaming and increasingly it's not of interest to me. I get little out of being a 'gamer' and more out of just enjoying a game here and a game there. The entire industry doesn't seem like it can organise anything approaching a sustainable vision and I'm tired. I'm tired of bullshots. I'm tired of second or triple guessing whether a leak is a leak or a publicity stunt. I'm tired of the collective ignorance of the gaming community. I'm tired of CEOs not seeming to realise how awful their decisions are. I'm tired of once loved characters and Universes being shilled for a quick buck. I'm tired of being lied to. I'm tired of the game journalists and their chimpanzee tea party version of journalism. I'm tired of the same old arguments. I'm tired from the non-existent marketing departments turning the whole industry into a house of cards where everyone is making the same game with slightly different colour palettes. I'm tired of unrealistic sales figures. I'm tired of make-or-break launch weekend windows. I'm tired of how unsustainable the industry is. I'm tired of the general incompetency across the board. I'm tired of the big hits increasingly become completely accidental rather than by design. I'm tired of things just not working. I'm tired of trying to find depth in the shallowest of experiences. I'm tired of trying to be an ambassador for the medium. It's becoming so corporately and creatively stale that anyone not ploughing the same furrows trenches we've had since the late 1990's is heralded as the next best thing despite the vast possibility spaces that games could but just aren't exploring. 

I'll snap out of it. I always do. A game will come out that tops my faith up a bit and I'll be back in, shit stained smile and everything but for the time being, the whole industry could burn and I'd learn how to play the fiddle. 

Monday, March 24, 2014

Bloody Hearthstoners

Right so, blizzard have brought out a card game thing.

A. Card. Game. Not a massive expansive world, not a spin-off to Starcraft, not a rotational life cycle DoTA clone... A card game.

Aaaand, its good, so fucking good! It shouldn't be, but it is. Right now its a PC game, again, it shouldn't be, but it is. Its a Mobile game that was beta'd on PC but just works great. I remember playing the card games like Pokemon Card game on the Gameboy Colour and even the old Yu-Gi-Oh! Power of Chaos PC games. And see its all its not about the mechanics of the game, which I will not bore you with, or the tie in to the WoW franchise; Its that the game is so beautifully polished and wonderfully balanced.

All of the characters are unique and offer a different experience in play.

The other impressive part is its free, entirely free. Well... Not really free, I mean it does give you the option to buy packs of cards which is very enticing because that is the only way to get new cards is through these packs which can be bough through gold (Grind Currency) or real money. But it monetizes beautifully you don't buy packs as a way to conquer a difficulty wall. You buy them for the fun of collecting cards, you know like when you were a kid... Awesome!

Love and we can all agree that the Shaman is dick.

Richie X

Wednesday, March 05, 2014

Final Fantasy: Lightning returns!

Alright troops!


Its back, FFXIII in its final (ha) form. Dropping the party based shenanigans, the game is all about controlling just Lightning, who is getting down, dirty and quite sexy with the badguys/monsters/Chocobos at the end of time.
So this is the third installment of the FFXIII "Trilogy"... And well in my opinion a welcome addition the FFXIII mechanics have been refined, reinvented and remain familiar yet different. It strikes a wonderful balance and achieves something very few games sequels can do: it doesn't feel like you are starting off from scratch again, especially since you have over leveled your teams from the previous games.

Lightning returns is odd, it a beautiful game and in this iteration you have a million costume options and all of them can be customized. I swear I have spent more of my time in-game pissing about in menus than running about in the over-world! The story has the usual requirements of intrigue and lost-in-translation moments. But it's fucked up and Japanese, sometimes that is all you want from an RPG.

Anyways so Lightning's back, and you can dress her up. woop

Love and Moogleboobs,

Richie X

Monday, February 17, 2014

Holy Friday Monsters Batman!

Oh look at that, what are we doing now? ANOTHER commentary on a 3DS game... Yeah Yeah we know, its a dying system with jumped up mobile games (with shittier Graphics) we PROMISE we'll do something on a proper system soon! But for now: shut up and shove this in your eyeholes, dicklips.

Well well, Richie look at that, what the fuck are you trying to pull? Not only are you talking about yet another 3DS game but you are talking about one of those "download only" ones from months ago.

Yeah well... Its fucking cheap on the eShop, deal with it, if you have a problem that... then seriously dude, take a long hard look at your life and the things that are important to you, reflect for a while on your priorities, because frankly its our fucking blog, and we do what the fuck we want! We have been resident in this little corner of the internet for seven years, we write pure gold, maybe it doesn't make sense to you now. But some day it will, don't think we don't have this planned, no sirree, we have it all worked out and you "dear reader" are nothing but a pawn along for a free ride.

Anyways... AOTFM: ATT as I like to call it. Is a glorified visual novel, it has a great atmosphere and ambiance created but the sights and sounds of the "game". It genuinely makes me pine for a time when I lived as a kid in 1970s Japan... Which I did not! That is how impressively that atmosphere encapsulates you! The "game" or "light entertainment experience" requires no skill, talent or generates a challenge. It simply is. I like it, it was a relaxing fun experience, my only qualms with it are, that it was a bit short, I could not care about the tacked on card game thing.

Definitely worth £2.69

Love and apparently the Vita is full of shit like this, yet I refuse to buy one!?!

Richie X

Wednesday, January 29, 2014


This is singlehandedly the best thing I have seen in at lease the past 4-5 hours!

It's so beautiful, I cant help myself!

Best use of Square artist's time

Love and is singlehandedly a word?

Richie X

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Pokemon Bank

Every day I wake up and I check for Pokemon
Every day I die a little inside.

Love and Cofagrigus,

Richie X