Posts

Holy Friday Monsters Batman!

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Oh look at that, what are we doing now? ANOTHER commentary on a 3DS game... Yeah Yeah we know, its a dying system with jumped up mobile games (with shittier Graphics) we PROMISE we'll do something on a proper system soon! But for now: shut up and shove this in your eyeholes, dicklips. Well well, Richie look at that, what the fuck are you trying to pull? Not only are you talking about yet another 3DS game but you are talking about one of those "download only" ones from months ago. Yeah well... Its fucking cheap on the eShop, deal with it, if you have a problem that... then seriously dude, take a long hard look at your life and the things that are important to you, reflect for a while on your priorities, because frankly its our fucking blog, and we do what the fuck we want! We have been resident in this little corner of the internet for seven years, we write pure gold, maybe it doesn't make sense to you now. But some day it will, don't think we don't hav

Retro FFXIII

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This is singlehandedly the best thing I have seen in at lease the past 4-5 hours! It's so beautiful, I cant help myself! Best use of Square artist's time Love and is singlehandedly a word? Richie X

Pokemon Bank

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Every day I wake up and I check for Pokemon Every day I die a little inside. Love and Cofagrigus, Richie X

One Piece: Romance Dream

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Yeah Sorry we are talking about yet another 3DS game, we promise we will talk about some real games soon... Probably. After Xmas I was bored, I was bored of waiting for Pokemon Bank. And I just kept going in and out of the shop over and over. I had some funds left over and decided to give One Piece: Romance Dream a punt. One Piece is one of those very accessible anime Series, though with over 600 episodes is daunting to anyone outside the circle. I like it. But there has never really been a good or accessible tie-in game, similar Anime's such as Dragon ball, Naruto and Bleach get churned out titles all the while. But yeah anyway, One piece game on the 3DS, it follows the plot, uses all the revamped TV episodes. And in between the footage, you have most likely seen, you have the crew running in tunnels, looking for boxes and trying to avoid long winded turn-based battles. If it did not have the One Piece licence... This game would not deserve a second glance. That being said i

Quick Thoughts: Crimson Shroud

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We were so so lucky over Christmas we're in the ridiculous happy situation of having a stack of games to play through. We picked up Starship Damrey ,  Crimson Shroud, Donkey Kong Country Returns, Star Fox 64 3D, Fire Emblem Awakening , the Pokemon typing game and Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D . It's a great place to be, we're not taking this wonderful wonderful situation for granted. The only downside is what do we play first? Unfortunately, it looks like Nintendo eShop title, Crimson Shroud won't get a look in for a long time. We've played 6 hours of it so far. It got great reviews, technically it's an astonishing feat but with so much other gameplay to get through it's too.... well here's out quick thoughts (tm). What we liked The aesthetic. It looks like a lovingly detailed tabletop game complete with branded characters bases. The ridiculous depth of the statistics. You get to roll virtual die. Second only to rolling real die. 

Fire Emblem: Dying

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We're finally on the Fire Emblem:Awakening train! Choo choo. To be honest, we've never really played a Fire Emblem game and until the last few installments they've been somewhat stealth releases in Europe (hence why a mint copy of 2008 Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn for the Wii will set you back £70-£100). It wasn't until Super Smash Brothers that I even knew this series existed. The latest game, Fire Emblem: Awakening for the Nintendo 3DS widely received rave reviews and we can see why. It's a great little turn based tactical role playing game (for non-gamers you move little people around on a map) but an important element of the game is building up relationships between units that fight with each other so that your characters can fall in love. Aaaaaaah. Also, the game features 'perma-death', actually characters are 'retired', so if a character falls on the field of battle you're left with the decision to either go back to your last save som

Are mobile games any good yet? 2014 edition

Yeah they are not too bad. Still a bit arse-rapey with monetization. Love versus Zombies 2, Richie X

Le Geek C'est Chic

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We are constantly getting asked for fashion advice here at TGAM. To save us from constantly handing out geek fashion tips on a person by person basis like a budget Gok Wan we've decided to give you a run down of the hottest threads right here on the blog. Generous to a fault. Of course, aside from those whacky cosplayers, your standard geekware is T-shirt and jeans. Badges (that's pins to our Yankee cousins) are sometimes acceptable too. Here's our 2014 collection for your eyes only.  Fossil Warhol.  A montage of the original 9 evolved fossil Pokemon. The eagle eyed amongst you will spot that these are the shiny forms. Of course Nintendo have now made this print vintage by adding two new fossil Pokemon in X and Y so expect the price of these to sky rocket. This one's a Richie original design. You can buy it on REDBUBBLE right here .  Understated, simple, toxic. Get it here .  Another Richie original. Of course, if your handle isn't Cunzy1 1 and you

Yet another Lego Game...

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Back once again for the renegade master, D4 damager, power to the people. Back once again for the renegade master, D4 damager, with the ill behavior. More Lego games... YAWN... Break blocks,build blocks, play through it all again to get all the secrets. Its the same thing over and over, boring innit! WRONG... Its fucking great You get to break blocks, build blocks, and it's so good, you get to play it twice. AND ton top of all that its fucking Marvel, and so much fucking Marvel anyone and everyone from the Marvel universe is involved, you cant really hope for more... ...Well, maybe Pizza and a Blowjob. Because we are lazy, we dropped a note out to our ravenous stalker-fans asking for what they think of the game. Here is a few of the things they said: "Marvel Lego: Yay" "Lego Marvel is quite the something though" "I like it alot the grafics are rele good and the lego men are kool" Love and Fatboy Slim btw, Richie X

Omastar Comics #37

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It's been a while since a canon entry in the ongoing saga of Omastar . Well. That's a Cyrus-like turnabout. Whatever happened to the sweet young Omastar from back in the day? Gross. Adapted from the 19th century original The Dream of the Fisherman's Wife by Hokusai.

The Goodship Damrey

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Recently all of the Guild serie s titles were on sale on the Nintendo eShop for 3DS. Before we go on it seems like Nintendo have been watching the rest of the gaming field and taking bits and pieces to significantly up their own online shop to maximise success. In the last couple of months there have been a number of good titles on sale. A worrying amount. A potentially bankrupting amount. We snapped up Resident Evil Revelations with 50% off. But with titles like the Guild series, Resident Evil: The Mercenaries 3D and 3D classics like Super Mario Brothers 3 and Sonic the Hedgehog being discounted to mere pounds, to less than the price of a standard measure of whatever beverage you prefer to drink, then what the heck. Why not? Weirdest of all is that retailers are matching the eShop prices or perhaps the eShop is matching retail prices. Either way we're a million miles away from when your average decent game cost upwards of £50 and you had to go to a fucking brick and mortar s

Killer is Dead

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So we bought Killer is Dead . We could say that we bought it because it is a 3rd person Hack 'em up, with a cool edgy art style. We could also say we bought it as we were fans of No More Heroes and other Suda51 titles. In actuality be bought it for the Over-The-Top Misogyny and the CG Boobies!. They all want to do it with you! We love misogynistic games, anything hyper-sexualised is always a winner. Never mind this issue about women in games or how they are ruining the industry . But in all seriousness... The game is mediocre, generic hack/slash game with poorly implemented Dodge and counter mechanics. The art style is, um.. Stylistic, however It doesnt work, it makes these Hi-Res "rounded" models look very PS2-ish. It's all too extreme, and actually poorly implemented with jagged Anti-aliasing, which I consider an insult to me, I bought a fucking console which can make this pretty, but they fucked it. The story and atmosphere is its only redeem

Final Fantasy VIII: The Re-Re-Revenge

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So its back again a special Remuxed HD version on Steam. This will be the 3rd time I have "Bought" the game: Way back in the heady days of 1999 I went into a Virgin Megastore, I walked past the new fangled DVD's, muttered under my breath, "As if these will catch on". I carried on through the Videos, the VHS's the plethora of massive series Box Sets. I made my way to the escalator and Up to the CD's, rows upon rows of CD's, determining what area was what genre by the clothing of the figures flicking through them. Again another escalator, walking through the "Specialist" music section, folk, classical and Pan Pipes. To the darkened corner of the "Games Area" The most acne ridden of all the Virgin Megastore's clerks, reside here, disgruntled yet proud, with the word Virgin aptly stamped across their chest. There I saw FFVIII for the PC. Yes PC, and I genuinely bought it for the PC. My beloved PS1 had packed in no more than a f

Spying on gamers: Alcamoth Citizen says Special

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The unreliable Eurogamer has the news . Spies from various shadowy organisations which may or may not exist, may or may not have been watching you cyber in Animal Crossing. They won't catch us though, this has been on our radar for months thanks to our in-game sources. Remember people, turn to the skies....

NOT NEWS: GAME Stores still shit

We've burned out bridges with GAME . We tried but they've been failing us as consumers for the last half decade. Probably longer if we could be bothered to dredge through the archives. However, I happened to pop in to one today just to check. One in central London, the capital city of the United States of England. Here's what I saw: The store is now divided in half. One half if PS4, the other half is Xbone. I didn't spot the Wii games and the 3DS section only had five different new games and a pre-owned section chock full of absolute shite shovelware.  This last week neither the PS4 or the Xbone demo terminals have been working. Great showcase of that expensive new exciting next generation right? No new copies of GTA V. Pre-owned only. In the ten minutes I was there two people asked for it one didn't want pre-owned and the other one begrudgingly bought one. But it is 3 months old now so it's basically a legacy game. Why would they sell it.  No Xbones in

Review: Pokémon X and Y

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Pokémon X and Y have been out for a while now and we're only just writing a review? Well we are well aware that nobody reads this, it's just we felt that the reviews that came out when the game did were just a bit lazy. We can understand why, it must be horrible for an RPG to land on your desk, especially if you're not a fan of a series like Pokémon. Plus, is there any point in a review of such a mega franchise? Unless the series curators massively messed around with the recipe, it's going to sell like hot cakes anyway. Might as well phone that review in (and many did). Job done. So we're writing this for ourselves more than anything. When the aliens are poring over the remnants of our burned out civilisation maybe a media studies student might pull this review of the charred remains of a Google server somewhere. So we're writing this for us and the alien. Evolution not revolution is the phrase that hacks might turn to when reviewing a new Pokémon game.

Can I even justify a new console?!?

Yeah so new generation has hit, there is updated graphics, physics, engines... the lot. But I'm not done with "Current Gen". I will save you the resounding cry of thirty somethings with real jobs, complaining about responsibilities, not having comparatively enough time for games. I specifically am not done with Current gen as I have a back log of around 10 games (with more hitting soon!) I need to finish them first. Hell there is even DLC I need to pick up for Skyrim and waste another 100ish hours on that! I know folks are banging on about playing an Xbox through an Xbone but something about that really does not sound economical/or indeed necessary, and frankly the machine should have some back compatibility anyways! So Fuck it, next/Current gen can wait a minute, and calm the fuck down, get some updates, and some good titles. Then I may consider it worthy of my wallet. Thank you and see you in 6 months PS4/XB1 unlesssantabringsmeoneomgomgomg Love and Grinchy

The PlayStation 2 x 2

Okay so everyone is going on about it but here's our exclusive lowdown on the PS2x2, that is two PlayStation 2s taped together. We've unboxed ours, here's the extensive feature list. Extensive Game Catalogue . What is it they say about buses? You wait a whole generation for a decent game (thanks PS3) and then hundreds come along. The PS2x2 can play some of the best games ever released straight out of the gate. Backwards compatibility . You can play all your favourite PlayStation and PlayStation 2 games and playing them couldn't be easier. Just put your old games in either of the disc slots and play away! With a PlayStation or PlayStation 2 memory card you can even continue your old games from where you left them. No rebuying games you already own. No waiting for downloads. Microsoft are going to have to really nail it to beat this. Forwards incompatibility . The PlayStation 2x2 is completely incompatible with PlayStation Move , any Resistance games or Heavy Rain

Demo Seen and the 3DS:Part 2

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Hurrah! The 3DS being so nice 'n' all has pulled us kicking out of the slump thinking about all that time we'd spent on gaming when we felt that gaming just didn't love us anymore (thanks XBONE and PS4). We've spent over 15 hours playing through demos alone. Here's Part 2 of our coverage. If you're even here reading it, congratulations, you're unique. Part 1, for the hard of clicking is embedded in the word here not that here or the last here or that here, it's here.  /Sigh Dead or Alive Dimensions We remember Dead or Alive . We still say "It is like the desert" when the situation calls for it. Dead or Alive Dimensions looks like Dead or Alive and sounds like Dead or Alive .It's probably Dead or Alive which means playing it online will be an experiment of continuously getting destroyed by the three people still playing it. We're happy to report that there was slow motion upvag in the cutscene and vibratits in the demo a

Demo Seen and the 3DS: Part 1 Downloadable Now

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Aaaaaaaaand I'm back. The messages have been pouring through our social media channels. Where is Cunzy1 1? Well maybe they have. We think maybe the filters are too high. We didn't receive a single message. But here I am anyway. This year's E3 put me in an anti-gaming malaise. Not only was I not looking forward to what next gen has to offer (what has next gen got to offer?) but it left such a bad taste in our mouth (we share all body cavities here) that I couldn't bare to even pick up a game. Let alone play a game. Let alone write about a game. I've spent my time watching Let's Plays on Youtube and crying into our wank sock (we share that too).  Backstreet(Pass)'s Back And then Pokemon Y came out. Global release. Which meant I had to get a 3DS and boy. Wow. We're back in. We love games again. Pokemon Wersion X and Pokemon Wersion Y  are fine games, more on that in a blog post for another time, what impressed us most jumping on the 3DS is virtually