Thursday, June 30, 2011

Something for Nothing

The wii is good an’ all but what I’d really like is 51 episodes of an awful Kirby TV show, for free as a wii channel. Not all at once mind, I want them to be staggered over the next 6 months. Would you look at that! It’s come true.

Would you look at thatSure, let’s mess around with Kirby ‘canon’. Let’s give King Dedede a stupid voice. Let’s add two annoying kid characters. Let’s make Meta Knight some kind of Johnny foreigner. Let’s add a stupid theme tune and let’s not use any of the awesome Kirby music that already exists.

Still it’s free and yes I’ve watched every episode and will continue to watch them all until episode 51 on the day of release. I’m gripped. Turn on your wii and download the channel now!

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

E3 That was shit wasn't it?

We’ve been away and the reason is that we were paralysed by an overwhelming sense of underwhelment. The cause was this year’s E3. Okay, we’ll admit it, we haven’t been the world’s staunchest E3 fans, it’s the time of year that game companies gleefully inform us of what shit we should be eating for the coming year, whether we like it or not. Lesser gaming sites use the occasion to announce all kinds of “exclusives” and “previews” until everyone is bored with it all and all that is left for the next year is the rather tedious exercise of waiting for the games that have been totally spoiled through the year to come out.
Microsoft’s Presentation.
Remember that tosser with the shades from last year arriving on the stage like the unruly, too-cool-for-school but delivers results rebel.

Kinect CuntHe was back this year still with the shades but it’s clear that he is to Microsoft what Tim Allen is to Disney. He’s now their dancing monkey, their rebel bitch. He ain't cool. They green-lit his motion control project and it's fucked and now he's desperately whoring himself to the Xbox "mass market". And what did he have to announce? Fuck all. Sweet FA. Kinect has been out for ages. What it needs is a must have game, a killer app. What we got was motion photoshop (NOW WITH FINGER CONTROLS!) and a way to add your favourite items to games. Speaking of games, there weren’t any of note. Unless you count Kinect Sports Resort and the cringiest presentation ever given by grown men. Remember when mean internet people ripped the wii wheel to shreds? That’s nothing compared to looking like a total douche bag playing American Rugby. Either the two performers were really good actors or have that weird medical syndrome whereby they feel no sense of shame or embarrassment whatsoever. In what we’re calling the Konami Syndrome we got the announcement of Halo 4. No doubt it’ll be good but fuck man. Is that it?

Sony’s Presentation.
You know what? We just don’t care. Neither of team TGAM have invested in a sony console or handheld since the PS2. We go beyond disenfranchised. We’re out. We’re done with you. Begone.

Nintendo’s Presentation.
What the fuck is the Wii-U? It’s a Wii with an ipad? Brilliant. Guess I’ll need to buy four of those now. And a Wii-U zapper. And a wii-U wheel and classic controller. Bollocks total bollocks. Also, if you have a wii then hop onto the Nintendo channel and check out the E3 Wii trailers. I know that the front of my trousers are wet at a find the hidden object game, a new Mario Party, a new Mario and Sonic and a squeenix/ninty monopoly game. Seriously. Watch the videos. Looks like that’s it for the wii then. Mothballed. Oh well it was fun whilst it lasted. Meanwhile the 3DS continues to look to the past with all-those-nintendo-games-you-already-own-multiple-times line up. Oh but it’s in 3D so whoop de fuck.

So that’s it for console gaming. It looks like the marketing people finally won E3. It's a lifestyle show. Any game. Any single game that looked interesting might have kept our faith in gaming. Instead we’ve got sequels to sequels, 3DS remakes and a whacky ipad controller that saw Nintendo’s stock rightly drop. Gaming is dead (again). Long live gaming.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Pelvic Floor Training

We’re sure we came up with this as a joke ‘game’ around about the time that Eye training for the DS came out. Looks like we’ve got grounds to sue because it’s actually been fucking released on wiiware. How did we get to this?

UPDATE: Proof that's a four year old idea.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Ahhh PC games

Time for the yearly dip into the world of PC games. Just under 3 hours of downloading and updating nearly done....

Friday, June 03, 2011

N64 revisited.

Well following on from my last post raving on about how great the emulator version of Ocarina of time is Graphically and entirely. I decided to dig out all the old N64 games I had and, straight up, create a collection of all my old N64 games and have them running in some oddly-polygony HD glory.

Sadly none of them work.

My top 5 of my favourite games for the N64 that dont work on an Emulator. (click the images for full rez versions)

Mario 64.
Mario actually ran quite well despite some visible games between walls, but I'm sure they were there in the fist place. However, there were many areas where things were just not visible first example being the first bonus slide:
Closer you got to the slide the more it would disappear, so annoying.

4. Shadows of the Empire.
This one I was really looking forward to, I remember this game quite fondly, one of the most under-rated launch titles. However, once you get past this screen, the menus are a garbled mess:
3. Super Smash Bros.

This one actually does fine, I rattled through 1 player as Pikachu, good fun still, remembering how to hit all the targets in the bonus round, however melee is the superior Smash Bros. so kinna pointless.

2. Resident Evil 2.

Yes that's right RE2 came out for the N64, and I was one of the chumps that bought it. The game was actually really good for the N64, considering RE2 came out on two disks (PS1), totalling around 1.3 GB between them, the game was shrunk down to 64MB on the N64 cartridge. Unfortunately when attempting to get screenshots on the emulator RE2 crashed. So I shall attempt to describe to you what a mess it is. Firstly the opening movie didn't play, not that bothered, though i figured the other movies in game would also suffer the same fate, licker cut-scene etc. Secondly None of the backgrounds matched the models. RE2 (in all formats) used Pre-rendered backgrounds, and the models moved around it, the background images in the emulator were stretched and garbled, it made your character look like it was standing on the ruined cars etc. And lastly, i managed somehow to make it through to Kendo's gun shop, and that iconic "Hold your fire. I'm a human" line was missing, in fact all speech was. I was left with Leon flailing about albeit Leon did look impressive, in high-res. Still, the game is unplayable.

1. Zelda: Ocarina of Time.
This was the main reason I picked up the emulator and configured 360 controllers and such. the game plays beautifully, and does look much more impressive (check the detail on Navi's wings!). To the point I am actually playing around with it again. There are some issues the buttons are still a tad pixely, and some of the textures could me smoothed over more. and for some reason (observe picture at the top of the post) Link is slightly see-through in some areas. But these are minor issues and playing this again is a pleasure.

In conclusion, this emulator (Project 64) is great for Ocarina of Time, but many of the other games are unplayable, but considering these games are not likely to receive the HD treatment it is a fun way to revisit the games without needing to buy them again (well, some of them, the Marketplace does not stock all of them). Ocarina is a great game to play again, and actually stands the test of time (insert song of time) despite it's simple mechanics. Though anything other than Ocarina, I advise you just stick with the retail versions.

Love and emulated hugs,

Richie X